Monthly Archives: December 2011

The Bitch is Back

Once again, I stumble upon the absurd. This time I had my girls with me – Jana and Natasha. They pointed her out and we could not believe our luck. Sitting innocently in the brand new 16 Handles in town, enjoying a little froyo delight, this woman comes walking in with 3 middle school boys. To be perfectly honest, we were first distracted by her definitely, but not intentionally, dyed magenta hair – this was a redhead gone bad situation. Then we were aghast at the size of the frozen yogurt with many toppings that she had chosen. I am not sure I could eat that much on a dare.

As she was perusing the extensive toppings bar the girls saw it; that unbelievable embroidered declaration on her left arm : The Bitch is Back.

Now let’s think about this. As always, I wonder who designs these things in hopes that someone will buy them. Then I want to know, did she buy this for herself as a warning to her spouse/family or was this a holiday gift from her husband who was merely stating the obvious? Yet this chick wore it proudly. And on a pink hoodie, no less.

Insult to injury.

I am guessing by the varied clientele moving through this 16 Handles I am going to spend some serious time there with a camera. And yes, my friends, this one gets the MFTA approval – the last one of 2011.

Looking forward to another year of bringing you the most ridiculous things that life has to offer. May you all be safe tonight and remember, if the bitch is back, wear it.

4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, Jana

New Puppy Joy

Nothing like a daughter on twitter who has funny friends, that’s what I always say.

Yeh, the time has come for sweet little Iko to be put in her adorable puppy place. It’s one thing when she bites the ass of a family member, but the poor housekeeper… I don’t think so!

The shedevil is tons of fun and we are loving (almost) every minute of her, but the ass biting… not so much. As I said to her the other day, “No one bites MY ass without permission, kiddo.” TMI?

So, she learned to sit at 9 weeks, is closing in on giving paw and has been housebroken since we brought her home except for the occasional excited peeing for Jana’s boyfriend. But the nipping needs to be nipped, so let the games begin.

Seriously, though, how could you be mad at this face?

6 Comments

Filed under animals, humor, Iko, Jana, pets, twitter

Time to Cry Tuesday – 1,000th Post

1,000. This is my 1,000th post. That’s just crazy. I don’t believe there are many things I could point to in my life that I can say I have done 1,000 of. I love that this falls right before the new year; what a perfect time to be reflective.

Perhaps as a mom, 1,000 sleepless hours from infancy through young adulthood. Or maybe as a graphic designer, 1,000 corrections made to jobs that were once titled ‘final’. Or maybe the amount of times Gary told me I better write my 1,000th post about him (does this count?)

Reaching this milestone makes me look back at how blogging has changed my life. It has helped me learn the social media space from the inside out. It has helped me to always make sure I see the humor in every day (except Tuesday) and share it. It has enhanced my delight with witnessing amusing things in daily life and making sure to photograph as many as possible.

But most of all it is the people I have met, and the ones that I already knew who keep reading, sending me their stories and absurdity alerts that make me realize what a fortunate time we live in; where one sarcastic, sort of off beat, magnet for the absurd woman can connect with like-minded people and feel as if she has come home.

Thank you all for reading. Here’s to the next 1,000.

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, Time to Cry Tuesdays

The Eggnog Woman

Dairy Barn. I am pretty sure they are only in the Northeast. They may only be on Long Island, actually. But they are by far the best retail invention of my lifetime. Ok, maybe the Apple Store is better, but in a much different way.

You see, ever since I was a kid, the Dairy Barn was the stop on your way home, go out in your pajamas and slippers, get stuff way into the night, how could I live without this place store. They never updated their look and for that reason the sight of them still carries that comfort of being the little kid in the back seat hoping for Entenmann’s chocolate donuts when mom picked up that last minute gallon of milk. When we learned to drive, my brother and I loved to be able to drive through the Dairy Barn and be the one to say.”out of $5.00″ when they told us the purchase was $4.55. And when my kids were little, I would buy whatever they had at Dairy Barn before I would take a sleeping kid out of the back of the car to go to the supermarket.

All in all, until today, the Dairy Barn has been a constant in my life that I have failed to pay homage to. Seriously, I friggin’ LOVE this place.

Yesterday morning, in my pajamas and slippers thank you very much, I ran out to get some whole milk for a recipe. (I know, cute domestic peek of me that I don’t usually reveal). And there behind the kitschy sliding glass doors of the place was none other than…

The Eggnog Woman.

