Monthly Archives: December 2012

Cat Butt Gum


Is it really necessary for me to write about this? Was the snapping of the shot not enough commentary?

I will leave but one comment here:

Is anyone else disturbed by the level of detail in the rendering of the feline anus on this package?

Yeh, I thought so.



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Filed under absurdities, animals, products

Time to Cry Tuesday – ER, ER, Ow!


Did this translate. You know, like EI EI OH. Ok, sort of weak. Cut me some slack, that was ME in the ER for 21 friggin’ hours last week.

Ok, a blanket I am so very sorry to everyone I did not call and tell this personally to. Again, a little slack for the woman who spent all that time in the theatre of the absurd. You know, the one with the black and blue arms from the 2 IVs and 3 blood draws.

The short story is that my usually managed high blood pressure decided to fall off that wagon and wreak havoc with my system. I was addressing it outpatient with docs but around 8PM on Thursday I was deemed unfit for my own bed and sent off to the ER with chest pains and a blazing headache.

Yes, I thought I was perhaps stroking out or having a heart attack.

No, I did not.

Yes, I was scared to death but kept my cool. (poor choice of words) I do not admit that often (refer back to high blood pressure and lack of losing it).

Keep in mind I live 5 minutes from a premiere heart hospital. My doc is the head of cardiology there. I had all the confidence in the world that I would get the best of care.

Perhaps in an alternate universe.

You see I suffered the misfortune of not only showing up the first week the new ER opened, but 5 days after they instituted their brand new computer system. The place was a sea of purple scrubs… designated tech help. Every task came with it a learning curve that made each thing take 10x longer to complete. This clusterfuck of a night left me waiting in the ER waiting room for 4 HOURS! With another hour and half after I got in to see a doc.

Did I mention the migraine headache and chest pains?

Yeh, ridiculous. Think of this as the healthcare version of the Magnet for the Absurd.

Favorite lines of the evening:

ER Doc: Mrs. Levinson we take chest pain very seriously.

Me: Really? Does 4 hours in the waiting room and 1.5 hours before you got to my bed constitute serious? (Just a tip, in ER time I will be there in 10 minutes means 1 hour.)

Nurse: Sorry, we are delayed on your cardiac CT because we need to run a pregnancy test.

Me: Really? Does that fancy computer not get the correlation between a hysterectomy and the inability to be pregnant?

X-Ray Tech: Is there any chance you could be pregnant?

Me: Does nobody read the patient charts?

CT Tech: Ok, let’s see, no diabetes, no cancer, no depression, lost your uterus in a card game…

Me: Finally someone who reads the chart AND has a sense of humor. (He was the highlight of the experience)

It goes on an on. the CT staff telling me I must drink 8 glasses of water to clear the dye while the nurse instructs me no food or drink till the results are back. I get that. How about the massive headache that grew all day because…

that’s right, no food or drink till the results came back.

The entire experience was a comedy of errors. Right down to the hour and half it took after I was released for them to figure out how to get the computer to release me.

Visualize Gary with one of the tech people telling him he could not leave my nurse’s station until he saw a paper print out with my name on it.

The exact reasons I did not want to go to the ER were realized…

Times 10.

Anyone else want to share a good ER tale?


Filed under absurdities, health, magnet for the absurd

Floss over Fifty


Floss for people over 50?! Really?! Please tell me who thought this was a good idea. Marketing a product that specifically targets an age group sitting snugly on the tail end of the baby boomers. You know us. We hardly see ourselves as grow ups, let alone ones with aging gums. What is the likelihood that you will find us buying old people’s floss? Pro health “for life”. You know, because dead people don’t floss all that much.

If my Facebook page is any kind of focus group, I am thinking this one is not going to be a big seller. Here are some comments after I posted this picture and mentioned I would be writing a blog post about it:

I won’t be able to read the blog. I will be experiencing dental conditions because I don’t have this floss.

This floss is for dentures!

As opposed to floss for death? Who flosses in heaven? Doesn’t heaven mean no cavities?

is the font bigger so we can read the label without our glasses?

