Category Archives: humor

Hannah Montana Mall Madness – Good Grief!

I took a trip to Toys R Us today, a place I have not visited in many years – thankfully. Although I must say all the salespeople were extremely helpful and in cheery spirits, which is something I do not remember from years ago. And there were a lot of them on the floor. Kudos to Toys R Us for doing a great job with your staff.

While I was on the check out line this appalling piece of merchandise caught my eye. I could not resist a post.

Note the dollar signs in the logo. Straight from the Hasbro product description I would like you to take a look at what this game is about:

“Will you be the rock star of this game? Hit the stores to see what bling bling you can cha ching with the stars of the Hannah Montana show! Get some steals and deals on clearance – but be careful not to totally max out. Catch a movie with Miley or head out for some ice cream with Jackson. Then meet up with Hannah Montana and see if you can borrow her credit card and charge up a storm. Buy six items and reach your final destination first and you’re the star of this mall scene!”

See what bling bling you can cha ching! Are you friggin kidding me?! So this is what we want to teach our 9 and up girls. Recession or no, this ‘game’ is simply downright offensive. (would you like me to really tell you how I feel?) Of course they will tell you they put in that line about deals on clearance and cautioning you not to max out. But remind me why we want to encourage our young girls to use credit cards again.

Look, I have wasted spent my share of money on senseless plastic items. I could have made a few year’s mortgage payments on the investment I made in Playmobil, Polly Pocket and Littlest Petshop (which BTW is made by Hasbro and these days also has a mall madness version – “Bring your pets to the mall for a wild shopping spree!” Oh dear G-d! Now we are corrupting the animals!). But at least my kids sat and had a few good hours of imaginative play with the earlier versions of these toys. Without ever once talking about credit cards, go figure.

This? This is just upsetting. Take a look at the electronic console. It has a damn ATM slot. Oh I guess that is for when you asked Hannah “if you can borrow her credit card and charge up a storm” (good friendship skills would be learned here)

I suppose this would be preferable to the poll dancing doll, but not much. Feel free to share any awful toys you see out there this holiday season.

Now all ranting aside – if you can – please make toy donations to children in need. This is what I really wanted to write about today.

There are many fabulous organizations out there who will get those toys directly into the hands of a child that might otherwise have a barren holiday season. Here are just a few (this list is not vetted and I have no affiliation with any of these organizations), or check your school district or community organizations for something more local.

toysfortots.org The primary goal of Toys for Tots is to deliver, through a new toy at Christmas, a message of hope to less fortunate youngsters that will assist them in becoming responsible, productive, patriotic citizens.

beaniesforbaghdad.com a bridge between our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, the chidren of Iraq, Kosovo and Afghanistan and very generous kind hearted people back home who want to do a small part to make the world a better place. Our Network of Points of Contact receive joy in passing out donations to young children who have suffered so much and have so little happiness in their life. Many of the children live in extreme poverty.

giftsinkind.org Through The Toy Bank, the first industry-wide program of its kind, charities in North America supporting underserved, homeless and at-risk children can obtain newly manufactured toys. And, toy manufacturers, retailers and distributors can reach children in need around the world– Millions of toys for millions of kids®

Now aren’t you glad this post ended on a happy note?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, games, humor, marketing, products

The Driver’s License

There a few givens in this world. One of them is that you will rarely, if ever, be satisfied with your driver’s license photo. And to add insult to injury, you are stuck with it for years.

My license expired this past September with the momentous occasion of my 50th birthday. As if it were not enough that AARP has been harassing me for the past 2 years by sending those damn cards every few months, I was faced with ‘the big decision’. To reshoot, or not to reshoot.

I was never fond of my license photo, I always felt I was having a bad hair day and I was wearing some ridiculous shade of lipstick that made me look a bit like Lucille Ball. So in my infinite wisdom, I decided to have a new picture taken.

I did my hair in the morning, put on a much more acceptable shade of lipstick and off I went to the DMV feeling very proud of myself.

Um, yeh, who’s a complete IDIOT!

Let’s face it, I don’t care who the hell you are, nobody looks better now than they did when they were TWENTY YEARS YOUNGER. Bad hair, bad lipstick and bad breath for G-d sake, a 30-year-old, by nature of her 30-year-oldness is simply going to look better in a picture than a 50-year-old.

Especially one who was not ready when the bitch sadist clerk behind the counter snapped the unfortunate shot of her.

