Do You Have Barbie Envy?

barbiethatbitch

Why do I find myself insanely jealous of whoever made this bumper sticker? I mean really, is that normal behavior?

I saw this in a parking lot and almost got hit by a car trying to take the picture. (that would be hard to explain: Well you see, officer, there was this bumper sticker that I HAD to get a shot of so I stopped while I was walking through the parking lot and did not realize that a car was coming and the rest is history. “That’s fine, really don’t worry”. And then to his partner, “call for a psych consult”)

For a change, I digress. So let’s talk Barbie for a minute. First, and foremost, we hate her because she is insanely skinny and never seems to be going to action figure Weight Watchers meetings. Nor does she age come to think of it.

Second, she has Ken and even though he does not have a penis (nor does she have nipples for that matter) they do seem to be a lovely couple and their relationship has been going on for… wait, let me Google this. Wow 43 years? But wait again, in my search there were a few references to a split. You can read about it on Bloggingscious (what kind of name is that and how do you pronounce it, is that like blogging delicious, hmmmm not working for me) and Man Behind the Doll (now there is a name to love). Whatever, it seems the breakup is way old news anyway. Give or take a few years these two have been together for a long time.

Third, she has the dream house for G-d sake. And the dream car. And all those tiny little shoes that little kids are forever getting stuck up their noses (Jana, did you do this or was that someone else?)

But, I worry about poor Barbie these days. Did she overextend herself with the mortgage on the Malibu beach house? Click that last link to find out more possible financial disasters for our dear old friend Barbie. Perhaps we should not worry, after all Poor is the New Rich! Once again, the old girl is always in fashion.

Wait, did she have a last name?

Oh yes she does! Dear Barbie has a Wikipedia page and her full name would be Barbara “Barbie” Millicent Roberts born March 9, 1959. OMG we are the same friggin’ age (yes I am that old, I just don’t act all that mature). Just in case you need to see the family tree you can see it here.

I know what you are all thinking right about now, ” what if she parked somewhere else today, what would she have written about?” 

Call it fate, or emerging insanity. Me? Just thrilled to have gained all that Barbie knowledge.

Still, she probably is a bitch.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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4 Comments

Filed under absurdities, blogging, fashion, humor, Jana, products, trends, women

4 responses to “Do You Have Barbie Envy?

  1. Kate

    Amy it’s so weird you just posted about Barbie because I just did a presentation about her for my pop culture class. One of the best pieces of info I found was that in order to make up for Ken’s lack of genitalia (the bulge was made bigger than originally designed), Matell gave him a lot of phallic props, like a big rifle, a baseball bat, an over-sized stethoscope, and a BBQ fork with a little pink weenie attached. See ya soon!

  2. Great post on a great topic! I think Barbie does have a name … I have written a few pieces on her, in the past, including one for the Christian Science Monitor. As I recall, her official name is Barbie Millicent Rodgers… not sure of the spelling at the moment — but I think she was named after her creator at Mattel.

    It’s fun to write about Barbie, fun to think about her … she’s definitely an icon!

  3. Pingback: Cougar Barbie « i could cry but i don’t have time

  4. Pingback: Top Ten Search Terms (vol. 7) « i could cry but i don’t have time

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