That would not be fashion nazi. I am a fashioNOTsa.
Or why I suck at shopping.
I know, I am a Jewish girl from Long Island and therefore it is expected that I love to shop. But I don’t. I hate it AND I suck at it. Perhaps I should explore my true lineage.
But sometimes you just need stuff. So after a lovely meeting this morning and a surprise lunch with Gary (because I was on the 59th Street bridge and had to pee so badly I had to stop at his office), seeing that I had no deadlines tomorrow, I ventured out into the consumer jungle.
Did I mention I hate this worse than going to the dentist? At least there I can get sweet air. These are the 5 reasons why:
- The woman in the next dressing room at Lord & Taylor spent a solid 15 minutes on the phone with one of her son’s teachers and for the life of me I could not imagine how she kept trying on clothes without ever shutting up. All I can surmise was that her son is screwed from her micromanagement and someone should tell her that talking on the phone and trying on clothing does not constitute multi-tasking.
- I need to see the dermatologist as soon as humanly possible because the lighting in every dressing room made me see that I must have no less than 5 horrible derm conditions. Fluorescent lighting and dressing rooms: who is responsible?
- There are no circumstances in which a 3 way mirror is OK.
- Clothes on. Clothes off. Repeat. How can this be fun? Well, I know how but this is the wrong context.
- I always have to pee and the bathrooms are always in a different zip code than the women’s clothing. Why is that?
The only funny part of today was the cashier at Century 21. She had a very heavy accent and as she checked me out this was our conversation:
She: Your zin cone?
Me: (no idea what that means) Um, no thanks (afraid to agree to anything in fear it might be hard to undo).
She: No, no, no… your zin cone?!
Me: Sorry, not getting what that is.
She: Zin cone. Zin cone. Zin cone! (as if saying it 3 times will make me understand)
Me: (starting to get the giggles and wishing I had a witness) I am so sorry but I have NO idea what you are saying. Maybe you want to write it down.
She: Zin cone. You know… town. 1-1-something-something-something (she loves to repeat herself).
Me: OH! YOU MEAN ZIP CODE.
At this point I simply looked around for the camera and then split.