And an all-time fave:

Maybe it’s dipped in laxatives, vitamins and anti depressants.

Followed by

They should just dip it in wine!

Still surprised that Dr. Jimmy has not weighed in.

Is it bad to admit that I saw this while picking up my blood pressure meds?

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Filed under carry a camera, humor, marketing, products

Fun With International Symbols


I work long hours. My office is in the basement and every once in awhile you can find me laughing out loud down here. You know my motto, it is always good to find little things to amuse yourself.

Last night I was doing an image search for an infographic project and I needed to weed through pages of stock icon art. I almost passed this one by, but (no pun intended) the yellow struck me and I stopped. Then I tilted my head a bit and took another look. Was this what I thought it was? Um… yeh. The search term field had it spelled out loud and clear:

Rectal exam.

International symbol for rectal exam?! Well, I suppose this would come in handy in a foreign country. You know, when you are having some intestinal distress and taking over the counter meds doesn’t make as much sense as having a friggin’ rectal by someone who does not speak your language. Would this be off the street signage? Exactly where would we find this symbol?

I also came across this series:



Not sure why mom/baby, wheel chair guy and trash man find their way to same page as pee boy and squatting pee boy (what the hell is that?) BTW, I believe the little squatter is wearing a shirt and no pants… wrong on all sorts of level. I love the legs up on the toilet guy. That would come in handy when illustrating a piece about perverts that hide in ladies rooms. Or my fave – the kneeling pucker, AKA the international symbol for  college freshman.

Anyone want to take a crack at the one next to pukey boy? Does that illustrate the pain one feels when trying to flush one’s foot down the toilet?

OK, I admit it. Sometimes my job is more fun than recreation. Sometimes my job IS recreation.

And seriously, who can pass up a little bathroom humor.

Thanks istockphoto, for an entertaining evening.


Filed under absurdities, design, humor, men, men and women, work

Time to Cry Tuesday – The Beach

Yes, I am back. And after quite a long break I have decided to blog regularly again. I am not quite sure why I stopped, probably a little burnout and a lot busy. But I missed it, and hopefully you did too.


Here goes. Funny that I chose to come back on a Tuesday…

The beach. If you know me, my definition is not that place you go in the summer or on vacation. Sure, those are nice, but the beach is part of my soul. For my kind, off season beach is as enchanting as on.

As you know, Sandy beat the crap out of a lot of places in the Northeast.  The greatest victims were the beach communities. And with that she took a piece of many of us that is hard to reconcile.

Long Beach, NY. City by the Sea. To me, this is not just a town by the ocean. It is that part of me that threads itself through the fabric of my life. A constant.

It is 3 little sunburnt girl cousins in an outdoor shower of their Nana’s house, giggling and screaming after a long day in the sand and surf. It is those same little girls running barefoot to the stores ‘Around the Corner’ to buy candy, feeling the freedom that only a small beach town can offer a child. It is the entire extended family spending weekends together. It is the teenager who hitch-hiked to the beach in the off season with her friends, not because she did not have bus money, but because it was part of the adventure. It is under the boardwalk and all the experiments and rights of passage that happen in that magical space that are better left untold. It is new loves and old ones. It is my first summer as a mom, dragging that stroller and nursing that little baby non-stop under the shade of a beach towel. It’s a little boy on a skim board till it is almost dark. It is beach club cabanas and showered kids falling sleep on the car ride home. It is the boardwalk – that poor ravaged soul – where we took our 3 generation stroll every Friday after Thanksgiving for the past 25 years. And long walks on that same boardwalk to think something through or just calm down and BE.

It is where my family always goes to feel better. No matter what ails you, a little salt air and sea breeze is the best cure.

It is the place that never fails me when I am suffering. That great majestic soother.

So many have lost so much there, it is heartbreaking to comprehend. And it seems more than a little self-indulgent to speak of this type of loss in the shadow of shattered lives.

But anyone who grew up in those parts – or any beach community – will nod their heads and indulge me these thoughts. For you will understand that sometimes a place is more a part of you than you ever realized.

Let the rebuilding began.


Filed under Time to Cry Tuesdays