Tag Archives: laundry

The Mattress Cover Debacle

Why is it that I tend to find myself in situations that make me feel like I am living in a bad sitcom?

For those who do not know, my lovely daughter will be arriving home this Saturday after a semester abroad. She will be spending the first summer in 11 years at home – a story for another time. Since she has been gone for the better part of the past three years we never replaced the bed in her room. The very same twin bed that she has had since she got out of the junior bed when she was 5; that would be 16 years ago. It’s time, we certainly got our money’s worth.

We promised her, as she put it, a big girl’s bed before she came home. In true Amy fashion it was purchased and delivered within the last week before she arrives.

Of course I needed to get a nice fluffy cotton mattress cover and OF COURSE no self-respecting mom would put it on the bed without washing it. I mean everyone knows that the people in those factories have sex on those things before packing them (or worse) and it must be washed (with Downy) before ‘any daughter of mine will sleep on it’. Please refer back to this post about ironing her graduation gown that did not work out all that well either.

Mattress pad #1: Purchased for a song at Home Goods. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and the damn thing melted! Seems there is some skeeve guard lining under the gazillion thread count cotton that is not all that fond of dryer heat. Home Goods took it back, no problem. So much for a bargain (even if it was Ralph Lauren and the tag said tumble dry low)

Mattress pad #2: Purchased from Bed, Bath and Beyond. Brought it home, washed it, dried it and… yep, same deal. Even on low. Yes I am an idiot. At this point my dear friend Karen who had told me to air dry it confirmed my idiocy. And my new friend @squashedmom told me on twitter that i need to use the no heat setting (who knew, obviously NOT ME)

Mattress pad #3: BBB kindly let me exchange #2 saying they were surprised it melted and apologized. Seriously is this not happening to anyone else?! Ok, #3 in as many days is washed and air drying when I notice the NO HEAT setting on the dryer. Not gonna lie, popped it in there for 10. No melting but there were signs of a revolt going on around the edges so I stopped.

Yes, my domesticity is going down the toilet. And yes, I never learn.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, homeowner, humor, moms, parenting, products

Everyone in their own beds… for now.

1 jeep.

2 very tired offspring.

10 loads of laundry.

1 blissfully happy mom.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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The upside of laundry

laundryLaundry. Never been a big fan. No matter how often you do it the pile keeps growing. Quite frankly I was never one of those moms that got off on the smell of the clean clothes. Or the neat piles when you put them away – maybe because those are non-existent in my house. 

But the upside of laundry in my house means it is a full one. My daughter (the jam master laundry maker) is home; filling a hamper in just a few days. Scary, but I love to see her clothes in the laundry. It is evidence that she is present. And there are a bunch of sheets on a half dozen aero beds tonight for the slew of boys who will roll in after midnight from a concert in the city. With any luck an equal amount of towels in the morning if they actually shower, but with 16-year-old boys that is always a crap shoot. 

A full house. I LOVE a full house. The laundry, not so much. But it is a small price to pay to have them here. A few years back it seemed like a nuisance. Now? I love nothing more.

So, all you moms who think that one more rinse cycle will put you over the edge, just remember, no laundry means they are not around. I have told many a mom who complains about their house being messy that a clean house is an empty one. 

Don’t get me wrong, it is not as if I have no life without the kids – there is always Twitter for G-d sakes – but there is something about having parented for almost 20 years that makes me really appreciate a heavy dose of it now and then.

Now if I could only teach the dog to fold…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.


Filed under family, humor, moms, parenting, teenagers, twitter

Stocking Follow-up

What is that disgusting mess in my sink, you ask? Well, those my friends, are the uncool and untextured stockings that I wore yesterday.

Um, Amy? Did you perhaps crap in these stockings, you ask? (sorry, I can be so infantile sometimes).

No my friends, this is what happens when you hand wash a pair of Donna Karan pantyhose in cold water. Are you kidding me?! This is how an overpriced pair of $18 stockings wash? (I know Mom, you are appalled that I pay that price for a pair of pantyhose).

My mother reminded me yesterday how I used to rip a few pair of tights a week when I was a kid. She would say, “Oh Amy, those aren’t even paid for yet!” and I always feared she would be taken away by the cops because she had stolen my clothes. (not all that sharp on credit cards in those days). She also reminded me how I used to go back to the playground and look for the circle of the tights that had fallen out of the knee (again, had a little issue with space and form relationships in those early years too).

A few thoughts about the ripoff high-end Donna Karans. What? You thought I would not have commentary on this?

1. If I wear these in the rain will they double as self-tanners.

2. Worse, if it is a hot day and my legs sweat will there suddenly appear weird brown splotches beneath the surface? That could be embarrassing.

3. Should there not be a disclaimer on the package similar to For Leg Use Only?

Ok, enough airing of my dirty laundry, I am calling it a day!

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Remember the Stink in Seinfeld’s Car?

I have a rival story.

There is nothing more perplexing than trying to figure out the mind of a 15-year-old boy. Unless of course you have been living with one and observed the habits of the pack he brings home.

As I have stated before, I love teenagers! I truly do. They are sophomoric, so am I. They love music, so do I. They love to laugh. Well, we all know, so do I!

This little story will make you both cringe and smile if you have ever lived with (or been) a teenage boy.

Last friday my daughter and I left my son and his 4 friends playing a heated game of basketball in the driveway. It was during the ghastly heat wave we had in NY last week. High 90’s, 1 million percent humidity. They were all dripping wet when we left and kept on playing after we were gone.

When we came back, Danny tells me that he had to take the laundry out of the dryer because, “they needed it for a minute”. I did not think much about it. Left for dinner with daughter and husband and sometime after the second hot sake it occurred to me!

“I know why they needed the dryer!” At that same moment my daughter got it to.

Yes, my friends, five 15-16 year old sweaty, disgusting, post-basketball-playing boys, took off their shirts and put them in the friggin’ dryer!

Worse yet, they put them on when they dried and went out for a friday night… with girls!

Nothing like baking that sweat into your clothing and impregnating my dryer with a stink that no can of Febreze will ever cure. (BTW, Febreze is the Spanx and Spacebags of living with teens) Can you imagine calling the repair guy, “Um, well, I have this kind of stink in my dryer that I can’t get rid of. No really, I have no idea where it came from”. Enough to get the Matag repairman out of retirement!

I can’t be sure, but I think I saw the cleaning lady turn up her nose when she did the laundry this week.

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Filed under family, humor, parenting