Category Archives: top ten lists

Hijack this blog

born-to-blog

There is nothing like good friends. Even ones who threaten to hijack your blog. Who better to take over and pseudo guest post than the infamous First Thursdays?

These divas throw a hell of a birthday celebration. Check out the framed picture above that they had done for me. (Fyi, I blog under my maiden name, but I First Thursday under the married one).

I think I look pretty good on Springsteen’s body. Just to give you an idea of how diverse we are, I photoshopped the last person onto Giselle’s body. Hey, whatever blows your hair back, right?

In honor of the last day in my 40s I give you some suggestions that were made for blog reworking, along with some other comical writings that were part of my birthday roast – First Thursday style:

Blog Days:

Time to get out of the basement Monday

Time to cry Tuesday (and oldie but goodie)

Time to leave the zip code Wednesday

Time for a little laugh Thursday

Time to vent Friday (this could be a great one)

Time to workout Saturday

and a favorite for all the husbands out there, mine for sure:

Time for “a little head would be nice” Sunday.

And since all you readers know me pretty well by now, I will share their “top ten things Amy will never do now that she is 50 list”

1. Go to spin class (safe bet)

2. Play tennis with Jo (safer bet, she would kill me)

3. Have lunch at the club (I should be so lucky to get out of that one – the minimum haunts me)

4. Go to Bergdorf’s with Maddee and Michelle (ok, I admit it, I did say I thought Berdgorf’s closed. I had a moment of confusion with Bonwits, so shoot me)

5. Go to South Beach with the First Thursday Girls (sorry girls, montauk maybe, south beach, not so much)

6. Discuss again… to be rich or thin? (don’t ask)

7. (this one I will omit to protect the innocent(ish) Hey, we all still have to live in this town!)

8. Not blog or tweet for the day. (Why would I consider this? Jeez!)

9. Get out of the basement (this one I am starting to do, I swear)

10 BOTOX! (this one is a given)

Thank you, my friends, for a great night from the women who will always keep me on my toes and will NEVER let me fall. I love you all!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under blogging, friendship, humor, humor, relationships, top ten lists, twitter, women, work habits, writing

The Big Two Oh!

jana_forever-young

I know I have already blogged about this once this week, but this is monumental.

Today is the 20th birthday of the fabulous Miss Jana. All you lurkers out there, the pressure is on to throw a comment in to wish my not so little girl a very happy birthday. Keep in mind she is in the home stretch of the semester and life is not all that much fun so she could really use a shout out from all of you.

In celebration of her birthday I will share my top ten most favorite things about Jana (in no particular order)

1. her hair (Dr. Jimmy is with me on this one)

2. her smile (thanks to the orthodontist who gave her the straightest teeth in the zip code)

3. her ability to suck it up in tough situations.

4. the fact that she will always be the one to tell me when it is time to get my hair colored (this could be one of the things I miss the most with her gone)

5. her kind heart

6. the way she taught me that it really doesn’t matter if a teenager’s room is a mess.

7. the way she treats her brother 

8. her love for music (her dad made sure of that)

9. the way she hates to shop (where could that come from)

10. the fact that my behavior rarely embarrasses her 

For the second time this week, but on the actual date you popped out, happy birthday Janny girl!

Now come on, let’s see some comments here…

 

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under family, holidays, Jana, parenting, teenagers, top ten lists

Top Ten Search Terms (Vol. 4)

Welcome to the fourth monthly installment of Top Ten Search Terms. For those who missed the last three, you can read Vol. 1 here and Vol 2. here and Vol 3. here. As before, I have compiled a list of my 10 favorite (actual) search terms that viewers have entered to arrive at this blog. Every month I get a few more little goodies that take me by surprise or just plain crack me up. Scary what people will key in when searching. Scarier that they find me. Each entry is linked to the post I assume they arrived at when using these keywords.

For email subsribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. son lives in basement not work what to d (i hate when these get cut off. what was that last word? do?)

9. separated at birth photos, pets (is that so unusual, pets being separated at birth?)

8. fat guys in bathing suits (nothing like a fat guy in a bathing suit, they always make the husband look thinner)

7. i could cry for days (ok, this person has missed the whole point, and unless they landed on a Tuesday post they would be highly disappointed. or maybe not. maybe this person needs a good laugh.)

6. www.old hairy women.com (believe it or not, this is a real site so I am not sure why they landed here. you can visit it if you like but it starts with “Warning, adult content. Must be 18 years or old to access this site. And how, might I ask, do they proof you before you enter? I passed, thanks)

5. boobss pop out while fight (with two s’s? yeh, well what’s a girl fight without boobs(s) popping out. I would assume that is part of the lure)

4. how to poison someone (this one is concerning and I am happy to say I do not have any idea how this landed here so there is no link. To my knowledge (officer) I have not written any posts that illustrate how to poison my husband anyone)

3. i dont have a condom (ok, bud, then it looks like you are screwed. or not. either way it seems you are having a bad night)

2. moose intestine condoms (ew. Ew! EEEEWWWW!)

1. how about a big box of shut the hell up (this one? this one had me laughing for hours. in fact I cannot wait to use this the next time someone bugs me. how much fun would it be to say this to someone. I am still laughing. wait, is this not that funny and only I see the humor in it?)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, humor, search engine terms, searches, top ten lists

Top Ten Search Terms (vol. 3)

Before I get into the search terms I want to let you know that the Jana shoelace poll has consistently shown that yellow is in the lead. We are at 59% to 41% to date. Voting is still open if you want to have your voice heard in this very important election.

Welcome to the third monthly installment of Top Ten Search Terms. For those who missed the last two you can read Vol. 1 here and Vol 2. here. As before, I have compiled a list of my 10 favorite (actual) search terms that viewers have entered to arrive at this blog. Some make sense, others quite frankly scare me. What makes people keyword such offbeat phrases? You can click on the terms and they will lead you to the posts that I think were found. For you email subsribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. jews in jeeps yeh, we jews LOVE to drive jeeps.

9. dog crying for dead dog on street  oh my, this is way too sad. i am thinking that most dogs have the time to cry. think about it, what the heck does your dog do all day anyway?

8. fibroids spanx hmm… how did this person know that I had fibroids (wait, this might have been in my menopause post). to tell the truth they have had nothing to do with my need to wear spanx.

7. obama ad exploding dog c’mon! did any of you see this ad. why would anyone (candidate or otherwise) want to blow up a dog?

6. ive been slimed lab is this like sperm donors and pharma research programs where they pay you to come in for the afternoon and get slimed in a lab. even for the sake of research I am not sure if I would want to voluntarily be slimed.

5. people sandwich one comment only here: Soylent Green is people! (Jana, pass this one on to the campies)

4. second hand thong umm… EW! nuff said here.

3. man-boy slaves  oy, that is way concerning. so much for transparency in my blog. now i have to worry about some perverts looking for my kid.

2. thong long hair big boobs yeh, well duh. that is what every friggin’ human with a penis is searching for 24 hours a day on the internet. I guess this blog was a disappointing find for this group. maybe they should have searched ‘thong, longish hair, 49-year-old boobs wise ass with a big mouth.

1. photos of men wearing tampons wait, there are actually many photos of men wearing tampons out there? ew, wait again. where are they wearing them? 

I hope you enjoyed this months list. Makes you want to keep reading, doesn’t it?

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Filed under blogging, humor, top ten lists