Category Archives: women

This is 34

You are 34, right? I keep having to recount by doing the year you were born math and we all know what Mom Math looks like.

Well, this was a big year, wouldn’t you say? As a recruiter, you have learned how to add working mom to your resume. Huge skill set! But you have absorbed the role into your life so naturally. Not easily, but with the grace and whole heart that you do all things.

The best part of you becoming a mom for me has been the moments when the light bulb goes on for you. Like this one:

In the long list of our daily correspondence about the happenings in our family and all the “how did he do last night?” texts, this one sticks out for me. There are moments in a parent’s journey that they can’t ever fully forget. Nor should they. A restaurant name shakes loose a particularly trying time. We revisit that time and have a knee-jerk reaction.

A non-parent child will sort of get it at best, or roll their eyes at worst. But after squeaking out a puppy, you completely understood this.

And yes. I loved that moment. And all the other moments, both wonderful and trying, in which I get to witness your parenting experience.

Life is surely different for you now. The new road has been a challenge. And yet every day you find another moment to prove what a wonderful mom you are. And share how much joy you can derive from even the smallest experience.

The juggle is real. Watching me do it may have prepared you for it. It is not always pretty but it is never boring.

I will end this post with my best parenting advise. No condition is permanent. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Use your intuition. Never say ‘my child will never ____”. Love every moment, even the shitty ones. And never say no to a grandparent when they offer to babysit!

May 34 bring you more joy than pain, and the ability to adjust the volume of each to make life the best it can be.

Love you to the moon, Petunes.

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Filed under birthday, family, Jana, moms, parenting, relationships, Uncategorized, women

This is 33

Thirty-three. How about that. Well, that went fast. (Ok, maybe not really.)

But here we are, with you being all grown up. Like really all grown up. And me, well, you know, it’s a hit or miss thing depending on the day. And yet you are still entertained by me, so that’s good.

Last week when you told me under no circumstances could I have a cup of coffee at 5PM, someone asked when you became my parent. I had to think about it, but then I said, “Oh, about 5 years ago”.

Somewhere around then the roles shifted ever so slightly. You started stepping in when you saw me circling the drain. Or maybe I thought it was ok to let you witness that dance. No, I don’t really think you are the parent, I still have plenty of parenting left to do. But I do trust your judgement probably more than anyone else. And with the utmost of grace, you have pivoted into a role of family authority. The handler. The fixer. The plan maker. All with very little effort and always with the joy and confidence in which you do most things.

Sure, you will still utter an ‘it’s not fair’ or ‘its fine’ now and then. Who doesn’t? But the way in which you have grown into this force to reckon with, while still being there for all who need you, is so much fun to witness.

You take friendship very seriously. That is evident by your side hustle as wedding officiant. You are committed to having a good time with equal gusto. You plan the adventures and never leave out a detail.

But of all your wonderful qualities – and there are so very many – the one that gets me the most is your commitment to family. Knowing you are not only always there, but Always There, is the greatest comfort in life. I could not be any more proud, and certainly any more excited, about watching you grow this family. The role of mom is going to come very natural to you, of that I am sure. Always know that I am on your shoulder, at your back and only a phone call or quick drive away when you need me. Just like Gram was for me. And believe me, you’ve got this, even when you think you don’t.

Happy three three, my sweet girl. May you always be surrounded by love. And keep radiating it back into the universe.

To the moon.

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Filed under birthday, daughters, family, Jana, moms, parenting, relationships, Uncategorized, women

Time to Cry Tuesday – Blogher Hangover

The other day I gave you a silly little peek into a moment I experienced at Blogher, the women’s blogging conference. I am usually prone to pick out the most absurd of moments and share them here because I like to entertain. And I have to admit, THAT was entertaining.

But the event itself was far from silly. For me it was proof that women from all over can come together and form a community that in a matter of hours becomes as close as those from which they have traveled. If not, in some ways, closer.

Women are a funny gender. We nurture by nature. Sure there are the mean girls and the cool chicks at the cafeteria table. And from where I came from, there are those who liked to mix it up with a little girl fight at the flagpole now and then. But for the most part, women rally around.

Someone is ill? We feed their families and care for their kids. Someone has a loss? We make arrangements, and give a shoulder in the darkest of hours when everyone else has moved on. And hey, when we puke, our truest friend will hold our hair back and never judge us.

So it is no surprise that when a hotel full of women bloggers got together there was a buzz; a feeling in the air that was hard to describe. Sure it was overwhelming at times. But the strangest things were happening. Coincidences and connections. With strangers. But not really. Women met each other in person for the first time when they had known each other online for years. And all we could say was, ‘I feel like I have known you for years.’

