Category Archives: searches

When Twitter is Down

So it happened tonight. To the dismay of those of us who use it as drug of choice/best time suck of all time the world’s most sophisticated social media types, twitter was so down that we were not even getting that cute little fail whale graphic. How did I find out? On Facebook, of course. The other place where online junkies get their fix favorite network of choice.

My guess was that since the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) is going on right now all the geekiest of geeks most sophisticated technology types were jamming twitter and causing it to sporadically fail.

I did a quick Google search to find out what was up and came across my new favorite site. It is called whentwitterisdown.com and every time you refresh the screen you get a new message. It is kind of like web 2.0s version of the magic 8 ball with an attitude.

Here are some of my faves:

I love the last one. And for the record, I don’t have a cat!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, communities, conversations, current events, humor, searches, social media, technology

A bouquet of what?!

Could not resist posting this. Here are today’s top search terms to find this blog:

That’s right kids, not one listing, but two for bouquet of penis! Not sure how they got here but if you are the people who keyed that in might I direct you to this lovely option for a penis lollipop bouquet (in pretty colors, I might add).

Wendy had the best comment when I sent her this today:

“My favorite is Bouquet of Penis. Wondering if it’s an air freshener or a decorative item…”

She has a point there. Perhaps a poll is in order. I am a little poll happy this week.

A bit concerning were the searches for kid penis and women with penises. Seriously, think about what people are looking for out there and it will send a chill up your spine.

I am thinking I may need to take myself off the mom bloggers lists.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
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Top Ten Search Terms (vol. 8)

Search terms are my favorite part of blogging stats. Seems there are all sorts of crazies out there keywording their little fingers to the bone to find out more about subjects like tampons and hairy backs. Lucky for me I post about such absurdities. 

In the past I have linked back to all the previous search term posts. Quite frankly I think that was a waste of time so that practice is now over.

So, dive right in my friends, and discover the crazy keywords that landed on I Could Cry this month. As always I give a little commentary and link back to the original post that I think was found.

i need a jolt so do I most of the time. But I will advise against that Jolt gum featured in this post. I chewed a couple of pieces on day and was hanging of the ceiling (not in a good way)

i made you a poop this big What a lovely gift. and you were so very proud of yourself. what makes someone use this as a search term? Never mind, I don’t want the answer to that one.

boob pop out fight I get this phrase almost every week. Further proof that everyone does love a girl fight (yeesh!)

i got a call from satan 666-6666. Yeh, well if you got a call from Satan and you are using an internet search to find out what it is all about I am thinking you are really screwed.

mom command center Are there more moms out there with command centers? I would suppose so.

box of shut the hell up Oh my, I totally forgot about this post. Remember kids, when someone pisses you off, just ask them if they would like a big box of shut the hell up. Very cathartic indeed.

don’t worry, i have toast Thank goodness, I thought we were all going to go hungry.

marry an asshole This is some pretty bad advise.

cancel colon medic Believe it our not I have had countless people comment on this post asking me to cancel their order. They have included names and addresses and have been might mad saying that this place keeps recharging their credit cards for reorders they did not authorize. Oh my! 

toungue (yes there was a typo). Can’t say this is not a diverse blog. It takes you from the tongue to the tush and back. 

And there you have it. Another month of fun and games brought to you by I Could Cry But I Don’t Have Time.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, humor, search engine terms, searches

Top Ten Search Terms (vol. 6)

It is that time of the month again, no worries, I am not talking PMS. This is the monthly installment of the  list of wild and crazy search terms that land readers on this blog. For those who missed the past installments you can read Vol. 1 here , Vol 2. here , Vol. 3 here , Vol. 4 here and you guessed it Vol. 5 here.

 As always, I link the search term to the post I believe landed the reader here. 

Feel free to click on the links. Don’t worry, we will wait while you read the past posts.

