Monthly Archives: October 2010

Booty Pop – When baby don’t have back

Yes folks, now you too can have that perfect booty. With Booty Pop. What are these, you ask? Well, they are the panties that make your booty pop.

And we want our booty pop because…

Oh right, I am not the demographic.

As they say on the website “Lose that boring backside. Get a Booty-licious booty in an instant?” Oh dear lord. Then what happens when he falls for your big ole backside and you slide those suckers off and he finds the only thing in your panties is that boring backside. So, these are actually butt falsies? What next?

These were found in the Bed Bath & Beyond sale rack. Thinking maybe the BBB shopper out looking for some cookware or maybe a bathroom hutch is not in the market for Booty Pop panties. But hey, you never know.

Makes a nice impulse buy item.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, humor, product reviews, products

Time to Cry Tuesday – Words of Wisdom

Hug your kids.

Make good choices.

If it is not broken, don’t break it.

No place is ever as far away as it feels.

Quality. Speed. Price. Pick two.

Don’t eat yellow snow. (this one was for levity)

If you feel it, tell them.

If it’s not so nice, keep it to yourself.

When doing your best isn’t enough… tough, it is your best.

Age is irrelevant.

The best way out is always through.

Sometimes you just need to cook and clean. (unless you are Wendy)

Cry when you need to (and because it’s Tuesday).

Laugh because otherwise what is the point?

 

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Longuyland

Saw this t-shirt in the hospital gift shop the other day and was simultaneously enchanted and annoyed that I did not make it. I have posted about our ‘accent’ here on the Island of Long because I always get a kick out of the way people speak.

Urban dictionary has defined the word and has a great sentence as an example of how to use it, “I’m walkin’-tawlkin’-cawfee all day in Longuyland.”

When I am tired my accent is pretty bad. If you ask my brother who moved when he was 18, it is always bad.

Jana and I both thought this was sort of a weird item for a hospital gift shop, but hey, I am sure it gets plenty of laughs.

Of course it comes in black as well. But somehow I think the bright green adds to the tackiness.

Anyone interested in owning one? I would be happy to scoot back over and pick it up for you.

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Yoga vs. Yogurt – a tale of hearing

This one can be filed under what we say and what they hear.

Tonight we were driving to a fundraiser that was based at a local Yoga Studio. Our dear friend Gail (yogamom to you who read the comments here) was kind enough to donate her beautiful space to the Port Washington Education Foundation for our first ever Amazing Race which was an amazing success.

I was telling Gary that the construction that was going on in some retail space in town was going to have a whole new row of stores facing the back parking lot. I also informed him a of a new yogurt place, that I thought was a franchise that was opening there. I said the guy already had 2 others.

Fast forward to the end of the race and poor Gail pulls me aside and says, “Gary already ruined my night so now you might as well give me all the details.” Hmmmm, I thought to myself, what the hell is she talking about. I leave him here bartending for an hour and a half and he has ruined her night? WTH.

Gail: So just give me the details and let me get this over with.

Me: Um, what are you talking about?

Gail: Gary told me a franchised yoga studio is opening in town.

Me: How would he know that?

Gail: He said you told him on the way here.

Me: (lightbulb going off in my battered brain). Not yoGA… yoGURT!

Note to self: schedule Gary’s hearing test.

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Filed under communities, gary, health, humor

Can it fit in a toilet?

This is the first question that Gary asks when told about a small dog. He is not a fan. (can you tell?) Being a big dog kind of guy I think this is his way of saying if you can flush it then there is no real argument for it having any pet value. I always sort of worry that he might actually try it one day. Then again, he used to call them puntable dogs and I never actually witnessed him drop kicking one, so I assume it is just his slang.

Anyway, this post is not really about small dogs. It is actually about toilets. And the crazy things that accidentally get flushed down them.

It seems that when shit happens (no pun intended), it usually happens in a big way in my house. We don’t like to do single crises. You could say we are calamity over-achievers.