This new picture makes me look a little like a football player. I am not sure exactly how they managed to give me a 30″ neck, but they did. And aside from being so washed out that I looked almost green, the expression on my face is one of say, maybe severe constipation? Or smelling something putrid? Or perhaps the exact look one would have when they took a look at their new driver’s license when it came in the mail 2 weeks later!

And please, don’t ask me to post the 2 photos here. It is bad enough when I get that look of pity from the security guys at the airport.

Take my advice, keep your old picture.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under humor, photography

What to get those ‘difficult’ people on your list

Oh please forgive me this post, but I could not help myself. A quick stop into Urban Outfitters today (no Jana this had NOTHING to do with your Hannukah gifts) and I came across these on the sale table. (can’t image why they were not a sell out).


I am only sorry I did not buy the whole lot of them.

The fact that they sell these does not surprise me. Keep in mind their demographic. And they sell a fart book with sound for goodness sake.

So, if there is a douche bag or two in your life (Ronni, I am thinking you might want to buy a set for that next PTA meeting) or an asshole you just can’t avoid having to buy a gift for, these would come in mighty handy.

I particularly like the design of the asshole plates, that diminishing spiral ending in what suggests to be the asshole of the plate is simply perfect. I am just a little stumped trying to figure out what you could serve on these.

I really think I need to go back and buy them…

Oh, and if you were thinking there is something wrong with your screen, no worries, it is in fact snowing on this blog and will be till January 4th. (you gotta love WordPress!)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

11 Comments

Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, holidays, humor, humor, magnet for the absurd, products, trends

Bagel and Pap Smear with a side of Santa?

Oh yes, ladies and gent(tile)s, the CBS Cares pap smear commercial has a christian version. If you missed my post last week you can read about it here. In short CBS has created a campaign around gifting pap smears. (that would be a hell of an item to regift, no?) Here is the jewish version complete with cream cheese reference (ew)

Thanks to my friend 24 at heart, I have been made aware that it’s not just jewish guys that think a pap smear appointment is the perfect holiday gift. I’m not going to lie here, I am a little put off that the christian guy is so much better looking than the pap ‘schmear’ jew with the nasal voice. And who could resist the line, “Give her the gift that even Santa can’t deliver”. Check him out (what a babe!)

But… it gets better. You see CBS is an equal opportunity advertiser. So for all you guys out there, this babe is urging us to schedule you a prostate exam. Oh yes, this is not a joke. And the tagline from this sultry blonde would be? “Give the gift that says Merry Christmas, I love ALL of you”. Shouldn’t that have been, “Give the gift that says turn your head and cough?”

What, you say? No woman of the tribe hawking a prostate exam. Oh yes there is! And her line? Oh really, I can hardly type from laughing so hard, “This Hannukah, give the gift of a kosher prostate.” WTF!!!! Again with the food reference. And this hebropsycho has this creepy way of smiling when she says the word prostate, like she is about to… never mind, you know what they say about jewish girls.

Ok, I will have to admit that these are getting attention, but they are kind of like staring at the accident. Since when did secular PSAs go out of style?

I can’t wait to hear the hispanic versions!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, health, humor, marketing, religion

Orange Peel Rorschach Test

Amongst his many talents, Gary has developed this very impressive style of peeling a clementine. I thought it would be fun to do a poll since we have not had one here in awhile. A little audience participation is always nice. No need to comment, unless you feel compelled, but please do cast your vote below.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, gary, humor, polls

Top Ten Search Terms (vol. 11)

untitled-1

I know, it’s been awhile since I have done one of these. This one is for Kate, who told me last night these are her faves. Here’s the drill for you new comers to the house of I Could Cry. These are my favorite actual search terms for the past month that landed people on this blog. I am always amazed at what people will key in. I add in a little commentary because, well because that is what I do. And I link them back to the posts that I think they found.

1. hannukah pap smear I am still mildly outraged by this (while being slightly amused at the absurdity). And I suppose many others are as well, since it is the number one search term this past week.

2. girl fights were boobs pop out Ah, the ever famous girl fight post, and of course its followup, Vol. 2. Yeh, this one is a big hit. And of course the top search term that lands them here always has a boob popping out. Yes friends, not only to the guys want to see a girl fight, they are always hoping for a boob to pop out. Simple physics, I suppose.

3. tampon games Again, tampon search terms are popular here. I write about them quite a bit. I linked to tampon bowling this time because besides tampon crafts, this is my favorite.

