Tag Archives: questions

Bags under my eyes and the spousal look of terror

I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and noticed some not so attractive bags under my eyes.

That’s right.





I stared in that mirror and the first thought that came to my mind was, “Ok, Ms. age gracefully, never consider plastic surgery, stop trying to chase your youth, I would NEVER… how do you like them bags?”

Not to brag, but I have – by no doing of my own – been fortunate to inherit the beautiful skin that both of my grandmothers sported well into their 80s. That coupled with an extra XX lbs on my ass, has left my 50-year-old punim relatively line and bag free(ish). But last night I was having some sinus and ear issues (no doubt from all the flying I witnessed at the movie, Up in the Air) and when I woke up it all settled in those not so endearing bags under said eyes. Luckily they started to disappear as the day wore on.

I was on the couch with my daughter and asked her to take a look at me and see if she noticed them. Then Gary came in the room. He was leaning over the coffee table innocently placing clementines in a bowl when I asked him. “Hon, do you notice bags and dark circles under my eyes?”




Poor thing. He stood there half bent over the table, frozen in time. I could hear the inner workings of his mind, “How in hell am I supposed to answer this friggin’ question?” This, my friends, falls into the proverbial ‘does my ass look fat in this…’ question. The way in which the husband answers this question will change the entire architecture of his day, if not his whole weekend. And he is fully aware of that fact. Luckily for him I had mercy on that poor terrified look on his face and started to laugh.

I am happy to report that the bags have ‘resolved’ but left in their wake is a new found terror that I am not as void of vanity as I once believed. And Gary, he is just happy he did not have to answer that question.

(oh, and of course that picture at the top of the post is not ME!)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under body image, family, gary, humor, men and women, plastic surgery, women

Cheez-Its vs. Jesus

cheez-its1It could have been a case of Woody Allen style Jewish paranoia, or perhaps it was simply a loss of hearing combined with a little too much to drink. But last weekend, while enjoying a weekend birthday celebration for a friend, her sister mistook the word ‘Cheez-Its’ for ‘Jesus’. We were staying at a resort that was short on Jews and I think the atmosphere led her to start hearing everything with a sort of Christian filter.

Whatever the reason, this made for a most hysterical encounter. In the spirit of always carrying a camera, and now a video thanks to my Flip Mino, I decided to do a little mini-documentary. I asked the question that has puzzled religious philosophers for centuries, “Tell me the difference between Cheez-Its and Jesus”.

Due to a severe case of bloganoia and in respect for the privacy of those who would rather not have the entire internet witness their Patron-induced silly behavior, I will not post the video but will share with you my favorite answers.

There is nothing better than getting a religious woman who is part of a Chrisitan Mom’s Ministry group to tell you this:

Cheez-Its are full of calories and will give you a fat ass, while Jesus will save you from your own fat ass.

Better yet, her crazy college friend who jumps in behind her with:

I beg to differ. In the middle of the afternoon when you are starving, Cheez-Its can be TRUE salvation.

From the original paranoid Jewess:

Cheez-Its smell, and as far as I know, Jesus does not.

And yet another misunderstanding but a funny one none the less:

Wait, there are different flavors of Jesus?! I think that would work very will with bringing in the younger generation and helping engage them. Oh, different flavors of Cheez-Its, never mind.

Anyone else want to jump in with an answer?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, humor, religion

Time to Cry Tuesday – the reason why I had kids

I first saw this questionaire on Yellow Jeep Blonde. Her sons did such a great job with it that I had to force ask my kids to do it too. It is a little long but a fast read.

Actually my 19-year-old, Jana, did it in less than 24 hours. Danny, the 16-year-old, needed a little more constant incessant nagging coaxing to do it. Nonetheless, the result was the same. I urge anyone with kids to try this out. As the title of this post states, it reminded me why I had these kids in the first place; to grow up to be two of my most favorite people on earth!

This week I will post the answers they gave for me, next week I will do the ones they had for Gary. Of course I had to add my commentary on some of them. (come on, you know I can’t shut up!)


