Category Archives: fashion

The Dressing Room

fitting-room

There is something about shopping for a dress that puts most women over the edge. Unless you have the perfect figure, and even then there is usually something about yourself that does not work for you in that evil 3-way mirror under those horrifying fluorescent lights.

This is an actual conversation that I heard from the next dressing room:

Woman 1: I am sure this is my size. And I am wearing the perfect bra!

Woman 2: Ummmm, I don’t think so, hon.

Woman 1: Sure, you hold the bottom and I will hold the top, I will take a deep breath in and then we can zip it together.

Woman 2: Honestly, I just don’t think there is enough fabric. What’s the big deal, no one will ever ask to see the tag and verify the size you are wearing. And anyway, you would need someone to dress you before the wedding AND you won’t be able to sit down the whole time.

Woman 1: I should have never eaten lunch before going shopping.

You seriously cannot make this stuff up. Lady, eat a sandwich, wear the bigger size, get a pair of spanx and get a grip.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under body image, fashion, fashion, humor, humor, weight, women

Mantyhose, the Perfect Mansierre Companion

mantyhose2hmedium

Once again, my nephew has fed me another absurdity to share with my readers (thanks Matt).

Ladies and gentleman, I bring you:

Mantyhose! Not your mother’s pantyhose. (nice tagline)

Back in November I brought you the man bra, or what we Seinfeld fans like to call the Mansierre. Women, humor me for a moment and think of your significant other in a pair of these. Or better yet, everyone picture you dad. Your favorite professor. Your pediatrician. The gardner. Oh, I could keep going with this one, the visuals are fabulous. Oh wait…

The plumber! No more butt crack worries if he is wearing a pair of Mantyhose. 

I love the ‘male comfort panel with convenient fly opening’. Guys, you will never have to know the joys or a pantyhose waistband around your knees while squatting over a public toilet. 

My favorite part? Mild compression. I would imagine mild compression would be a nice sensation whereas tight compression could become a problem. 

Want to purchase a pair? You can do that here.

Enjoy!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, fashion, humor, products, trends

Lingerie or Purse?

bustier-bag_small

If I ever doubted why I carry a camera in my bag at all times this little frivolity confirmed my desire to always have one handy.

When I see an item like this I wonder if it were transported to a different context might it be seen as the hottest fashion craze? Hang one off the arm of an Olsen twin and these things would be flying off the shelves instead of hanging on the sale rack. The very same sale section where I spotted the Ricky Martin lunchbox back in October.

The odd thing is that these items were not found in a novelty store. I saw them at Pearl Paint, an art and craft supply mega-store that I always make excuses to visit as often as possible. This is the art supply store of my formative art student years. I simply feel better in those aisles with all those tubes and brushes. Yeh well, ok. 

This bustier purse begs the question, “What art supply store buyer would make the choice to stock this item in the first place?” Going through supplier catalogs checking off inventory: oil paint, brushes, gold leaf, erasers, drawing paper, hot pink satin bustier purse with rhinestone accents, erasers, picture frames, clay… Sorry don’t see the logic here. Kind of like the Where’s Waldo of retail.

You know, looking at it now it is growing on me. I am kind of sorry I did not purchase it.

Hmmm, do you think it will still be there tomorrow? Seriously, this could MAKE any outfit at a North Shore Long Island Bar Mitzvah, no?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, art, carry a camera, fashion, humor, products, trends

Do You Have Barbie Envy?

barbiethatbitch

Why do I find myself insanely jealous of whoever made this bumper sticker? I mean really, is that normal behavior?

I saw this in a parking lot and almost got hit by a car trying to take the picture. (that would be hard to explain: Well you see, officer, there was this bumper sticker that I HAD to get a shot of so I stopped while I was walking through the parking lot and did not realize that a car was coming and the rest is history. “That’s fine, really don’t worry”. And then to his partner, “call for a psych consult”)

For a change, I digress. So let’s talk Barbie for a minute. First, and foremost, we hate her because she is insanely skinny and never seems to be going to action figure Weight Watchers meetings. Nor does she age come to think of it.

Second, she has Ken and even though he does not have a penis (nor does she have nipples for that matter) they do seem to be a lovely couple and their relationship has been going on for… wait, let me Google this. Wow 43 years? But wait again, in my search there were a few references to a split. You can read about it on Bloggingscious (what kind of name is that and how do you pronounce it, is that like blogging delicious, hmmmm not working for me) and Man Behind the Doll (now there is a name to love). Whatever, it seems the breakup is way old news anyway. Give or take a few years these two have been together for a long time.

Third, she has the dream house for G-d sake. And the dream car. And all those tiny little shoes that little kids are forever getting stuck up their noses (Jana, did you do this or was that someone else?)

But, I worry about poor Barbie these days. Did she overextend herself with the mortgage on the Malibu beach house? Click that last link to find out more possible financial disasters for our dear old friend Barbie. Perhaps we should not worry, after all Poor is the New Rich! Once again, the old girl is always in fashion.

