The Driver’s License

There a few givens in this world. One of them is that you will rarely, if ever, be satisfied with your driver’s license photo. And to add insult to injury, you are stuck with it for years.

My license expired this past September with the momentous occasion of my 50th birthday. As if it were not enough that AARP has been harassing me for the past 2 years by sending those damn cards every few months, I was faced with ‘the big decision’. To reshoot, or not to reshoot.

I was never fond of my license photo, I always felt I was having a bad hair day and I was wearing some ridiculous shade of lipstick that made me look a bit like Lucille Ball. So in my infinite wisdom, I decided to have a new picture taken.

I did my hair in the morning, put on a much more acceptable shade of lipstick and off I went to the DMV feeling very proud of myself.

Um, yeh, who’s a complete IDIOT!

Let’s face it, I don’t care who the hell you are, nobody looks better now than they did when they were TWENTY YEARS YOUNGER. Bad hair, bad lipstick and bad breath for G-d sake, a 30-year-old, by nature of her 30-year-oldness is simply going to look better in a picture than a 50-year-old.

Especially one who was not ready when the bitch sadist clerk behind the counter snapped the unfortunate shot of her.

This new picture makes me look a little like a football player. I am not sure exactly how they managed to give me a 30″ neck, but they did. And aside from being so washed out that I looked almost green, the expression on my face is one of say, maybe severe constipation? Or smelling something putrid? Or perhaps the exact look one would have when they took a look at their new driver’s license when it came in the mail 2 weeks later!

And please, don’t ask me to post the 2 photos here. It is bad enough when I get that look of pity from the security guys at the airport.

Take my advice, keep your old picture.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
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Filed under humor, photography

6 responses to “The Driver’s License

  1. Ivy Mindlin

    or if you are me…they will let you look at it and you can actually take it over!!!!!

  2. LOL! Oh yes, the truth in these words! The only thing worse than my drivers license photo is the one on my passport – its bigger!

  3. Neal Shrier

    Z, you need to go with Zoey next time. She basically held a photo shoot (sans a stylist) a the RMV. She brought make-up and a brush with her. They must have taken 10 shots of her until she was satisfied. The road test took longer. Editors Note: change masochist to “sadist” and “advise” to “advice’. Lucy, I love you!

  4. Oh, how I sympathize. My driver’s license photo is actually quite nice, but my passport photo, a far worse 10-year fate (well, one that’s thankfully almost over!)? I was 22, and had just PERMED my hair. Why, I don’t know. Except the perm didn’t really take, and so instead, I was stuck with what can only be described as a giant pouf of dried-out, frizzy-but-not-curly black hair. It’s WRETCHED. A customs official in Syria once actually laughed at it, and asked for a second photo ID because he didn’t actually think it was me.

  5. Pingback: Driver’s License Update « i could cry but i don’t have time

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