Monthly Archives: October 2009

October 31, 2009 · 11:41 pm

Trick or Treat in the Age of the Self Involved

Two true halloween anecdotes.

A group of kids converged upon my house as I was coming home this afternoon. “We want candy!” they cried. “Well, good thing because I have lots of it. Let me go inside and get it” I said.

From within the crowd of princesses and ninjas emerged a cute little girl who said, “Trick or treat, I have a nut allergy.” And if that was not crazy enough, one of her little friends had one too.

Now, don’t get me wrong here. I understand the danger of nut allergies so don’t be hounding me with all sorts of comments about being insensitive. But SERIOUSLY, if your kid has a nut allergy, take them on the spooky walk and buy them safe treats, but don’t be having them announce this at each house. And honestly, even the candy companies have warnings that the non-nut candies are made in the same factories. I was allergic to chocolate as a kid and my mom did not have me announce it at every house. She just gave to my brother.

Second story:

Adorable little lady bug comes up to the door by herself. Her parents waited at the street. She couldn’t be more than 4. Not a word from her, she just stood there. I brought out my big pot of all sorts of candy and she just looked in it. “Take anything you like” I said. “I WANT CANDY CORN!” she shouted and then stormed away. Parents were aware of the issue and said they would buy it themselves next year. Said she was asking everyone in the neighborhood for candy corn. Um, sorry folks, hop down to the store and get her some damn candy corn and stop having her make the neighbors feel bad.

What happened to simply running from house to house and jamming your bag full of candy?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

9 Comments

Filed under holidays, humor

Tagged as candy, halloween, nut allergy, trick or treat

October 30, 2009 · 9:17 pm

Handerpants

This post is MFTA approved!

A big thank you to my friend J. from J-Two-O, who sent me this today.

I am almost speechless. I said ALMOST. You know I can not shut up when I see stuff like this.

This is one of those products that I wish I had invented. It is so incredibly silly that I will laugh every time I see it. And the commercial is perfection. Please watch it:

I have been walking around the house bellowing “Handerpants, Handerpants, HANDERPANTS!” to the point where I am sure my family is ready to kill me. (no, it is not all fun, games and dildos in this house).

I suppose I can truly relate to these because he called me out on three of my main core competencies. No, I am not a Narwhal Aficionado, but after I google narwhal perhaps I might be. And I do know that they have a Narwhal Aficionado Facebook group with 68 kinda have nothing else to do members.

I digress, the groups I fall under in the commercial are Graphic Designers, Night Bloggers (duh) and Twitterers. Oh and I might, at some times of the month, be considered a Mutation.

A few other favorites: Ninjas with Delicate Hands, (or those who use Kiehls products), Dungaree inspectors (translation for anyone under 45, that would be jeans), Cryptozoologists (google that one yourself), Wall Street Tycoons (not your most popular crowd these days) and Hobos (x-Wall Street Tycoons).

Honestly, I think I might have to buy a few pair of these tighty whiteys for my digits. They are just too great to pass up.

I found out they are sold by my friends at Archie McPhee who were so kind as to send me a wonderful package the last time I blogged about their products: The Evolving Darwin Playset and The Flesh Eating Zombie Playset. Hey guys, I don’t mean to be pigish but I fit 3 of your profiles for this product, perhaps a pair or two and I promise to write about them again! And wear them to functions and take pictures!

Yes, I am a blog whore for a pair of Handerpants!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

3 Comments

Filed under absurdities, humor, magnet for the absurd, marketing, products

Tagged as absurdities, Archie McPhee, handerpants, infomercials, magnet for the absurd

October 29, 2009 · 6:04 pm

Pet Chauffeur

Driving home from the city the other day we spotted this vehicle. I snapped a quick shot that I was not thrilled with and then tortured asked Gary nicely to follow that car so I could get a better shot. Traffic was terrible and it did not happen, so this one will have to do.

Ok, so the economy is terrible, right? People are tightening their belts and trying to get a handle on spending only what it is truly necessary.

Define necessary.

For some that would be paying someone to DRIVE THEIR PETS AROUND!

Ok, maybe I am being a bit judgmental, but I just don’t see how this one can be justified. Not wanting to destroy this business that I am sure someone worked very hard to build, but the idea of not being able to drive your own pet is a bit much, no?

