Tag Archives: pregnancy

Not Pregnant

Ok, so if you know me personally this comes as no surprise. The fact that my kids are 19 and 22 and I am sans uterus makes it seem like the purchase of this item (and a 2-pack, no less) would be a waste of money.

Today, yes. In 1999, it seemed like the right thing to purchase. Ok, so what’s my point.

Well, the office purge was still going on when I came across a bag in the very back of the closet behind a box of old photos. And this was what I found inside…

with one test missing. I must have shoved it back there to hide it from you know who.

There was a period of time (no pun) when I seemed to always think I was pregnant. Not wanting a third child and having a spouse that sort of kind of did, I was always worried about it. Invariably I would go to the pharmacy the very next day to buy Tampax.

I am pretty sure they all laughed when I walked out.

 

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Doody Babies

I know, after the holiday weekend I am supposed to keep the warm and fuzzy alive and tell you all how special my holiday was. How wonderful it was to be with family and friends. How everyone sleeping in their own beds and having my kids home was absolutely the best. How perfect the table looked, how the Chambers oven earned itself another year of life by actually cooking the turkey in a reasonable amount of time (define reasonable).

But all I  really want to share with you is my son and two nephews and how after eating the holiday meal they felt it was important to pose in this photo with their…

doody babies.

My son has gone so far as to name his Chester (we do not know why). He would be on the right with that more than concerning stance of a true pregnant woman. Look at the way his hand is bracing his back. You would actually think he was pregnant!  All three of them look quite authentic. When I posted this on facebook someone commented on the patriotic touch of the red, white and blue. Um, yeh, well ok.

Just curious, does stuff like this go on at anyone else’s holiday dinners? And have any of you ever heard of doody babies before or is this just our family? (you should hear our table conversations)!

 

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Drugstore Fun

comfy-cradle

I have proven that I can have fun just about anywhere. Today it was in the drug store while shopping for a get well gift. Joyce, my sometimes MFTA by proxy was delighted to partake in the shoot.

I am always amazed at the terrible packaging in the section with the braces and bandages. This item struck me immediately. First, I have been pregnant twice and honestly, I am so very thankful that no one ever prescribed the Comfy Cradle for me. I mean, it is not like it did not get to be a chore around the 8th or 9th month, but I never had the need to use apparatus to hold up my babies. I like that 17 years later this item makes me feel grateful for that fact.

With all due respect to the product, because I am sure there are many that get major relief from this sucker, but they really need to take a look at updating their packaging. Where should I start? Ok, Starwars light sabre background, not all that contemporary. Hairstyle? Quite popular towards the beginning of the 80s, now, not so much. Low cut leotard? Just don’t get that.

But the thing about this package that gives this today’s Magnet For the Absurd award is the healthcare worker in the top left corner. Am I mistaken, or is she holding a 3 month old? Seriously, if that is the size baby this woman is carrying, no wonder she needs the Comfy Cradle. This kid looks like it came out ready to eat solid food for G-d’s sake!

So, Scott Specialties, Inc., you may want to consider a redesign. Give me a shout, I can spin my Art Direction skills and whip you up a wonderful new line of packaging. And since I clicked over to your website, we can help you out with that as well.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Ménage a Twins

tdy-090521-twinfamily2-6a.standard

Photo: Today Show. James Harrison and Mia Washington will soon have another addition to their family, which includes twins by two different dads.

 

This morning, while making breakfast for my son, I saw the most amazing news story. A women who had twins was suspicious about their paternity and had them tested. And why would she be suspicious? Hmmm, let’s think.

It seems they are twin sons of different fathers. Wasn’t that an album from the 70s? Oh no, that was Twin Sons of Different Mothers. Now that is a physical impossibility, or at least in the 70s it was. I suppose with surrogacy you could achieve that today. Hey what every happened to Dan Fogelberg, anyway?

Back to those amazing twins with 2 dads. How could this happen? Well, my friends, those l’il swimmers can stay viable in the repro tract for up to FIVE DAYS. Who knew? You would think I would, with all the work I have done on infertility brochures. Oddly, this never came up. Go figure. 

It would seem this mom did the dirty with more than one guy and wound up with a little gift from each of them. Now this mom is 20 years old and the kids are a year. Dad A, we will call him for argument sake, is 44. So this guy was schtuping a 19 year old when he was 43. (ew). Got her preggers, had two babes and found out only one was his. Luckily he is a menschy guy and vows to love them both the same. Rather big of him.

BTW, they plan to marry ‘some day’. Um, now might not be a bad time since good ole mom is pregster AGAIN. 

Seriously, would you trust this woman? And why, exactly, did this couple think it was a good idea to go on a national morning news show with this discovery? They claim they will ‘tell the kids one day’. Um, hello! National news. Thinking it might come up if they ever Google their names.

You really can’t make this stuff up.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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