Category Archives: products

Time to Cry Tuesday – Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific

gee-your-hair-smells-terrific

There are people in your life that know you to the core, and as they say, love you anyway. You have a common past and a shared commitment to one another that is unshakeable. I like to refer to these friends as the ones you call, ask them to bring a shovel and they, in turn, ask no questions (not that I have ever done this, but it is good to know).

I am fortunate to say that I have a solid pool of these type of friends and never does a day go by that I do not feel grateful for that. There are three of them that have been in my life since I was in 6th grade. I was a latecomer to this group; they all know each other since kindergarten! Whenever we get the chance, which is not often enough, we go for a ‘reset’. Sometimes it is just a dinner, but when we are lucky it is a weekend. I recommend reset for everyone. It is the best therapy, the most laughs and reminds you WHY (in caps and the all-encompassing why).

This past weekend we reset. With party favors! Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific was the shampoo of our adolescence. We were obsessed with this product. If social media existed back then this product would have broken the internet. One of the reset girls found this online and ordered a bottle for each of us (Ron, I believe I took yours home, sorry). The sight of that packaging brought back a flood of shared memories and cemented our connection once again.

Gee my friends are terrific (yes, corny wrap-up). Ok, I will try again. Without these 3, life itself would be utter chaos, even though sometimes we are the cause of each other’s chaos. We stage interventions, big and small, tell each other the things we don’t want to hear but need to and problem solve (ad nauseum). But must important, we laugh, to the point of tears. (yes, that is this blog’s tagline).

Love, Love, Love, you 3.

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Filed under friendship, notstalgia, products

All That Glitters

ship-your-enemies-glitterSomeone getting on your last nerve? Ex driving you crazy? Not all that comfortable with confrontation?

Here’s your solution. ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com. Glitter as a service.

What a great idea. Relatively harmless, it is perfect for someone who has annoyed you to no end. And of course those who want to fight like fairies. Or for those of you out there who get furious but no one really knows (and you know who you are).

Ten bucks, no muss no fuss… on your end. For the enemy… it is the gift that keeps on giving. Or as the site refers to it, passing along ‘the craft herpes’.

Why did I not think of this? As the craft household when the kids were little, glitter was consider a condiment. You can never get rid of that stuff.

I am so not about retaliation, I would rather move on than let people get the best of me. But, believe me, in the heat of the moment I can rant like no other. Perhaps this is a nice alternative to raising the old blood pressure.

The site is quite something. You can be sure the people who came up with this have been dissed in their day – lots of cursing a  and calling people names just to fuel the fire. Don’t miss the reviews page, because it is good to know that snorting glitter will make your nose bleed.

I will file this under the same genius as the selling of 30,000 boxes of bullshit.

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Filed under absurdities, marketing, products

The Funeral Director and the 3D Printing Biz

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This headline is just too good to be true, right?

A Yorktown, NY funeral director has decided to venture down the path of a new revenue stream. He has started a business called Mini 3D ME, creating 3-D figures of people. These are incredible. The detail is really astounding. I would imagine he is going to take the business far. The possibilities are endless… wedding cake topper, trophies, grandparent gifts, sports licensing, celebrities, corporate applications. The franchise opps will be incredible.

Ok, lovefest aside, this guy is a funeral director. Anyone see the humor in this?

“You are creating mini-identical replicas of people,” he states. Anyone who has had the misfortune of sitting at that awful conference table at a funeral parlor with warped family members and an uncontrollable  sense of dark nervous humor can see how the addition of one more friggin’ option like this might just be the last straw. Being one that gets the giggles at inappropriate times, the idea of the funeral director pulling out grandma and grandpa under glass, immortalized in resin to, as he put it, ‘freeze time and create lifelong memories’… well you can see what I mean.

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Actually, I think it’s brilliant. I wish him well. And truthfully, sort of interested in opening a store myself. Again, another business that is in dire need of a good graphic designer. Perhaps I should start soliciting these people for work.

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Filed under absurdities, products

Salt is So Over-rated

salt-free

 

This is the lid to my cottage cheese. Not Gary’s cottage cheese – mine.

His? Plenty of salt. Like ridiculous amounts of salt.  480  mg to be exact (in resistant hypertension language that is like putting a gun in your mouth with every spoon). Who knew?!

