First, am I supposed to call it that? Or Covid-19. I don’t want to appear pandemic ignorant my first week back here.
Ahhh… trash. Garbology. This used to be a favorite topic of mine. Today’s morning walk made me dust it off. (I did forget to take a shot of the, hand’s down, Amazon winner. They had to have 20 boxes out.)
Here are some of my faves:
Filed under absurdities, blogging, garbage, mfta, the new workplace
Hi, It’s me. I guess I am back. I know, it’s been awhile. And how odd that I should return with a post about urinals. I just need a little comic relief. Consider this a gift.
Last work week was a big thrill. A beloved client was featured in the NYT. Great piece with an odd ending, which apparently did not go unnoticed, as we had a Facebook follower ask:*
We noticed this ourselves and a colleague asked me, “What is the fascination with urinals?”
Really? She had to ask? C’mooonnn!
Then, today in my Facebook feed came this piece about urinal advertising. You know, “The smart urinal that will show you ads while you pee.” (If you are asking why it was in my stream – no pun here – it’s a Magnet for the Absurd thing… just who I am)
I know, of course it’s brilliant! Captive audience. Better than elevator advertising. And there have been countless urinal ad vehicles that have proven themselves through the years.
But THIS – this is my absolute fave – pee-controlled urinal games. Oh why did I not think of this one. Every mother that has ever potty trained a son to sink Cherrios in the toilet would know that this one is a winner! (wait, you all did this with your sons, right?)
I urge you to click through to the site and watch the video, it is hilarious. Think about this. It is great for business. Guys are going to drink more so they can play the game longer. Or multiple times. Winner gets a free drink. The opportunities are endless!
I have to say I am feeling a little more than left out about this.
Urinal envy?
Nah, I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.
______________
*Side note: Gallaghers happens to have spectacular urinals. I know this because I have taken countless women in there to look at them. Don’t ask. And please don’t judge. Yeh, I have a rather undefined job.
Filed under absurdities, advertising, magnet for the absurd, mfta, products, toilets
Or is she just a dope?
This was taken at the same kid’s play as fashion dad. This place was blogger heaven. And what a perfect mother’s day post #1 (#2 will be the sentimental one where I refrain from parent bashing).
First, let’s run by the definitions of dope.
There is the Webster version, surprisingly puts drugs above stupidity:
I like to think that the last one is really ‘the poop’, but hey, I tend to lean towards bathroom humor.
Moving to Urban Dictionary with their many versions of the drug definition, culminating with this one which is my favorite:
Then there is the definition that something dope is something cool (I am guessing this is the one she was going for). But we can’t rule out the fact that this mom could have just been… a dope. With the need to let everyone know.
Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, family, fashion, humor, moms
I can’t stay asleep. I have a sinus infection with laryngitis.
ME. With laryngitis.
Do the math on that one!
You know the drill on sleeping with this stuff. You pass out and then you snore or hack yourself awake, leaving sleep a thing of the past. I usually read when I wake up, but the combination of my cement head and the fact that my snoring has sent Gary running for the hills (or Jana’s room) for a good night sleep, have led me to late night TV. It beats ruminating in the middle of the night – my other favorite insomniac pastime (don’t believe anything you think about in the middle of the night).
For your reading pleasure, here is a list of what is on in the middle of the night:
Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars (Get naked, get truly naked)
Little Women: LA (yes this is about midgets and yes I know that term is horrifyingly not PC… blame the illness)
Mob Wives: The Antisocial Network (and I quote: “She has cancer… she’s stage fucking 4! I don’t want nothing from this rat bitch) Note to self: start using the term ‘rat bitch’.
Hardcore Pawn (one of my all-time faves)
There are countless otherworld shows: American Supernatural, The Haunting in Connecticut and Trance, which is a lively show where they hypnotize people and interview them. Who wouldn’t love that?
But the one that was truly like watching the accident was… drumroll please:
My 600 Lb. Life. WTF?! This is a reality show about the morbidly obese. I could not change the channel. That is not until I witnessed a visiting nurse lifting an enormous fat flap of a bed ridden mom on oxygen in a hospital bed in her living room who had just sent her enabling spouse out grocery shopping. She was treating a cellulitis wound caused by fat folds! And they zoomed in. This is just not right for me to witness. The mom’s goal was to get out of bed in time to trick or treat with her son. I can’t even!