Ok, so wanting to give them the benefit of providing a necessary service I checked them out here. My first thought is, hey guys, with this kind of luxury service to a market that surely has lots of cash, how about a nicely designed website. You could certainly use a little help.

So I read a little bit and thought, hey, nothing like a biz model that preys on the inadequacies of the rich. I am going to go out on a limb and do a complete 360 with my opinion on this baby. Go for it guys. And honestly, you had me with the 3-point doggie seatbelts and the pet stretchers for emergencies.

Good luck to you and as far as I am concerned, if you are still picking up pets the economy has to be picking up as well.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

Zaidie was right!

I have been sitting on this story for the past few days wondering if it was a good idea to share with you all how crazy my family truly is. And then I figured if I have not scared you off yet, this one will entertain you.

The players:

Gram: my mom

Zaidie: my dad

Danny: my son

Gary: my husband

Me: me

(phone rings)

Me: Hello

Gram: Hi. Hey do you know what Steely Dan is.

Me: Sure, mom, it’s a band

Gram: No, I know it is a band. We were just listening to them. But do you know where the name came from.

Me: Um, no. Gary, do you know where the name Steely Dan came from?

Gary: (funny grin, then makes the universal hand signal for a boner)

Me: Really?! Ok, mom, Gary says it’s a boner.

Gram: A boner, nope. Dad said it is a metal dildo.

Ok, so let me interject here for a minute. My mom is 78! And she has always been rather proper. So I am going to say it is a safe bet that I have never heard her say ‘dildo’ before. Surely not ‘metal dildo’ (ouch, BTW)

Danny: (from downstairs) WHAT are you guys talking about?!

Me: Zaidie says that a Steely Dan is a metal dildo but Dad says it is a boner.

Danny: Oh Jeez!

Me: Danny, can you google it please.

a moment passes and then…

Danny: Hey Zaidie was right, it is a metal dildo. Sometimes 2-headed. Ew, I cannot believe I am having this conversation with my parents and grandparents (I believe that was paraphrased)

Seriously, don’t you think that hearing your 17-year-old son say, “Zaidie was right, it’s a metal dildo.” is somehow crossing the line?

Yeh, well, it will all come out on the couch.

FYI, here are may favorite definitions from urbandictionary. com:

1) proper name of a steam powered dildo from the novel Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs.

STEAM POWERED?!! ouch! and this one:

2) A Massive Metal dildo, sometimes double-headed.

Yeh, well that will surely fuel a nice little therapy session for my son in his future.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

15 Comments

Filed under absurdities, aging parents, conversations, danny, family, gary, humor

Tagged as family, google, metal dildo, steely dan, teens, the naked truth, william s. burroughs

October 27, 2009 · 10:29 pm

Jesus sells

Back in February I posted about Jesus Toast tattoos with a poll asking if people found this disrespectful, evangelical, Kinda Cool or other. Kind Cool won out at 61%. I am beginning to wonder if humor in religion is acceptable, or just amongst my readers. Never wanting to offend (ok, maybe that is a stretch) please take this post with a grain of salt.

These 2 photos were sent to me by a friend/reader who considers herself MFTA by proxy. She has also brought me the magnificent Butt Paste shot.

I love this first one:

This Jesus Shaves mug is heat activated. Pour in hot water and his beard disappears. These types of mugs have been around the ad specialty world for awhile. This is, by far, the best application I have seen. If you would like to purchase it you can do so here (no affiliation, just love the product).

While checking out a place to buy this I found Jeez-its on the same site. This one killed me as we had a crazy conversation one night at a birthday celebration about Cheez-Its vs. Jesus. This would have made a great party favor.

Next item is also quite wonderful.

What Would Jesus Wear magnetic wardrobe. Oh my, I would love to dress him in the tie dye number! You can buy this item here.(again, no affiliation)

Now, here I might be treading on being a little disrespectful, but hey, I am just a documenting. I took this shot in the LIC subway station. Quite the message!

I will end this ridiculous post with a message I received awhile back on twitter. I wrote about it before but the screen shot is priceless, albeit a touch creepy. Nonetheless, it is a perfect sign-off.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

2 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, magnet for the absurd, photography, products

Tagged as jeez-its, Jesus, jesus magnetic wardrobe, jesus shaves mug, what would jesus do, who would jesus do

October 26, 2009 · 11:30 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – And in the end…

… the love you take is, is equal to the love you make.* – Lennon/McCartney

I heard this today. For perhaps the 1,000th time in my life and yet in the context that it was quoted I had never heard it quite so clearly.

