Tag Archives: Manolo Blahnik

Donkeys are the new goats

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I want to preface this with the fact that I live in a suburban area known as the North Shore of Long Island. That would be the Nawth Shaw of Long Guyland if you buy into that whole stereotypical dialect thing.

I do not.

This magazine was at the checkout of our local Whole Foods. Modern Farmer? Really? Talk about missing the demographic! There are no farmers in this ‘hood – modern or otherwise. The only thing better than this close-up shot would have been one with a woman dressed to the nines in front of the magazine rack. Keep in mind this particular Whole Foods is across the street from The Miracle Mile, a Rodeo Drive style shopping area.

You’ve heard the expression, “It goes together like donkeys and Manolo Blahniks, right? Of course, everyone has.

At first I thought this was an Onion type magazine. With that Headline: Donkeys, the new goats. And the Redonkulous seal (with an excellent use of hyphenation)

Other wonderful headlines that are a bit more relatable for this zip code:

  • Pot Farming Goes Big
  • How to Grow a Winter Garden (was this the follow-up to the Pot Farming article?)
  • Drink Bitter Booze (while you are Pot Farming?)

I cannot, for the life of me, explain why I did not pick up a copy of this publication. I would like to point out that if you visit their website there is currently an article titled, New Year’s Resolution: Eat More Squirrel in 2015. Yep, that was definitely on my list this year! You?

I quote:

“Locavores, listen up: if you want to eat non-GMO, antiobiotic- and hormone-free, lean, free range, local, healthy meat, you need to look up. Limb chicken, as squirrels are affectionately known in many hunting circles, is arguably better than grassfed beef or organic pork when it comes to planetary health.”

Affectionately, indeed. Limb chicken… I can’t.

And you are in luck, there is a recipe at the end of the article. (no I am not making this up)

I can’t wait for the spring issue!

(FYI, yes, I am pretty sure I am back)

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, carry a camera, cooking, current events, humor

The Emperor’s New Nail Polish

Now I am beginning to understand the meaning of ‘victim’ in fashion victim.

Yesterday’s NYT Thursday Styles section, aside from promoting a Pee Wee Herman-style suit as the next men’s fashion craze, announced that chipped nail polish is now chic!

This is the epitome of the fashion lemmings. A true sociological study on how women will do anything if we are told by the fashionistas that it is ‘in style’. A few of my favorite quotes from this article:

“PITY the mothers and grandmothers. Visible bra straps, glaringly obvious roots — these are but a few of the grooming no-nos that have become yes-yeses in recent years.” (scary opening)

“Over the last few years — since the era of the skull print scarf, let’s say, or the (metaphorical) rise of the Olsen twins — having streaked, chipped or just plain grotty nail polish no longer suggests drug addiction, manual labor or pure laziness.”

Well this a a great relief to me. Keeping with the theme of having no time to cry I certainly am not great about the nail appointment. Could this be the tipping point in fashion history where neglect due to over-scheduled lives drives what is acceptable, or better yet, fashionable?

Now I am cool, right? Oh no, no, no my friends. Read on…

“Being otherwise exquisitely turned out may be the key to making the undone-nails look work. (“Chipping is cool, but chipping in a schleppy way when you don’t have a $5,000 handbag is not as cool,” Ms. Baek said.)”

You are friggin kidding, right? First, if you are insane enough to spend $5,000 on a handbag (no offense to my friends that do) I would say you are using the same judgement in going for the chipped nails. 

This one, of course, is my fave:

“I don’t think you can get away with it if you’re a woman of a certain age,” she said. What’s a certain age? “Anybody over 35,” she replied.”

All I can say to that is “kill me now, already”. 

I leave you with this thought. What if next month they tell us that toilet paper on your shoe is the height of fashion… but only if you are wearing a pair of Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin or Manolo Blahnik.

You girls wearing Nine West… you just have simply left the bathroom in shameful ignorance!

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Filed under fashion, humor, trends, women