Tag Archives: basement

Subterranean Homesick Blues

In Dylan terms, that means I miss the basement!

If you have not been following along, I have had not one, but two floods and countless craziness that has misplaced first my stuff and then me, from the basement office.

I am happy to report that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (hopefully not with a runaway train right behind it) and I am starting to believe I might actually get back in the newly renovated office soon. (define soon).

Here is why I have confirmed that working upstairs is not for me. Yesterday would be a perfect example.

8am-10am: House renovations across the street on one side reach a fevered pitch

10am-12pm: House on the other side takes down a tree and woodchipper whines on for 2 hours

12pm-1pm: Fall clean-up with the gardener at the next door neighbor

1pm-3:30pm: landscapers come to roto-till my yard since the waterproofers left a big section of dirt (aka mud) after the drywall went in.

So, pretty much that was a solid 7 and a half hours of white noise.

No can do.

Of course that did not hold a candle to the 5 hours of jackhammering in the basement last Wednesday from the waterproofers. (that my son slept through, BTW)

So my friends, it is almost back to the basement for this noise sensitive lunatic. And I couldn’t be happier.

 

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Out of the Basement

For those who know me, I am usually rather subterranean. My office is in the basement. It has been called the command center by those who humor me, or maybe the people who truly get who I am. Aside from my morning walk, most of what I do – professionally and personally – can be handled from this underground habitat.

However, this week I have been very out of the basement. Let me rephrase that, I have actually been VERY out of the basement. It’s not bad. But I feel as if I am becoming a little disoriented. Perhaps it is all that oxygen. Or it could be that I am simply  a little overstimulated. Actually, I think I am a lot overstimulated. But on the other hand, a big thank you to those who added to the overstimulation. Not bad once in awhile. And no, I am not an agoraphobic for those of you who were starting to go down that road.

The controlled environment down here keeps me somewhat focused; if having a blog post, a twitter stream, a facebook page (with the odd chat going on) and various work projects open while emailing, listening to WFUV, answering texts and talking on the phone simultaneously would be considered focused.

Jeez, perhaps I need to sit in a dark room!

I have driven so much this week that I almost ran out of gas tonight. There I was at almost midnight on the Whitestone bridge and that scary orange ‘low fuel’ light came on. Not a great place to run out of gas. Happy to report I made it home. (I wonder if the car will start in the morning).

So tomorrow I will vow to spend most of the day down here. I will be productive and try my best to process it all. And yes, if any of you need me to look something up or mapquest for you like you usually do, you know where to find me.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under carreers, humor, humor, Uncategorized, work, work habits

Top Ten Search Terms (Vol. 4)

Welcome to the fourth monthly installment of Top Ten Search Terms. For those who missed the last three, you can read Vol. 1 here and Vol 2. here and Vol 3. here. As before, I have compiled a list of my 10 favorite (actual) search terms that viewers have entered to arrive at this blog. Every month I get a few more little goodies that take me by surprise or just plain crack me up. Scary what people will key in when searching. Scarier that they find me. Each entry is linked to the post I assume they arrived at when using these keywords.

For email subsribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. son lives in basement not work what to d (i hate when these get cut off. what was that last word? do?)

9. separated at birth photos, pets (is that so unusual, pets being separated at birth?)

8. fat guys in bathing suits (nothing like a fat guy in a bathing suit, they always make the husband look thinner)

7. i could cry for days (ok, this person has missed the whole point, and unless they landed on a Tuesday post they would be highly disappointed. or maybe not. maybe this person needs a good laugh.)

6. www.old hairy women.com (believe it or not, this is a real site so I am not sure why they landed here. you can visit it if you like but it starts with “Warning, adult content. Must be 18 years or old to access this site. And how, might I ask, do they proof you before you enter? I passed, thanks)

5. boobss pop out while fight (with two s’s? yeh, well what’s a girl fight without boobs(s) popping out. I would assume that is part of the lure)

4. how to poison someone (this one is concerning and I am happy to say I do not have any idea how this landed here so there is no link. To my knowledge (officer) I have not written any posts that illustrate how to poison my husband anyone)

3. i dont have a condom (ok, bud, then it looks like you are screwed. or not. either way it seems you are having a bad night)

2. moose intestine condoms (ew. Ew! EEEEWWWW!)

