Tag Archives: bed bath beyond

Time to Cry Tuesday – The Horoscope and the Fortune Cookie

I always pride myself in keeping a sense of humor through acute times. It is my defense mechanism and it has served me well. But I also know that stress is cumulative. And sometimes it gets the better of you. (could this explain the hives that have started around my ankles and are making a journey up my body this past week?)

Last week during the great flood of 11.11, when my washing machine decided to regurgitate its contents all over the side of the basement that was NOT being renovated, I started to… well I started to lose my shit. Not only did my sense of humor start to wane, but I actually began to panic; something I try never to do.

While the wonderful team from ServPro was dragging out wet carpets and ruined moldings, I was dismantling my office to move upstairs. There on my desk I found a fortune that said, “Your sense of humor always serves you well.”

Talk about a sign.

Then this weekend someone’s Facebook status was the Virgo horoscope for the day:

Well, talk about wake up call #2.

So, my friends, for those of you who have ‘been a little confused’ I would like to say I am back! Being a drag is a drag. And just to prove it I will show you this photo I snapped while leaving Whole Foods today. Just asking, is that what they mean by ‘Beyond’?

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Filed under absurdities, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Booty Pop – When baby don’t have back

Yes folks, now you too can have that perfect booty. With Booty Pop. What are these, you ask? Well, they are the panties that make your booty pop.

And we want our booty pop because…

Oh right, I am not the demographic.

As they say on the website “Lose that boring backside. Get a Booty-licious booty in an instant?” Oh dear lord. Then what happens when he falls for your big ole backside and you slide those suckers off and he finds the only thing in your panties is that boring backside. So, these are actually butt falsies? What next?

These were found in the Bed Bath & Beyond sale rack. Thinking maybe the BBB shopper out looking for some cookware or maybe a bathroom hutch is not in the market for Booty Pop panties. But hey, you never know.

Makes a nice impulse buy item.


Filed under absurdities, body image, humor, product reviews, products

The Mattress Cover Debacle

Why is it that I tend to find myself in situations that make me feel like I am living in a bad sitcom?

For those who do not know, my lovely daughter will be arriving home this Saturday after a semester abroad. She will be spending the first summer in 11 years at home – a story for another time. Since she has been gone for the better part of the past three years we never replaced the bed in her room. The very same twin bed that she has had since she got out of the junior bed when she was 5; that would be 16 years ago. It’s time, we certainly got our money’s worth.

We promised her, as she put it, a big girl’s bed before she came home. In true Amy fashion it was purchased and delivered within the last week before she arrives.

Of course I needed to get a nice fluffy cotton mattress cover and OF COURSE no self-respecting mom would put it on the bed without washing it. I mean everyone knows that the people in those factories have sex on those things before packing them (or worse) and it must be washed (with Downy) before ‘any daughter of mine will sleep on it’. Please refer back to this post about ironing her graduation gown that did not work out all that well either.

Mattress pad #1: Purchased for a song at Home Goods. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and the damn thing melted! Seems there is some skeeve guard lining under the gazillion thread count cotton that is not all that fond of dryer heat. Home Goods took it back, no problem. So much for a bargain (even if it was Ralph Lauren and the tag said tumble dry low)

Mattress pad #2: Purchased from Bed, Bath and Beyond. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and… yep, same deal. Even on low. Yes I am an idiot. At this point my dear friend Karen who had told me to air dry it confirmed my idiocy. And my new friend @squashedmom told me on twitter that i need to use the no heat setting (who knew, obviously NOT ME)

Mattress pad #3: BBB kindly let me exchange #2 saying they were surprised it melted and apologized. Seriously is this not happening to anyone else?! Ok, #3 in as many days is washed and air drying when I notice the NO HEAT setting on the dryer. Not gonna lie, popped it in there for 10. No melting but there were signs of a revolt going on around the edges so I stopped.

Yes, my domesticity is going down the toilet. And yes, I never learn.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, homeowner, humor, moms, parenting, products