4. slippers made maxi pads What better follow-up to tampon crafts than the ever famous maxi pad slippers. Seriously folks, there is really no need to go past the corner drug store for your holiday shopping this year.

5. castrated I had to think about this one for a minute until I remembered the mannequins that I caught with their pants down at the mall.

6. dick in the box No, I am sorry, that would be a Big Box of Shut the Hell Up!

7. big penis posting pictures Ah. National Penis Day – how will you celebrate it? Yes, finally the penis has the day it was due.

8. sports, men, cheez-its crackers Think about that, this statement is almost a complete sentence.

9. how to make my pennis mussels strong Wow, you better have a strong ‘pennis’ if those are your spelling skills, pal.

10. humor and leashes I am thinking the kid in this post does not find this all that funny.

And there you have it. Hope you enjoyed the show. Now go eat some turkey and be nice to your family.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, humor, search engine terms

Man and Machine

This is a quiz. Which makes a man happier, a power washer or a leaf blower?

I suppose that is a trick question. (Don’t know why but I love this piece of clip art – maybe it is his stance with the hose between his legs, just makes me laugh)

Show of hands ladies, do any of you care to use one of the items… EVER?

Yeh, thought not. In fact the other day on twitter I heard a woman say, “leaf blowers are the soundtrack of hell”. Made me laugh. I personally think nightclub techno-pop music is the soundtrack of my nightmares so I appreciated her aversion to white noise.

Something about a guy and a hose of any kind (air or water) that just makes sense from a Mars and Venus point of view.

He was muddy when he was done, but damn was Gary happy this afternoon. Raquet in the AM, power washing in the afternoon. Doesn’t get much better than this.

Life is good.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under gary, homeowner, humor

Clothing (or why everything looks like my bathrobe)

I have this bathrobe that I absolutely love. It is the replacement for one I left in a hotel in Madison when I moved my daughter out this fall. For those who are wondering about this item it looks like this and comes from the Gap. (go ahead, click that link, buy one and tell me it is not love!)

No that is not me, I would never where white pajama pants?

Away I went for the weekend and packed (all my black clothes that apparently look like my robe) and one pink sweater because Ellen told me I needed ‘a splash of color’ and she has been sick and I did not want to upset her.

First night there I wore my black dress that really doesn’t look like the robe but, well maybe. Got up to go to the pool and put on the black beach cover-up that ok, maybe looks like the dress from the night before but not the robe (I think).

Next night, we were getting dressed and I put on a shirt and the response was, “Seriously, that kind of looks like your robe.” So I changed and put on a tank and a vest. And the response to that was, “Give us a break, that really looks like you just cut the sleeves off the damn robe.”

Which leads me to this…

if the robe fits wear it. Who cares what anyone else thinks.

(ok, so I wore the pink sweater that night).

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under fashion, humor

Have I Gone to Far?

pervert investi-

You know how you have to fill out these little captcha thingies when you are trying to post something on facebook so they know you are not a spammer? Well, if you don’t, then take my word for it.

So here I am posting something and the words that come up are ‘pervert investi-‘ which I am taking is the knickname for pervert investigation.

Uh oh. Did the vagina couch go to far? I mean, what the hell, I have posted about National Penis Day and the true meaning of Steely Dan before. But those were penis related. Could the va-jay-jay cross over the line and force the internet police to investigate a crazy old hag who has the nerve to list herself as a mom and family blogger?

Nah, just a coincidence.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, humor, technology

A what kind of couch?!

vagina-couch

You can buy anything on Craigs List. Really, ANYTHING!

And I can prove that with this listing for…

The Pink Upholstered Vagina Couch

Yep, that’s right. I bet you were wondering what the picture was. Or maybe you weren’t exactly wondering because it is kind of obvious. But maybe you were thinking it was a Georgia O’Keefe sculpture.

I love the description in the listing where she says, “For Sale – beautiful pink “vagina couch” that I made in art school and no longer have space for.”

Ok, so what is she adding to her decor that leaves her with no room for this? A penis chair maybe?

This is even better:

“the couch has some scuffmarks and stains around the bottom from being moved, but otherwise is in excellent shape.”

So what, this hey-nanny-nanny* couch has not seen all that much action, huh?

Thanks, once again, to cousin Frankie for pointing this out to me. Hey Frankie, what were you doing shopping for a vagina couch anyway?

* Gary term

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

15 Comments

Filed under absurdities, body image, humor, technology