Category Archives: news

On Speaking Out

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This has never been a political place, and has certainly not been a very active one for a while. But it is where ‘I go’. And today, I had to ‘go’ somewhere. Time to Cry, indeed.

Speaking out. This week’s mantra. All ‘sides’.

Sides? Really?! Now there are sides to humanity? To dignity? To civil rights?  To driving down the road with your child in the back seat? To waking up every day and doing your job protecting your community?

Are there systemic issues? Hell, yeh. Should we push for a drastic overhaul of our broken system that includes real oversight, investigation and punishment? Both ‘sides’. Double hell, yeh. Do we have issues with guns… triple hell, yeh. Are all cops evil? Come on, you don’t believe that any more than you believe that all people of color are criminals. Right?

Tell me right, ok? Make me believe it. Please, come out of the woodwork and tell me that as Americans we can stop taking sides. Tell me that I am not delusional. Tell me that from the wreckage of all this violence we can create change. Not slogans and hashtags. Not turning your profile picture black OR blue. Turn it both. Black and blue… bruised and hurting. That is what we are all feeling.

These are the things I have read today that moved me after a sleepless night. Let them move you. Let’s all turn down the volume and turn up the idea of what being an American should mean. And what our responsibilities are.

  • There are no sides. Please don’t take one. Grieve for loss of life, the broken system and violence begetting violence. But don’t take sides.
  • You know the hardest part of having a conversation surrounding police shootings in America? It always feels like in America… if you take a stand for something, you automatically are against something else. It’s such a strange world to be in. You shouldn’t have to choose between the police and the citizens that they are sworn to protect. (Trevor Noah)
  • Things have not changed, the access to real time video has.
  • An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. (thank you, Dawn)
  • I’m sorry, I must have set my alarm for 1968 (thank you, Marc)
  • We need to stop thinking hashtags are going to fix the problem and get away from our computers and out into our communities to work together to figure out how to stop this reality we find ourselves in. (C.C. Chapman)

Speaking out is great. But please choose your words wisely. And act upon them. Effectively. Sensibly. And with liberty and justice for ALL.

Amen. Namaste. Shalom. Salaam.

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Filed under communities, current events, grief, news, Uncategorized

9/11 + 10

We are all here. Some will reflect, others will try to ‘move on’. But we are all here, whether we like it or not. We sit 10 years out from the day that changed EVERYTHING. I try to remember what pre-9/11 felt like and I can only think of how my kids have no reference point. They were too young when it happened to have memories of air travel without taking off their shoes or worrying about liquids in tiny bottles. They have no idea what it was like to live in a world that did not have colored levels of terrorist warnings.

This is their norm. And there is nothing about post 9/11 life that saddens me more.

I keep remembering a class trip being cancelled some time shortly after 9/11 because we were in orange and schools in our area would not cross bridges or tunnels in orange. My son asked me what color level they cancelled class trips for when I was his age. It was hard to explain to him that there were no terror threats when I was young. He simply did not understand this.

It was not his norm.

The photo above was taken by Susan. She usually sends me funny things that she sees. This time she sent me something that moved her. As she said, finally a red cup put to good use. (for those without teenagers, the proverbial red cup is synonymous with teen drinking).

In case you can not read the copy in the photograph I am inserting it here. This is a fabulous interactive piece of art that allows everyone who sees it to take part in its power. If you are in the neighborhood I encourage you to go out of your way to participate in this.

“In observance of the tenth anniversary of 9/11, illegal art has marked each of the 110 floors on the sidewalk with chalk, starting at 5th Avenue and 14th street and heading north for 1, 368 feet (417 meters), the height of the taller of the two towers.

Passersby, like yourself, are encouraged to walk the height of the once standing buildings along 5th Avenue and write any words that express your feeling or experience related to 9/11.

www.illegalart.org

May the threats be idle and may you all heal but never forget the power of hate and the subsequent power of humanity that followed.

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Filed under current events, New York City, news, signage

Toilet Paper Advertising Smackdown

I must have died and gone to promotion heaven. For the second day this week a toilet paper brand is in the headlines. Yesterday I wrote about Cottonelle’s suggestion that maybe we were not wiping all that well. Today, thanks to my friend, Jessica Gottlieb, I found this Advertising Age article about Charmin’s latest PR program: enjoy the go.

charmin-enjoy-the-go

This one is sheer brilliance. Sorry Cottonelle, I remain brand loyal to Charmin and their program kicks ass… wipes.

A Help Wanted ad is a casting call for 5 bloggers to become Charmin Ambassadors. The job description and qualifications call for someone to greet and entertain bathroom guests at the Charmin Restrooms in Times Square and then blog about it. The job runs from November 23rd  through December 31st with a salary of $10,000. This should get around the new FTC blogger guidelines quite nicely.

This is my favorite line:

All candidates must really, really enjoy going to the bathroom.

Honestly, if you know me you also know there is NOBODY who enjoys going to the bathroom more than I do.

I know what you are all thinking, who better than the Magnet For the Absurd (MFTA) for this job. Yeh, well, maybe 20 years ago. But I think for now I will just be content to go down to the Hilton on November 5th with my camera and Flip. Every freak in NYC will be there for sure. I should be right at home.

Good ole Mr. Whipple must be spinning in his grave!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, magnet for the absurd, marketing, New York City, news

Wipes are Not Just for Baby Butts Anymore

toilet-paper

The scene: My breakfast table with a cup of coffee and the NYT business section (that I fought with Gary to keep, BTW)

The article: Adult Toilet Training, from Madison Ave.

I would like to dedicate this post to my family, especially my brother and nephews, because no one loves a good chat about the bathroom better than the ‘Z’ family.

