Tag Archives: insults

Did you call me a Hotard?!

Situation: The family riding on the downtown streetcar in New Orleans. Me, chattering away about how much I love the architecture and similar thoughts on how interesting the city is.

Jana: Hotard!

Me: What?!! Did you just call me a hotard?

Jana: What? What the heck is a hotard? I was just reading the name on the back of that bus in front of us.

Me: Oh, sorry, I thought that was another one of those words you guys make up. Like the camp language.

Jana: Oh, jeez!

So then we got to talk about what a hotard would be and how it was wrong on so many levels. Think about it. Break that baby down. ‘ho. ‘tard. Both, SO not ok.

Hey, you can’t blame me for thinking this was another one of those slang words my kids seem to know the meaning of and are always trying to explain to me. Like just the other day they spent all sorts of time explaining to me what a meep was.

Now if only I wasn’t such a hotard I might remember what they said.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, family, humor, Jana

Turkey Neck?*

turkey_neck

Another ridiculous ad from the same local paper that brought us Doodyman! But this one is more about crap than he was.

Anyone else find this ad offensive? Jeez, give me a break. Seriously, with all the money you guys are making here on the Gold Coast could you not pay for a better logo than the one you have? And while I am giving a critique, there is nothing worse than a medical practice with the suffix ‘tique’. Is this a doctor’s office or the makeup counter at Bloomies? They even have a ‘cosmetic coordinator’. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I must admit I was lured in by the question mark and asterisk in the headline. Draws you right into the definition and treatment for the ol’ turkey neck. So here are some of my thoughts (what, you were not expecting a list from me?)

1. sagging neck shows your age? Yeh, well if you already altered your face I guess so. When you fix the neck then what do you do about the hands?

2. Smartlipo?! TM no less, jeez!

3. Body-jet water assisted lipo? Why does this sound like a power enema to me?

4. SAVE THE TURKEY FOR THANKSGIVING. ENJOY THE FINEST TRIMMINGS TODAY! How the hell did the ad agency sell that line? 

Seriously, I find this so sad. Insulting and body-image-paranoia-focused advertising is such a low blow. What is the follow up headline going to be? Here are few thoughts:

Hey fat ass. Or maybe, Yo Hadassah Arms (that would be a combo street/yenta focused ad). Or why not go straight for the aging juggler: Who cares if you feel good, you look like crap.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against doing whatever rings your bell to make you feel better about yourself. But it feels like whores doctors who play this game are simply parasitic.

Enough for tonight. Hmmm, is it me or you guys craving a hot open turkey sandwich right about now?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, health, humor, marketing, women

How about a big box of shut the hell up?

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Angry? Me? Actually no. But this search term that landed a reader on my blog just kills me. Wendy, you challenged me to write a blog post on this one, so here it is. 

Ask my family. This has overshadowed my need to sing Kung Fu Fighting daily. (yes, I really do that) I don’t know why I find this so funny. I love when something can make me laugh like that, even if it is completely ridiculous. Oh, that’s right, I love the completely ridiculous. In fact, I might have to say that is the mission statement of this blog. (are mission statements still fashionable?)

Over the past few days I have found that I have given this advise to people more than once.

What, you have a client that just changed the complete direction of a project you are working on? (you know who you are). Well, just send them ‘a big box of shut the hell up?’.

You say that a social worker you hired to help you navigate the horrific sandwich generation task of handling your elderly parent’s healthcare issues just threatened to quit? (you also know who you are). Well, my friend, get her on the phone and let her know she is getting a special delivery ‘big box of shut the hell up’.

Ok, one more. Your teenager is arguing with you, over text message no less, and you have had enough? (you surely know who you are). Tell her case closed and when she gets home she can carry that ‘big box of shut the hell up’ to her room and remember who’s the mama in your house. 

I am thinking of putting out a product line. (nobody steal this, ok) If you would design a big box of shut the hell up, what would it look like? Seems I have already started on the logo.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under blogging, humor, search engine terms, searches, teenagers, work, work habits