Category Archives: games

Olympic Malfunctioning Caldron and Other Fails

I waited all week for this. I LOVE the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. I know it is a little corny but I can’t help it. And I have to say I was greatly disappointed. The last winter olympics opening ceremony in Beijing was so spectacular, this simply fell flat. Even the logo was so much cooler last time.

There was, however, one tremendous highlight for our family. The Canadian National Anthem was sung by a 16-year-old super talent named Nikki Yanofsky. And why do we care? Because not only is Nikki an alum of my kids’ camp, she was my daughter’s camper. Check out her official Olympic song here. It hit #1 on Canada’s itunes. Chills from this one. You go Nikki, we are very proud!

Back to the opening ceremonies. Here are my top 5 fails:

5. First half hour… painfully boring. I kept looking for the Cirque style bungee jumpers and fell short with beads and head dresses.

4. What was the criteria for being one of the dancers in the white outfits, did you just have to have legs?

3. Opera singer… OMG who thought it would be a good idea to do that after 11PM?

2. The speeches: 2 old guys droning on for 15 minutes after 11:30? Bilingually. Seriously!

And the number 1 fail of the ceremonies, the one we are sure that someone was fired for, the one that brought about all sorts of cursing behind the scenes (in French AND English) would be…

1. The caldron malfunction!

Although they were fortunate enough not to have a nipple show during this sucker, we did notice Wayne Gretsky getting awfully antsy waiting for those poles to rise.

All in all, this was a sleeper. Although we were quite fond of the suspended thing that had a Georgia O’keefe Tri-vaginal quality about it. I believe Larry knick-named it The Trigina. (another Urban Dictionary entry for sure).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under camp, current events, family, games, humor, sports

Time to Cry Tuesday – Say a little prayer

basketballwithmike

Ok, grab a tissue now because this one brought my whole family to tears.

High School sports. High stakes in the lives of young athletes who dedicate themselves to being the best they can be in order to play their game of choice in college. They switch schools, travel endlessly and make any sacrifice asked of them in order to realize their dream. They never quit and they never say die.

However, the tricky thing about sports is how in a split second the game can change. Not the game, but the GAME. The whole ball of wax sometimes hinges on a moment in time. This weekend we witnessed one such moment. Our boy (not our genetic one, but the one we choose) came down wrong on his ankle and was carried off the basketball court. In those minutes after the injury the shock, fear and anger was so thick you could cut it with a knife. And that was me, can you imagine how he and his real parents felt.

I have written about this young man before when his team won the state championship. (I recommend that you click that last link as his story is a great one – don’t worry, I will wait).

I am happy to report that with any luck the injury is hopefully only a sprain. But the pain in the heart runs way deeper with the realization that you just never know. I am a fatalist. And a coper. And that is fine when I am dealing with my own stuff, but when it comes to one of the kids – not so much. When you see a young person work so hard for something you want to see them succeed. And yes, the coping piece is a big lesson, but not today, k?

He is a trooper. Right after the ER visit he was sitting at the dinner table pounding cupcakes and cracking jokes, trying his best to suck it up when we all knew how hard this was for him. BTW, We were quite impressed with his skill of eating a cupcake whole in one bite. (oh to be 16!)

So, on this Time to Cry Tuesday, I want all of you out there who have ever had a dream – whatever your religious persuasion (and even you atheists) – say a little prayer for our guy to get back on that court again soon and play his heart out…

before he drives his mother absolutely crazy.

(had to use this picture again because I simply love it. The one on the right is my son)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under games, sports, stress, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Hannah Montana Mall Madness – Good Grief!

I took a trip to Toys R Us today, a place I have not visited in many years – thankfully. Although I must say all the salespeople were extremely helpful and in cheery spirits, which is something I do not remember from years ago. And there were a lot of them on the floor. Kudos to Toys R Us for doing a great job with your staff.

While I was on the check out line this appalling piece of merchandise caught my eye. I could not resist a post.

Note the dollar signs in the logo. Straight from the Hasbro product description I would like you to take a look at what this game is about:

“Will you be the rock star of this game? Hit the stores to see what bling bling you can cha ching with the stars of the Hannah Montana show! Get some steals and deals on clearance – but be careful not to totally max out. Catch a movie with Miley or head out for some ice cream with Jackson. Then meet up with Hannah Montana and see if you can borrow her credit card and charge up a storm. Buy six items and reach your final destination first and you’re the star of this mall scene!”

See what bling bling you can cha ching! Are you friggin kidding me?! So this is what we want to teach our 9 and up girls. Recession or no, this ‘game’ is simply downright offensive. (would you like me to really tell you how I feel?) Of course they will tell you they put in that line about deals on clearance and cautioning you not to max out. But remind me why we want to encourage our young girls to use credit cards again.

Look, I have wasted spent my share of money on senseless plastic items. I could have made a few year’s mortgage payments on the investment I made in Playmobil, Polly Pocket and Littlest Petshop (which BTW is made by Hasbro and these days also has a mall madness version – “Bring your pets to the mall for a wild shopping spree!” Oh dear G-d! Now we are corrupting the animals!). But at least my kids sat and had a few good hours of imaginative play with the earlier versions of these toys. Without ever once talking about credit cards, go figure.

This? This is just upsetting. Take a look at the electronic console. It has a damn ATM slot. Oh I guess that is for when you asked Hannah “if you can borrow her credit card and charge up a storm” (good friendship skills would be learned here)

I suppose this would be preferable to the poll dancing doll, but not much. Feel free to share any awful toys you see out there this holiday season.

Now all ranting aside – if you can – please make toy donations to children in need. This is what I really wanted to write about today.

