Monthly Archives: September 2010

Spaghetti Muffins?

No joke, I took this picture at the store located conveniently at the end of our block, Uncle Giuseppe’s Marketplace. Go ahead, click that link and listen to the music on that site. Believe it or not, every time I shop there I am subjected to that! What happened to Beatles Muzak?

Back to the spaghetti muffins, at the economical price of 3.99 each. So what are these? Main course? Side dish? Hockey puck? What do you think the binding agent in these suckers are? And just for kicks, how many points on Weight Watchers? (does WW still use points?)

So, my friends, I showed this picture to Gary who told me they are just called spaghetti muffins, that is not really spaghetti in them? REALLY, hon? What would that be then, twine?

Not going to lie, I was in there again tonight picking up some ingredients and was really tempted to buy him one of these.

Anyone in PW try them yet? Please do tell!


Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, food, gary, humor

Time to Cry Tuesday – philosophy(.com)

philosphy. Ok this product line had me at hello. Or should I say they had me at birthday girl. Here is a line of cosmetics that has ME written all over it. A lover of fine design and deep thoughts with a side of nostalgia and well… Philosphy; I am slain by this company.

Forget about the fact that the actual products are fabulous, the positioning of this brand has sold me even if it was dreck (which it is most certainly not) Their product names are all in lowercase (if you have ever received a social email from you that is how I write)

If I were asked to come up with a product line this would have been it. So needless to say I am a little bummed that I did not. Every item is named thoughtfully with a little story to tell and a lesson to learn:

amazing grace: “life is a classroom. we are both student and teacher. each day is a test…”

soul owner: “let’s review your only true assets. you own your values, your integrity, your thoughts, your words, your actions and therefore your destiny…”

Hey, these are some pretty heady thoughts for a shower gel and an exfoliating foot cream.

A big thank you to Dr. Judy for buying me this gift. I will leave you with what is written on the outside of the birthday girl kit; something i read at my birthday dinner and choked us all up a bit. Hey, you know how a table of menopausal women can get.

“philosophy: be grateful to have been given one more day, let alone one more year. remember to dance in your nightgown, sing in the shower, ride a bike, fly a kite and take an occasional “wind bath” in your bare skin. give those you love big kisses, huge hugs, and the words “i love you” often and always. nurture your body rather than starve your soul with fad dieting (this one was my fave!) spend time with the old and the weary to better appreciate your life. on your birthday, call your mother and father wherever they are to thank them for all that they have done for you, even if you think they haven’t done enough. watch the movie “life is beautiful” at least once a year. remember that you are not guaranteed tomorrow and that today is as good as it gets. thank G-d for every “thing,” every “day,” every moment.”™

Of course the ™ at the end did ruin it a bit, but hey, you have to protect the intellectual property.

So, to the makers of philosophy, you rock. And get yourself on OpenSky soon, you are a perfect fit.


Filed under companies, holidays, product reviews, products, Time to Cry Tuesdays

From Cremation to Abscess

There is something about those old Seinfeld episodes, or more recently Curb Your Enthusiasm or even Arrested Development; you wonder how the writers think up those crazy story lines.

Honestly, I would imagine almost all of them are based, at least loosely, on the writers’ own family archives. My family is no different.

Tonight I was lucky to have dinner with my aunt and uncle who are in town from Florida. Through the years we have always laughed at the stories that come up at our family dinner tables. It never fails that there will be a story about death… we are Jews after all. If not someone recently dying there is the perpetual care at the cemetery to complain about (what the hell is perpetual care, anyway?).

Tonight did not disappoint. The evening opened with a bizarre story about a deceased overweight family member and the amount of ashes his cremation produced (I know, ew!) and ended somewhere around a story surrounding an abscess of someone I am pretty sure I don’t know.

The poor waitress was torn between staring at the accident of our conversation and wanting to run away as quickly as she could in between courses.

I for one, was little disappointed that we did not have time to cover the bodily functions topics that usually end the meal. This was in respect to my aunt who requested that we not go there with the remnants of the chocolate dessert melting on the table.

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Filed under absurdities, family, health, humor

Cotton Sperm

As I was going to walk the dogs this morning i spotted this on the garage floor. I could not help but think, ‘hey, there is a cotton sperm’. This could be because I have spent the last few weeks working on a fertility project for work. Or I am just predisposed to seeing sperm in things…

Gary argues at first glance this is either a dead mouse or a tampon. So, since it has been a while, I thought it was time for a friendly poll. Please weigh in.

And remember to pay attention to the details of you your day. The ones that you would normally pass by make for interesting conversation (or grounds to have you committed at a later date).


Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, polls

Grateful Debt

Jerry Garcia AP photo

Jerry Garcia’s last home is up for sale at the cool price of $4 mil.

