Category Archives: blogging

Donkeys are the new goats

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I want to preface this with the fact that I live in a suburban area known as the North Shore of Long Island. That would be the Nawth Shaw of Long Guyland if you buy into that whole stereotypical dialect thing.

I do not.

This magazine was at the checkout of our local Whole Foods. Modern Farmer? Really? Talk about missing the demographic! There are no farmers in this ‘hood – modern or otherwise. The only thing better than this close-up shot would have been one with a woman dressed to the nines in front of the magazine rack. Keep in mind this particular Whole Foods is across the street from The Miracle Mile, a Rodeo Drive style shopping area.

You’ve heard the expression, “It goes together like donkeys and Manolo Blahniks, right? Of course, everyone has.

At first I thought this was an Onion type magazine. With that Headline: Donkeys, the new goats. And the Redonkulous seal (with an excellent use of hyphenation)

Other wonderful headlines that are a bit more relatable for this zip code:

  • Pot Farming Goes Big
  • How to Grow a Winter Garden (was this the follow-up to the Pot Farming article?)
  • Drink Bitter Booze (while you are Pot Farming?)

I cannot, for the life of me, explain why I did not pick up a copy of this publication. I would like to point out that if you visit their website there is currently an article titled, New Year’s Resolution: Eat More Squirrel in 2015. Yep, that was definitely on my list this year! You?

I quote:

“Locavores, listen up: if you want to eat non-GMO, antiobiotic- and hormone-free, lean, free range, local, healthy meat, you need to look up. Limb chicken, as squirrels are affectionately known in many hunting circles, is arguably better than grassfed beef or organic pork when it comes to planetary health.”

Affectionately, indeed. Limb chicken… I can’t.

And you are in luck, there is a recipe at the end of the article. (no I am not making this up)

I can’t wait for the spring issue!

(FYI, yes, I am pretty sure I am back)

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, carry a camera, cooking, current events, humor

CSI Nursery School

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This!

I saw this in a parking lot last Sunday and it struck me as so funny. Is this where the little investigators go to train?  Instead of blocks and legos do they do fingerprint dusting and dna testing?

Oddly enough, CSI does not stand for Crime Scene Investigation, but rather Congregation Sons of Israel. Apparently no one thought about how ridiculous this might be when they abbreviated their synagogue name. But then to make a sticker for the nursery school (I thought the PC name for that is pre-school), and use a handprint, no less… no one? Not a soul thought about the humor?

Personally, I would have done a fingerprint as a logo instead of a handprint, but hey, not everyone is a graphic professional.

Having sat on a synagogue board in the past – where the discussion of roof tiles and catering chairs, traffic patterns and fundraising efforts are discussed for weeks on end… this?

Yep, I will crown this with the famous MFTA status.

(And yes, I think I might be back to blogging. There are simply too many wonderful things that amuse me lately not to share.)

mfta approved

 

 

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, carry a camera, magnet for the absurd, photography, signage

On Perfection

Yes, I am trying to find my way back here regularly. Be patient, I am working on it. And as I was thinking about how I strive to always reach my own expectations of what the perfect me is supposed to be, the following video came up in my Facebook stream.

Today I will bring you one of the best things that came out of starting this blog… meeting Darylle Pollack. Our paths crossed in such crazy ways. First we blogged together at the now defunct 50-something mom blog (where I lied about my age at 49 to get in, how funny is that?). Then on some crazy winter day when my daughter was a freshman at UW, I tweeted something about the weather gods being kind so my daughter could get out of Madison safely. Moments later I received  a tweet back from Darryle that she, too, had a kid there. From then on we became instant friends.

Everyone should have a Darryle in their lives. So today I am sharing her with you. Enjoy.

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Filed under 50-something moms blog, aging, blogging, facebook, friendship

Body Image

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As you may know, I am all about girl power. I have raised a strong daughter and a son who has a healthy respect for women who feel good about themselves. We take pride in feeling good about who we are and blah, blah, blah blah, blah… This post features two women who surely take their ideas of strong body image to new places.

Lovely painting, no? Pretty colors. Interesting textures. Makes you feel sort of warm and happy and optimistic about your day, right? And the best part about this baby is it was painted by boobies.

Ok, sort of an infantile thing to say. But seriously, all I had to do was vow to blog again and that old Magnet For The Absurd kavorka reactivated like you won’t believe. First, I signed onto Facebook today to find this post  about boob painting from Taxi, one of my favorite sites.

Yes, boob painting. Marcey Hawk, a rather well endowed young woman, has chosen to take her two best assets and use them to paint with, taking the idea of body painting to a whole new level. This chick certainly is creative. I won’t get into her different methods here, you can read about them over on that Taxi post. The paintings are actually not bad and some of the world’s most famous bad boys are collectors.

