Monthly Archives: May 2010

Time to Cry Tuesday – Family and Friends

There is nothing like a picture perfect weather weekend to kick off the summer. But the weather was not the only thing that was perfect. We were fortunate enough to have been invited to 3 amazing BBQs filled with good friends with our family unit firmly intact for a few fleeting days. There are so few times that we get to spend as a family now, adding old friends and their kids to the mix is truly a gift.

BBQ number one was so very special because all the 21 year olds were there, many of whom have just returned with stories of their semesters abroad. Looking at all those faces I have known since nursery school, seeing their friendships still so strong and comfortable was such a joy. These are the people we have raised our children with. We have sat through graduations, in ER waiting rooms and everything in between with this crowd. This is our Community with a capital C.

BBQ number two was the campies. This crowd is filled with our friends and their kids who have all attended the same summer camp. The kids are mostly counselors – or retired counselors – with many stories of their own to add to the legacy of the ones that we tell. So much history. A culture like no other. We truly feel like we have come home when we are with this group.

BBQ number three was with more of the home crowd. A smaller group of 3 families that have been together from the very beginning. Their kids (and dogs) are like my own and we never take for granted how special their friendship is to us. Or how amazing their cooking is.

To all our hosts, thank you so much for the great times. And to my kids, thanks for humoring us and spending some time together. Something tells me you both are beginning to appreciate the time we are all together as much as we are.

And hell hasn’t even frozen over yet.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Back Waxing

While taking this picture on Main Street in my town a couple walked by and he said, “Hey, maybe I should go get my back waxed.”

I must say that $40 seems awfully cheap for a whole back, doesn’t it?

Is there really anything else for me to say about this that I have not already said? Please refer back to this post and this post to hear my opinion of hairy backs.

That should do it. Enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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The Colonoscopy: A recap in 3 acts

Act One: Scheduling the appointment

Me: Hello, I would like to schedule an appointment for my colonoscopy.

Receptionist: Oh, we have an opening on the 28th at noon.

Me: (thinking ‘an opening’ was a poor choice of words) I will take it.

Understanding that this was the Friday of a holiday weekend I figured it would be a good day to take off, and I jumped at the idea of the weight loss.

Yes I am extremely shallow.

Act Two: The pre-prep (I will spare you the actual prep because I am classier than that)

Me: What flavor Gatorade should I mix the Miralax with?

Danny: Yellow

Gary: Yellow

Jana: Yellow

I bought grape.

Oh, and yellow – I am not an idiot! I did the taste test and under the advisement of Jana’s boyfriend decided on yellow because he said I would get sick of the grape after the second glass.

Jana: OMG you are mixing that ENTIRE bottle of Miralax* into that Gatorade, that is like a month’s worth!

Me: Yeh, I know. I thought that is why you were going to stay at Corey’s house for the night.

You will be happy to know that after I fasted for 24 hours and had been starving for a day Gary came home and made himself probably the most delicious smelling omelette ever made on the face of this earth.

I asked him why he didn’t bake a chocolate cake right after that too.

* I would like to mention that on the side of the Miralax package it states that your stool may become soft and runny… um is that not the point of a laxative?

Act Three: Phone call with a friend after the colonoscopy was finished

Friend: How are you feeling?

Me: Not bad, actually. It was just like any other Friday at work except this time I was sedated before I got reamed up the ass.

Friend: I guess I should tell you my daughter is in the car and I am on speakerphone (note: daughter is in college)

Me: Well, now is as good a time as any for her to hear about the real world.

Daughter: Thanks Amy, I really appreciate that.


Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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AARP… Time Flies

Today we have a guest post from my friend Susan. After yesterday’s post about time flying, she thought this was the perfect follow up. I, personally, love a good AARP post

Feels like just last month that my daughter Jess finished her first year of college. And then in the blink of an eye..she receives her AARP card … such a wonderful organization with great benefits like long-term care insurance, vision plans and more.

It is true that time sure flies…but this seems particularly quick. Or did AARP mistakenly send a membership card to a 19 year old?

I will figure out the answer after I go upstairs to ask my daughter to clean up her room…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Time to Cry Tuesday – The Time Capsule

If you are an elementary school teacher this is a must read. If you are a parent of a child of any age, grab the tissues.

Tonight at dinner I remembered the time capsule that Danny had put together in his first grade class. This could be the single best project he did in elementary school. Mrs. Smith was his teacher and the only generic thing about her was her name. A fabulous Teacher (with a capital T) he ‘looped’ with her from first to second grade. This was the woman who recognized the fact that this little boy would spend more of his energy trying to sit than it took to do his work – so she let him stand. The same one who worked patiently to get him to read even though he had a slow start – and assured me that he was going to do fine. And of course she was right as he has become an avid reader.

Tucked away amongst newspaper front pages and Y2K party favors, custom baseball cards and a bag of 1999 coins, were some amazing artifacts, including the cover with the instructions to open December 2010. We deemed this a mistake and decided that now was the time to open it.

1. Cover of the box – notice the drawing of Franklin the Turtle in the center.

2. Picture with said Franklin

3.  A ziplock bag with the proverbial ‘the dog ate my homework’ remains – Mel got an A – and her puppy picture.

4. A letter from 7-year-old-Danny to 17-year-old Danny – lots of talk of goldfish.

5. His predictions of the future – yes he did say that matzoh balls would still be his favorite snack food.

6. And our favorite – self portraits at 7 and 17. We love that he predicted his blonde hair would turn brown.

Lesson learned: don’t ever throw this kind of stuff away. And most important, savor every moment because that 10 years flew by in a blink.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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How Fortunate

Ok, so I didn’t exactly get this in my fortune cookie.