10. does hamster cry This was one of my favorite posts. To refresh your memory, or whet your appetite, this post featured a hamster playing the piano. And the famous comment from my daughter reminding me how we froze the dead hamster in a box in the garage freezer until the spring thaw. (true AND yes, scary)

9. dog shakes smoke alarm No the dog did not shake the smoke alarm. The sound of the alarm made HER shake.

8. ny sleepaway camp for abused children G-d no! This poor reader is either misguided or was rather disappointed when they found my blog.

7. hungry tampons Um, ew! This could have been many posts as I have written about tampons a whole lot. Probably something I should take a look at.

6. men wearing tampons See what I mean. Every month I have dozens of search terms about tampons. But this one definitely landed on the Obama wearing tampons post.

5. fat old men in bathing suit This was a favorite Gary post. And in the dead of winter after yet another dumping of snow I don’t mind looking back on that beautiful beach day in August.

4. joys of pantyhose Oh, ladies, don’t we all know the joys of pantyhose. You guys should really be jealous. I love linking to this as it was my first post EVAH! And looking back on it, this could have been one of the funniest.

3. cucumber girls Oh girls, you will LOVE this cucumber!

2. moms orgasm Yeh, well, probably should think about why someone would put those two words together and sit down for a little search.

1. palin condom This one just never gets old for me!

That does it folks. Another month of reminiscing!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Top Ten Search Terms (Vol. 5)

It is that time again. The monthly list of wild and crazy search terms that land readers on this blog. For those who missed the past installments you can read Vol. 1 here , Vol 2. here and Vol. 3 here and Vol. 4 here.

 As always, I link the term to the post I think it yielded. And of course there is running commentary because quite frankly we all know I can’t keep quiet, EVER!

You can click on the terms and they will lead you to the posts that I think were found. For you email subscribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. i love math thong obviously a confused individual. if you are doing math in the presence of a thong you have missed the whole point
9. family girl fights ah, the infamous girl fights. searches never seem to tire of the idea of a couple of babes duke it out. 
8. i dont have niplles oh my, that is quite unfortunate for you.
7. lost ring in car what to do you bring the car to the dealership and get hosed for $236 friggin dollars to get it out. caution: spouse will be highly agitated by this. it’s the car thing.
6. taking a tampon out, ouch! ok, a quick lesson on tampons, if it hurts to take it out you probably did not need to put it in to begin with.
5. olsen twins nail polish i love that this one came up. this was one of my first posts and a real fave. if you click on nothing else you should not miss this one.
4. birthing chihuahua, chihuahua birth chart i am flabbergasted at the amount of people searching for the birth of a chihuahua. And even more impressed that they spell it correctly.
3. what can i eat after botox Ok, this one killed me. Listen, if you already thinking about eating right after botox chances are you will not receive the full benefits of any kinds of plastic surgery. How about changing your habits?
2. doctor oddities I worry about doctors with oddities and why anyone would continue to see them
1. don’t have time for this No time for this? Perhaps crying. Well just in case I linked this to the last Time to Cry Tuesday because it is a personal fave. Just a tip out there, if you use the phrase, “don’t have time for this” you are probably the type of person who most needs to make the time. Whatever ‘this’ may be.

Happy New Year’s to one and all. Have fun. Stay safe. And try, for at least tonight, to let it all go and just have some plain old fun.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under blogging, humor, search engine terms, searches, Uncategorized

How about a big box of shut the hell up?

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Angry? Me? Actually no. But this search term that landed a reader on my blog just kills me. Wendy, you challenged me to write a blog post on this one, so here it is. 

Ask my family. This has overshadowed my need to sing Kung Fu Fighting daily. (yes, I really do that) I don’t know why I find this so funny. I love when something can make me laugh like that, even if it is completely ridiculous. Oh, that’s right, I love the completely ridiculous. In fact, I might have to say that is the mission statement of this blog. (are mission statements still fashionable?)

Over the past few days I have found that I have given this advise to people more than once.

What, you have a client that just changed the complete direction of a project you are working on? (you know who you are). Well, just send them ‘a big box of shut the hell up?’.