I think I need to start the hashtag #insomniaquestions. At the very least I should start a column called MFTATV. (Magnet for the Aburd Television)
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to watch back to back reruns of Will and Grace and Sex in the City.
photo credit: brownpau flickr
Sitting in my warm house (so far), we are hunkering down for what the media has whipped us all in a frenzy about: Winter Storm Juno.
Preying on the PTSD of a still Sandy-shocked population, they have had a field day with this one, and the supermarkets were evidence of that. I will share two observations and then I am off to start some serious drinking.
First, the empty bread shelves in the supermarket. I live in an area where more people are living a gluten-free, carb-free life than I care to think about. Why then, are the bread shelves in the supermarket close to empty. I predict there is going to be a lot of closet gluten-rich activity going on out there through this storm, no? Oy, the inflammation!
Second, is the insane desire to make sure one has eggs, bread and milk in the house at all times. What is this? Is there a direct correlation between a pending storm and the need to eat french toast?
As my dear friend Joanne pointed out just around the time that she talked me off the ledge about my Snow Warrior husband having left too late and being caught on the road forever, this is a misguided list. There are, in fact, 3 things that one must have in a storm, but they are not eggs, bread and milk… they are wine, toilet paper and coffee.
Indeed.
Stay safe everyone, and I will see you on the other side. Hopefully with power.
Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, New York, New York City, shopping
Someone getting on your last nerve? Ex driving you crazy? Not all that comfortable with confrontation?
Here’s your solution. ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com. Glitter as a service.
What a great idea. Relatively harmless, it is perfect for someone who has annoyed you to no end. And of course those who want to fight like fairies. Or for those of you out there who get furious but no one really knows (and you know who you are).
Ten bucks, no muss no fuss… on your end. For the enemy… it is the gift that keeps on giving. Or as the site refers to it, passing along ‘the craft herpes’.
Why did I not think of this? As the craft household when the kids were little, glitter was consider a condiment. You can never get rid of that stuff.
I am so not about retaliation, I would rather move on than let people get the best of me. But, believe me, in the heat of the moment I can rant like no other. Perhaps this is a nice alternative to raising the old blood pressure.
The site is quite something. You can be sure the people who came up with this have been dissed in their day – lots of cursing a and calling people names just to fuel the fire. Don’t miss the reviews page, because it is good to know that snorting glitter will make your nose bleed.
I will file this under the same genius as the selling of 30,000 boxes of bullshit.
Filed under absurdities, marketing, products
Or, perhaps the title of this post should be “The Vagina Games”, but that would have been link bait and I am so not about that.
This could be the best kickstarter in… well, ever! SKEA (Smart Kegel Exercise Aid) is a game controller that you insert vaginally. Yes, you read that correctly. You control a mobile game app with your vaginal muscles.
The name of the game that you can control with your wunder down under?
“Alice In Continent”. You have to love these crazy kids.
For those of you of the birthing ilk, you are no strangers to Kegel exercises. These help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, keeping the ole bladder in shape and bringing your love nest back to its original splendor after you have given birth. I would imagine this item is perfect for the woman with a Herculean Hey-Nanny-Nanny; and certainly for those who like to kill Zombies with their lady bits. (How much slang DO you think I can use in this post? And is it bad for the ads I will be served this week that I googled ‘vagina slang’?)
This is perfect for over-worked, under-appreciated mom market: ‘Kids, go do your homework, Mommy has to slay some dragons…’
When I posted this on Facebook I had an overwhelming amount of comments. My fave was from a friend who is a clergy person who said if she saw this she would have thought it was a duck and would have bought it for her mom, the duck collector.
Duck collector, indeed!
Tom Chen, the designer, created this video that is beyond words. I urge you to take a look for yourself. I particularly like his use of water bottles and fruit. His wife called this item ‘humanitarian’ (seriously?). I can’t help but wonder if the typo in Dr. Peng Peng’s title (M.D. in Gynercology) was intentional.
I know, amazing vid, right?
This illustration? I don’t even know what to do with this. Well, yes, I do, but I am way too classy for that.
