Tag Archives: cooking

Donkeys are the new goats

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I want to preface this with the fact that I live in a suburban area known as the North Shore of Long Island. That would be the Nawth Shaw of Long Guyland if you buy into that whole stereotypical dialect thing.

I do not.

This magazine was at the checkout of our local Whole Foods. Modern Farmer? Really? Talk about missing the demographic! There are no farmers in this ‘hood – modern or otherwise. The only thing better than this close-up shot would have been one with a woman dressed to the nines in front of the magazine rack. Keep in mind this particular Whole Foods is across the street from The Miracle Mile, a Rodeo Drive style shopping area.

You’ve heard the expression, “It goes together like donkeys and Manolo Blahniks, right? Of course, everyone has.

At first I thought this was an Onion type magazine. With that Headline: Donkeys, the new goats. And the Redonkulous seal (with an excellent use of hyphenation)

Other wonderful headlines that are a bit more relatable for this zip code:

  • Pot Farming Goes Big
  • How to Grow a Winter Garden (was this the follow-up to the Pot Farming article?)
  • Drink Bitter Booze (while you are Pot Farming?)

I cannot, for the life of me, explain why I did not pick up a copy of this publication. I would like to point out that if you visit their website there is currently an article titled, New Year’s Resolution: Eat More Squirrel in 2015. Yep, that was definitely on my list this year! You?

I quote:

“Locavores, listen up: if you want to eat non-GMO, antiobiotic- and hormone-free, lean, free range, local, healthy meat, you need to look up. Limb chicken, as squirrels are affectionately known in many hunting circles, is arguably better than grassfed beef or organic pork when it comes to planetary health.”

Affectionately, indeed. Limb chicken… I can’t.

And you are in luck, there is a recipe at the end of the article. (no I am not making this up)

I can’t wait for the spring issue!

(FYI, yes, I am pretty sure I am back)

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, carry a camera, cooking, current events, humor

Seder Snowstorm

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If you listen carefully this morning, you can hear a collective sigh of women throughout the midwest and east coast pondering pounds of brisket and gallons of chicken soup, wondering who will make it to their seder tables tonight. To think that our past worries were whether there would be an egg shortage due to the Passover/Easter proximity.

Here we were – certainly those of us who work full time – thinking how brilliant it was that the first seder fell on a Monday. We partook in leisurely shopping over the weekend instead of the midnight run to the all night grocers. We cooked in our pajamas and workout clothes and our phones were spared the gooey matzoh ball mixture of conference calls past. We set tables with extra care and woke this morning able to still put in a fairly decent day’s work before the reheating begins.

We plan and G-d laughs. A pending spring snowstorm that doesn’t even have the decency to show up early enough for any of our guests to be able to make a show/no-show judgement call before early afternoon is sort of the big Mother Nature FU.

My phone started buzzing with texts last night: “Weather update?”, “Any cancellations?”, “You changing yours to Tuesday?”

Holiday misery loves company.

Tonight, instead of the Four Questions there will be only one… will anyone be sitting at our seder tables?

In case not, anyone interested in a boatload of Jew food?

 

 

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Filed under food, holidays

I hate when I suck at something!

In the house of social media, nothing is sacred.

Last night Jana had the brilliant idea to make pizza. We have tried this more than once before and we are not very good at it. Riki is great at it. Riki is great at all things cooking. Riki is our kitchen idol.

First time around we used cookie sheets and the pizza sucked.

Second time I had gone to BB&B and bought pizza stones like Riki told me to. We did not realize we had to heat up the stones, so that pizza… you guessed it – sucked.

This time? This time we called Riki first. She coached us. We were golden. Preheat the stones, make the pizza on the back of a floured cookie sheet (which BTW we argued about what a cookie sheet was) and then…

Well then we realized a little too late that we should not have put the sauce and toppings on the rolled out dough on the cookie sheets. Ok, I know, we are severely pizza challenged. This does not make us bad people.

During the heat of sucking at this I heard my phone go off and there was the tweet above.

Apparently nothing is sacred in my kitchen.

Fyi, we baked them on the cookie sheets and they were not all that bad but I do have a pizza stone permanently wedged on the bottom rack of my 1939 Chambers stove. This could prove to be a problem when making brisket next week. Perhaps I need a handy man. Or maybe just…

Riki!

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Filed under humor, Jana

Mommy might not cook, but maybe she’s the Smart One

At a recent trip to Target we stood behind a family who seems to have found the solution to cooking family meals… don’t!

This mom and grandma, with toddler in tow, had stocked up on what looked like a months worth of Smart Ones meals. What you see on the bottom of that cart only represents half of what she was buying.

Anyone out there a big fan of Smart Ones? Do you think this is a good way to feed the fam? Or perhaps she cooks real food for them but is just trying to keep her points down and fit into that bathing suit this summer.

Damn, I hope her micro doesn’t go on the fritz!

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, food

Insomnomaniac

What do you do when you can’t sleep? When I can’t, I make up words and submit them to Urban Dictionary. Last month I tried to get Turkaphobia approved, but they denied it. My definition was ‘fear of cooking the Thanksgiving turkey’, which I happily overcame. I am guessing it had something to do with not being politically correct.

No not towards turkeys, but towards the country.

I am happy to report that this month’s submission – insomnomaniac – has been approved. I am not so happy to report that there is a typo in the sentence that I used in the example where ‘an’ is featured as ‘and’.

For those who can not read the picture above the definition is:

One who can’t sleep and becomes obsessed with late night activities.

Define obsessed.

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Filed under absurdities, urban dictionary

Spaghetti Muffins?

No joke, I took this picture at the store located conveniently at the end of our block, Uncle Giuseppe’s Marketplace. Go ahead, click that link and listen to the music on that site. Believe it or not, every time I shop there I am subjected to that! What happened to Beatles Muzak?

Back to the spaghetti muffins, at the economical price of 3.99 each. So what are these? Main course? Side dish? Hockey puck? What do you think the binding agent in these suckers are? And just for kicks, how many points on Weight Watchers? (does WW still use points?)

So, my friends, I showed this picture to Gary who told me they are just called spaghetti muffins, that is not really spaghetti in them? REALLY, hon? What would that be then, twine?

Not going to lie, I was in there again tonight picking up some ingredients and was really tempted to buy him one of these.

Anyone in PW try them yet? Please do tell!

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, food, gary, humor

Concerning Twitter Follow

Once-a-Month Cooking is following me on twitter? This might be a bit concerning for my husband now that my kids will no longer be living home.

Hey if you see him on the street looking forlorn and hungry, can you take him in and feed him a home cooked meal.

You know, just in case this was some sort of foreshadowing.

Does take out count as cooking?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, twitter