Category Archives: absurdities

Odd Foodstuffs

kagit-helva

I am sure there is someone out there whose heart is warmed with the memory of eating this at grandma’s house, but me? Well I just love the little guy and the name of the stuff. No I did not taste it, I was not feeling all that adventurous.

Gary and I eat breakfast on Saturday mornings at a favorite little place called  Ayan’s Mediterranean Marketplace. Ayan is a really cool guy who does a ton of give back to this town so I am giving him a little link love here. The place is adorable with a view of the water and it makes us feel like we are away even when we are home. 

And while I am at it, since it is the weekend and I am feeling all sorts of charitable, here is a link to the makers of this lovely little delicacy, Koska. What, you don’t read Turkish? Ok, then press the English button at the bottom of their site. Yum, gotta get me some Kagit Helva!

I know, this is a really odd post. What else do you expect when you come here, current events?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, grandmothers, products

Cosmetic Surgery from Hell

eye-1

Late last night we were laying in bed watching a little TV. Gary, like most men, is the king of the clicker so I am usually at the mercy of where he lands. We spent some time watching a 1997 Who concert. It was fun, even if Roger Daultry was most definitely wearing a short shirt that I had in 7th grade. During the fundraising promos we got bored and started to channel surf.

There for the taking on WeTV was Cosmetic Surgery from Hell. Yes, that wonderful station that also brings us Bridezillas (a must watch) and High School Confidential (because going through High School once is never enough).  Sorry folks, I could not resist watching. 

I am not sure what was more disturbing, the horrifying post-surgical photos or the show’s host. Anyone remember Jocelyn Wildenstein? Quite a resemblance. I have not seen lips like these since she graced the cover of New York Magazine. The voice of this host was surely not gender correct to the body. But I have to admit that the sound bites did not disappoint. These were my two faves:

“If it’s sagging, bagging or wagging, cut the thing off.”

“At first you’re going to look like a piece of raw liver.”

What more can one say about plastic surgery. Those two lines surely cover it all.

As if this show was not enough one that followed? Sex Change Hospital.

Nothing like a little late night TV, but tonight I think I will read.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, body image, health, trends

Absurdities Poll

A few weeks ago I posted about the Man Bra. It was one of the many absurdities I have come across lately. At the end of that post I asked my readers to send me their best shot at the most absurd thing they have seen. I received quite a few excellent options. As promised, here are the choices. At the end of this post there will be a poll. I urge you all to vote. Why? I don’t know. Because it’s fun, maybe. If you are not the commenting type (which most of you aren’t) that is fine. But the voting is easy. C’mon, don’t be such a drag. Humor me. I mean here I am typing away every night to entertain, it’s the least you an do for me. (note to self: find out when Nana started channeling guilt through me)

Here goes:

1.  Men’s Butt Lifting Underwear. 

Submitted by Jamie of blonde mom blog. I guess this would be the equivalent of the push-up bra for women, right? Buy a pair of these and no more muffin top baby. You can put these suckers on and you are good to go, sans love handles!

2. Man Tries to Pay Bill With Spider Drawing

Submitted by Mel via her mom Judy. You can see the entire exchange at news9msn, but the abbreviated version is some guy claimed to not have any money and tried to pay a bill for 233.95 with the drawing below. He also claimed to be time traveling at one point as was unable to respond until he got back.

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.

3. Men In Tutus

Submitted by none other than my BBFF Liz of Flashfree. This is a runway shot from Fashion week. Notice how happy this guy is. I don’t think they are paying him enough. Can’t wait to see that page in the NYT Sunday Styles section where they show all the people on the street wearing the same styles. What is that page called? You can see all the other ridiculous styles at bestweekever.tv

male-model-1

4. Schwetty Balls

Submitted by my dear friend Cath who knows I could never resist a good set of Schwetty Balls. I know what you are thinking, how could I hold out all the way to number 4 for this sophomoric Amyesque choice? I love all the copy on this ad, but my absolute favorite line is “Get your hands on some Schwetty Balls this Holiday Season”. How can you resist a line like that? Feel free to jump on over to Phoenix Sports Promos and tell them I sent you. When they say ‘who?’ they will really mean, ‘oh Amy, we adore her and thank her for the referral’. (hint: if Phoenix is doing their job out there monitoring the internet like Callahead was maybe I can get a free case of these. BTW, still waiting for the BMW)

11-26schwetty1

5. Poodle abuse or do you think she digs this?

This one I found from my new Twitter friend @Dana_Willhoit. Dana tweeted this link the first day I started following her. Gotta love this. Check out Creative Grooming‘s site for more great shots. Oh, I love the Ninja turtle the best because when Danny was in nursery school and they asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up he said ‘A Ninja Turtle’. Anyone with a good tip on a college with a Ninja Turtle major, please let us know as we are starting our search soon.

poodles1

Ok, Now for the poll. (jeez this is a long post!) Please vote!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, humor, polls

Top Ten Search Terms (Vol. 4)

Welcome to the fourth monthly installment of Top Ten Search Terms. For those who missed the last three, you can read Vol. 1 here and Vol 2. here and Vol 3. here. As before, I have compiled a list of my 10 favorite (actual) search terms that viewers have entered to arrive at this blog. Every month I get a few more little goodies that take me by surprise or just plain crack me up. Scary what people will key in when searching. Scarier that they find me. Each entry is linked to the post I assume they arrived at when using these keywords.

