Monthly Archives: February 2009

She bit her tongue?

bite_tongue_bird

Conversation with my mom tonight:

Mom: I spoke with so-and-so today.

Me: That’s nice, you haven’t heard from her in awhile.

Mom: No, we have been talking a lot lately. She is a bit lonely. She doesn’t have many friends her age anymore that she can talk to.

Me: She NEVER had any friends, of any age.

Dad: (in the background) She NEVER had any friends. (Dad and I think alike, we are both evil to my mom’s sweetness)

Mom: Behave, the both of you. It was a nice conversation. She bit her tongue.

Me: Really? I am so surprised, she was never one to not say what was on her mind.

Mom: No, she actually BIT HER TONGUE. It was bleeding and everything!

You can’t make this stuff up!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, conversations, humor, relationships

The Daystretcher

Stretching Time.When I was little my grandfather had all of these great little sayings that we took for granted. Now that it has been many years since he died, 20 actually, I often think of his quotes and smile at how right on he was.

My favorite of these was, ‘I think you might need a daystretcher’. A man who was never idle, even in is older years, he knew the true meaning of never having enough time in a day. It was not uncommon to stop by his house and find him on a ladder cleaning the gutters… in his 70s!

I shared ‘daystretcher’ with someone today and realized how perfect it was. Thought it was a good follow up to Technojanitor.

Another favorite from Pop: “How much did you pay for that $5 shirt?”

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Technojanitor

Danny: I can’t find my driver’s ed contract.

Me: I will have the office fax me a new one.

Danny: What would I do if you were technically challenged?

Me: You won’t ever have to worry about that (and faxing would be more admin than tech)

Danny: The printer is not working.

Me: The chord probably  loose. Here you go.

Danny: Thanks mom.

Jana: (long distance) Mom! The track ball on my blackberry is broken.

Me: Yeh, that happens to me sometimes, just jiggle it around a bit and it should work.

Jana: No it’s really broken

Me: Then bring it in to Verizon.

Jana: Ughhhh! 

two minutes later by Blackberry Messenger

Jana: It’s fixed!

Me: Must have been my voice on the phone.

Add technojanitor to this mom’s job description.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under danny, Jana, moms

Jesus Toast Tattoo

toast_tatoo

No I did not make this up. Another famous product from my travels. Should have been in the same aisle as the Believe in God Instantly Breath Spray but it was not. Unfortunate missed opportunity in merchandising in my opinion.

Imagine this one at the breakfast table:

Morning honey, do you want butter or jam on your Jesus?

I am not sure what makes people come up with products like this. Do you think it disrespectful, evangelical or kinda cool. It’s polling time folks. For those on email, jump over to the blog online and cast your vote. For all you non commenting lurkers out there (which would be most of you) don’t worry, the voting is anonymous. This is between you and your maker, k?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, humor

Time to Cry Tuesday – Sitting Shiksa

sitting-shiksa2No, there is not a typo in that headline. Keep reading and you will see what I mean.

This past week one of my dearest friends – my wife of sorts –  lost her dad. She and I are known somewhat as the Lucy and Ethel of our community. Our antics are legendary (in our minds, anyway). The following is an adaptation of an email that I sent to our friends:

After a long period of compromised health, my friend’s dad cried uncle and died peacefully. Unfortunately, she was away on vacation with her daughter and had to return quickly to make arrangements. As you can imagine this has been a very difficult time for her. But I am happy to report her sense of humor and love of life is fully intact. Read on.

She will be going to Arizona for a first memorial service on Sunday and then to Boston on March 3rd where she and her brother will have his ashes buried next to her mom, hopefully in an ‘uneventful’ ceremony. Not a chance! (note: as with all families there is the predicted drama that is hard to avoid)

As her life is here in NY now, we know that there are many that want to pay their respects to her since she is always there for everyone else. Only our dear friend, in her grief, could call me this morning with this novel and frankly hysterical request. Let me share our conversation:

Friend: Hi, it’s me again. I decided you are right and I need to do something here.

Me: That’s great, what did you have in mind?

Friend: I think I would like to ‘Sit Shiksa’!

Me: That could be the funniest thing I have ever heard.

Friend: Oh and tell people to forget the boxes of cake, bring wine and have a drink with me to celebrate my dad’s life.

For those who are not ‘of the tribe’, when someone dies in the Jewish religion we sit Shiva. Shiva meaning ‘seven’ in Hebrew, we receive guests in our home to pay their respects for 7(ish) days. (it’s complicated)

Figuring that 7 days of guests would surely put her husband in a psych unit, sitting Shiksa will be an afternoon ordeal. Shiksa, on the other hand, means ‘woman who is not a Jew’. Of course we all know that our friend is a Jew by association by now as she has been to more Bar Mitzvot and Shiva calls than most Jews by birth.