You say that a social worker you hired to help you navigate the horrific sandwich generation task of handling your elderly parent’s healthcare issues just threatened to quit? (you also know who you are). Well, my friend, get her on the phone and let her know she is getting a special delivery ‘big box of shut the hell up’.

Ok, one more. Your teenager is arguing with you, over text message no less, and you have had enough? (you surely know who you are). Tell her case closed and when she gets home she can carry that ‘big box of shut the hell up’ to her room and remember who’s the mama in your house. 

I am thinking of putting out a product line. (nobody steal this, ok) If you would design a big box of shut the hell up, what would it look like? Seems I have already started on the logo.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under blogging, humor, search engine terms, searches, teenagers, work, work habits

Top Ten Search Terms (Vol. 4)

Welcome to the fourth monthly installment of Top Ten Search Terms. For those who missed the last three, you can read Vol. 1 here and Vol 2. here and Vol 3. here. As before, I have compiled a list of my 10 favorite (actual) search terms that viewers have entered to arrive at this blog. Every month I get a few more little goodies that take me by surprise or just plain crack me up. Scary what people will key in when searching. Scarier that they find me. Each entry is linked to the post I assume they arrived at when using these keywords.

For email subsribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. son lives in basement not work what to d (i hate when these get cut off. what was that last word? do?)

9. separated at birth photos, pets (is that so unusual, pets being separated at birth?)

8. fat guys in bathing suits (nothing like a fat guy in a bathing suit, they always make the husband look thinner)

7. i could cry for days (ok, this person has missed the whole point, and unless they landed on a Tuesday post they would be highly disappointed. or maybe not. maybe this person needs a good laugh.)

6. www.old hairy women.com (believe it or not, this is a real site so I am not sure why they landed here. you can visit it if you like but it starts with “Warning, adult content. Must be 18 years or old to access this site. And how, might I ask, do they proof you before you enter? I passed, thanks)

5. boobss pop out while fight (with two s’s? yeh, well what’s a girl fight without boobs(s) popping out. I would assume that is part of the lure)

4. how to poison someone (this one is concerning and I am happy to say I do not have any idea how this landed here so there is no link. To my knowledge (officer) I have not written any posts that illustrate how to poison my husband anyone)

3. i dont have a condom (ok, bud, then it looks like you are screwed. or not. either way it seems you are having a bad night)

2. moose intestine condoms (ew. Ew! EEEEWWWW!)

1. how about a big box of shut the hell up (this one? this one had me laughing for hours. in fact I cannot wait to use this the next time someone bugs me. how much fun would it be to say this to someone. I am still laughing. wait, is this not that funny and only I see the humor in it?)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, humor, search engine terms, searches, top ten lists

Naked Cowboy Wins the Big Buck(aroos)

naked_cowboy_in_times_square

I posted about the Naked Cowboy vs. Mars, Inc. lawsuit back in June. Robert Burck sued the candy company for copyright infringement when they created a blue M&M in his likeness and plastered it over Times Square. (On his turf no less).

Over the past couple of days I have noticed there was a lot of traffic on this blog with the search term Naked Cowboy. I did a quick scan and guess what?

Apparently he has settled. And get this, the NY Post is reporting the settlement was for $4 million!!

What a great country. Where a raving lunatic half-naked singing cowboy can hang in Times Square and create an intellectual property that warrants a multi-million dollar settlement.

Check out his website. Seems all those years of freezing his scantily clad butt off on the streets of NY has enabled him to create a brand that has yielded an EP called Year of the Cowboy, a podcast available on iIunes (yes there is a typo on his website), an MTV video, and Naked Cowboy.TV. 

He is even available for Business/Appearance Opportunities through Naked Cowboy Enterprise. Under what circumstances would a business want to hire this guy? Who knows. Think creatively. And surely he would be the hit of any over-the-top Bar Mitzvah or Sweet 16. 

Think about this. If you create a brand, no matter how ridiculous, and you are persistent and stick with the essence of that brand, the possibilities are endless.