For email subsribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. son lives in basement not work what to d (i hate when these get cut off. what was that last word? do?)

9. separated at birth photos, pets (is that so unusual, pets being separated at birth?)

8. fat guys in bathing suits (nothing like a fat guy in a bathing suit, they always make the husband look thinner)

7. i could cry for days (ok, this person has missed the whole point, and unless they landed on a Tuesday post they would be highly disappointed. or maybe not. maybe this person needs a good laugh.)

6. www.old hairy women.com (believe it or not, this is a real site so I am not sure why they landed here. you can visit it if you like but it starts with “Warning, adult content. Must be 18 years or old to access this site. And how, might I ask, do they proof you before you enter? I passed, thanks)

5. boobss pop out while fight (with two s’s? yeh, well what’s a girl fight without boobs(s) popping out. I would assume that is part of the lure)

4. how to poison someone (this one is concerning and I am happy to say I do not have any idea how this landed here so there is no link. To my knowledge (officer) I have not written any posts that illustrate how to poison my husband anyone)

3. i dont have a condom (ok, bud, then it looks like you are screwed. or not. either way it seems you are having a bad night)

2. moose intestine condoms (ew. Ew! EEEEWWWW!)

1. how about a big box of shut the hell up (this one? this one had me laughing for hours. in fact I cannot wait to use this the next time someone bugs me. how much fun would it be to say this to someone. I am still laughing. wait, is this not that funny and only I see the humor in it?)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, humor, search engine terms, searches, top ten lists

Hmm, this hot dog tastes like mouse!

I am not sure how I missed this one but I am grateful that my nephew has become my bird dog for the absurd. 

Seems this man opened up his bag of hot dog buns and found a little feller baked right in. This video cracks me up. I love how he says, “That’s certainly noticable, some one put that into a bag, they should have seen that”…”I see his little ears, clearly that is his tail. I am not sure what that is, maybe the left part of his leg or something. But that mouse is baked in there.”

The best part is how he slides the rolls back into the bag as if he was going to use the rest of them later. 

Makes you want to start that post holiday diet right away, doesn’t it?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, humor, humor, news

Spam Spam Spam, Wonderful Spam

Last week I wrote about Spam. I had a wonderful time learning all about the resurgence of this mother of all loaves. I found out that there was a Spam Museum, visited its website and Gary and I fell in love with the place. Especially the tagline, Better Than an Art Museum.

To my delight, one of my readers informed me that she and her husband had actually visited the place. Again proof that I have very giving blog friends.

I was out of my mind when she was so kind to send me the following photos. Thank you Casey Leigh for making my day and sharing your trip with us. (if you think I am not going to this place you are crazy).

Here is Casey on a statue called “Off to Slaughter” – what a lovely family place. casey_statue

Next, we have her hubby, Carl, with Spammy. Oh Carl, you are such a good sport. We could surely hang out with you. Wait, is this a statue or is there someone inside that Spammy suit?

sammy-and-husband1

Gary, when we go there can I play the ham and eggs computer game. Please, please, please!

ham-and-egg-computer-game

Family, please note the countertop around the placemat, if the background was pink that would be Nana’s kitchen counter. I LOVE when she channels!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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Filed under absurdities, humor, humor, museums, travel

Are Bloggers the new ‘Media’?

callaheadsite

There is much talk about bloggers being viewed, or perhaps narcissistically viewing themselves, as media. Me? I view my self as someone with an off-beat view on everyday life that keeps me entertained and helps me from not going over the edge from the stresses of life. I have long kept my friends entertained this way and started to blog to bring this warped vision to a bigger audience. (friends and family getting bored).

You can only imagine how surprised I was to find a link in my stats that brought me here. For those too lazy or not inclined to click that link, my blog post about CallAhead portable toilets has been featured on their website in the media section!

This is where I tell Gary about how bloggers get free stuff all the time when they mention people’s products. Hey, CallAhead has a better social media strategy than J&J for Motrin? Yikes, way to go potty guys! Do you guys Twitter? You can find me there @amyz5.

Gary’s response: Great, so what will we get, a free porta san on the front lawn? You couldn’t blog about BMW?

Ok, so here’s the thing. If the social media director at BMW is out there scanning blogs I just want to let you know that I am a really loyal customer and I love, love, love, my X3 and the lease is coming up soon. And Gary happens to have a really sweet 325ci convertible that is getting kind of old and we have a kid in college and another one on the way into college so car $ are tight and I would be real happy to blog all the time about your fantastic products because frankly BMW is my life and we could do a thing called extreme vehicle makeover where you drive away my old car and bring me a new one just because I happened to write about a billboard with a funny slogan on it about being #1 at picking up #2…

Alright, so maybe the CallAhead on the front lawn is a little more realistic.

