Category Archives: gary

May 26, 2016 · 5:01 pm

Graduation Time

grad capNope, no one in my house is graduating. But for some reason I found myself going back and reading all of the graduation posts that I had written for my kids. I guess it is that time of year. It all seems so long ago, and like yesterday at the same time.

I will tell you that here on the other side, we are all doing great and happy to have made it.

Here is a little roundup for those who are going through the graduation dance. Don’t worry, I promise, you will all be just fine.

Jana’s High School Graduation

Danny’s High School Graduation

Jana’s College Graduation

Danny’s College Graduation

Iko’s Obedience School Graduation (JK, if you have ever met her you would know she would definitely be a dropout!)

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Filed under childhood, college, danny, daughters, education, family, gary, humor, Iko, Jana, moms, parenting, pets, school, wisconsin

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June 10, 2013 · 7:47 pm

Obviously Men Can’t Smell

nosefinger

Or, hey bud, your nose is more than just a place to keep your finger.

Monday 7:30 AM, returning home from an early morning dog walk.

Scene: 2o-year-old son at kitchen table in the ‘I will never get used waking up early and commuting’ intern stupor, hunched over a bowl of cereal praying no one will speak. Not just to him, but at all. Husband preparing to make a smoothie.

Me: Um… don’t you guys smell burning plastic?

Gary: No.

Danny: (silence, or at best an imperceptible grunt)

Me: Are you KIDDING me? (thinking about how the kitchen smelled oddly like we were manufacturing small plastic toys or making shrinky dinks.) Did anyone use the toaster oven or the micro this morning?

Gary: Not me.

Danny: (silence and fear that this line of questioning was not going to be short, only adding to his misery at an hour that is closer to his usual bedtime than one he has considered morning since high school)

Me: HELLOOO, no one smells this?! (now my eyes are starting to sting and the dog is coughing)

At this point I am somewhat convinced there is a direct correlation between possessing a penis and having no solid sense of smell. This realization, of course, comes from a woman who can smell an old sponge in your kitchen…

no matter how far away you live from here.

Gary: (opening the dishwasher) There you go!

And there, seared to the coil on the bottom of the dishwasher, sat the remains of a Tupperwear lid.

In red.

After using the requisite Jewish tool… the steak knife (which is an upgrade from the usual butter knife) we tossed around some brilliant ideas like using a razor blade and slicing the plastic off the coil, running another cycle to re-melt the sucker and peel it off while it is hot, or trying to ‘remove the coil’ ourselves.

Realizing that any of these would result in quadrupling the ultimate cost of the repair I called ‘my girls’ who always seem to have ‘a guy’ (why don’t I ever have a guy, I have lived her for 25 friggin years, I should have at least one guy).

Enter RALPH.

I love Ralph. He can actually smell. AND he can fix!

I love a problem I can fix. Or at least that Ralph can.

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Filed under danny, gary, homeowner, humor

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September 13, 2012 · 2:57 pm

Three Stooges Dog Toys?

Yes, I am pretty sure my husband has died and gone to heaven. I brought home the Moe version for him the other day and it actually talks! Now he wants Larry and Curly. As you can see on the display, the Curlies were all sold out at the store (of course) but I can get the others here. And no, there are no Joe Bessers or Shemps. Seriously, did anyone like them?

No I was not insulting him by buying a dog toy; The Three Stooges is sort of an alternate religion in this house. (please do not think less of us). 

My kids have watched since they were little. You know, “honey, don’t worry, I will keep the kids occupied while you food shop”. Oddly I would come home to a ‘Nyah, Nyah, Nyah’ or a ‘Are you happy or are you married?’ comment from the little rug rats.

A word of caution, the nose seems to have fallen off from quite a few of these in the store. Then again, if I gave them to Iko they would be gutted in less than an hour.

Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard… for duty and humanity.

Here is the full set. 

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August 16, 2012 · 10:30 pm

Zombie Industries

This was in the window of a store next to the restaurant we ate at last weekend. I can tell you this is surely not the average window display on Long Island.

I love the name Zombie Industries. Their tagline is Destroy the Undead.

Nice.

You can actually submit your very own zombie kill video on their site. They even have a friggin zombie outbreak map! And bleeding zombie targets!! I suppose you can never be too prepared for the zombie apocalypse. (fyi, I just finished reading Jenny Lawson’s book Let’s Pretend this Never Happened and I am pretty sure she would love to hang this image on her wall).

Do people really buy this crap? Um… Gary does have an abnormal obsession with all things zombie. Note to self: possible father’s day gift in the event that I lose my mind and want to lose the relationship with all my neighbors.

Please discuss.

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May 11, 2012 · 11:20 pm

Parental Role Models

Today was our anniversary. This is the card we got from our kids:

This was what they wrote inside. And when I say ‘they’ I mean Jana. Sorry Dan but we know you had no idea it was our anniversary today.

Perhaps I need to be less candid with the kids.

 

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April 3, 2012 · 1:00 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – Z Goes Home

Way back when, Gary started to call me Z. I am not sure how it started, but it was in college and it just sort of stuck. The only people who call me that besides him are my college friends and Mo and Jo. In fact, when certain people call me Amy it sounds weird.

Z. That is just me.

I don’t remember when I found the book in the picture in this post, but I had to own it. Doing some Spring cleaning it popped up again. I just love the illustration. It made me think not of this house I was cleaning, but of what home means. What the essence of Z coming home means to me.