I spent the most fascinating hour drinking wine with a group of women in a hotel room. Most of us only knew one or two people in the room. ‘Where did you sit?’, my husband asked me. ‘You know, all over. In the chairs, lying on the beds. It was very relaxed.’ Of course his mind went into full blown girl on girl pillow fights. Yeh, well that is the penis for you.

I digress. The point was, the whole purpose of this conference was to share. Ideas. Lives. Business concepts. And everything in between. To give each other the balls to keep doing whatever it is that we do. For whatever reasons we do them.

I regret that I was only able to attend one day. But this 14-hour day left me so spent that going back was simply out of the question. I had a Blogher hangover (or maybe it was the wine) But, I needed to digest.

Now that I have, I am so proud to have been a part of this. Blogging is very much a way of life for me. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Some over-share, but it works for them. Some over-sell, but it works for them as well.

And me, well there were three things that made me happiest. One, I got to check in at the same time as Mrs. Potato Head.  Two, someone in an elevator saw my conference badge and told me that I had the best blog name of the day. And three, I got to hear a ballroom full of women chant the word vagina in unison. Seriously, where else could that happen?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Time to Cry Tuesday – A Hole in the Blogosphere

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If you read me regularly you have noticed that I also write over at 50-Something Moms Blog. I have been part of the SV Moms Group community for almost two years and consider them a family of sorts. Or as Gary likes to refer to them, my satan-worshipping blog friends.

As far as I can tell, none of them are actual satan-worshippers. Instead they are hundreds of moms – and a few dads with a strong sense of their masculinity – who write about everything from parenting to politics. The blogs are segmented geographically with one demographic group – the must current group of 50-somethings I have ever met!

In the background we are members of a thriving discussion board where we offer support, help promote one another, network and collaborate. Never before have I worked within such an amazing group.

I have been in business for many years. I have watched moms struggle with every aspect of the collision of parenting and career –  be it the choice to continue working or the option to stay home. As part of this group I have watched and listened. At times I have given council and at others I have been taught by the masters. When I needed an answer or a resource on any topic, they were my go-to group and there was always someone who would jump in and help me out.

It is with great sadness that I report the SVMoms Group is dissolving the site. The bloggers were all notified at around 3:00 PM EST on Monday. Within 6 hours a new alumni community was formed on Ning with members immediately joining by the dozens. I would imagine the whole group will migrate there within a day or so. This is a network that will not dissolve.

So, to the Sisterhood of the SVMoms I show my deepest gratitude for having been a part of something so very special. And to our fearless leaders, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for inviting me to be a part of something so life-changing. (oh yeh, and letting me lie about my age for the first year I was writing on 50-something).

Yes, there will surely be a hole in the blogosphere where we once lived!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under 50-something moms blog, blogging, carreers, communities, companies, moms, parenting, Time to Cry Tuesdays, women

Sparkle where the sun don’t shine

Ok, it has been at least a week since I have posted something inappropriate about private parts, I would say it is time for another one, wouldn’t you?

Thanks to my dear friend Jessica Gottlieb, who never fails to disappoint me by pointing out the most outrageous postings on the interweb, I have been made aware of the latest in genital fashion.

Apparently the new craze is called Vajazzling. Yep, just what it sounds like folks. Bedazzling the Hey Nanny Nanny, if you will. Those crazy folks at Swarovski have found themselves a brand new market. Looks like this will be hot with all those rhinestone cowgirls out there. (slutty much? jeez) So let me get this straight, pubic hair is out, pubic jewels are in. Oh I get it. What the hell?!

It seems this all started when Jennifer Love Hewitt mentioned doing it on the George Lopez show.

For those who want an up close and personal look at this new art, crazy Bryce over at theluxuryspot.com went and had this done… with a photographer! You have to love this woman!

What next?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visitLeaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Sleep Apnea and You

Ahh, those fabulous facebook targeted ads. Does anyone else pay attention to these? One of my concerns of late is that I get more absurd ads than anyone else. Am I paranoid, or am I truly the Magnet For the Absurd (MFTA)?

This beauty came across my page the other night:

What the hell? What is a CPAP mask and is anyone else horrified at the idea of sleeping next to someone wearing one of these things? And, oh wise algorithm of facebook…why me? I wonder, is there a huge population of women my age on facebook that suffer from sleep apnea. Or is this just an ad that rotates through the entire facebook community in hopes that they will find those who do suffer. I had to do myself a little research on this (big surprise) and found this horrifying article that states the following:

New research from South Korea indicates that people who suffer from severe obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) have reduced concentrations of gray matter in multiple areas of the brain.