A girl can dream, can’t she?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, carry a camera, education, humor, humor, marketing, news, photography, products, social media, twitter

Do You Have Barbie Envy?

barbiethatbitch

Why do I find myself insanely jealous of whoever made this bumper sticker? I mean really, is that normal behavior?

I saw this in a parking lot and almost got hit by a car trying to take the picture. (that would be hard to explain: Well you see, officer, there was this bumper sticker that I HAD to get a shot of so I stopped while I was walking through the parking lot and did not realize that a car was coming and the rest is history. “That’s fine, really don’t worry”. And then to his partner, “call for a psych consult”)

For a change, I digress. So let’s talk Barbie for a minute. First, and foremost, we hate her because she is insanely skinny and never seems to be going to action figure Weight Watchers meetings. Nor does she age come to think of it.

Second, she has Ken and even though he does not have a penis (nor does she have nipples for that matter) they do seem to be a lovely couple and their relationship has been going on for… wait, let me Google this. Wow 43 years? But wait again, in my search there were a few references to a split. You can read about it on Bloggingscious (what kind of name is that and how do you pronounce it, is that like blogging delicious, hmmmm not working for me) and Man Behind the Doll (now there is a name to love). Whatever, it seems the breakup is way old news anyway. Give or take a few years these two have been together for a long time.

Third, she has the dream house for G-d sake. And the dream car. And all those tiny little shoes that little kids are forever getting stuck up their noses (Jana, did you do this or was that someone else?)

But, I worry about poor Barbie these days. Did she overextend herself with the mortgage on the Malibu beach house? Click that last link to find out more possible financial disasters for our dear old friend Barbie. Perhaps we should not worry, after all Poor is the New Rich! Once again, the old girl is always in fashion.

Wait, did she have a last name?

Oh yes she does! Dear Barbie has a Wikipedia page and her full name would be Barbara “Barbie” Millicent Roberts born March 9, 1959. OMG we are the same friggin’ age (yes I am that old, I just don’t act all that mature). Just in case you need to see the family tree you can see it here.

I know what you are all thinking right about now, ” what if she parked somewhere else today, what would she have written about?”

Call it fate, or emerging insanity. Me? Just thrilled to have gained all that Barbie knowledge.

Still, she probably is a bitch.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, blogging, fashion, humor, Jana, products, trends, women

Ahh… the Mansierre

Just when I was starting to wrack my brain for something to write about my dear nephew sent me a link to this dlisted blog post featuring this baby.

mens-bra11

If only I could read the headline. Anyone out there able to translate that for me? And why do they have such a western looking guy in this photo? (hate his hair BTW).  Gizmodo has a nice comprehensive post up for this with all the photos. Please note that this is a premium product. And it is ‘produce’ by WishRoom. Oops, a little translation issue, dropped that final ‘d’. Wonder if the headline has any typos. Damn, anyone? Translation? PLEASE?

The bro, the mansierre, something to hold ‘moobs’. Today is the first time I heard that term. Why does that make me laugh so much? Oh, right, because I am insane.

Of course this prompted me to go hunting around to find out what competing products were out there. You know, can’t just steal a blog post concept, have to make it my own.

Here is another option, not as slick a pic and honestly, this guy… that face he is making. I find myself wishing this were a video.

manbrauz5

The male support vest

I guess I have become the person that people send absurdities to. I will take that role, it works with my personality. I am trying to find my niche. Maybe that is it. The absurdity queen. Call to action, everyone who reads this post, send me the most ridiculous thing you have seen. I will run a poll later on and we can vote on the best one.

Oooo, maybe there should be a prize…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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First there were tampon crafts…

snaitary-slippers

Who knew feminine hygiene products could be so crafty. For those who missed the tampon crafts post, please take a visit.

It appears I am not the only one who loved these. I received an email this week (thanks Paula) with yet another creative project idea.

The person who sent this out prefaced it with stating that Christmas was tight this year so she decided to make her gifts. Each person on her list will receive these hand made slippers. For us Jews, I suggest replacing the little ornaments with some dreidels.

Here goes (with a little commentary where I see fit):

How to Make Bedroom Slippers

You need 4 maxi pads to make a pair.

Two of them get laid out flat for the foot part.

The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.

Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.

Decorate the tops with whatever you desire.

These slippers are:

soft and hygienic (remember, these should be unused maxi pads)

have non-slip grip strips on the soles (glue strips for guys who don’t know)

built in deodorant keeps feet fresh (ew, I always hated scented)

no more bending over to mop up spills (nice feature)

disposable and biodegradable (the bio part might be a stretch)

environmentally safe (again, not sure about that).

Not bad, right? Don’t worry kids, mommy will not make you where maxi-pad slippers, as long as you make me a tampon menorah you are in the clear.

Wait, did one of you make me one of these in hebrew school years ago.

Note to self: talk to Rabbi about this.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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Filed under absurdities, crafts, humor, trends