Actually, that’s misleading. They were on sale for $89, so we bought 3 pounds.
Just kidding.
This big ole bucket of probably 5 grand wortth of ‘shrooms was sitting there just waiting for me to take its picture. Do you think they put them on sale because they were not moving fast enough?
I am unclear about what would make these mushrooms worth that kind of money.
Unless…
Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, food
Seriously, Chock Full o’ Nuts, the Energy Blend? We now need a Red Bull version of our morning joe? I saw this on the shelf next to the dark roast, ½ caff, regular, flavored, robust roast… you get what I mean. This is like liquid speed disguised an innocent cup of coffee. I fear the results. Yet I am sure there is a big market for this heart racer. I mean, hey, who doesn’t need at least twenty percent more energy?
I, for one, am a ½ caff kinda girl. And even that is too much for most people who talk to me early in the morning. I believe there would be a special request from most of my friends and colleagues that I never let this ‘Energy’ version pass my lips. I am afraid the top of my head would blow off.
Although it would be interesting to see how many words per minute I could speak on this stuff…
Filed under absurdities, products
As you may know, I am all about girl power. I have raised a strong daughter and a son who has a healthy respect for women who feel good about themselves. We take pride in feeling good about who we are and blah, blah, blah blah, blah… This post features two women who surely take their ideas of strong body image to new places.
Lovely painting, no? Pretty colors. Interesting textures. Makes you feel sort of warm and happy and optimistic about your day, right? And the best part about this baby is it was painted by boobies.
Ok, sort of an infantile thing to say. But seriously, all I had to do was vow to blog again and that old Magnet For The Absurd kavorka reactivated like you won’t believe. First, I signed onto Facebook today to find this post about boob painting from Taxi, one of my favorite sites.
Yes, boob painting. Marcey Hawk, a rather well endowed young woman, has chosen to take her two best assets and use them to paint with, taking the idea of body painting to a whole new level. This chick certainly is creative. I won’t get into her different methods here, you can read about them over on that Taxi post. The paintings are actually not bad and some of the world’s most famous bad boys are collectors.
As most of my early mornings are spent with post sharing – some professional, some just entertaining – I shared this one. Little did I know that one of my favorite cybergurls would counterpost me in the comments with one of the more outrageous things I have ever seen. And you know me, I thrive on the outrageous. Not easy to make me both wish I had unseen something and be ever so grateful that she shared it.
This one comes with a warning, it is surely not for the faint of heart. You see, as they used to say when I was in High School… tits are for kids. This, my friends, is a video about Vaginal Knitting.
No you did not read that wrong, this crazy Aussie is a ‘performer craftivist’ who spent 28 days in a gallery knitting from a skein of wool that she inserts in… her hey nanny nanny, so to speak. My favorite quote:
It’s unusual and confining. It’s restrictive, but no, it’s not painful. People push babies out of there, it’s a pretty robust area.
Robust indeed.
Honestly, even if I had not decided to blog again, this one would have taken me out of hibernation.
Filed under absurdities, art, blogging, body image, crafts, humor
Of course I asked. I mean, look at that sign!
There I was picking up Houdini Iko after she tortured every person at the dog groomer her bath today, and this sign taunted me from the counter.
Me: Laura, I’m asking about your bag of 20 duck feet. Are they real?
Laura: Yes they are.
Me: Ok, that is more than I needed to know about them.
Then I spent the rest of the day picturing Iko with 20 duck feet in her mouth at one time because she jams as many items in there as she possibly can. Someone please tell me why giving your dog duck feet (20 or any number for that matter) is desirable.
And what do they do with the rest of the duck?
UPDATE: alas, Mashable has an answer to all those footless ducks
Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor, Iko, signage
Could I have been the only person who noticed this? I am pretty sure I am the only one who took a picture.
This is proof that most people are on autopilot most of the time. I did spend a little time to see if the melon sign was on the display of pineapples. (too much time on my hands?)
Wait, am I a bad person for making fun of this instead of pointing it out?
Never mind, this falls under the category of doing little things during the day to entertain myself.
Filed under absurdities, humor, signage
It has been quite awhile since something made me laugh this hard. If you are my friend on facebook I apologize for the redundancy.
