This was posted on Facebook today. The best part is that it was posted by a condom company. I know, all sorts of jokes brewing on that one.
I love Sir Richard’s, they are a condom company with a conscience. For every Sir Richard’s condom you purchase, you contribute one to a developing country. They are sort of the Tom’s of condoms.
Back to happiness. There are plenty of things to be happy about; equally as many to make you sad. The key here is what makes you happy on the inside? As a natural state. Maybe Warhol was right… the key is your willingness to get happy.
Sort of lifts the burden of misery, no?
So, I see this posted on Facebook today and seeing that we are big Zombie fans in this house I sent it to my business partner. Because, you know, we were insanely busy today with too many deadlines and I wanted
my projects to get out first and make her look bad to lighten things up a bit and make her laugh. I just thought this was funny until she clued me on on the horrific story in the news about the guy in Miami found naked and chewing another guys face. (How did I miss this story? Shame on me!) Apparently he was high on bath salts, the latest designer drug of choice… for zombie types, I suppose. This is simply too crazy to fathom.
Of course I posted this on my wall because it was just too insane and then I received a post on my timeline from an old friend about this lunatic in New Jersey (is that redundant?) who stabbed himself and then threw his skin and intestines at the cops trying to help him from self harm.
People, I am convinced that we should all consider a quick refresher course on zombie preparedness ASAP.
Thank goodness May is coming to a close.
Note: This never made it up on Tuesday, so forgive me if you cry on Friday instead. As a consolation I permit you to start drinking early.
Monday night we had the privilege to celebrate Dr. Jimmy’s birthday at The Blue Note to see Monty Alexander (highly recommended). For those who are not familiar, this is the historic jazz club in the Village in NYC. Seeing a show there is a comfort; the place has hardly changed and every time you walk through those doors you get the feeling that you are part of the real New York.
I arrived a little late and when I got there our table of 11 was mostly full. There were a couple of open seats at the end and a table next to us with a reserved sign on it. “Look at whose names are on that sign”, said Dr. Jimmy.
And there they were. As if every day I get to sit RIGHT NEXT TO one of my favorite recording artists and his wildly talented wife. Yes, my friends. Krall and Costello meant Diana Krall and Elvis Costello. AT THE NEXT TABLE. And if you have ever been to the Bluenote you would know how these tables are right on top of one another.
So, a little while later, in walked Elvis and Diana and sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME. Being the very cool and respectful NYers that we are we refrained from bothering them. Which by omission made us so not cool because we were deliberately ignoring them. I can’t tell if they were relieved or thought us rude and stuck up.
I posted this sign on Facebook and impressed all my friends. I am still wondering if Elvis did the same.
Since I am still uncomfortable with having not having acknowledged them at all, I would like to say here that sitting next to Elvis Costello goes up there with one of my greatest thrills. My first concert with Gary was Elvis Costello at the Eastman Theatre in Rochester when I was a freshman in college. It was raw and exciting and the beginning of what would become the sound I grew to love.
So, Elvis, if your social media monitoring picks this up I would like to say the next time we sit next to each other at a show it would be my honor to buy you and Diana a drink.
Or in this case, Lady. This story was just too bizarre to not share. And I am thinking of it as a sort of public service announcement in case this happens to anyone else.
A friend Facebook messaged me about an email she had sent that I did not receive for a project we are working on. This is what she said:
trying so hard to get stuff done but my house is infested with flesh eating flies…you should feature me on your blog… really…..ive been at that about to cry point since last sunday when i walked downstairs to 500 flies in my living room….uch…..
Wow, I thought, that is quite an opening line from someone I have not heard from in awhile. The visual of her lovely home infested with flies had sort of a Steven King feel to it. My response:
omg that sounds like a horror movie and no i did not get the email. what address did you send it to? flesh eating flies? WTH
I can be so sensitive.
