Tag Archives: plastic surgery

You CAN pick your friend’s nose

Corbis-nose picking1

Remember that stupid saying,”You can pick your friends; and you can pick your nose; but you can’t pick your friend’s nose”?

I never really got that. I mean, people do all sorts of weird stuff with orifices (or is that orifici?), I would imagine a little nose picking amongst friends might be going on out there with the non-germphobic crowd.

I digress, this post was spawned by an email from the stock photography site, Corbis. I have been a Corbis customer since the olden days of graphic design when they would send out these delicious print volumes of stock photo images and we would flip through the pages to choose the right image. And instead of emails, we would receive teaser postcards with images like these to get us to call and do a search. Yes, I am aware this is the Art Director’s equivalent of the ‘I used to walk to school 10 miles in the snow’ story that my dad used to tell us. All you youngun’s, you will have these stories about archaic, clunky handheld mobile devices instead of the chip behind their ear that your kids will have.

Ughh… digressing again. The point is, the other morning, on a particularly difficult day for me (stay tuned for more on that on Tuesday), the photo above showed up in my inbox. It had that Sleeper-esque feeling about it and just the visual made me laugh. Their 20% headline was excellent for their purpose, but this headline popped into my head:

You CAN pick your friend’s nose.

I know, I am brilliant. What a lovely promo for a plastic surgeon… maybe a 2 for 1 deal! It made me laugh on a morning that laughing was the last thing I thought I would do, so thanks Corbis. But, the best part was yet to come when I clicked over to their site (yes it worked, they got the click-through from me and put Corbis top of mind), I found this photo… the pay off.

The proverbial ‘picked nose’.

corbis-nosepicking2

Yeh it could be time to pitch a plastic surgery team. Anyone in? Other headline ideas?

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Filed under absurdities, advertising, humor, magnet for the absurd, marketing, photography

Bags under my eyes and the spousal look of terror

I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and noticed some not so attractive bags under my eyes.

That’s right.

Bags.

Under.

MY.

Eyes.

I stared in that mirror and the first thought that came to my mind was, “Ok, Ms. age gracefully, never consider plastic surgery, stop trying to chase your youth, I would NEVER… how do you like them bags?”

Not to brag, but I have – by no doing of my own – been fortunate to inherit the beautiful skin that both of my grandmothers sported well into their 80s. That coupled with an extra XX lbs on my ass, has left my 50-year-old punim relatively line and bag free(ish). But last night I was having some sinus and ear issues (no doubt from all the flying I witnessed at the movie, Up in the Air) and when I woke up it all settled in those not so endearing bags under said eyes. Luckily they started to disappear as the day wore on.

I was on the couch with my daughter and asked her to take a look at me and see if she noticed them. Then Gary came in the room. He was leaning over the coffee table innocently placing clementines in a bowl when I asked him. “Hon, do you notice bags and dark circles under my eyes?”

Deer.

In.

Headlights.

Poor thing. He stood there half bent over the table, frozen in time. I could hear the inner workings of his mind, “How in hell am I supposed to answer this friggin’ question?” This, my friends, falls into the proverbial ‘does my ass look fat in this…’ question. The way in which the husband answers this question will change the entire architecture of his day, if not his whole weekend. And he is fully aware of that fact. Luckily for him I had mercy on that poor terrified look on his face and started to laugh.

I am happy to report that the bags have ‘resolved’ but left in their wake is a new found terror that I am not as void of vanity as I once believed. And Gary, he is just happy he did not have to answer that question.

(oh, and of course that picture at the top of the post is not ME!)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under body image, family, gary, humor, men and women, plastic surgery, women

Vermillion Dollar Lips

vermillion_dollar-lips

This little item comes to you via Dr. Jimmy, the rock ‘n roll dentist. He sent me the promo in the mail… with no note. Because, of course, none was needed. Who else but the MFTA would appreciate this to its fullest.

Speaking of fullest, how ’bout them lips. Yowza! When they talk Vermillion Dollars, they aren’t joking around. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love the name of this technique. It’s like a bad SNL skit.

For those who are interested in more details – or would like to get themselves a set of these babies – here is more information about lip and perioral augmentation.

Every once in awhile I like to post about plastic surgery. It intrigues me the lengths that people will go in the name of ‘perfection’. There is the botox route, and of course vaginal cosmetic surgery (yeh, that’s not freaky). Then there is the cosmetic surgery center that thinks insulting their potential market is a good marketing technique. (more on this group later this week). The more festive like to make it into a social event.

Don’t get me wrong, contrary to what many believe, I am not anti plastic surgery. There are many instances where a little nip and tuck can really help someone who has a drastic body flaw that makes them uncomfortable. The origination of plastic surgery was just that. Helping people feel better about themselves. But some of this stuff is pretty damn scary if you ask me. There is an epidemic of obsessive addiction to strive for the unattainable.

And let’s face it, are these the words you want uttered as you leave the room:

‘Jeez, did she ever have work done!’

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, health, plastic surgery

Traveling Shoes

travelin-shoes

Believe it or not, there was a woman on line in front of me at airport security that was wearing these shoes. Imagine what the rest of her outfit looked like. Whatever it is that you are imagining, go one step further.

I am always amazed that anyone would want to travel in anything this uncomfortable. I love her toenail color and the hint of the tattoo on her right angle.

Jana and I loved this woman. We really got a kick out of the way the security screener spent and extra long time looking back and forth between this woman and her photo ID. Her face was a botox playground and I would bet her photo ID was taken before the surgical enhancement.

