Monthly Archives: July 2008

Bathroom Branding?

This one has almost left me speechless. 

I said almost, you should know me better by now. 

This was sent to me by Riki (of the lost ring in the car fame). It brought up all sorts of questions for us. Like, do they really think that after taking a leak on a promo message you are more inclined to buy that product? “Honey, I just peed on an ad for Kentucky Fried Chicken, let’s go get some”.

Now think about this one. Who does the installation of these? Or better yet, who changes them!

For those who are in the healthcare field, note the joke in the photo. For those who are not, Flomax is a medication for male urinary symptoms. 

What really boggles my mind, is who thought of this and then better yet, was able to sell it in to a boss or investor? “Ok, so I have this great idea to brand urinal screens. That’s right, we are going out to sell the idea to brand managers that having people piss on their logo is a great way to get them to buy their products. What? No of course that does not have a negative connotation. This is brand loyalty at it’s finest. Get the consumer when he is most vulnerable, with this pecker in his hand. This is a gold mine I tell you!”

Now that is one great salesperson!

I particularly like the splash graphic. I certainly don’t want that illustrator using MY bathroom.

And finally, let’s look at the suggested markets.

Trade shows – as if you don’t see enough crap there, oh right this is about pee, not crap. Maybe we need to think about toilet liners. 

Radio stations – um…why? don’t get this.

Pharmaceuticals – viagra, anyone?

PSA’s (public service announcement for those not in the biz) – “urine, the anti-drug?” or maybe this is a good place to warn about drug testing. or is it just that PSA sounds like… never mind that was a cheap shot.

Beverage/Spirits – this one is obvious. you drink, you pee.

Pranks – ummmmm…duh!

Sports Rivalries – piss on your rivals!

I believe it is safe to say this is THE most ridiculous ad specialty I have seen yet (and I have seen many). But hey, what do I know? I thought botox cosmetics was a bad idea.

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Filed under humor, marketing, products

Top Ten Search Terms (vol 1.)

It is great fun to check the stats section on WordPress and see what search terms have led people to this blog. Below you will find my top ten for the month. Each one has a link (or links) to the posts they must have found – and of course a little commentary.

I am thinking this will be a fun thing to do at the end of every month.

10. big sandwich: this could be one of two: F the Botox. Eat a Big Sandwich or Sandwich Generation, (hold the mayo)

9. what to do if mice are in the basement: Chairman of the Basement (but now that they mention it I am pretty sure there are mice living in the wall of my office)

8. what makes a car stink?: Remember the Stink in Seinfeld’s Car?

7. lab dies at groomers, July 2008: ooo, that sounds awful, my story is just funny. Dog in Street…

6. nail salon dead baby: (I am a bit concerned about why someone would keyword this, aren’t you?)The Grim Reaper at the Nail Salon

5. used her thong to save her life: no, no you silly searcher, that was the bra that saved her:Bras Save Lives (or mammary survival techniques) the thong caused injury worthy of a lawsuit: Thong Danger

4. tampon daughter: Bowling for Tampons (with or without your daughter this is fun) or more likely Do Not Flush Tampons… EVER

3. lazy jew parents send kids to camp: ouch! I will try to let that one slide in the name of being a readership whore. Sleepaway. 10 for 2.

2. i could cry but i don’t want to: I am thinking this person has missed the whole point and probably does not get my sense of humor.

and my number one fave – as I have asked this question many times…

1. am i menopausal or insane: Rebranding Menopause.

Thanks for playing folks and tune back in at the end of next month for more crazy search antics.

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Filed under humor, search engine terms, searches

Who’s your daddy?

Fox 5 NY ran this story on Monday night. When I googled it I found a hit from WBAL Baltimore from Feb. 2006. Hey Fox, slow news night?

Nonetheless, this is quite a story.

Robert Aberdeen, sperm donor No.B202, donated at least twice a week from 1964 to 1975. It was his part time job (some job, huh? did he get to write off all his porn on his taxes? cool).

