I can’t stay asleep. I have a sinus infection with laryngitis.
ME. With laryngitis.
Do the math on that one!
You know the drill on sleeping with this stuff. You pass out and then you snore or hack yourself awake, leaving sleep a thing of the past. I usually read when I wake up, but the combination of my cement head and the fact that my snoring has sent Gary running for the hills (or Jana’s room) for a good night sleep, have led me to late night TV. It beats ruminating in the middle of the night – my other favorite insomniac pastime (don’t believe anything you think about in the middle of the night).
For your reading pleasure, here is a list of what is on in the middle of the night:
Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars (Get naked, get truly naked)
Little Women: LA (yes this is about midgets and yes I know that term is horrifyingly not PC… blame the illness)
Mob Wives: The Antisocial Network (and I quote: “She has cancer… she’s stage fucking 4! I don’t want nothing from this rat bitch) Note to self: start using the term ‘rat bitch’.
Hardcore Pawn (one of my all-time faves)
There are countless otherworld shows: American Supernatural, The Haunting in Connecticut and Trance, which is a lively show where they hypnotize people and interview them. Who wouldn’t love that?
But the one that was truly like watching the accident was… drumroll please:
My 600 Lb. Life. WTF?! This is a reality show about the morbidly obese. I could not change the channel. That is not until I witnessed a visiting nurse lifting an enormous fat flap of a bed ridden mom on oxygen in a hospital bed in her living room who had just sent her enabling spouse out grocery shopping. She was treating a cellulitis wound caused by fat folds! And they zoomed in. This is just not right for me to witness. The mom’s goal was to get out of bed in time to trick or treat with her son. I can’t even!
I think I need to start the hashtag #insomniaquestions. At the very least I should start a column called MFTATV. (Magnet for the Aburd Television)
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to watch back to back reruns of Will and Grace and Sex in the City.