Category Archives: plastic surgery

Bags under my eyes and the spousal look of terror

I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and noticed some not so attractive bags under my eyes.

That’s right.

Bags.

Under.

MY.

Eyes.

I stared in that mirror and the first thought that came to my mind was, “Ok, Ms. age gracefully, never consider plastic surgery, stop trying to chase your youth, I would NEVER… how do you like them bags?”

Not to brag, but I have – by no doing of my own – been fortunate to inherit the beautiful skin that both of my grandmothers sported well into their 80s. That coupled with an extra XX lbs on my ass, has left my 50-year-old punim relatively line and bag free(ish). But last night I was having some sinus and ear issues (no doubt from all the flying I witnessed at the movie, Up in the Air) and when I woke up it all settled in those not so endearing bags under said eyes. Luckily they started to disappear as the day wore on.

I was on the couch with my daughter and asked her to take a look at me and see if she noticed them. Then Gary came in the room. He was leaning over the coffee table innocently placing clementines in a bowl when I asked him. “Hon, do you notice bags and dark circles under my eyes?”

Deer.

In.

Headlights.

Poor thing. He stood there half bent over the table, frozen in time. I could hear the inner workings of his mind, “How in hell am I supposed to answer this friggin’ question?” This, my friends, falls into the proverbial ‘does my ass look fat in this…’ question. The way in which the husband answers this question will change the entire architecture of his day, if not his whole weekend. And he is fully aware of that fact. Luckily for him I had mercy on that poor terrified look on his face and started to laugh.

I am happy to report that the bags have ‘resolved’ but left in their wake is a new found terror that I am not as void of vanity as I once believed. And Gary, he is just happy he did not have to answer that question.

(oh, and of course that picture at the top of the post is not ME!)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under body image, family, gary, humor, men and women, plastic surgery, women

Vermillion Dollar Lips

vermillion_dollar-lips

This little item comes to you via Dr. Jimmy, the rock ‘n roll dentist. He sent me the promo in the mail… with no note. Because, of course, none was needed. Who else but the MFTA would appreciate this to its fullest.

Speaking of fullest, how ’bout them lips. Yowza! When they talk Vermillion Dollars, they aren’t joking around. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love the name of this technique. It’s like a bad SNL skit.

For those who are interested in more details – or would like to get themselves a set of these babies – here is more information about lip and perioral augmentation.

Every once in awhile I like to post about plastic surgery. It intrigues me the lengths that people will go in the name of ‘perfection’. There is the botox route, and of course vaginal cosmetic surgery (yeh, that’s not freaky). Then there is the cosmetic surgery center that thinks insulting their potential market is a good marketing technique. (more on this group later this week). The more festive like to make it into a social event.

Don’t get me wrong, contrary to what many believe, I am not anti plastic surgery. There are many instances where a little nip and tuck can really help someone who has a drastic body flaw that makes them uncomfortable. The origination of plastic surgery was just that. Helping people feel better about themselves. But some of this stuff is pretty damn scary if you ask me. There is an epidemic of obsessive addiction to strive for the unattainable.

And let’s face it, are these the words you want uttered as you leave the room:

‘Jeez, did she ever have work done!’

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, health, plastic surgery