Even better, it was passed to me from across the table.

Thanks CG.

Happy Monday everyone, let’s hope for the best and prepare for the worst!

Oh and happy birthday Uncle Neal!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Back in the USA

After 4 months and too many take offs and landings to count my girl is back in the US of A.

There is NOTHING like having everyone asleep in their own beds.

Welcome home Jana.

Believe it or not there is no better sight than this:

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Egyptian Cotton Blanket is the New Mattress Cover


If you have been falling the saga of Jana’s new bed you would know that there is most probably a wanted poster hung in every linen department within 30 miles of my home. After 3 shots at a mattress cover and a nice sunny day for air drying I am happy to report the last one is on the bed and quite comfy.

Enter the navy blue egyptian cotton woven blanket. I love these. I put them on all the beds, layering them with quilts to give temperature options to my poor kids who have to live with their menopausal mom and kinda hairy dad who like to keep this house somewhere between meat freezer and wind tunnel temp.

So, I finally get the damn mattress cover on the bed, put on the yummy soft butter yellow million thread count sheets that I got a great deal on at Home Goods (they thanked me for not returning these) and floated down the navy blue woven blanket on top of them, straight out of the bag when I noticed that it smelled like – as Jana would say – ass! Seriously, it had the worst odor. AND it left all these little navy blue pills all over the pretty pale yellow sheet!

So of course I read the label and tossed that baby in the wash (on delicate with like colors) then into the dryer (on low heat). Yeh, well, the thing came out of the dryer with a million pulls in it AND there was a full puppy’s worth of navy blue lint overflowing from the trap (luckily no fire in the machine).

Yep, back to Bed Bath and Beyond with this sucker. I did contemplate wearing a nose and glasses to disguise myself at the customer service desk. But oddly there was never a question on any of these returns, even without a receipt. They just swiped my card and told me to have a lovely day.

I can’t be the only one having these problems. Can I?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Parking Lot Hair Ball

I am not sure what to say about this. There I was, getting into my car in a parking lot and stuck to the pavement was a patch of…

… well, a patch of hair. In some sticky stuff. I don’t want to think all that much about the sticky stuff or how the patch of hair got stuck to it. Did someone lay down and have a patch of hair pulled out? Cleaned their brush out the window of a car and the residue floated down and serendipitously stuck to the parking lot goo? Ok, maybe I do want to think a bit about it.

So, here’s the thing. I was about to get into my car and there was someone waiting, not so patiently, for my spot. She saw me get out of the car with my camera and take a shot of the hair ball in the goo and then drive off. Out of the corner of my eye I caught the quizzical look on her face. Do you think she got out of the car to see what I had taken a picture of or did she just write me off as a nut. C’mon, am I the only one who notices this stuff? Probably not but I suppose most people don’t take pictures, or even think all that much about them. What can I say, it is part of the MFTA credo.

This could actually be one of the more disgusting things I have encounter lately. And I don’t know why, but I was drawn to it. Enough to take a picture at least, it’s not like a touched it or anything. I think Eckhart Tolle would call me extremely present for this one.

Yeh, I just wrote four paragraphs about a hair ball in a parking lot. So what!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, magnet for the absurd

The Mattress Cover Debacle

Why is it that I tend to find myself in situations that make me feel like I am living in a bad sitcom?

For those who do not know, my lovely daughter will be arriving home this Saturday after a semester abroad. She will be spending the first summer in 11 years at home – a story for another time. Since she has been gone for the better part of the past three years we never replaced the bed in her room. The very same twin bed that she has had since she got out of the junior bed when she was 5; that would be 16 years ago. It’s time, we certainly got our money’s worth.

We promised her, as she put it, a big girl’s bed before she came home. In true Amy fashion it was purchased and delivered within the last week before she arrives.

Of course I needed to get a nice fluffy cotton mattress cover and OF COURSE no self-respecting mom would put it on the bed without washing it. I mean everyone knows that the people in those factories have sex on those things before packing them (or worse) and it must be washed (with Downy) before ‘any daughter of mine will sleep on it’. Please refer back to this post about ironing her graduation gown that did not work out all that well either.

Mattress pad #1: Purchased for a song at Home Goods. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and the damn thing melted! Seems there is some skeeve guard lining under the gazillion thread count cotton that is not all that fond of dryer heat. Home Goods took it back, no problem. So much for a bargain (even if it was Ralph Lauren and the tag said tumble dry low)

Mattress pad #2: Purchased from Bed, Bath and Beyond. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and… yep, same deal. Even on low. Yes I am an idiot. At this point my dear friend Karen who had told me to air dry it confirmed my idiocy. And my new friend @squashedmom told me on twitter that i need to use the no heat setting (who knew, obviously NOT ME)

Mattress pad #3: BBB kindly let me exchange #2 saying they were surprised it melted and apologized. Seriously is this not happening to anyone else?! Ok, #3 in as many days is washed and air drying when I notice the NO HEAT setting on the dryer. Not gonna lie, popped it in there for 10. No melting but there were signs of a revolt going on around the edges so I stopped.

Yes, my domesticity is going down the toilet. And yes, I never learn.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, homeowner, humor, moms, parenting, products