There are many fabulous organizations out there who will get those toys directly into the hands of a child that might otherwise have a barren holiday season. Here are just a few (this list is not vetted and I have no affiliation with any of these organizations), or check your school district or community organizations for something more local.

toysfortots.org The primary goal of Toys for Tots is to deliver, through a new toy at Christmas, a message of hope to less fortunate youngsters that will assist them in becoming responsible, productive, patriotic citizens.

beaniesforbaghdad.com a bridge between our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, the chidren of Iraq, Kosovo and Afghanistan and very generous kind hearted people back home who want to do a small part to make the world a better place. Our Network of Points of Contact receive joy in passing out donations to young children who have suffered so much and have so little happiness in their life. Many of the children live in extreme poverty.

giftsinkind.org Through The Toy Bank, the first industry-wide program of its kind, charities in North America supporting underserved, homeless and at-risk children can obtain newly manufactured toys. And, toy manufacturers, retailers and distributors can reach children in need around the world– Millions of toys for millions of kids®

Now aren’t you glad this post ended on a happy note?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, games, humor, marketing, products

Pii Pii for the Wii? No way!

Yes way. Thanks to a client, this was brought to my attention (yes, my clients are as warped as I am). The Japanese, being big fans of both penises and toilets, have developed a peeing game for the Wii.

Girls strap on the belt harness and insert the Wiimote to play the game.

Here are some of my favorite product features (with commentary, of course) from the thinkgeek post about this product:

• Video Game for Nintendo Wii Provides a Virtual Peeing Experience (the perfect gift for the girl who has everything, including a bad case of penis envy)

• Amazing Realistic Pee Fluid Dynamics (you have to watch the video to fully appreciate this. BTW this girl really sucks at this game)

• Over 100 different peeing environments with multiple toilet and urinal styles (lovely feature)

Oh, and this one I love:

• Up to two players can compete with dueling pee streams (sword fights for girls, how inclusive!)

The text on the packaging boasts that this product ‘promotes good bathroom skills and allows women to experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing’. Funny, I have always told my daughter that the only thing that she could not do that boys could was pee standing up. 

I guess those days are over and we have finally reached true equality. Now we can pee on the damn glass ceiling if we want to.

You go girls!

(as an aside, today someone referred to me as ‘the diva of the absurd and silly’. I am happy to carry that title proudly)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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Filed under absurdities, games, humor, marketing, products, trends

Time to Cry Tuesday – I Can

basketballwithmike

Imagine a toddler falling in love with his Little Tikes basketball hoop and finding a life’s passion at a tender young age.

Imagine that same little boy, no more than 10 years old, shooting hoops in his ice-encrusted driveway during the dead of winter. Hour after hour. Defying all laws of frostbite and logic. Driven to perfect his shot at all costs.

Now imagine him as a crazed adolescent bouncing that damn ball throughout the house, driving his mother over the edge. (part of the fun, I am sure).

Fast forward to 9th grade and this young man struggles with the decision to leave his friends and the security of his hometown public school to attend a private High School and be part of an elite basketball team. Forgoing summer camp opportunities he chose to play basketball year round to hone his game. Playing through injuries and, well – not so gently put – height challenges. All without a single complaint. Never saying die. Always pushing forward, doing his best, working his hardest. With a smile on his face.

‘I can!’

Mikey Buckets, they have called him. He is smart, swift and driven. What he lacks in size he makes up for in court sense. I have known him since he was in utero and quite frankly I have come head to head with his determined style on some not so pleasant occasions during his early years. But as we hoped, he channeled that determination to be the best he could possibly be. Against all odds.

The reason I am writing about him today is because I could not be any prouder if I had carried this child myself. This past weekend, as a 10th grader on varsity, his team won the state finals! A dream realized for a young man who never listened to the mean-spirited commentary that he was too short. Too white. Too green. Too suburban. Too much of a dreamer to make it in such a competitive sport.

So here’s to you Mike, I am proud to say at your tender age of 15 you are an inspiration to me. One of my heroes. And whenever I think I can’t, you will remind me that I sure as hell can.

We love you! 

(but PLEASE, can you stop dribbling that ball in the house!)

The photo above is Mike and my son Danny. A REALLY long time ago.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under games, teenagers, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Would you rather…

Just a quick note that Time to Cry Tuesdays are proving to very popular. Proof again, that we really need to make the time. Today, however, I will try to make you laugh.

This is one of our favorite games. It started about 15 years ago. I had the most wonderful assistant who would pose a question like this to us everyday. My favorite?

Would you rather have a hoof or a paw?

Think about it. All the practical types wanted the hoof. “I could use it as a hammer, it would be great for self defense, yadayadayada”. While the gentler types wanted the paw. “It would be nice to have something soft, people love pets….”

I always thought we should have marketed this. So of course when I found Zobmondo I was quite furious at not having done this. I went out and bought the game, but my heart was never in it. I guess I was still furious that I had not developed it.

Which leads me to another favorite question that we have had with very close friends (who will go nameless until they claim it in the comments…hint hint):

Now, Jana, if you are reading I already know your response: “EW, MOM!” (sorry baby, it is not always easy to have me as your mom). And since both my parents and my in-laws are regular readers, perhaps you don’t want to continue with this one.

So, here goes:

“Would you rather be good looking with a small dick or ugly with a big one?”

We love this one. You would be surprised how people answer.

So, let’s hear from you out there. Show me the love on this one and humor me with an outpouring of comments. If you are shy, anonymous comments are fine. Men, let’s hear your answers and your reasoning. Women, ask the guys in your life for their responses.

Unless of course you would like to have your penis envy give your own answer.

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Filed under games, humor, trends