Monthly Archives: February 2010

The Perfect Husband

I know, you all saw that title and thought, “How sweet, she is going to praise the virtues of her sweet Gary of Hey Nanny Nanny and Janie Knight fame.” Well, of course he is the perfect husband, but this post is not about him.

For those who have been following along, my daughter Jana is doing a semester abroad. That is college-speak for I will tolerate a few hours a week of class so I can be in a different city (sometimes two) every weekend. This weekend found her in Amsterdam, with a side trip to Brussels. When she is traveling I usually wake up to a BBM (blackberry messenger message – it’s like a text for you non-crackberry heads). This morning I found this photo with no message. It was hard to read on my bberry so I had to email it to myself to see what it was.

If there was any doubt that I was genetically linked to this girl you will now understand that I would have to be her mother. Ahhh, the Inflatable Perfect Husband. This must be the 20-year-old version of the Grow Your Own Parents that I bought her in middle school when we were getting on her last nerve. I particularly like the french word for inflatable… gonflable. How do you pronounce that? Anyone? I took Spanish so it is lost on me but I love the way it looks.

I shudder to think what the Inflatable Perfect Wife has behind her back.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, gary, humor, Jana, travel

OK…”uncle!” Now vodka please

And make it a double.

Sometimes you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you.

Sometimes you meet in the middle for hours upon hours of tedious negotiations. Yep, door number three, that was my day.

So kiddies, you will forgive me for not writing last night. And for leaving this post that borders somewhere on the periphery of the mentally unfit. (a little place I call my playground almost every friday night these days).

Not unlike those little spongey capsules that turn into animals and circus characters when you add water that my kids used to love so much, I will add a little vodka to this twisted little mind and hope it springs back to something acceptable by the AM.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under humor, work, work habits

Sparkle where the sun don’t shine

Ok, it has been at least a week since I have posted something inappropriate about private parts, I would say it is time for another one, wouldn’t you?

Thanks to my dear friend Jessica Gottlieb, who never fails to disappoint me by pointing out the most outrageous postings on the interweb, I have been made aware of the latest in genital fashion.

Apparently the new craze is called Vajazzling. Yep, just what it sounds like folks. Bedazzling the Hey Nanny Nanny, if you will. Those crazy folks at Swarovski have found themselves a brand new market. Looks like this will be hot with all those rhinestone cowgirls out there. (slutty much? jeez) So let me get this straight, pubic hair is out, pubic jewels are in. Oh I get it. What the hell?!

It seems this all started when Jennifer Love Hewitt mentioned doing it on the George Lopez show.

For those who want an up close and personal look at this new art, crazy Bryce over at theluxuryspot.com went and had this done… with a photographer! You have to love this woman!

What next?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, fashion, trends, women

Is this me or what?

I simply must own this shirt. There are many versions of it out there on different sites but this one is my fave. (I saw this on twitter tonight from my friend Marci Diehl so I thought it only right to give her a little link love here). And if there really was a National Sarcasm Society and not just a ‘we’ll be right back’ website I think I would have to be a lifetime member.

If you read me regularly you would agree. If you live with me or talk to me on a regular basis, aside from wanting to run me over with your car on occasion, you would testify to it in a court of law.

I always wonder if sarcasm is an inherited gene or if it is a nature vs. nurture question with my kids, but these two have surely honed the fine art. A night at our dinner table is always a walk into the fire. If you are off your game you are surely screwed. I think our favorite family line is ‘Are you kidding me?!”

I constantly talk about doing a T-shirt line, I have scraps of paper and lists in my notebook of some really great lines. Maybe it is time for me to go ahead and do this. What do you think?

Hey, like I need your support? (oh sorry, I got carried away)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Time to Cry Tuesday – My Spot

If you are lucky, you have a spot in your home where you can go to just BE. This is mine. Right there in the corner of that couch is where I can park my weary bones with a book or the paper and stretch out in the sun. I lay there and all the stresses and aggravations of the week disappear. Late at night when I cannot sleep, I find myself there. I suppose I simply take comfort in it’s familiarity. There is something about the peace in that spot that is like no other. This particular shot even features the beautiful Valentine’s flowers from my dad (thanks daddio-sir), and they are still alive a week later.

This room used to be a screened in porch with wicker furniture before we renovated. In both incarnations, the space holds such sweet memories for me. In that very same spot sat a wicker couch where I nursed my babies. In later years the floor was littered with legos and blocks, crayons and pipe cleaners; all the makings of a day at home with young children. There used to be a window between this room and the living room where the kids would put on puppet shows and ‘entertain’ us till we dozed off.

If ever a space held the power of a family, it would be this one. Within those walls I feel that power and I realize how lucky I am. Quite a few times we attempted to move from this house. (ok, maybe that is an understatement, let’s just say every 5 years we tortured our poor realtor and then never pulled the trigger) Yes, it got a bit tight, sure I wanted a new kitchen or a bigger family room. Yeh, it would have been great to have a master bath. But what I would have lost would have been the ability to sit in that space and soak in all the memories we have created here.

And honestly, looking back, I think I would have left a piece of me there that I could never get back.

Oh, and of course there is only one thing that makes that space one step more special to me. And that would be…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Girls, what?

Danny and I were behind this car the other day and could not agree on what it meant.

I think it meant Girls 24/7, perhaps with a pimp driving. Or maybe a Tiger Woods type.

But Danny? He thought it meant Girls 2,4 and 7. As if this was a mom’s car and she had three daughters that were 2, 4 and 7.

Now, does anyone else find it concerning that the mom thinks pimpmobile and the 17-year-old boy thinks mom-mobile?

I will put this out to the crowd. Please vote on this and help end the discussion.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under carry a camera, danny, license plates

Honey, does this potato make my butt look fat?