Gray matter refers to the brain’s cerebral cortex, where most of the analyzing processes take place. The changes in brain structure maybe the cause of heart and memory problems—which are both common in individuals with OSA.

Oh crap, is my lack of gray matter showing! Honey does this reduced gray matter make my ass look fat?

I digress, back to facebook ads. I can understand some of the others that show up on my page. You know the ones that target everything towards 50-year-olds just to remind me how old I am in case I maybe forgot for a moment or two in between the days when AARP has sent me membership cards – I have received 7 to date, no lie. I have seen the Buy Uggs at 50 ad with the pink Uggs that no one on earth would be caught dead in. Figuring this ad was done by some 20-something who thinks her mom’s friends are lame enough to buy them. Or the hey 50-year-old we need you to test out the i-pad, maybe because the i-adultdiaper is not quite out of beta yet! Yeesh!

Wait, what was this post about again? (uh oh, must be the gray matter thing)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Bags under my eyes and the spousal look of terror

I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and noticed some not so attractive bags under my eyes.

That’s right.

Bags.

Under.

MY.

Eyes.

I stared in that mirror and the first thought that came to my mind was, “Ok, Ms. age gracefully, never consider plastic surgery, stop trying to chase your youth, I would NEVER… how do you like them bags?”

Not to brag, but I have – by no doing of my own – been fortunate to inherit the beautiful skin that both of my grandmothers sported well into their 80s. That coupled with an extra XX lbs on my ass, has left my 50-year-old punim relatively line and bag free(ish). But last night I was having some sinus and ear issues (no doubt from all the flying I witnessed at the movie, Up in the Air) and when I woke up it all settled in those not so endearing bags under said eyes. Luckily they started to disappear as the day wore on.

I was on the couch with my daughter and asked her to take a look at me and see if she noticed them. Then Gary came in the room. He was leaning over the coffee table innocently placing clementines in a bowl when I asked him. “Hon, do you notice bags and dark circles under my eyes?”

Deer.

In.

Headlights.

Poor thing. He stood there half bent over the table, frozen in time. I could hear the inner workings of his mind, “How in hell am I supposed to answer this friggin’ question?” This, my friends, falls into the proverbial ‘does my ass look fat in this…’ question. The way in which the husband answers this question will change the entire architecture of his day, if not his whole weekend. And he is fully aware of that fact. Luckily for him I had mercy on that poor terrified look on his face and started to laugh.

I am happy to report that the bags have ‘resolved’ but left in their wake is a new found terror that I am not as void of vanity as I once believed. And Gary, he is just happy he did not have to answer that question.

(oh, and of course that picture at the top of the post is not ME!)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under body image, family, gary, humor, men and women, plastic surgery, women

No more shaving?!

Nope, didn’t make this one up. This baby is a screen grab right off my Facebook page. One of those creepy targeted ads towards women over 50. Or should I say, bearded women over 50. Hold onto your hats kiddies, I am up for a good rant on this one.

C’mon American Laser Centers! Are you friggin’ kidding me!

I mean, do you really think that a woman with shaving cream on her face is going to attract the likes of me and my kind? Honestly, we wax. And we laser after weighing the consequences of lifelong hair removal from certain parts of our bodies. Many do have to do a little touch up above the lip (I am thankful to say I do not). But um, facial hair to the point of having a beard?! Did you think maybe a shot of some long legs or a perhaps a hint of the bikini line might get us a little more attracted to your service than to show a woman…

SHAVING HER DAMN FACE!

I am sorry, last time I went on a girls weekend with my 50-year-old friends I don’t recall any of them whipping out the shaving cream and the razor and going to town on their chinny chin chins. I do remember a few conversations with the word ‘Brazilian’ in it but hey, we are just a bunch of women over 50, what do we know about hair removal? Well, this one does know that the hair removal market sits at around $1.8 billion annually – yes with a B! Thanks Wendy for that little factoid.

Wait, have I mentioned that 50-year-old women tend to be menopausal with erratic behavior patterns and reactions to things that piss them off. Oh right, did not show up in the research.

Oh, you were trying to be funny you say?

NOT.

Just curious, did you do any kind of focus group on that ad? Was there even a woman in the building when you guys did that creative? My friends, this is what we call a big time fail in my book.

So, my dear friends at the American Laser Centers, let’s see what kind of social media monitoring you are doing now that you put that ridiculous ad on my Facebook page. Or shall I say anti-social media? Rule number one, make sure you monitor or you are setting yourselves up for a nightmare. Might I suggest  The Social Studies Group, they can set you up with a nice program. And hey, $3,000 worth of free laser treatments would be a good sort of apology for insulting the hell out of me.