So, as a quick overview, in the past few weeks I have been diagnosed with vertigo (it passed thankfully, except in extreme circular situations or when I hold my head funny), I chipped a tooth on a piece of toast and the biggie, my dad needed to have his pacemaker changed. He has had it done before, but being a long-term multi-issue cardiac patient it is a bit tricky. In all the confusion of family staying over and rotating bathroom schedules somehow the cap from the air freshener found its way into the bowl just as the water was going down.

Now, you may say to yourself, that cap is too damn big to go down a toilet.

Wrong!

Down it went and off to the hospital we went, with a call into my plumber of 22 years. Who, by the way, has still not returned my call from 9 this morning. So, yes, he is no longer on the preferred vendor list here. But another lovely plumber with some kickass blue super sonic gloves, a really cool telescoping mirror (kind of like the one the dentist uses, Dr. Jimmy, but a little less sterile) and the ever famous…

toilet vacuum! Yep, this baby sucked that cap right out of the toilet like it was nothing. And I am proud to say I now have the cleanest toilet in town. Kind of like a toilet colonic, if you will.

Of course I had to ask this guy what was the oddest thing he has ever seen flushed down a toilet? His answer?

False teeth.

EW! On so many levels

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Time to Cry Tuesday – Badger Fever

 

photo: Jana Levinson

For those who do not know, I have two Badgers. That would be a freshman and a senior at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. And these two bleed red. Well, ok, we all bleed red but they bleed Badger red. Go red. Camp Randall sea of red on game day red.

And if you follow college football, then you would know that this past Saturday night the #11 Badgers beat #1 Ohio State in the game of the decade. As my daughter described it, the place was electric from the moment of kick off. As well it should have been since they scored in the first 12 seconds of the game. The level of intensity never let up. As you can see, they rushed the field at the end of the game; something she had never seen in her 4 years there. Her friend who was visiting said this was up with the top 5 days of her life and she was not even a student there!

But this is not about football. Well it is, but not really. This is about belonging. About a sense of place and feeling a part of something that is way bigger than you could explain, yet it feels like it is simply a part of who you are. My kids are lucky to have had this at camp. And now in college they have what feels like camp on steroids.

81,194 people jammed into that stadium, all chanting, cheering and praying together for that win. For their team. Their school. Their culture. Damn, it does not get better than that.

We go through that crazy college app process praying that our kids will find a place to ‘be happy’. A place they feel they belong. A place to grow that will shape their lives, not just in the classroom, but out as well.

I am a firm believer that much of what they learn there is not academic. The community of Madison has been as strong a teacher for my daughter as her professors have been. I can only hope for the same for my son.

Everyone gets hung up on the career prep in college. Sure we want them to get jobs and be fulfilled and self sufficient. But maybe part of what makes them ready to go out into the world is to know WHO they are, not necessarily WHAT they want to be.

And that, my friends, is something to think about.

 

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Filed under college, danny, family, Jana, Time to Cry Tuesdays

60 Minutes and Erectile Dysfunction

Nope, they did not do a piece on 60 minutes about E.D. But they might has well have.

I was busy cooking away and more listening than watching 60 minutes tonight and first came (no pun) the new Viagra spot. It’s all Steve McQueenish with bluesy music and a classic car, the open road and a dusty gas station in the middle of nowhere. You can view it here.

I love this line: “This is the age of getting things done.” Oh jeez. Yeh baby, you can still ‘get things done’.  And then there is the bottled water spilling oh so sensually into the radiator. Yowza. But the line that got me the most was something about finding out what 20 million men already know.

Really? 20 million men have used Viagra. Damn, that’s a lot of wood! I am hard-pressed (again, no pun) to believe that all 20 mil actually suffer from E.D. What percentage do you think take it just to see… well you know.

Second spot was for Cialis. This brand has the best ‘warning’ line of all times: “To avoid serious injury, tell your doctor if you sustain an erection for more than 4 hours.’ I always wonder, ‘injury to who?’ This is Gary’s favorite. He loves how they made a warning line into a tagline.

So here is the thing. Two E.D. med ads during a single half hour of 60 minutes. Am I to believe that young guys don’t watch 60 mintues?

Yep, this is the sort of thing I think about when I am cooking.

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