No, folks, no Photoshop miracle here. This baby came right out of the bin at the supermarket we affectionately call Stinky Farms (for the way it used to smell when I was pregnant, before they renovated).

I always find it uncanny when I find body part vegetables. This is not the first time I have blogged about them. Who could forget my friend Katie’s rather impressive cucumber from fire island? (All the other vegetables were jealous Vol. 1) or the rather impressive horse radish during Passover (vol 2)? And then of course there is Gary’s hidden talent for peeling an orange into an ‘elephant’ (cough, cough, yeh right)

But this one? This one is almost freakish in its resemblance to a perfect little baby’s butt.

Yeh, I know, you all wish you could go food shopping with me.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, carry a camera, gardening, gary, holidays, humor

Taking the Gold in Snow Shoveling

4:30 AM Wake up to snow… again (damn)

5:30 AM Still snowing, thinking about shoveling. (damn, again)

7:30 AM Drag our asses out of bed and think, “We are so over snow!” (except for Mel, she loves the stuff)

Until…

I walked outside and saw how breathtakingly beautiful everything was. And even more beautiful was the sight of Gary in that red jacket halfway through the job!

I love this shot. If not for the signage and his jacket the whole world was black and white. We had just finished our annex shoveling job – our 88-year-old neighbor who I swear is going to propose to Gary if he shovels there one more time. That Danny, he went and had all 4 wisdoms pulled just so he would not have to shovel again!

There has been talk of a snow-blower, but then how would we go for the gold?

Is it almost spring yet?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under carry a camera, communities, gary, homeowner

No Time to Cry – Fat Tuesday

Ok, I admit it. I have fallen hopelessly in love. No, don’t worry, I am not leaving my adorable husband. This love affair is with ‘Nawlins, my friends. And what better day to blog about it from the rooftops, if you will, than on Fat Tuesday? So for this week, Time to Cry Tuesday will be replaced with No Time, in celebration of Mardi Gras.

If you have been following along here at i could cry, you would know that I have become quite infatuated with all things New Orleans. Hating to be cliché and ride the post-Superbowl wave, but timing is everything. At the same time that the Saints took center stage I visited The Big Easy for the first time. And I am still trying to figure out how I could live 50(ouch) years without ever visiting a place that is so aligned with my essence.

The season of New Orleans has come, and who deserves it more. The spirit of the place has survived one of the worst natural disasters on American soil, and it still comes bubbling up, sticking it’s tongue out with a big wide drunken grin screaming ‘ain’t nobody gonna beat dem Saints – who dat, who dat!”

When we visited, the streets could spontaneously break out into song and a turn down a little alleyway could bring us upon the most spectacularly off beat gallery. A place truly built on art and music, this town is irreverent, ballsy, and quirky. And even better, it seems to not put all that much value on botox, brands or bank accounts. Um, does this sound like anyone to you guys? Are you starting to see the resemblance?

This past Saturday night we had a blast at the 4th Annual Nolafunk Mardi Gras Ball at Le Poissin Rouge on Bleeker Street. We went to see Bonerama perform but loved Tab Benoit as well. I am sure Big Sam’s Funky Nation was just as– well – funky, but a few hours of 95° heat, dancing, singing and crowds was enough for us.

I stood near the stage with those horns blowing, behind the world’s oldest hippie, the costumed characters marching through the crowds, feeling like this mass of humanity was one big living breathing party organism and it was impossible to not fall madly in love. Somewhere around the second chorus of Aiko I lost my voice and could not care less.

The thing about the New Orleans culture is that it is all-inclusive. The crowd at this show was not one of posers, or rockers, blues guys or jazz aficianodos, these people were not skinny or fat, young or old… this was a crowd of EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. There is something about that music that brings everyone together in one place for one reason and one reason only – to have an amazing time. To love life even when it sucks. To get out there and feel the joy of the music no matter what your troubles are when you leave. Not just survivors, but more soldiers of feel good.

I suppose if I were asked what city I would most want to be, I might just have to say New Orleans.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under holidays, Time to Cry Tuesdays, travel

Olympic Malfunctioning Caldron and Other Fails

I waited all week for this. I LOVE the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. I know it is a little corny but I can’t help it. And I have to say I was greatly disappointed. The last winter olympics opening ceremony in Beijing was so spectacular, this simply fell flat. Even the logo was so much cooler last time.

There was, however, one tremendous highlight for our family. The Canadian National Anthem was sung by a 16-year-old super talent named Nikki Yanofsky. And why do we care? Because not only is Nikki an alum of my kids’ camp, she was my daughter’s camper. Check out her official Olympic song here. It hit #1 on Canada’s itunes. Chills from this one. You go Nikki, we are very proud!

Back to the opening ceremonies. Here are my top 5 fails:

5. First half hour… painfully boring. I kept looking for the Cirque style bungee jumpers and fell short with beads and head dresses.

4. What was the criteria for being one of the dancers in the white outfits, did you just have to have legs?

3. Opera singer… OMG who thought it would be a good idea to do that after 11PM?

2. The speeches: 2 old guys droning on for 15 minutes after 11:30? Bilingually. Seriously!

And the number 1 fail of the ceremonies, the one we are sure that someone was fired for, the one that brought about all sorts of cursing behind the scenes (in French AND English) would be…

1. The caldron malfunction!

Although they were fortunate enough not to have a nipple show during this sucker, we did notice Wayne Gretsky getting awfully antsy waiting for those poles to rise.

All in all, this was a sleeper. Although we were quite fond of the suspended thing that had a Georgia O’keefe Tri-vaginal quality about it. I believe Larry knick-named it The Trigina. (another Urban Dictionary entry for sure).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under camp, current events, family, games, humor, sports