Don’t you wonder what who was waiting for her on the other end of her flight?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, fashion, travel

Turkey Neck?*

turkey_neck

Another ridiculous ad from the same local paper that brought us Doodyman! But this one is more about crap than he was.

Anyone else find this ad offensive? Jeez, give me a break. Seriously, with all the money you guys are making here on the Gold Coast could you not pay for a better logo than the one you have? And while I am giving a critique, there is nothing worse than a medical practice with the suffix ‘tique’. Is this a doctor’s office or the makeup counter at Bloomies? They even have a ‘cosmetic coordinator’. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I must admit I was lured in by the question mark and asterisk in the headline. Draws you right into the definition and treatment for the ol’ turkey neck. So here are some of my thoughts (what, you were not expecting a list from me?)

1. sagging neck shows your age? Yeh, well if you already altered your face I guess so. When you fix the neck then what do you do about the hands?

2. Smartlipo?! TM no less, jeez!

3. Body-jet water assisted lipo? Why does this sound like a power enema to me?

4. SAVE THE TURKEY FOR THANKSGIVING. ENJOY THE FINEST TRIMMINGS TODAY! How the hell did the ad agency sell that line? 

Seriously, I find this so sad. Insulting and body-image-paranoia-focused advertising is such a low blow. What is the follow up headline going to be? Here are few thoughts:

Hey fat ass. Or maybe, Yo Hadassah Arms (that would be a combo street/yenta focused ad). Or why not go straight for the aging juggler: Who cares if you feel good, you look like crap.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against doing whatever rings your bell to make you feel better about yourself. But it feels like whores doctors who play this game are simply parasitic.

Enough for tonight. Hmmm, is it me or you guys craving a hot open turkey sandwich right about now?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, health, humor, marketing, women

Cosmetic Surgery from Hell

eye-1

Late last night we were laying in bed watching a little TV. Gary, like most men, is the king of the clicker so I am usually at the mercy of where he lands. We spent some time watching a 1997 Who concert. It was fun, even if Roger Daultry was most definitely wearing a short shirt that I had in 7th grade. During the fundraising promos we got bored and started to channel surf.

There for the taking on WeTV was Cosmetic Surgery from Hell. Yes, that wonderful station that also brings us Bridezillas (a must watch) and High School Confidential (because going through High School once is never enough).  Sorry folks, I could not resist watching. 

I am not sure what was more disturbing, the horrifying post-surgical photos or the show’s host. Anyone remember Jocelyn Wildenstein? Quite a resemblance. I have not seen lips like these since she graced the cover of New York Magazine. The voice of this host was surely not gender correct to the body. But I have to admit that the sound bites did not disappoint. These were my two faves:

“If it’s sagging, bagging or wagging, cut the thing off.”

“At first you’re going to look like a piece of raw liver.”

What more can one say about plastic surgery. Those two lines surely cover it all.

As if this show was not enough one that followed? Sex Change Hospital.

Nothing like a little late night TV, but tonight I think I will read.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, health, trends

F the Botox. Eat a big sandwich.

One interesting evening with the First Thursdays I was asked what I had been using on my eyes. ‘Huh?’, I asked (profoundly, I might add. I can be that way). “Um, what do you mean on my eyes?”. To clarify, they wanted to know what I was using on my eyes because they were not that wrinkled.

Here’s the thing. I do happen to have wonderful genes. Both grandmothers had amazing skin. So I am blessed. That aside, I subscribe to the theory that as Catherine Deneuve once said (and I paraphrase) 10 lbs on your ass does wonders for your face at a certain age.

Or in my words, “F the Botox. Eat a big sandwich”. 

Let’s face it my friends, being extremely thin after, let’s say fortyblahblahblah, gives ones face a gaunt look. The little bit of extra weight is like natural Botox if you will. It fills you out, and stretches those wrinkles away.

Hey, I am all for anything that makes you feel better about yourself. And I am not going to preach about not having plastic surgery, because if that rings your bell and makes you feel good, go for it.

But what scares me is the obsessive race for perfection. Two consecutive weeks the NYT ran articles as absurd as the Emporer’s new nail polish.  

First one from June 23rd was in the Suburban Trends section, called Promoting Plastic Surgery Party Style (oy). Here is a quote if I ever read one:

“The event attracted about 200 people, mostly women, paying $20 apiece; it cost about $12,000. Dr. Greenberg described it as “like a bar mitzvah.” It had an open bar, a disc jockey and performers on stilts during cocktail hour. The dinner buffet included carving, pasta and dim sum stations.

Hey ladies, lay off the friggin dim sum and pasta and you can avoid the lipo altogether! And of course the Bar Mitzvah comment was heartwarming. Now performers on stilts are considered commonplace when celebrating your child reading from the Torah?!

July 3rd Sunday Times Style section had this article about – no this can’t be true– and a woman doc no less… vaginal cosmetic surgery! Just when we were starting to worry about our crow’s feet and sagging whatevers, some lunatic has now come along to tell us that we need to consider a little nip and tuck in, as my husband fondly says, the hey–nanny-nanny. This must fall under the category of WAY too much time and money on your hands. Here is the most hysterical post from blogher on that article.

The race to beat aging is a losing battle. I’m not saying let yourself go, but hey a nice big sandwich once in awhile can’t be a bad thing. Sure beats shooting poison into your face!

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Filed under fashion, humor, trends, women