As most of my early mornings are spent with post sharing – some professional, some just entertaining – I shared this one. Little did I know that one of my favorite cybergurls would counterpost me in the comments with one of the more outrageous things I have ever seen. And you know me, I thrive on the outrageous. Not easy to make me both wish I had unseen something and be ever so grateful that she shared it.

This one comes with a warning, it is surely not for the faint of heart. You see, as they used to say when I was in High School… tits are for kids. This, my friends, is a video about Vaginal Knitting.

No you did not read that wrong, this crazy Aussie is a ‘performer craftivist’ who spent 28 days in a gallery knitting from a skein of wool that she inserts in… her hey nanny nanny, so to speak. My favorite quote:

It’s unusual and confining. It’s restrictive, but no, it’s not painful. People push babies out of there, it’s a pretty robust area.

Robust indeed.

Honestly, even if I had not decided to blog again, this one would have taken me out of hibernation.

mfta moment

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Filed under absurdities, art, blogging, body image, crafts, humor

Everything

everything

This clock hangs in my office where I can see it all the time. It really has nothing to do with time, or time in the normal sense of the word. Like most things in my life, it is about the messaging. What can I say, I am at heart, a hopeless communicator.

This clock is even more special because it was  birthday gift from my girls. The ones who know I am not a big fan of celebrating my birthday on a good year, but on a not so good one it was sort of out of the question.

Luckily I opened this when I was alone. And they were right. They are my guides. They know that when I said – or worse – believed that I was ok, it was not remotely true. But now, I am reminded by them everyday that…

Everything.

IS.

going.

to.

be.

ok.

Just a different kind of ok.

I am not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, but this year I made one: to blog again. Because here is where I see the world in its most ‘ok’ form; where I share the absurdities and observations that we all see, but I make a point to acknowledge. For no other reason than to entertain, to ground, to lighten up… to be ok.

Because sometimes we need to laugh… to the point of tears.

Welcome back everyone. Wishing you all a very happy new year filled with good things and the strength to deal with the not so good ones.

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Crazy People

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I could not love this picture any more. I crossed the street to take a shot of this canvas hanging on the back of a truck on West Broadway, and this guy stopped in front of it just as I was taking the picture.

Art is so often created by happenstance.

Walking down the street with me is not a bargain. Those who know me well know my famous, “Go ahead, I’ll catch up.” Those who love me unconditionally (AKA, offspring and BFFs) smile and know this is just the price to pay for hanging out with me. I make up for it in other ways. Those who are married to me (the subset of one) are incredibly tolerant and will even stand in a situation for my amusement (and theirs later on).

So, this image begs the question, “Why are crazy people such good lovers?” Here is a little exercise. Jump out of lurking mode (I know you are all there, I check the stats) and feel bad enough for my sorry ass to leave some comments answering to one or more of the following topics:

  1. Define crazy.
  2. Decide if this makes you more likely to admit that you are.
  3. In your experience, is there a direct correlation between being crazy and being a good lover?

Amuse me kiddies, I have had a tough few months!

 

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Filed under art, blogging, carry a camera, humor, New York, New York City, photography, places of interest

Lady Anti-Monkey Butt

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I saw this the other day in the oddest of places… the hardware store. I am still unclear why it was on the shelf next to the Duck Tape (not to be confused with the Duct Tape).

Perhaps this was the animal shelf.

I had a vague memory of this stuff and went back into my archives to find that I had written about the male version back in October 09. Yes, I have been writing that long… much longer actually; about stuff like anti-friction powder, so yes, you could say I have an impressive body of work.

I simply love the hot pink butt on this monkey. The pink bow, the thumbs up, the crazy grin of anti-friction relief, the pearl earrings for G-d’s sake… she is just fabulous.

I think I was drawn to her human stance because I just finished a 582 page book about a talking chimp. I have this odd feeling that all the animals around me can really talk but they are clamming up because they don’t want to make a scene.

No, I don’t think I have snapped.

Back to the powder. Anti-friction? Is it me, or do I just not feel that there is so much butt friction in my daily life that I need something to counter it. Perhaps it is this – my son always complains about a condition he calls swamp ass. So the first thing I thought of when I saw this was how great it would be for lady swamp ass. You know, like the Virginia Slims of ass relief. And then I read that post from a few years ago and I had the same thought (sans the Virginia Slims).

So now I am snapping AND losing my memory.

Who cares. The thing that counts is that I am blogging again. And after a long period of being serious, I feel compelled to be absurd again. That can’t be bad (not as bad as butt friction, anyway).

So, for those of you who missed me and were starting to complain…

You asked for it!

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Filed under absurdities, animals, blogging, products