1. how about a big box of shut the hell up (this one? this one had me laughing for hours. in fact I cannot wait to use this the next time someone bugs me. how much fun would it be to say this to someone. I am still laughing. wait, is this not that funny and only I see the humor in it?)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, humor, search engine terms, searches, top ten lists

Welcome to Croatia


I still have a fax machine. I am not always sure why because most of the things I receive announce vacation packages, low health insurance costs and home improvement specials. (Actually, I should stop throwing that stuff out, I could use all three).

Today I received the actual Croatian Passport above. Believe it or not I also received the inside but I thought that it would not be all that fair to this guy named Ivan (no joke, that was really his name) to be putting his passport (not the most flattering pic I might add) up on the internet for all to see.

I think somewhere in the past I might remember that there is a travel agency in another zip code that has the same number as my fax. Either that or I just made that up and Ivan is some sort of spy and he thinks that I am his leader and we are going to escape to go on a very dangerous undercover global espionage adventure this weekend.

Wait. No I’m not. I am actually flying off to Vegas tonight to Blogworld and New Media Expo.

Yep, all you bloggers are jealous, right?

All my friends in real life (that would be IRL) can stop laughing at the thought of me in Vegas and be encouraging. Gary is coming to be supportive, provide comic relief and try to find a way for me to turn this crazy blogging jones into billable hours. Oh, and to probably sit by the pool and do a little gambling.

Hey, I wonder if there is a basement in the Bellagio in case I get freaked out above ground too long. 

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, humor, travel

If You Give a House a Cookie…

Where to begin on this crazy homeowner’s tale? First, let me say this crap always happens to me the week before my kids come home. Second, this one is a little long, but if you own a house you will sympathize. If you don’t, call the super and go out for a margharita!

The other day we had the WILDEST storm of the summer. Hell hath no fury like a summer storm (wait, isn’t that woman scorned? whatevs). So in comes this crazy mother of a storm with wind and rain and dark skies and hailstones the size of baseballs (slight exaggeration – but hail scares the crap out of me). The poor dog was fuh-ree-kin’!

While multi-tasking (talking on the phone, throwing in a load of laundry and doing the 30th revision on a job) I walked into the kid’s ‘playroom’ in the basement outside my office and heard the rushing of water. Not a good thing. Source of said water? The wall behind the TV, VCR, cable box and prized possession of all 16-year-old boys… the X-Box. Not good. Not good at all. 

My first reaction was to pull out the plug on the powerstrip where the water was rushing down the wall over the socket. Second thought? ‘Today is not a good day to die’. Being the lucid homeowner, I shut the power strip, pulled the plugs from it and dragged all the equipment to drier pastures. 

1 Wet-Vac (note to self: buy a filter, this thing could make penicillin), 2 fans, pulling back of the carpet and the antibacterial padding (laid last year a week before my kids came home – see a pattern here?), some lovely Gardenia carpet freshener and 12 hours of the dehumidifier and I am as good as new?

Don’t be silly. In the course of the flooding episode I went to get towels from the basement linen closet. Ohhhhh, I said to myself, this could be why this bathroom has smelled like mildew all summer. There, in the closet was a pile of towels and blankets… soaked layers deep. And was this from the storm? Of course not, this was from the water main valve to my house that was leaking! Now if you know anything about houses, this is the valve that you shut of when you have a leak. So you ask, what happens when IT has a leak? Or worse, when it really goes. Well, the answer to that is that you are fucked!

Luckily, I was only pre-fucked (that sounds a lot more fun than it really is, believe me). Called the trusty plumber who asks, ‘do you know where the water district shut off valve is?’ and I answered, ‘I have only lived here for 20 years, why would I know that. I am a Jew for G-d’s sake!” He tells me to call the water district who should be back from lunch by 1:00. (and I am thinking, why does the whole district take lunch at the same time?). Now they come down, find the valve, spray paint it blue – which looks lovely in the middle of my lawn – and they are on their way (should I have tipped them? I tip everyone, drives Gary nuts).

Enter the plumber again. We love him. He told me to tell them the valve was about to go and I needed to be a priority and they came right away. He is my favorite worker. AND he does not have the crack of his ass showing when he bends down so he is no stereotype, this guy.

Wait, what was the point of this whole story? Oh right…

I always loved this book!

(BTW, check me out today at Mid-Century Modern Moms. I am guest blogging there on Wednesdays for awhile. And check out my new photo blog leaving the zip code. Check the details on the Submit page, this sucker is going to a group project. Yes, I still have time to work. I don’t watch much TV and I don’t sleep much).

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Filed under homeowner, humor, humor