When he discovered the Donor Sibling Registry, he posted a message telling his offspring he is willing to be contacted. 

“I’m OK with that. I think it would be neat to hear from them; I have all of these children and they never call. They never send a Father’s Day card,” Aberdeen said.

Seems good old Bobby-boy is honing his parental guilt skills already. 

“It could be thousands; it certainly probably could be hundreds,” Aberdeen hopes for a response “before they put me out to pasture.”

What a stud!

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Filed under current events, family, humor, parenting

Kick-ass Signage

Kickboxing in rear? Nope, can’t make this stuff up. Did no one notice how funny that sign was going to come out? We saw a handicapped parking spot next to the sign as we drove away. Kind of odd.

This is Rhode Island. The quirkiest state in the country. How I love it there. Oddities are the norm and everyone is ok with that. We always have so much fun when we go there. The sense of place is incredible and hard to explain if you have never visited. 

Here is a state where nothing is more than a half hour away. Beautiful beaches, quaint little villages, boating everywhere, the glamour of Newport and the sophistication of Providence, all within a short drive of one another. And how could you not love the state where Family Guy takes place?

Of course the friends that we visit have an enormous amount to do with why the place is so magical for us. They are social printers and I swear they know every resident in the state. There is not a life cycle event they have not helped announce. Walking down the street with them anywhere in the state you are bound to meet someone they know. Not to mention the fact that they employ some of the most interesting people with the most colorful pasts.

By the end of the weekend they had both become excellent bird dogs for blog post material. Thanks Steven and Donna for a great time and the best blueberry scones in the east.

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Filed under humor, road signs, signage

To the Man/Boy at the MickyD’s on I-95…

it is so not OK for you to being wearing your pants that low!

Look pal, first off, you are way to old for this (mid 20’s at least).

Second, you are white. This is not your look, you are trying to emulate and it doesn’t work for you.

And lastly, you honestly walked like you had a huge load in your pants. I can’t believe that is either a) comfortable, or b) good for your back.

Now, I have an almost 16-year-old son, and I am not ignorant to the low-riding style. I get it. It is a fashion thing and that is fine. I am not saying you should wear your pants up high on your waist.

But let’s face it, dude, when your belt is tightened BELOW your ass there is no way those pants are staying up without that crap-in-the-pants waddle.

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Filed under fashion, humor, teenagers, trends

Highway to Hell

This photo best illustrates the way it feels to be driving on I-95 on a Friday afternoon in the summer. Not a great idea to leave the NY area at 3:00.

One must do things to amuse oneself when driving in this kind of traffic. Good music is a must. And of course carrying a camera.

This skull was on the back of an 18-wheeler cab. I particularly love his teeth. I asked Gary to slow down – from 10mph to 5! – in order to get this shot.

The trucker looked rather proud as we passed.

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Filed under humor, photography

To the Man Driving the Red Convertible on Main Street…

… it is so not ok for you to be picking your nose in that car! (where the hell was my camera?)

What was he thinking? There he was, out in the open, this hot car and he has his finger jammed up his friggin nose to the first knuckle.

And he is digging!

I mean…really!

Here is what I think; when you buy a convertible, part of the paperwork should be a list of what is really not acceptable behavior with the top down. And on the top of that list would surely be PICKING YOUR NOSE.

FYI, we have a convertible. And honestly, you get alot of attention when you drive one. You can be marginally ok looking and people will turn to look at you. I believe the convertible makes you at least 40% hotter than you really are. And face it, it is a drive by. Imperfections don’t show.

Hey, a new line, “F the botox, drive a convertible”.

Have a great weekend all. Off on another road trip…

in the convertible

Note to self, “tell Gary not to pick his nose.”

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Filed under humor

The Ring, John Mellencamp and the Back Seat of My Car

Good title, right? I am sure I will get lots of hits from old rock ‘n rollers on this one (sorry in advance to disappoint).

This story is the perfect illustration of my style of living that my parents like to call, ‘Doing it the Amy Way’. It is very Lucy and Ethel and many of these things are so ridiculous that they seem made up.