Let’s see, where to start? Ok, how about a quick overview. This is an article about the marketing of none other than an item that is close to all our… well you get what I mean; toilet paper.

It appears that all these years of wiping our asses and we have not been doing it correctly. That’s right. You see, now they are marketing toilet paper along with moist flushable wipes. Yep, just like the ones we used to clean up junior with when s/he had a super-doody-blow-out. Apparently ‘dry paper’ just does not do the job it should. I would think this combo would be great for all you out there who feel compelled to shower after each dump. C’mon, you know who you are. Yes, you would be the ones jotting down the product name for the moist flushable wipes.

Now, here is a priceless quote straight from brand management:

“Dry toilet paper is generally thought of as being a functional product, and a lot of brands in the category talk about strength and softness,” said Courtney DeSalvatore, a brand manager for Cottonelle wipes. “But we are reframing the Cottonelle brand as a personal care brand, which is a much more emotional space.”

Oh yeh, now we’re talking. I don’t know about you but there is nothing more emotional than the space where I drop the kids off at the pool (that one was for my daughter). You’ve heard this famous quote before, right? “Crap to the point of tears.”

It gets better. Cottonelle has put up this snappy microsite cottonelleinstitute.com.  Actually, quite nicely excecuted if it were not so ridiculous. Kind of campy and beautifully designed. But do we really want to spend this much time thinking about the act of wiping? This surely rivals Bowling for Tampons. How’s this for a mission statement:

“At the Cottonelle Institute of Sensitive Skin Care, we believe that the gentle care you give to the rest of your sensitive parts should also go to your buns.”

Um, well, yeh, I guess they are right.

You can set up a sensitivity profile and they direct you to the right kind of toilet paper or wipes to use. No really. I’m not kidding. You may also want to check out The Lounge ‘where you can relax, play games and let your caboose loose’.

Wait, wouldn’t a loose caboose require additional wiping?

I can not help but think of the South Park Chipolte Away episode I saw recently. That link is worth a click. Gary and I were dying when we watched that episode.

Here is one last thought I have on this topic. Of all the crap I read this morning in the business section, this was by far the most useful. (sorry, cheap shot)

Now you will excuse me but I think I need to go…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, companies, health, humor, marketing, news, products

A man walks into a dentist’s office… naked!

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No, this is not the beginning of a corny joke. This was on this evening’s news

It seems Christopher Hoff was a little warm today and decided to pay his dentist a visit sans clothing. No biggie, really. Just hop in the car, take a little ride and walk into the reception area with not a stitch of clothing on.

The receptionist? Well she screamed of course.

So he ran.

But the cops found him at home where he claimed to have been sleeping. Bud, just curious, by any chance did you dream about being naked in the dentist’s office? 

Here is the best part. The receptionist was able to identify him immediately because ‘his eyes were very blue and he had a good tan’. Um, hon, this guy had his dick hanging out and you noticed his EYE COLOR? Any one else find this odd?

In case you are wondering he was charged with two counts of disorderly conduct and one count of public indecency. And failure to comply with fingerprinting. Maybe they should have taken a print of his… never mind.

So tell me, Dr. Jimmy, have you had any naked patients lately?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, humor, news, things i've heard

Ménage a Twins

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Photo: Today Show. James Harrison and Mia Washington will soon have another addition to their family, which includes twins by two different dads.

 

This morning, while making breakfast for my son, I saw the most amazing news story. A women who had twins was suspicious about their paternity and had them tested. And why would she be suspicious? Hmmm, let’s think.

It seems they are twin sons of different fathers. Wasn’t that an album from the 70s? Oh no, that was Twin Sons of Different Mothers. Now that is a physical impossibility, or at least in the 70s it was. I suppose with surrogacy you could achieve that today. Hey what every happened to Dan Fogelberg, anyway?

Back to those amazing twins with 2 dads. How could this happen? Well, my friends, those l’il swimmers can stay viable in the repro tract for up to FIVE DAYS. Who knew? You would think I would, with all the work I have done on infertility brochures. Oddly, this never came up. Go figure. 

It would seem this mom did the dirty with more than one guy and wound up with a little gift from each of them. Now this mom is 20 years old and the kids are a year. Dad A, we will call him for argument sake, is 44. So this guy was schtuping a 19 year old when he was 43. (ew). Got her preggers, had two babes and found out only one was his. Luckily he is a menschy guy and vows to love them both the same. Rather big of him.

BTW, they plan to marry ‘some day’. Um, now might not be a bad time since good ole mom is pregster AGAIN. 

Seriously, would you trust this woman? And why, exactly, did this couple think it was a good idea to go on a national morning news show with this discovery? They claim they will ‘tell the kids one day’. Um, hello! National news. Thinking it might come up if they ever Google their names.

You really can’t make this stuff up.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone

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Filed under absurdities, health, humor, men and women, moms, news

Man Jailed for Sex with Vacuum

carwash

Wow, that sucks!

Sorry, could not resist. This, my friends, is a true story. It appears 29-year -old Jason Leroy Savage (why do the nuts always have 3 names) was caught performing a sex act with a CAR WASH VACUUM and was sentenced to 90 days in prison. He pleaded no contest to indecent exposure and must also submit to a drug test. Yeh, I would say that would be indecent for sure, and you have to be pretty wasted to think it was ok. But lets face it, a lot of you guys out there reading this are a bit curious, no?

Wow, a car wash vacuum. That REALLY sucks. Literally. Surprised he did not leave his member behind.

Gives the saying ‘chrome off a bumper’ a whole new meaning.

Can’t make this stuff up.

I will leave you with a much loved video in my household. 

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, humor, news