It was so timely to find this book this weekend. Danny came home for Spring Break on Thursday night. As luck would have it (for us, not them I suppose) both of my kids decided to stay home on Saturday night. I cooked dinner and we just hung out as a family. And Sunday was a lazy family day with brunch at the diner and all 4 of us under the same roof. All this was topped off by Chinese food and some favorite TV shows.

Z Comes Home.

To me, home is being with the family we built. Not doing anything monumental, just being us. Back in the day of diapers and teething, then carpools and sports, who would have ever thought that the idea of all 4 of us together would be so rare? Or that the idea of a diner brunch and chinese food on Sunday night would feel so special.

Z Comes Home.

When Z came home she learned to savor every moment; especially the small ones.

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September 19, 2011 · 10:56 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Same As It Ever Was

This past weekend we went to the Dave Matthews Caravan at Randall’s Island. This was the show that was supposed to be on Governor’s Island the weekend that Irene hit.

There was a sense of gratitude amongst the crowd for the rescheduled show. DMB fans are a mellow lot. Walking the grounds, taking in the essence of the place, both Gary and I felt the exact same way. This vibe was – to quote David Byrne – same as it ever was.

The vendors sold the same beads, crystals, t-shirts and leather crafts that they did 30+ years ago. People were dressed pretty much the way they were when we were younger. The crowd still came to hear the music, hang with friends and be outside to soak in what makes them feel alive. Sure we were the people that a young couple came up to inquiring where the medical tent was; hell, we were the parents for g-d sake! But for the most part if I closed my eyes I could have been my daughter’s age.

And with her standing next to me, sharing the music, I was content as I could be. In these times when things move so fast and nothing ever seems to ever stay… the same, it was damn nice to feel like things were…

Same As It Ever Was.

 

 

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August 11, 2011 · 9:02 pm

LUVMYWIFE

Is it me? Tell me that no one else sees these things on a regular basis. It is uncanny how they present themselves to me; and so often in the early hours of the morning when Mel and I are walking (note her little paw in the bottom right corner of the photo).

The owner of this van was about to get into it when I stopped him and asked if I could please photograph his license plate (yes I actually asked this time). He sort of smiled sheepishly and told me that women love this. I asked who ordered it, him or his wife and he gave me a sweet little evasive smile.

I sent it to Gary. This was our conversation later in the day:

Me: Did you get my email?

Gary: Yeh.

Me: Funny, right?

Gary: Did you ask the guy if his wife was carrying his penis around in her pocket all day?

Gotta love my husband. Or should I say LUVMYHUSBAND.

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July 4, 2011 · 11:35 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – Timing is Everything

Do you ever wonder what makes you decide to do something at the exact moment that you do? What makes you feel the need to complete a task that sets you on a specific path at a specific time? Sometimes there is a higher power at work. No, I am not getting all religious on you, more fatalistic. I am a firm believer that some things do not happen by accident. Sometimes we are part of a predestined plan.

Today was just such a day. Today we were supposed to go to the beach, but got caught up in doing stuff around the house. Today Gary had an almost obsessive need to drop a few bags of stuff that have been in the garage for weeks in the Goodwill box. Today he made the decision to leave at just the very moment that made all the difference in the world.

Minutes after he left – only a few short blocks from our house – he came upon a friend in dire need and set the ball in motion to help. If he was not there at that very moment the whole experience would have gone down completely differently. Our friend would have been alone. And more frightened than he already was. No one would have known what had happened. It was as if he was guided to that very spot at that very time to make a terrible situation a little easier to navigate.

Timing is everything.

And we are incredibly lucky to have the kind of friends that we do.

Very lucky indeed.

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May 11, 2011 · 1:18 am

More than half my life

Today marks the day 26 years ago that Gary and I were married. The day was an amazing, sunny, 85 degree day (because we were married in a loft with no AC), Gary had a bird crap on his Armani suit the day before (which my mom told him was good luck) and we… ahem… sort of ran out of food at the buffet. (don’t ask). We still had a great time (there was plenty of alcohol and music)

The good news is, my mom must have been right because 26 years later I have crossed over to being married to him for more than half my life.

Scary, right? Hey, who else would indulge my ridiculous behavior to the point where he joined right in. This is the man who steps into scenes so I can photograph him in them, loves zombies and leaves me notes to let me know the dog has been fed and had her insulin shot. He tolerates my crazy antics, like losing a ring in the back seat of the car and still makes me laugh when I am acting like a crazy old hag. So what if his hearing is not what it used to be. I mean this man shares my love for the Odd Couple to the point that he once bought me a set of bootleg videos of the entire series. That’s love!

We celebrated tonight by going to dinner and seeing Paul Simon at the Beacon Theatre. As we sat in that beautiful place full of history, in the company of friends who we have our own history with, listening to the music that we raised our kids on, I thought… hmmm, THIS is what it is all about.

Not the traffic on the way in or the cancelled LIRR trains. Not his last minute work emergencies that almost threatened his appearance at dinner. Not the day to day hassles or the hectic pace. It was about sharing the music we love. In that jewel of a theatre that is so dear to us. In the city that we began our life together in.

The music was layered and sophisticated. ‘The only living boy in NY’ treated us to inspired new compositions mixed with old nostalgic favorites. The day melted away and we were just us. Doing what we love best.

Together.

Happy Anniversary G! (and yes I know this has been the best 40 years of your life)

(oh and of course a big thank you to my other husband, Dr. Jimmy, for getting us the tickets)

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