I assure you, sadly they are not. Here is a little shadenfruede to make you all feel grateful that neither you (nor your spouse) has done anything this lame.

A couple of weeks ago we had the good fortune of getting VIP seats to John Mellencamp at Jones Beach Theatre (thank you Frankie P). For those who do not know it, this is another Long Island gem. (who would have ever thought I would sing such praises for Long Island). We had a great night with dear friends. 

Here is where the action starts. I was in the back seat (with Riki, not John Mellencamp) on the drive home and I had an itch under one of my rings. When I went to scratch, the friggin thing popped off my finger and was nowhere to be found. We looked everywhere.

Suddenly, I look down to the seatbelt clasp and noticed there is a little space around it. I was convinced that was where the ring went. I stuck my fingers down there, when we got home I even used a shish kabob skewer to hunt for it. Out came the flashlights and that damn ring was nowhere. Gary thought I was crazy. (I wish I could say this is the first time I have done this, but once before I had my friend and her very fancy upper east side sister-in-law ransacking the garbage after a bbq to find another ring. We found that one)

After much grumbling from Gary, I convinced him that the car had to go to the dealer to have the seat removed. That was after a short consideration by Riki and I to try to remove the seat ourselves. We figured two jewish girls could cause alot more damage to the seat than it would cost to have the dealer do it.

Here is a scan of the dealer’s receipt. This is just way too funny (and yes it cost me $236!!).

I am happy to say, I am now wearing the ring again and smile whenever I look down at the keyboard and see it sparkling. 

Hey, come to think of it, for $236 they could have at least cleaned it!

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Filed under fashion, humor

So you wanna be a rock ‘n roll star…

My husband came home from work yesterday with an envelope that his father gave him. Inside were original copies of his birth announcement, his bar mitzvah invitation and this business card from his teenage band. (guess which one was most precious to him).

For those who are not locals and don’t get the pun, Long Island is bordered on the north by a body of water called, you guessed it, the Long Island Sound. (how clever). Why would a teenage band have biz cards, you ask. Well, if your father was a printer, you had biz cards. And that made you very cool!

Note the exchange in the phone numbers with the letters in them. If the font and colors did not date this sucker, that surely does!

Gary was the drummer (everyone always loves the drummer). He can’t seem to remember exactly who Eddie, Jay and Paul were, so if any of you happen to know these guys, give us a shout.

This got me to thinking that my saving of ‘stuff’ – a trait I inherited from my mom – is a good thing. There is nothing more enchanting than when a joyful piece of your past is dropped in your lap. A little part of your childhood that was long buried is brought back, bringing with it a flood of precious memories.

Ok, so I am a bit nostalgic today. That is not a bad thing.


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Filed under humor, rock 'n roll, teenagers

Do Not Flush Tampons… EVER

This one is pretty clear. It is the ‘EVER’ that really scares me into never even thinking of flushing a tampon. Funny, but I don’t even use them anymore (sans uterus) but I still feel guilty about all the ones I flushed in those very toilets 30 years ago.

As I have proven before, nothing funnier than a tampons post (unless maybe you count a flying penis).

This is an actual sign from the bathroom at my daughter’s camp, although I must admit that I took this shot a few years ago and found it in the camp archives. No matter, the message is timeless.

Imagine running a girl’s camp in the mountains. Now imagine being the plumber for the person that runs the girl’s camp in the mountains. It is safe to say this guy spends 80% of his time, not trout fishing in the lake, but tampon fishing in the toilets. I am thinking he probably must be mighty cranky about spending his summer this way. How considerate of these girls to try to end his plight.

Another great thing about this shot that is lost at this size and resolution is the graffiti. For decades we have been told not to write on these walls, but we cannot help ourselves. (the arts and crafts shack has my name all over the place). You can’t see it clearly but to the right of the sign it reads:

“jayme penis (hearts) ryan petafile insest’.

OOOOOK then. Spelling issues aside, are we not just a little bit worried about Jayme and Ryan here?


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Filed under family, humor, parenting, signage, women