Ok, so as if this was not fabulous enough right here, you will be happy to know that there have been 4 updates to this product. #4 is my fave.
For those who were thinking the same thing that I was when I first saw this – which means pretty much EVERYONE – you will be happy to hear they have had multiple requests (was ‘multiple; an intentional play on words?) for a SKEA with ‘erotic’ function. They are designing another model ‘that should deliver a decent and adjustable vibration’ and ‘may also develop specific apps that users with different needs can choose…’
Talk about a joystick!
Perfect name for one of those apps… ‘She’s Got Game’, of course.
Filed under absurdities, humor, pregnancy, sex
I want to preface this with the fact that I live in a suburban area known as the North Shore of Long Island. That would be the Nawth Shaw of Long Guyland if you buy into that whole stereotypical dialect thing.
I do not.
This magazine was at the checkout of our local Whole Foods. Modern Farmer? Really? Talk about missing the demographic! There are no farmers in this ‘hood – modern or otherwise. The only thing better than this close-up shot would have been one with a woman dressed to the nines in front of the magazine rack. Keep in mind this particular Whole Foods is across the street from The Miracle Mile, a Rodeo Drive style shopping area.
You’ve heard the expression, “It goes together like donkeys and Manolo Blahniks“, right? Of course, everyone has.
At first I thought this was an Onion type magazine. With that Headline: Donkeys, the new goats. And the Redonkulous seal (with an excellent use of hyphenation)
Other wonderful headlines that are a bit more relatable for this zip code:
I cannot, for the life of me, explain why I did not pick up a copy of this publication. I would like to point out that if you visit their website there is currently an article titled, New Year’s Resolution: Eat More Squirrel in 2015. Yep, that was definitely on my list this year! You?
I quote:
“Locavores, listen up: if you want to eat non-GMO, antiobiotic- and hormone-free, lean, free range, local, healthy meat, you need to look up. Limb chicken, as squirrels are affectionately known in many hunting circles, is arguably better than grassfed beef or organic pork when it comes to planetary health.”
Affectionately, indeed. Limb chicken… I can’t.
And you are in luck, there is a recipe at the end of the article. (no I am not making this up)
I can’t wait for the spring issue!
(FYI, yes, I am pretty sure I am back)
Filed under absurdities, blogging, carry a camera, cooking, current events, humor
For a mom with high digital engagement, it always amazes me how much I suck at texting and IMing. Actually, I probably just suck at typing and it translates to those mediums.
Danny, my adult son, has moved home after college and commutes to the city. His schedule changes as he spends nights in the city often. Wanting to plan for dinner, I usually text him during the day to get his status for that night.
The beauty of my relationship with my kids? They have inherited the appreciation for the absurd. Second gen MFTA*, if you will.
Do you think I could start #pimpmom trending?
Filed under absurdities, advice to my son, conversations, danny, humor, parenting, technolgy
I don’t mean to be flippant about something so serious as Ebola, but sometimes I simply think in NY Post headlines.
This little jewel of a title popped into my head during today’s most delightful early morning dog field banter that starts my week days. (I love these people!)
Today’s topic? Why would Dr. Spencer, who had just returned from Africa treating ebola patients with Doctors Without Borders, ever think it was a good idea to go BOWLING within a week of his return? AND, when he was already feeling ‘fatigued’?
Bowling? Really? Was this urgent. ‘Damn, I have been out of the country for weeks, I really need to bowl!’
Here’s a little tidbit from the NYT Well blog that might make us all feel a little better about all of this:
If someone left blood, vomit or feces on a bowling ball, and the next person to touch it did not even notice, and then put his fingers into his eyes, nose or mouth, it might be possible.
Ok, do I need to comment on this or does its total absurdity speak for itself? Of course I do, that is why I am here! Because, you know, sometimes I am so damn focused on my bowling score that I totally miss the blood, vomit or feces on that ball and go right on playing. And then of course lick my fingers or pick my nose.
The consensus? Those with the greatest amount of education are sometimes the least intelligent amongst us. Or perhaps he did not work for Doctors without Borders, but instead Zach Galifianakis’ favorite charity, Doctors Without Diplomas.
#bowlingforebola… what do you think. Could this trend?
Filed under absurdities, health, sports
i could cry but i don't have time 
