Category Archives: humor

Time to Cry Tuesdays – Grieving is not for Sissies

sod

I know, quite a blog post title to resurface with, but hey, it’s Tuesday. What do you expect?

I like to find the humor in most situations. This grief thing is surely putting a damper on my style, but I work hard at trying to find a way to laugh when I can.

Today I have hit new heights. Amongst the odds and ends of things on my to-do list today, snuggled nicely between ‘call to have the sprinkler system serviced’ and ‘fax e-file forms back to the accountant’ sat this ominous listing:

Call the cemetery to inquire about the sod issue.

Really? The sod issue? Why should there be an issue about sod when we are talking about a grave. Should grass not be a given? Shouldn’t our lowest expectation of a cemetery be that they would lay some sod on a final resting place (Yes, I realize this sounds like a cemetery marketing piece) Apparently not, because they told my Dad that they only lay sod in the fall. So, I decided to call them myself and get to the bottom of this.

First call yielded a recording:

We are experiencing unusually high call volume at this time. Please try again later. (seriously!!!! People dying to get in today… ba dum bum)

Second try:

Me: I am calling about having sod put down on a grave for an unveiling* in June.

Her: I am sorry, we only lay sod in the fall. If we lay it in the spring and we have a hot day, it burns. And we care for it if we put it down.

Me: Were we told that last spring at the funeral (as if we would remember). Or did you send us a notice, like ‘hey, if you don’t want a dirt grave for your loved one you need to order sod in the fall’

Her: No, we don’t.

Me: Hmmm, you might want to consider putting that in your packet. Can we put down our own sod?

Her: Yes, but you will have to take care of it.

Me: Do you have a sprinkler system (yes, after I said that I realized it is probably unlikely and frowned upon to start digging in a cemetery, but I had a momentary loss of rational thought from this conversation)

Her: We do not. Your other option is that you can wait till the fall and we can rent you a grass matt for the unveiling for $10 a square…

with this I sort of lost my mind and said:

Me: Are you kidding me?! More fees! This is like a Larry David.

Her: Who is Larry David?

Me: OMG… Seinfeld? The Larry David Show? Ring a bell?

Her: Oh, never heard of him. Never watched it.

Me: That’s too bad. Ok, so basically you are telling me that my father, who is in his mid 80s, will have to lay sod himself on his wife’s grave so we don’t have to look at the same raw dirt that was there the day of the funeral. And if we want said sod to stay alive, we should drive there a couple of times a week from Long Island to New Jersey to water it. And this you do not find both horrifying and hysterical at the same time.

Her: Well, when you put it that way…

Me:  You should REALLY see if you can find re-runs of Larry David.

Yeh, grieving is not for sissies, indeed.

*Unveiling: Within the first year after the passing of a loved one, mourners and their family gather at the gravesite for a ceremony called the Unveiling, the placing of the tombstone. At this event, a grave marker is put into place and the monument is formally dedicated.

Source: shiva.com. (who knew there was such a url?)

9 Comments

Filed under humor, loss, religion, Time to Cry Tuesdays, Uncategorized

Cat Hairball Jewelry… file this under Ewwwww!

I kid you not on this one. Thanks to my fabulous friend Tony O, I now know about jewelry made from the fur that your cat sheds. Today he linked to this post on ecouterre. The long and short (hair) of it is that Kate Benjamin of Moderncat  felt the need to mark the celebration of National Hairball Awareness Day (who makes these awareness days up, anyway?) and commissioned the wildly talented jewelry designer and friend, Heidi Abramason to make her some pretty cool looking stuff from… you guessed it, her cat’s hairballs.

Ok… Ewwww.

In case you did not read this post, I wrote about someone who made jewelry out of human hair so I guess this is not so far-fetched. (how does this stuff find me?)

Wait, can we get back to National Hairball Awareness Day? Is there a reason we need to be made aware of hairballs? Are they not glaringly obvious to cat owners and who the hell cares to the rest of us?

And the cat in this picture? Anyone else getting a major heebie jeebie from this kitty?

Just a tip, don’t buy me this jewelry for Mother’s Day if you were running out to do so… very allergic to cats. Oh, and vile things too. Those I am highly allergic to.

But for all you cat people out there (and you know who you are)… Heidi takes commissions.

6 Comments

Filed under animals, humor, magnet for the absurd

Funniest Spam Comment Ever!

Sometimes the comments that get caught in my spam filter are the funniest thing in my day. This one surely does not disappoint. I am leaving the links so all you perverts out there can check them out. (yes, someone actually owns and operates – no pun intended – ‘penisenlargement.com . What a great snag that url was, huh?)

HELP! I’m currently being held prisoner by the Russian mafia xyzrxyz penis enlargement xyzrxyz and being forced to post spam comments on blogs and forum! If you don’t approve this they will kill me. xyzrxyz penis enlargementxyzrxyz They’re coming back now. xyzrxyz vimax xyzrxyz Please send help! nitip vimax

I feel kind of guilty that there is a chance this guy was killed by the Russian mafia because I did not approve his comment.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

add to del.icio.usAdd to Blinkslistadd to furlDigg itadd to ma.gnoliaStumble It!add to simpyseed the vineTailRankpost to facebook

2 Comments

Filed under absurdities, humor

This little lamb is ruining my life

When Jana was a little girl we fell in love with the video Shelly Duvall’s Rock ‘N Rhymeland. If you have little kids (and actually even if you don’t) this one is a must see. During the time when your kids are small you are subjected to watching the same videos over and over again until you want to stick a needle in your eye. A video like this is a breath of fresh air.