Oh right, and if a major corporation does not do their homework on copyright infringement of an intellectual property, that helps too. To the tune of $4 million smackaroos…

Buckaroo.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog where Jana joins in the election bloglove.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, humor, lawsuits, marketing, New York City, news, search engine terms, searches

Top 10 Search Terms (vol.4)

It is that time again. The monthly list of ridiculous search terms that land readers on this blog. For those who missed the last two you can read Vol. 1 here , Vol 2. here and Vol. 3 here. As always, I link the term to the post I think it yielded. And of course there is running commentary. Did you honestly expect me to shut up? 

You can click on the terms and they will lead you to the posts that I think were found. For you email subscribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. ghandi action figure An all time favorite, the Albert Einstien Action figure post. I must go look for this guy and start posing him in odd places. 

9. vilma flinstone This must be the german version. 

8. how to post a vegas video on facebook Perhaps you want to think this through a little more.

7. what time can we eat on yom kippur, 2008 Jews! All we ever think about is food!

6. you tube mary black sonny don’t go away There is another post that this might have landed on, but the one linked here is my very first post EVER and I am kind of sentimental about it. Also, for those who have not read me all along, it is quite entertaining and gives you a clear picture of how insane I really am. (note to self: is this wise?)

5. don’t cry past tuesday I try to stick with this idea. Tuesday, cry all you want but come Wednesday suck it up and move on kids. I had a hard time picking my fave here but decided that this one works the best with all the uneasiness we are feeling pre-election and post-wall street apocalypse.

4. cool hand dryers Is this the Paul Newman version?

3. jeans big ass Hoping this was not anyone walking behind me.

2. black gay men with beautiful naked asses Not a clue here but I will take this opportunity to urge all my California friends to VOTE NO ON PROP 8! Give me a break CA, WTF? Reverse evolution?

1. i am a woman with a hairy back I am quite grateful that I am not.

And there you have it. Another month of absurdities brought to you by i could cry but i don’t have time. We hope you enjoyed the show. Please tune in tomorrow for election anxiety updates and a special guest post surprise!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where they are celebrating their 1 year blogaversary. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich and There is no Hair in Team .

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Top Ten Search Terms (vol.2)

I will be shamelessly self-promoting my new photo blog, leaving the zip code, here from now on. You won’t be disappointed, I promise. Let’s see if some of you will take the ‘submit’ challenge.

This one was really hard to narrow down to only 10, so I cheated and put all the tampons in as one listing. They were all too funny to leave any out.

As I did last month, I have linked these to the posts I think the search yielded:

10. petafile aroiund my neiborhood (uh, do we have a spelling issue going on here? this link is a stretch but I could not think of what else they found with that)

9. victim nail polish (I was once a victim to nail polish but I went into therapy and now I am good)

8. highway to hell photo code (wait, is there a password to get into hell?)

7. does menopause make women irrational and (Duh!! No, these hormones are not a problem sonny, just don’t come near me when I have a knife in my hand. I cannot help but wonder what came after the ‘and’…homicidal? frankly psychotic? certifiably insane? any other suggestions?)

6. mars cheerleaders (imagine the outfits they would be wearing)

5. decision ball outlook so so (this is a pretty wishy-washy magic eight ball, no?)

4. okay to drive baby in convertible? (helloooo, if you have to ask we should get your number and call social services)

3. acronym for burnt mouth from hot pizza (that would have to be BMFHP?)

2. adirondack milfs (I believe this may be an impossibility, have you ever been to the adirondacks?)

1. tampons don’t work (um, maybe you need to change it more often),  yank out tampon  (ouch, must you yank?)strategies for getting tampon out (this one should be pretty simple, did you not know that was what the string was for?) and the all time fave…

obama covered with tampons (just the visual alone is hysterical. yes I posted about this one already, so sue me)

There were a few more that I loved, but I need to be selective, right? Feel free to vote for your faves. And claim any of them if they were yours.

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