Please join their family, not to mourn, but celebrate the life of the man who fathered our dear friend. One hell of a guy and a man who always loved a good party. He will surely be there with us.

If you have friends of mixed marriages, or live in a diverse community, pass this on. There are few that hear it who cannot relate.

Here is to my dear friend, who can truly make lemonade out of ANY situation in life. And who always keeps me laughing, even through her tears. When she married our dear friend, she married us too. And she has been a hell of a good sport about it for the past 20 years. We love you babe. May your grieving be cathartic and know we will love you forever.

Sitting on my desk is a framed piece you gave me years ago:

Friends are the family you choose.

I choose you!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under communities, friendship, relationships, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Mambo Movers

mambomovers1

Every once in awhile I will post about something amusing that I see on the road. Let us not forget the ever famous We are #1 at picking up #2 Call-Ahead billboard post that landed me my most famous link in the ‘press’ section of their website. Another validating reason in my continuing effort to ALWAYS carry a camera. That has extended to video as well now that I have a Flip. Note to self: post more video.

Fasten your seatbelts, kiddies, I am about to take you on a wild tangent this fine day!

Today’s installment of what-the-hell-is-going-inside-this-crowded-noisy-little head-of-mine brings you Mambo Movers. I fell in love with the name – who would not like to take the drudgery out of a move by doing a little mambo on the stairs? I hopped over to their site to check them out and they have a ‘manifesto’. OMG, who does not love a mover with a manifesto? Check this out, here is a little bit about them:

MAMBO WORLD IS A STYLE OF LIFE.
The staff is hand-picked from the music and art scene of Philadelphia according to their philosophy of life and fitness to be a part of that unique Mambo World. They are friends and work together for many years. The 
Mambo Guys are musicians and artists, actors and philosophers – everything but the traditional image of the surly caveman mover. 

OMG, this not only makes me want to move right now, I just want to hang out with these guys. Jeez, a mover’s groupie, my parents would be so proud! (Dear Gary, I love you but I am think I found what I want to be when I grow up. I am moving to Philly to pursue my dream of working for Mambo Movers.)

It gets better, read this blurb from their ‘Patriarch’ Todd:

A friend once described Mambo as the place where ‘The Banana Splits’ meets ‘Quest For Fire’and while I’m not exactly sure what he meant, the vision pleased me. We would certainly make a good sitcom!

Todd, I think I am in falling in love with you!

For those who are to young (or old) to remember the Banana Splits please be assured I lived and died for that show when I was 7. Come to think of it, that show was way trippy!

I also simply love, love, love their logo. Hey, if you guys can stuff a rhino in a truck, you can move my crap anyday! So let me give a little link love to the designer of that logo, who seems to be a painter by trade, Alex Kanevsky. Beautiful work, Alex. And I am not saying that as just any lunatic driving down  95S on a sunny day in February, I am actually a designer myself.

Yes, kids, a road trip with me is a never a dull moment. If you were my poor spouse you would regularly hear things like, ” Wait slow down, I need to get this shot!” 

Or as my old friend Scott used to say, “That is not a shot, that is real life!”

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, cars, companies, places of interest, road trip

OCD Action Figure

ocd_actionfigure  

I know what you are thinking, ‘where does she FIND this stuff?’ You know, I think it just finds me. Once again let me disclaimer this post with the fact that some of my best friends and family members are leaning towards the obsessive compulsive direction. 

If you remember awhile back I came across the famous Albert Einstein Action Figure. I loved that one. These items are starting to clutter my office. Perhaps I need my twitter friend @erdoland from unclutter.com to come in and organize all my toys. Erin, you might like this item!

Take a look at this baby. The accessories are the best part. Who would not love to carry an Obsessive-Compulsive Sanitary, Hypoallergenic Moist (not dry) Towelette in their bag? 

On the back of this package there is a list of famous obsessive compulsives. I will disclaimer as I did not fact check and am only writing what is on the package:

Howard Hughes (no surprise)

Charles Dickens (please sir, i want some more moist towelettes)

Mark Summers (Double Dare host, that is pretty funny)

Hans Christian Anderson (hmmm, wikepedia mentions his bisexuality but not the OCD piece)

Florence Nightingale (I think OCD is a good quality for a nurse)

Woody Allen (oh right, that this one is a shock)

Charles Darwin (did he line up the apes or did he not?)

There is also a list of questions and a rating system to decide if you are an obsessive compulsive.

I am not. But I am surely a psycho.

Have a great weekend all.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, humor, products