Ok so, I know I have 2 kids in college but I really want this house.

There was a facebook suggestion that we could turn this into the Touch of Grey Timeshare. (cool idea, Rina).

The previous owner sold many of the fixtures, including the toilet, to raise funds for charity. So if you were considering purchasing this place, keep in mind you will not be using the original American(Beauty) Standard crapper that Jerry did.

Dr. Jimmy? Chez Cortez West?


Filed under dr. jimmy, music

Everybody Loves a Good Fart Whistle

Hell yeh, let’s Party like crazy with some fart whistles! What could be better?

No, this is not a mock pack of something I dreamed up inside my sordid little mind. These suckers are right off the shelf of the party section at Target. I only regret I did not buy a case of these. Seriously, can you think of a party where these would not be a big hit?

I believe they are simply the fart part of the the whoopie cushion without the pillow part.

But please parents, no matter how tempting, do not buy these for kids under 5, there is a choking hazard warning. I am not sure if they would actually choke or simply fart uncontrollably from their mouths as they are tubular and allow the air to pass through. Perhaps it would more correctly be a die of embarrassment hazard.

In case you are wondering why I bought them, other than the obvious need to blog about this little morsel of MFTA…

They were part of my son’s 18 birthday presents. I will have to ask him how they worked out in the dorm. (hopefully not in library).


Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, products

If I was a biker chick…

… I would definitely wear this sweatshirt. I was so excited when I saw this. Not only did it sport the A2Z that I use in my email, but the flame graphic is almost identical to a really poorly rendered embroidery I did in high school.(yes I did embroidery in HS, that was back when I could friggin’ see well enough to thread a needle).

There I was at a rest stop with an eery sense of connection to this woman with the really poorly dyed hair and sort of scary doo-rag wearing boyfriend. That sweatshirt was so damn familiar I had to risk pissing off the bikers to take this shot.

Luckily, i did not.


Filed under carry a camera, humor, travel

Time to Cry Tuesday – The Old Sunday

This was the first weekend that we were able to settle in since the kids have left.

Let me tell you a little something about Sunday. It was like the old Sundays. You know the ones: stay in bed late, watch a favorite movie, read the whole Sunday Times, go for a long walk… have brunch!

And this is what we did not do: clean the garage, food shop, shuttle anyone any where, go to a soccer game in the heat/cold/pouring rain at some ungodly hour (this one I actually did miss), laundry… or just about anything domestic.

It would seem, my friends, that although I do miss my kids a ton, I am thinking that for 21 years I have been missing Sunday.

And now she is back!


Filed under Uncategorized


There is nothing like the wonder of a 5th birthday party when the birthday boy gets to open his presents after the festivities. What I would not give to know what gift prompted that perfect little thrilled face on my boy. And the equally impressed face of my other little boy to his left. Of course, his sister – the Boss, was on hand to make sure he opened his gifts correctly.

Fast forward 15 years that flew by so quickly I am suffering from a little mommy whiplash today just thinking about it. And there is my boy, firmly planted in his new college life, most probably still fast asleep right now.

But waiting for him in the package room in the dorm would be the ever famous box of…

you guessed it: 18 presents. This idea came from my friend Karen and I copied her for Jana’s 21st. Of course sending it to Spain cost more than the contents but it was surely worth it.

So, to my 18 year old ‘baby’, may this day and your new life be as filled with wonder and excitement as your 5-year-old face in the picture above. And know that no matter how old you get, you will always be a little bit of that bowl hair cut sporting, basketball jersey and t-shirt wearing, lego building little guy in this mom’s heart.

Happy Birthday Danny Boy. Be all you can be and…

be careful.

Love you, man!


Filed under advice to my son, college, danny, moms

Menopause or Malaria?

Ok, here’s the thing. As my 50th year draws to a close I had this expectation that the night sweats would take a hike with the Big 5-0. But the other night I woke up pretty sure that I was suffering from some rare disease spawning the fever from hell.

Me: I think I might have Malaria.

Gary: Pretty sure you don’t.

Me: West Nile Virus?

Gary: Nope.

What the hell does he know. I thought of going to the doctor. Imagine this conversation if I did go:

Me: I think I have Malaria.

Doc: Really? Have you traveled lately?

Me: Madison, WI

Doc: I meant someplace more third-world or jungle-like. Someplace exotic.

Me: Have you ever been to Madison, it is pretty exotic.

Figuring that if I did go and we had a this conversation, now would be about the time he would throw me the hell out of his office.

So I suppose I probably don’t have Malaria. Or the sinus infection I was sure was brewing. And the fire-starter hot flashes that start in the small of my back and spread through me like a Colorado wildfire are just something I am going to have to live with just a little bit longer.

Either that or maybe I can find someone that I can convince of my Malaria status.

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Filed under absurdities, conversations, humor