In our busy lives we often forget what is really important. We jump from task to task, place to place, moment to moment without stepping back to just ‘be’. And part of ‘being’ is to make sure that we nurture the people in our lives that need it most.

Hopefully at the end of the day, week, month, year… life; it all evens out.

This Tuesday I would like to try a little experiment. Indulge me, if you will, and make an effort to even things out so to speak. Stop, smell the coffee, the roses or whatever else finds its way up your nose and make sure you let someone know how much they mean to you.

The inspiration for today’s post comes from a woman who touched so many and prompted a son-in-law to utter those lyrics… in the end.

Let it Bea!

*(The End is the final song of the sixteen-minute medley on side 2 of Abbey Road, the final Beatles album).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

5 Comments

Filed under Time to Cry Tuesdays

Tagged as Abbey Road, and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make, family, life, love, The Beatles, The End

October 25, 2009 · 8:41 pm

The Burp Castle

File this one under, Only in NY!

I passed this today on a little family excursion through the East Village. Burp Castle, Temple of Beer Worship is located on East 7th Street between 2nd and Copper Square in case you want to visit. Not far from McSorley’s Old Ale House, this would make a nice beer tour if you are from out of town.

Not too sure about the Brewist Monks since 1022 a.d. but hey, it looks like a fun place.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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1 Comment

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, New York, New York City, photography, places of interest, signage

Tagged as brewist monks, burp castle nyc, east village, mcsorely's, NYC, temple of beer worship

October 24, 2009 · 10:41 pm

A Serious Man – Fargo for Jews

I am a HUGE Coen brothers fan. I know, no big surprise. They don’t get anymore offbeat than the Coen’s and I surely seem to thrive on the offbeat.

This afternoon, for some reason that I am still not sure of, we decided to see A Serious Man at 4:00 in the afternoon. Perhaps we are preparing for old age, but I think the real reason was the desire to watch the Yankee game that never happened in the evening.

I will not be one of those people who tells all the good parts of the movie and then ruins it for you. (you people who are like that, you know who you are). And I will not do a movie review because I am not Siskell or Ebert. (wait, isn’t one of them dead?) What I will do is give you a few comments about the experience of seeing the film.

Imagine the 4:00 show. Many walkers and canes and more than one person explaining what just happened in a loud whisper throughout the film. The guy behind us? Asleep before the movie even started. And, we saw this in a town that, how should I put this delicately, has a bit of a shortage for those of my tribe. Plainly put, this is a predominantly non-Jewish zip code. But the senior citizen Jews abounded in this little suburban theater (of the absurd) and became part of the theatrical experience. My friend complained of choking on hairspray when we walked in.

Having set the scene I will tell you that I LOVED the movie. But I will also tell you that if you are a not a Jew who grew up in the 60s this one might be a bit of a stretch for you. If you love films (not movies) and have a true appreciation for brilliant directing, amazing acting, some pretty cool messaging and great music as well as camera angles and incredible period set decorating, this could still be for you.

I could not help but relate to all the avocado green and burnt orange decor. The artwork and light fixtures, fabrics and clothing all brought back my preteen years in a vivid kind of washed out technicolor. I am pretty sure my brother’s Bar Mitzvah picture was hanging in the background of one of the shots!

The film was quite moving, at times hysterical in that Coen-style black humor sort of way and reminiscent of Fargo without the foreskin.

Jews, go check it out. Those not of the tribe, bring a Jewish friend to explain the subtleties.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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2 Comments

Filed under communities, movies, music

Tagged as 1960s, A Serious Man, black humor, Coen Brothers, Ethan Coen, film review, films, jews, Joel Coen, movie theater, movies, old people

October 23, 2009 · 10:19 pm

Like a Sex Machine…

This amazing photo is from the James Brown Memorial Steakhouse in Osaka via engrishfunny.com That is one James Brown sized piece of meat in that picture! With all the bad press surrounding his passing I though perhaps a little fond memory of The Godfather of Soul was in order today.

Amy and Gary trivia: We walked back down the aisle at our wedding after the ceremony to James Browns’ I Feel Good. (We thought Sex Machine was inappropriate – get up… get on up!).

Here’s a little James Brown to brighten up your day. I dare you to Feel Bad when you watch this baby. That jacket alone could make anyone happy! So Good!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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