Wipes are Not Just for Baby Butts Anymore

toilet-paper

The scene: My breakfast table with a cup of coffee and the NYT business section (that I fought with Gary to keep, BTW)

The article: Adult Toilet Training, from Madison Ave.

I would like to dedicate this post to my family, especially my brother and nephews, because no one loves a good chat about the bathroom better than the ‘Z’ family.

Let’s see, where to start? Ok, how about a quick overview. This is an article about the marketing of none other than an item that is close to all our… well you get what I mean; toilet paper.

It appears that all these years of wiping our asses and we have not been doing it correctly. That’s right. You see, now they are marketing toilet paper along with moist flushable wipes. Yep, just like the ones we used to clean up junior with when s/he had a super-doody-blow-out. Apparently ‘dry paper’ just does not do the job it should. I would think this combo would be great for all you out there who feel compelled to shower after each dump. C’mon, you know who you are. Yes, you would be the ones jotting down the product name for the moist flushable wipes.

Now, here is a priceless quote straight from brand management:

“Dry toilet paper is generally thought of as being a functional product, and a lot of brands in the category talk about strength and softness,” said Courtney DeSalvatore, a brand manager for Cottonelle wipes. “But we are reframing the Cottonelle brand as a personal care brand, which is a much more emotional space.”

Oh yeh, now we’re talking. I don’t know about you but there is nothing more emotional than the space where I drop the kids off at the pool (that one was for my daughter). You’ve heard this famous quote before, right? “Crap to the point of tears.”

It gets better. Cottonelle has put up this snappy microsite cottonelleinstitute.com.  Actually, quite nicely excecuted if it were not so ridiculous. Kind of campy and beautifully designed. But do we really want to spend this much time thinking about the act of wiping? This surely rivals Bowling for Tampons. How’s this for a mission statement:

“At the Cottonelle Institute of Sensitive Skin Care, we believe that the gentle care you give to the rest of your sensitive parts should also go to your buns.”

Um, well, yeh, I guess they are right.

You can set up a sensitivity profile and they direct you to the right kind of toilet paper or wipes to use. No really. I’m not kidding. You may also want to check out The Lounge ‘where you can relax, play games and let your caboose loose’.

Wait, wouldn’t a loose caboose require additional wiping?

I can not help but think of the South Park Chipolte Away episode I saw recently. That link is worth a click. Gary and I were dying when we watched that episode.

Here is one last thought I have on this topic. Of all the crap I read this morning in the business section, this was by far the most useful. (sorry, cheap shot)

Now you will excuse me but I think I need to go…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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6 Comments

Filed under absurdities, companies, health, humor, marketing, news, products

6 responses to “Wipes are Not Just for Baby Butts Anymore

  1. joyce

    hey wait, whats with the Institute of Sensitive Skin ? When does the semester begin? ON d-day??? Oh, and who gives out the diplomas????? Would it be an M (BM) A??? Or a Bachelor of Science degree in Poop? ( aka BS in poop, get it?)
    ok going to watch the Yankees win game four, its clear that I need to take a break from the poop conversation…….
    amy, you can;t get me going like this…. you know how I am !!!!
    been living with the same guy wayyyyyyy too long…..

  2. Jenny

    Have you seen the Charmin commercials where the little bear is scolded because he’s left pieces all over his little backside? This is way more than I want to encounter on the telly.

  3. Hate to put a damper on things but most wipes have toxins, which would be introduced right into our systems with these products. See for yourself:

    http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/wordsearch.php?query=wipes

  4. Thanks to my good friend http://jessicagottlieb.com it has come to my attention that Charmin has an even more outrageous campaign. Check it out. http://www.charmin.com/en_US/enjoy-the-go/index.php

  5. Pingback: Toilet Paper Advertising Smackdown « i could cry but i don’t have time

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