Now here is where it is obvious that even a woman with flesh eating friggin flies in her house can still multi-task while telling her woes of this horrible episode. Here was her response:
where should i re-send to….i’ll send now…. and yes…. eat flesh of dead animal……took exterminator 3 days of coming back to finally find dead squirrel…. flies laid eggs…. on to 2nd batch hatching….. nothing they can do about it…. now that squirrel is gone waiting for them to die of starvation if i don’t get to them first…
So here is to you, my friend. Even though your lovely husband (and I do think he is wonderful) was in CA for the football game while this went down, and the little buggers seem to hide at night when he comes home so you are left to be the crazy woman in the house killing thousands of flies while your lazy dog does nothing, I still hold to the idea that we are never given more than we can bear.
And yes, I was not alone with my suggestion of mass quantities of alcohol because what else can you do in this situation but drink those little bastards away. Here’s hoping you are sweeping up fly carcasses (or is the carci?) and this will be behind you soon enough.
And hey, the offer to have the puppy come over and exterminate them still stands.
Do you ever wonder who writes these guides? Did someone post a complaint on the Facebook page of the Wahl Lithium Home Hair Cutter complaining that they had tried poking their eyes with this item and it caused injury? Did this person’s parents never use the phrase, ‘Knock it off, you’ll poke your eye out’ whilst they were fiddling around with something as a kid?
A big thanks to Joyce for sending this baby over just as I was pondering a topic for today’s post. Another reader sent me something yesterday that I am contemplating posting but it might just be too outrageous for me (doubtful).
Yeh, pretty corny post title. And yes, I have become that weird girl that posts pictures of puppies on her Facebook page. And I am damn proud of it.
For those who are not regular readers, I lost my best friend on earth almost 8 weeks ago. Mel, my Lab of almost 13 years, died suddenly and took me down. I literally cried for 3 weeks.
And then I stopped.
I realized, I am a dog person. As simple as that. I am not the type of person who can walk into their house and not have a four-legged heartbeat burst with joy at the site of me. Let’s face it, I am a canine-induced egomaniac. And I am not embarrassed to say that life without that unconditional love was simply too hard for me. This does not mean I am over the loss of Mel. Or that I could ever replace her. It is more a testament to what an amazing dog she was that I needed to have another right away.
So I would like to introduce you all to the next chapter in my dog-loving life:
Iko Iko Levinson.
For those who are music fans or hail from New Orleans, you will say things like, ‘Hey now’ or ‘cool’ or ‘which version, Dr. John or the Grateful Dead?‘ Or if you are a real music fan, ‘The Dixie Cups‘
If you are not a music fan, click this link to read about the song and it’s lore, and click the artists above to hear all the versions.
She has been home with us only a couple of days but we have already learned this one undeniable truth:
It is simply impossible to be sad in the presence of a puppy.
I always pride myself in keeping a sense of humor through acute times. It is my defense mechanism and it has served me well. But I also know that stress is cumulative. And sometimes it gets the better of you. (could this explain the hives that have started around my ankles and are making a journey up my body this past week?)
Last week during the great flood of 11.11, when my washing machine decided to regurgitate its contents all over the side of the basement that was NOT being renovated, I started to… well I started to lose my shit. Not only did my sense of humor start to wane, but I actually began to panic; something I try never to do.
While the wonderful team from ServPro was dragging out wet carpets and ruined moldings, I was dismantling my office to move upstairs. There on my desk I found a fortune that said, “Your sense of humor always serves you well.”
Talk about a sign.
Then this weekend someone’s Facebook status was the Virgo horoscope for the day:
Well, talk about wake up call #2.
So, my friends, for those of you who have ‘been a little confused’ I would like to say I am back! Being a drag is a drag. And just to prove it I will show you this photo I snapped while leaving Whole Foods today. Just asking, is that what they mean by ‘Beyond’?
After a rather trying day of work this ad popped up on my wall. The title made me laugh but when I looked closer at the photo I started cracking up. It appears that this a line of people sniffing other people’s underarms. I wish it was not such a lo res shot because I would love to get a closer look at this one.
My big question is what the hell was this photo originally taken for? Underarm deodorant ad? It actually looks like a scene from Woody Allen‘s Sleeper.
So, kiddies, does your career stink? Maybe you need to find this ad on facebook and click it.
Hmmm, now I am wondering what the heck I said about not liking my job that led the ominous facebook algorithm to place this ad on my wall. Creepy, indeed.