Wait, did she have a last name?

Oh yes she does! Dear Barbie has a Wikipedia page and her full name would be Barbara “Barbie” Millicent Roberts born March 9, 1959. OMG we are the same friggin’ age (yes I am that old, I just don’t act all that mature). Just in case you need to see the family tree you can see it here.

I know what you are all thinking right about now, ” what if she parked somewhere else today, what would she have written about?” 

Call it fate, or emerging insanity. Me? Just thrilled to have gained all that Barbie knowledge.

Still, she probably is a bitch.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, fashion, humor, Jana, products, trends, women

Election Day is Not for the Faint of Heart (guest post)

Badge - 2008 election

Time to Cry Tuesday is suspended this week for Election Day. I refuse to believe that I will feel the need to cry. I will stay optimistic and hope this country will choose to evolve rather than send us careening into the abyss. That said, the following guest post is a bit harsh, so either fasten your seatbelts or check back later. Today just might prove to be a multiple post day.

This is written by a friend who is both rabid outspoken and endearing. He has spent a good portion of his career in and around political campaigns and his opinions are always fresh and sans BS, albeit crass at times. Nonetheless, when he hits a rant like the one below I sit back and enjoy the ride. (BTW, this usually is accompanied by multiple shots of Patrón – helps it go down smoother) This does not reflect my views, per se, but I sure do love to hear him spew. Damn, should have done a video of this. Inflection and facial expressions are half the fun.

Here goes: 

My advice to BO and the new gang:

Fuck the cumbaya.

Politics is a contact sport. After 8 years of getting your head beaten with a club you feel compelled to bring everyone together?  NO. NO. NO.

You must expel the philistines from the promise land… cut the head of the snake. Clear the Justice Dept. out down to the janitors. Cut the bipartisan shit. They don’t share. They don’t like you. And if you let them stay in the castle they will only endlessly plot against you until they get you… they are not us. They are not sharers. They didn’t read the Kindergarten sharing book. And they must be sent from the promised land. 

If we win both houses, 60 for the filibuster. And the presidency, fuck them. And as fast as you can print new bills fix the shit storm we now find ourselves in. Give me back my civil liberties and rewrite the Patriot Act. Restore our international credibility. Let everyone know loud and clear that in 21st Century America healthcare IS A RIGHT. Start to balance the budget, and try to explain to working people and our middle class that republicans are not like them just because they believe in G-d.

But most importantly, here’s the point:

When you’ve been bullied, you have a choice. Kiss and make up or punch ’em in the nose; I say punch ’em in the nose and send them home. You stand a better chance of it not happening again… or you can be a Democrat and leave the wolves in the hen house. 

And then it will be Palin in 2012.

No justice, no peace.

Wow, I feel better!

I told you he was something else, didn’t I? I am pretty sure I just lost a reader or two on that one. Or perhaps I picked up a few!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where they are celebrating their 1 year blogaversary. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich and There is no Hair in Team .

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under fashion, humor, politics, polls

Ladies Welcome

I was driving up the west side of Manhattan the other day and stopped at a red light somewhere downtown. Yes, this is why I try to always have a camera with me. 

I believe the name of the store is ‘Ladies Welcome, Come in and Shop’ but perhaps that is a directive and the store has no name. 

The good news is that it is open 24 hours but please, you must be 21 and over. 

The best part? 

ATM inside.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where they are celebrating their 1 year blogaversary. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich and There is no Hair in Team .

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under fashion, humor, trends, women

Stocking Follow-up

What is that disgusting mess in my sink, you ask? Well, those my friends, are the uncool and untextured stockings that I wore yesterday.

Um, Amy? Did you perhaps crap in these stockings, you ask? (sorry, I can be so infantile sometimes).

No my friends, this is what happens when you hand wash a pair of Donna Karan pantyhose in cold water. Are you kidding me?! This is how an overpriced pair of $18 stockings wash? (I know Mom, you are appalled that I pay that price for a pair of pantyhose).

My mother reminded me yesterday how I used to rip a few pair of tights a week when I was a kid. She would say, “Oh Amy, those aren’t even paid for yet!” and I always feared she would be taken away by the cops because she had stolen my clothes. (not all that sharp on credit cards in those days). She also reminded me how I used to go back to the playground and look for the circle of the tights that had fallen out of the knee (again, had a little issue with space and form relationships in those early years too).

A few thoughts about the ripoff high-end Donna Karans. What? You thought I would not have commentary on this?

1. If I wear these in the rain will they double as self-tanners.

2. Worse, if it is a hot day and my legs sweat will there suddenly appear weird brown splotches beneath the surface? That could be embarrassing.

3. Should there not be a disclaimer on the package similar to For Leg Use Only?

Ok, enough airing of my dirty laundry, I am calling it a day!

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Filed under absurdities, fashion, humor, trends, women