Who, you might ask, is The Eggnog Woman (note initial caps). She is a rather large individual of questionable sexual designation. There were times when the kids were little when we were convinced she was actually a guy. And she seems to only be semi-seasonal. I NEVER see her in the summer, but she does seem to hang around till the spring sometimes. AND, we sometimes see her at Dairy Barns in other zip codes (Gary thinks she is a floater from Dairy Barn corporate).

So the thing about her is, she seems to take the egg nog and its availability only during the holidays, very seriously. To the point that my neighbor Janet became obsessed with asking for it when it was out of season.

Just for the laugh.

And it sort of caught on when the kids were little. So yesterday, I just had to call Janet to tell that The Eggnog Woman was back and wish her a Merry Christmas. She was so excited that she was going to jump in the car just to see her.

There was something so nostalgic about connecting with an old friend over a silly thing that entertained us. I certainly would not have thought to call her for the holiday had that not happened. If you are thinking this was all at the expense of The Eggnog Woman, please don’t. She is truly an icon.

Happy and Merry to all.

9 Comments

Filed under holidays, places of interest, shopping

Mall Fail

Ahhh… the zebra head hoodie; no wardrobe is complete without one.

What the hell? Who is responsible for this design? And who approved it? And who, on this planet would find themselves needing to own this?

Where do you wear such a thing? Trip to the zoo? East Village? Zebratown? (that’s a neighborhood, isn’t it?)

I know, way too many questions. (great, now someone is definitely going to buy me one of these as a gag gift, right?)

7 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, fashion

Time to Cry Tuesday – Be Here Now

I might have written about this before, but you can never hear it too much. This time of year it is especially hard to stay in the moment. We are rushing from celebration to celebration, work is piling up, everyone is trying to pass things off to the next desk (tag you’re it) and we become generally hassled trying to ‘enjoy the season’.

Ridiculous.

In my real life I wear many hats. (actually, I rarely wear hats, I have a freakishly small head) One of my jobs is blog editor for a brand blog. It is one of the projects I am most proud of. I have 5 fabulous women writing for us each week on varied topics. Yesterday’s blog was written by Kim Ross, who also blogs at A Little Bit of the This and That. Kim is an amazing mom who has been able to strike a balance in her life and I feel honored to work with her. Today she wrote this post about enjoying the holidays. Go ahead and read it, I will wait.

Sweet right?

I had just finished reading her post when I came upstairs and found Jana with Iko on her lap. She said, “don’t you wish she could stay this little longer?” As she said that I could not help but remember feeling the same way about her when she was a baby. Seems like yesterday and 100 years ago at the same time.

I told her this,”Remember this feeling. Look at that puppy and never forget this moment of savoring her puppyhood. Look back on what this feels like with the puppy when you have a baby. Don’t rush its life away longing for all the things you can’t wait for it to do; smile, sit up, hold its bottle, crawl, walk. It all happens so fast and then all of the sudden you have a toddler and your baby is gone.”

The whole idea is to enjoy it all.

From my house to all of yours, I wish you a very happy holiday and the ability to sit back and savor the moments. Every one of them.

 

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Filed under family, holidays, Iko, Jana, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Dog High Chairs

I have written – with disgust–about kids on leashes and dogs in strollers. The former spawned a call from Dr. Phil to try to get me to come on the show and duke it out with the leash supporting moms of America.

I am always astonished at the lack of separation out there between parenting kids and owning pets. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my pets. Losing Mel was one of the hardest things in my life, and now having Iko and nurturing a young puppy is a whole new set of emotions. But I never once confused them for my kids. Or felt I was parenting them. Not to say putting my toddlers in a crate to discipline them wouldn’t have come in handy, but a dog is a dog. A kid is a kid. And the idea of taking the methods used in raising one and projecting it on the other is concerning.

Enter the clip-on dog high chair. I believe when my kids were little we used to call these Sassy Seats (stupid name!). Now, in my home, we spend an enormous amount of time getting our dogs NOT to eat at the table. No begging. No jumping. Certainly no taking the food off the table or the counters. That would be specifically because…

THEY ARE DOGS!

But it seems that the makers or buyers of this ridiculous item don’t agree with the theory that dogs belong on the floor when they eat. Again, because…

THEY ARE DOGS!

Note there are more than one of these on the market indicating there is demand or people are trying to create one. Crazy stuff. And if you ask me all these dogs look a little out of their minds and certainly over-indulged.

The last one is really scary. Is she eating flan with a straw and a paw candle with a side of bisc(uit)otti?

My favorite search result is the April Fools video from Ikea. I just love this guy:

So, show of hands. Are you comfortable with your dog at the table. (warning: those who say yes, we will not be eating together any time soon)

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Filed under absurdities, animals, humor, Iko, mel, pets