My husband was known to go into a rage over the ‘fat kid in the green sweater’ in the Wee Sing video, Grandpa’s Magical Toys. Seriously, this entire series was worthy of breaking the TV to avoid ever having to listen to those inane songs again.

But Rock ‘N Rhymeland was a breath of fresh air in the landscape of mind-numbing kid vids. We still quote it now and then with a look of nostalgia and fond memories of real humor infused in a film that helped keep these two parents from running from the room screaming like their brains were on fire.

One of our favorite scenes starred Cindy Lauper as Mary, and Woody Harrelson as her little lamb. Our favorite line of all times was from Cindy, “This little lamb is ruining my life.” At times when toddler Jana was wearing on our very last nerve we were known to quote her (with full brooklyn accent, of course). You can see the sequence here at about 4:11, it is really hysterical.

Fast forward about 18 years and Jana is interning in Battery Park City where none other than Woody Harrelson is shooting a film outside her building. She and the other interns loitered long enough outside the trailers to get to meet him. And he could not have been nicer. He chatted with her for a while and then gave her this autograph.

When she told me all I could ask was, “So? Did you tell him that you have always admired him for his role in Rock ‘N Rhymeland as the little Lamb and that you are pretty sure that video saved your parents from going mad.”

Her answer? “Haha, no m-o-o-o-m!”

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

add to del.icio.usAdd to Blinkslistadd to furlDigg itadd to ma.gnoliaStumble It!add to simpyseed the vineTailRankpost to facebook

Leave a comment

Filed under humor, Jana, movies, rock 'n roll

You never know what you’ll find in your dishwasher

Certainly when your college kid is living home for the summer.

Tucked in snugly between the cereal bowls and the water glasses on the top rack of my dishwasher, this jewish mother found…

the ever popular I heart Jesus shot glass. Thinking that it most likely did not belong to my husband, who not only does not drink but I am pretty sure does not heart Jesus either.

So I texted my sweet daughter:

Ummmmm…. I heart Jesus?!!!

And of course the answer was:

hahahaha. I will be home soon.

It appears this was a ‘gift’ from a friend. No disrespect to my Christian friends here, I think that there was simply something very funny about giving this to an obviously Jewish girl.

I am thinking of getting her an I heart Buddha shot glass for Hannukah, what do you think?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

add to del.icio.usAdd to Blinkslistadd to furlDigg itadd to ma.gnoliaStumble It!add to simpyseed the vineTailRankpost to facebook

2 Comments

Filed under absurdities, college, conversations, humor, Jana

Mother Daughter IM

Sometimes the only communication I have with my kids is virtual. It’s ok; any connection is fine by me and sometimes you can simply jump into each other’s day and ease the pain a little. The following is part of a chat with my daughter who, as part of her internship duties, had to be the receptionist for two days in a row. This came in at about 4:45 PM just as most of the office was getting ready to vamoose. (note we both have our dog as our icons… scary) I am in the blue in case you could not guess.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

add to del.icio.usAdd to Blinkslistadd to furlDigg itadd to ma.gnoliaStumble It!add to simpyseed the vineTailRankpost to facebook

7 Comments

Filed under conversations, humor, Jana, social media

Cracking of the Rock of Gibralter – Part 2

Like This!

Or: This chick surely does not have her sh*t together anymore!

Back in December of 2008 I wrote this post about the gradual – or not so gradual – deterioration of my ability to keep things together the way I used to. When the kids were young I could juggle a toddler, a baby, a job, a puppy, a husband in the ICU and still hold down a full time job.

Now? Lucky if I remember to feed any of them. Hey they are old enough to fend for themselves. Ok, maybe the dog has an issue with the can opener, but she could live off the begging she does just fine.

Today I bring you the top ten list of why I simply cannot consider myself superwoman anymore. And to let you know that I am fully liberated from giving a crap about it.

10. No milk for the coffee and cereal (for more than one day)

9. No lunch reservation for graduation day (next friday)

8. No corsage ordered for Danny’s prom date (again, next friday)

7. Danny’s suit for this Saturday night’s fundraiser is not altered (masking tape anyone)

6. Cannot find the receipt for Danny’s prom tuxedo (See a Danny pattern here? Hey, he needs to start taking care of himself, he is going to college)

5. Have not written a blog post since Tuesday (please tell me you guys noticed)

4. Picked up the materials for a presentation hours before I was giving it (usually had this done at least a day in advance in the past)

3. Have lost my blackberry, shoes, wallet, glasses,  ______ fill in the blank, at least once a day (hopeless)

2. Have not filed the last 2 month’s worth of paperwork (office is an embarrassment)

And the Number One reason I am convinced I am no longer even a shadow of the woman I used to be:

1. Camp trunks go out tomorrow and they are still in the attic at 2PM

Ok, but here is the thing. Eventually I went to Dairy Barn and got milk. No one in the house is starving to death, certainly not the dog. If I don’t blog for a few days, only my stats suffer.  Danny is 17 and does not care how well his suit fits, is fully aware that we will order the corsage today, and knows that even without the receipt I will find a way to get that tuxedo. (I still have skills, for G-d sakes!) The presentation went fine, I find and re-lose all items daily like the tides. Papers were meant to left in piles, and most important, those trunks will get packed in the same 1 hour window whether we do it over 2 weeks or one night at 10PM.

Lesson learned: it all get’s done anyway. Lighten up.

Superwoman is sorely over-rated!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

add to del.icio.usAdd to Blinkslistadd to furlDigg itadd to ma.gnoliaStumble It!add to simpyseed the vineTailRankpost to facebook

5 Comments

Filed under blogging, danny, family, humor, moms