Tag Archives: thong

Top Ten Search Terms (Vol. 5)

It is that time again. The monthly list of wild and crazy search terms that land readers on this blog. For those who missed the past installments you can read Vol. 1 here , Vol 2. here and Vol. 3 here and Vol. 4 here.

 As always, I link the term to the post I think it yielded. And of course there is running commentary because quite frankly we all know I can’t keep quiet, EVER!

You can click on the terms and they will lead you to the posts that I think were found. For you email subscribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. i love math thong obviously a confused individual. if you are doing math in the presence of a thong you have missed the whole point
9. family girl fights ah, the infamous girl fights. searches never seem to tire of the idea of a couple of babes duke it out. 
8. i dont have niplles oh my, that is quite unfortunate for you.
7. lost ring in car what to do you bring the car to the dealership and get hosed for $236 friggin dollars to get it out. caution: spouse will be highly agitated by this. it’s the car thing.
6. taking a tampon out, ouch! ok, a quick lesson on tampons, if it hurts to take it out you probably did not need to put it in to begin with.
5. olsen twins nail polish i love that this one came up. this was one of my first posts and a real fave. if you click on nothing else you should not miss this one.
4. birthing chihuahua, chihuahua birth chart i am flabbergasted at the amount of people searching for the birth of a chihuahua. And even more impressed that they spell it correctly.
3. what can i eat after botox Ok, this one killed me. Listen, if you already thinking about eating right after botox chances are you will not receive the full benefits of any kinds of plastic surgery. How about changing your habits?
2. doctor oddities I worry about doctors with oddities and why anyone would continue to see them
1. don’t have time for this No time for this? Perhaps crying. Well just in case I linked this to the last Time to Cry Tuesday because it is a personal fave. Just a tip out there, if you use the phrase, “don’t have time for this” you are probably the type of person who most needs to make the time. Whatever ‘this’ may be.

Happy New Year’s to one and all. Have fun. Stay safe. And try, for at least tonight, to let it all go and just have some plain old fun.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under blogging, humor, search engine terms, searches, Uncategorized

Top Ten Search Terms (vol. 3)

Before I get into the search terms I want to let you know that the Jana shoelace poll has consistently shown that yellow is in the lead. We are at 59% to 41% to date. Voting is still open if you want to have your voice heard in this very important election.

Welcome to the third monthly installment of Top Ten Search Terms. For those who missed the last two you can read Vol. 1 here and Vol 2. here. As before, I have compiled a list of my 10 favorite (actual) search terms that viewers have entered to arrive at this blog. Some make sense, others quite frankly scare me. What makes people keyword such offbeat phrases? You can click on the terms and they will lead you to the posts that I think were found. For you email subsribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. jews in jeeps yeh, we jews LOVE to drive jeeps.

9. dog crying for dead dog on street  oh my, this is way too sad. i am thinking that most dogs have the time to cry. think about it, what the heck does your dog do all day anyway?

8. fibroids spanx hmm… how did this person know that I had fibroids (wait, this might have been in my menopause post). to tell the truth they have had nothing to do with my need to wear spanx.

7. obama ad exploding dog c’mon! did any of you see this ad. why would anyone (candidate or otherwise) want to blow up a dog?

6. ive been slimed lab is this like sperm donors and pharma research programs where they pay you to come in for the afternoon and get slimed in a lab. even for the sake of research I am not sure if I would want to voluntarily be slimed.

5. people sandwich one comment only here: Soylent Green is people! (Jana, pass this one on to the campies)

4. second hand thong umm… EW! nuff said here.

3. man-boy slaves  oy, that is way concerning. so much for transparency in my blog. now i have to worry about some perverts looking for my kid.

2. thong long hair big boobs yeh, well duh. that is what every friggin’ human with a penis is searching for 24 hours a day on the internet. I guess this blog was a disappointing find for this group. maybe they should have searched ‘thong, longish hair, 49-year-old boobs wise ass with a big mouth.

1. photos of men wearing tampons wait, there are actually many photos of men wearing tampons out there? ew, wait again. where are they wearing them? 

I hope you enjoyed this months list. Makes you want to keep reading, doesn’t it?

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Filed under blogging, humor, top ten lists

Top Ten Search Terms (vol 1.)

It is great fun to check the stats section on WordPress and see what search terms have led people to this blog. Below you will find my top ten for the month. Each one has a link (or links) to the posts they must have found – and of course a little commentary.

I am thinking this will be a fun thing to do at the end of every month.

10. big sandwich: this could be one of two: F the Botox. Eat a Big Sandwich or Sandwich Generation, (hold the mayo)

9. what to do if mice are in the basement: Chairman of the Basement (but now that they mention it I am pretty sure there are mice living in the wall of my office)

8. what makes a car stink?: Remember the Stink in Seinfeld’s Car?

7. lab dies at groomers, July 2008: ooo, that sounds awful, my story is just funny. Dog in Street…

6. nail salon dead baby: (I am a bit concerned about why someone would keyword this, aren’t you?)The Grim Reaper at the Nail Salon

5. used her thong to save her life: no, no you silly searcher, that was the bra that saved her:Bras Save Lives (or mammary survival techniques) the thong caused injury worthy of a lawsuit: Thong Danger

4. tampon daughter: Bowling for Tampons (with or without your daughter this is fun) or more likely Do Not Flush Tampons… EVER

3. lazy jew parents send kids to camp: ouch! I will try to let that one slide in the name of being a readership whore. Sleepaway. 10 for 2.

2. i could cry but i don’t want to: I am thinking this person has missed the whole point and probably does not get my sense of humor.

and my number one fave – as I have asked this question many times…

1. am i menopausal or insane: Rebranding Menopause.

Thanks for playing folks and tune back in at the end of next month for more crazy search antics.

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Filed under humor, search engine terms, searches

Thong Danger?

It must be a slow news day. 

The Today Show not only reported about a couple who found 60,000 bees in the walls of their house (would this not be rather loud?), but they covered this story as well. All during the 7AM hour. Is NOTHING important going on in the world today? Having started my career designing bra and underwear tags (don’t ask), this one caught my attention.

52 Year-Old Woman Sues Victoria’s Secret Over Defective Thong

… Apparently 52 year-old Macrida Patterson, a traffic officer with Los Angeles’ Department of Transportation, was simply slipping on her “low-rise V-String” from Victoria’s Secret’s “Sexy Little Thing” line when a decorative metallic piece flew off the undies and struck her in the eye.

THE EYE?!!! Are you kidding me? I was hoping for some really edgy sort of injury. I mean, anyone who has ever worn one of these babies knows that it is not the most natural thing to have a string up your ass all day. (all in the name of not having VPL). I thought perhaps the metal piece heated up and left her branded where the sun don’t shine. Or in a floss-like manner the string got stuck and needed to be surgically removed. Gives the term ‘getting your underwear in a knot’ a whole new meaning. This sounds like a Larry David episode. Perhaps VS will be required to put directions on these items: “wear protective glasses when slipping into this item to avoid risk of eye injury”. 

Sorry, I have to go. Need to check out my lingerie drawer and see which item has the potential for making me a quick 25 grand.

 

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Filed under current events, fashion, humor, lawsuits, trends