What is something I always say to you?
Jana: Keep your eye on your own prize. Don’t compare yourself to other people.
Danny: Be all that you can be.
What makes me happy?
Jana: Reading on the couch in the living room with blanket and family dinners with the 4 of us. (yes and YES)
Danny: puppies (corny, but yes. c’mon, who doesn’t feel happy from puppies)
What makes me sad?
Jana: Sad books? Or maybe when the school budget doesn’t pass. (she must be traumatized from my years of volunteerism)
Danny: George W. Bush (that’s my boy!)
How do I make you laugh?
Jana: When you curse more than I do. (um, yeh, well perhaps I should take a look at this)
Danny: By being ridiculous (are you getting an odd picture of my parenting?)
What was I like as a child?
Jana: Probably less crazy than you are now. (true)
Danny: Artsy (true again)
How old am I?
Jana: 28 (I thought Danny was the suck-up)
Danny: According to you… 30 (oh, right, he is)
What’s my favorite thing to do?
Jana: Go to the beach. (you bet baby!)
Danny: Think of ways to torture me (typical!)
What do I do when you’re not around?
Jana: Sing out loud in the car… oh wait, you do that anyway.
Danny: Sing “everybody was Kung Fu Fighting” (not only do I sing this often, they gave me a birthday card with the sound chip – they encourage this behavior)
If I became famous, what would it be for?
Danny: blogging (one can dream, thanks guys)
What am I really good at doing?
Jana: Listening to me complain. (I have had lots of practice)
Danny: making fun of dad (in a loving way)
What am I not very good at doing?
Jana: You’re good at everything Mommy 🙂 (again, sucking up)
Danny: math (for sure, but honestly no one is going to mention sports?)
What is my job?
Jana: To make me happy. KIDDING… graphic designer/ soon to be professional blogger. Is there such thing? (there sure is)
Danny: graphic designer (yes STILL)
What’s my favorite food?
Jana: Eggplant (I can’t believe you know that)
Danny: I have no idea (I guess that is fair)
What makes you proud of me?
Jana: How dedicated you are. (wow)
Danny: People respect you. (wow again)
If I were a cartoon character, who would I be?
Jana: Kermit the frog (yes, we know kermit is a muppet, not a cartoon)
Danny: Lois from Family Guy (we LOVE Family Guy)
What do you and I do together?
Jana: A lot.
Danny: Lots of crap.
How are we the same?
Jana: We HATE shopping (yes we do)
Danny: Diligent (yes we are)
How do you know I love you?
Jana: Because you tell me everyday. (yes i do)
Danny: You tell me constantly that when I leave you will be found rocking back and forth in the corner. (yes i will!)

And there you have it. Just when you thought they weren’t paying attention!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog where Jana joins in the election bloglove.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under danny, family, Jana, parenting

Would you rather…

Just a quick note that Time to Cry Tuesdays are proving to very popular. Proof again, that we really need to make the time. Today, however, I will try to make you laugh.

This is one of our favorite games. It started about 15 years ago. I had the most wonderful assistant who would pose a question like this to us everyday. My favorite?

Would you rather have a hoof or a paw?

Think about it. All the practical types wanted the hoof. “I could use it as a hammer, it would be great for self defense, yadayadayada”. While the gentler types wanted the paw. “It would be nice to have something soft, people love pets….”

I always thought we should have marketed this. So of course when I found Zobmondo I was quite furious at not having done this. I went out and bought the game, but my heart was never in it. I guess I was still furious that I had not developed it.

Which leads me to another favorite question that we have had with very close friends (who will go nameless until they claim it in the comments…hint hint):

Now, Jana, if you are reading I already know your response: “EW, MOM!” (sorry baby, it is not always easy to have me as your mom). And since both my parents and my in-laws are regular readers, perhaps you don’t want to continue with this one.

So, here goes:

“Would you rather be good looking with a small dick or ugly with a big one?”

We love this one. You would be surprised how people answer.

So, let’s hear from you out there. Show me the love on this one and humor me with an outpouring of comments. If you are shy, anonymous comments are fine. Men, let’s hear your answers and your reasoning. Women, ask the guys in your life for their responses.

Unless of course you would like to have your penis envy give your own answer.

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Filed under games, humor, trends