Now, you will have to excuse me, I have to go call the wonderful woman who waxes me and tell her how much I appreciate her sensitivity.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Facebook Invitations – how far will they go?

If you are on Facebook I am sure you have friends who are users of these ridiculous (anti)social requests and invitations. I get them all the time. There is no end to the senseless applications that people use to try to socialize. Hey, you want to chat, comment on my status, send me a link? Great, I love to connect with old friends as well as new. But these hideous applications: ismile, farmville, mafia wars and now the one that surely crosses the line…

a feel your boobies invitation.

No, I did not make this one up. That graphic up there is an actual screen grab. Not gonna lie, it had me laughing.

It all started with my crazy HS friend whose Facebook status the other day was:

Listen I hate Farming and to join another family in Mafia wars would be crazy cause I cant handle my own.. SoooooooThe answer is NO.

The comments on this thread started to get really funny when she wrote:

I just got a” feel your boobies” request…has the whole freakin face book world gone mad…I kinda wanna say yes to see how they’re gonna pull this one off.

Hard to keep reading as I was laughing so hard. Then came this response from another HS friend:

would you please open your back door. I’VE BEEN OUT HERE KNOCKING ALL DAY!

and yet another:

OK so this form of fun is so much better than farming, mafia and so on. Let me know if your boobs get a rub down  as perhaps there are other feels out there!

So of course she sent me the request because I had to check it out. I am happy to report that not only is this application not porn (sorry guys, I know you were getting into this), but it is actually a breast cancer awareness foundation called, you guessed it, Feel Your Boobies, to promote self examination.

You can read about the app here and the join the facebook group here. Although I think this is a great program and I love the edge, it is unfortunate that at first glance on Facebook this was considered offensive or at best fodder for jokes. If I were not inquisitive and/or a student of social media I probably would have made fun of it, hit ignore and forgotton about it.

So, for my social media friends, was the use of Facebook for this program edgy or a fail? I am not sure where I weigh in on this. Again, being a lover of polls, let’s take a vote.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, conversations, health, humor, humor, marketing, trends, women

Bagel and a Pap Schmear?!!

CBS Cares went out on a limb tonight and aired this Public Service Announcement promoting cancer screening. What could be bad about that, you ask? Well watch for yourself and tell me what you think. (sorry, CBS is not playing nicely with WordPress so I can’t embed). If you’re not inclined to watch the video or are reading on a Blackberry, here is the script:

Want to do something special for your woman this Hannukah? Schedule her a pap smear. Just a schmear could save her life. Light up her menorah with a gift that says, you look great but it’s what’s inside that counts.

Yeh, well, alrighty then. I am guessing this is not airing nationally. ‘Um, darlin’, what’s a schmear?’

Folks, anyone else grossed out with the cream cheese reference. I might never put my feet in those stirrups again without craving a bagel and lox.

I am not sure on what level this is more offensive, the lack of respect for screening or the bizarre Jewish twist. Perhaps they should have used Woody Allen as the talking head. I simply love the way they targeted the Jewish market by talking about food, gift giving and the way they look. Yeh, we are a pretty shallow tribe. Jeez!!

I don’t even know where to start with this one. Who wrote this, Adam Sandler? ‘Grab your harmonica, let’s celebrate Hannukah’. I was thinking a soundtrack of Jim Morrison singing Come on Baby Light My Menorah would have been a nice touch.

I first heard about this on Facebook (thanks Amy K), and the 17 comments in an hour should give you an idea of how it was received. My favorite was the woman who said ‘this is brilliant, those secular pap smear PSAs NEVER work’. Most of us thought it was a goof. I mean, who would actually air this?  During 60 minutes no less.

If you read the backgrounder on the campaign below the video it gets worse. There is talk of overhearing a conversation at Il Mulino (I am sure they will be thrilled with the press – great food BTW, you know how we Jews love good italian) where women were talking about ‘refrigerated speculums’ causing them to not want to go for pap smears but he thought they said ‘spatulas’. (Huh? What was the point of all that)  Oh right, most woman forego a pap smear to avoid cold metal objects. I mean mammos are so comfortable – we go for those, no problem. And surely singling me out as a Jewish woman with some silly references to my food and holidays will make me run to the gyn to make sure I am screened.

Right, if I was an idiot!

Don’t get me wrong, anything that gets women out for screening is a great in my book. But seriously folks, this is a fail of Motrin Moms proportion in my book.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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