Since I barely survived the holiday season and this ridiculous BP roller coaster has started its miserable incline again, I have decided to eat as clean as possible. Salt-free is nearly impossible out, so during the week I eat home and try to be really good. I have to say, I truly appreciated the camaraderie that Friendship fostered with the lid of this cottage cheese. It’s like some brand manager out there totally gets what a drag a no salt diet is like and wanted to make me smile.

So I bought it. Truth be told, cottage cheese really does need the sodium to taste good. But let’s face it, it’s cottage cheese. It’s really all about the texture. And I appreciate the brand sympathy.

Nice work Friendship, you have made a friend in me.

 

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Twenty Percent More Energy

coffee

 

Seriously, Chock Full o’ Nuts, the Energy Blend? We now need a Red Bull version of our morning joe? I saw this on the shelf next to the dark roast, ½ caff, regular, flavored, robust roast… you get what I mean. This is like liquid speed disguised an innocent cup of coffee. I fear the results. Yet I am sure there is a big market for this heart racer. I mean, hey, who doesn’t need at least twenty percent more energy?

I, for one, am a ½ caff kinda girl. And even that is too much for most people who talk to me early in the morning. I believe there would be a special request from most of my friends and colleagues that I never let this ‘Energy’ version pass my lips. I am afraid the top of my head would blow off.

Although it would be interesting to see how many words per minute I could speak on this stuff…

 

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Filed under absurdities, products

Who Writes This Crap

charmin

Pun intended.

‘We all go. Why not enjoy the go?’

Hey Charmin, what were you guys thinking?

I am in the business. I am fully aware of the countless taglines submitted, the late nights getting silly around a conference table laden with candy, the absurd options that come out of these sessions and the painful layers of approvals.

I cannot help but think this one was a joke that somehow slipped into the pile and someone who was running out to catch a plane or go to a kid’s soccer game signed off on it without thinking.

Because, you know, even those of us who ‘enjoy the go’ – and believe me, I am one of them – know that this is just too absurd to be real. If you must know, bathroom humor and discussion of toileting has always been a favorite topic in my family. The joke is that it only takes about 15 minutes when we are all together before the discussion turns to… going. So if anyone would be the market for this, it would be us. But it sort of falls flat for me.

Now don’t get me going on the ‘Ultra Suave’ subhead to Ultra Soft. (picturing a guy with an ascot sitting on the bowl practicing smooth pick up lines) *There is nothing like humor when you are your own target… it was just pointed out to me that Ultra Suave is the Spanish translation for Ultra Soft… damn, apparently I would have done poorly on that trip to Spain. Imagine the trouble I could have gotten myself into there.

I will give this brand credit for their ‘sitorsquat’ public restroom app. Although, if I am not mistaken, they stole this idea from George Castanza.

FYI, I am a loyal user of Charmin despite their silly taglines and even though I know it is bad for the environment. There are some places I will not sacrifice, and let’s face it, butt suave is where it’s at.

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Filed under absurdities, humor, products

Lady Anti-Monkey Butt

anit-monkey-butt

I saw this the other day in the oddest of places… the hardware store. I am still unclear why it was on the shelf next to the Duck Tape (not to be confused with the Duct Tape).

Perhaps this was the animal shelf.

I had a vague memory of this stuff and went back into my archives to find that I had written about the male version back in October 09. Yes, I have been writing that long… much longer actually; about stuff like anti-friction powder, so yes, you could say I have an impressive body of work.

I simply love the hot pink butt on this monkey. The pink bow, the thumbs up, the crazy grin of anti-friction relief, the pearl earrings for G-d’s sake… she is just fabulous.

I think I was drawn to her human stance because I just finished a 582 page book about a talking chimp. I have this odd feeling that all the animals around me can really talk but they are clamming up because they don’t want to make a scene.

No, I don’t think I have snapped.

Back to the powder. Anti-friction? Is it me, or do I just not feel that there is so much butt friction in my daily life that I need something to counter it. Perhaps it is this – my son always complains about a condition he calls swamp ass. So the first thing I thought of when I saw this was how great it would be for lady swamp ass. You know, like the Virginia Slims of ass relief. And then I read that post from a few years ago and I had the same thought (sans the Virginia Slims).

So now I am snapping AND losing my memory.

Who cares. The thing that counts is that I am blogging again. And after a long period of being serious, I feel compelled to be absurd again. That can’t be bad (not as bad as butt friction, anyway).

So, for those of you who missed me and were starting to complain…

You asked for it!

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