This little tidbit of hysteria comes from chinasmack.
These suckers are ‘full leg of hair stockings” and according to China’s microblogging service Sina Weibo, they are ‘essential for young girls going out.’
I am thinking these would look really hot with a pair of stilettos and a short skirt. I mean, why wear a pair of modest pants or maybe a long skirt when you can totally freak out every guy you come in contact with by wearing these?
Every dad’s dream, right? There is nothing that says I love you better than a gift of hairy leg stocks for daddy’s little girl.
Why do I feel I must own a pair of these? Oh right… Magnet for the Absurd.
You are all very welcome.
Yes, you can consider me fully back to blogging regularly with this post.
Filed under absurdities, body image, humor
Pun intended.
‘We all go. Why not enjoy the go?’
Hey Charmin, what were you guys thinking?
I am in the business. I am fully aware of the countless taglines submitted, the late nights getting silly around a conference table laden with candy, the absurd options that come out of these sessions and the painful layers of approvals.
I cannot help but think this one was a joke that somehow slipped into the pile and someone who was running out to catch a plane or go to a kid’s soccer game signed off on it without thinking.
Because, you know, even those of us who ‘enjoy the go’ – and believe me, I am one of them – know that this is just too absurd to be real. If you must know, bathroom humor and discussion of toileting has always been a favorite topic in my family. The joke is that it only takes about 15 minutes when we are all together before the discussion turns to… going. So if anyone would be the market for this, it would be us. But it sort of falls flat for me.
Now don’t get me going on the ‘Ultra Suave’ subhead to Ultra Soft. (picturing a guy with an ascot sitting on the bowl practicing smooth pick up lines) *There is nothing like humor when you are your own target… it was just pointed out to me that Ultra Suave is the Spanish translation for Ultra Soft… damn, apparently I would have done poorly on that trip to Spain. Imagine the trouble I could have gotten myself into there.
I will give this brand credit for their ‘sitorsquat’ public restroom app. Although, if I am not mistaken, they stole this idea from George Castanza.
FYI, I am a loyal user of Charmin despite their silly taglines and even though I know it is bad for the environment. There are some places I will not sacrifice, and let’s face it, butt suave is where it’s at.
Filed under absurdities, humor, products
Time: 6:45 am
Gary: Nooooo! Uch, now YOU get it.
Me: Ummm… you would be talking to who?
Gary: No, I am not kidding, you get it.
Me: (walking into the bathroom where I see both Gary and the Iko looking into the toilet) WAIT, I need to get a camera.
What, you thought I was going to stick my hand in the toilet to get that bone? Yeh, right! Yes, that is what that was, a bone. I have had people guess it was a sock and a condom. Seriously? A condom in my house? With my sans uterus, way past childbearing old arse?
Gary: She needs to get that out of the toilet. Go ahead Iko, you dropped it in there, now you get it out.
Iko: Gives the universal Lab look of ‘are you f’in kidding me’, turns around and walks out of the bathroom.
Me: Guess that leaves you, my sweet. Don’t worry, I just cleaned that toilet… um, when was that again.
He is hard pressed to believe I did not put the dog up to this… perhaps that will make him think next time he leaves the seat up ; )
Filed under absurdities, animals, carry a camera, humor, Iko, relationships
Coming out of the supermarket the other day I started loading the bags into my car (don’t judge me for not carrying reusable bags, I am lame), when I came across this bag with the eggs and…
canned goods.
Please tell me in what universe this made sense to a cashier?
I am very proud to say that I was a supermarket cashier in high school and I took great pride in bagging like items so that unpacking the groceries would be easier. Yes, even as a teenager I was an OCD Virgo.
Since having this job I understood the importance of putting like items on the belt together so that the bagging task would be easier. A little pay it forward for the poor cashiers who work their butts off on their feet all day.
Except for this guy, who was obviously getting high on his break .
What do you think the people in the parking lot were thinking when they saw me taking a picture of my groceries?
Don’t answer that.
Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, shopping
Remember that stupid saying,”You can pick your friends; and you can pick your nose; but you can’t pick your friend’s nose”?
I never really got that. I mean, people do all sorts of weird stuff with orifices (or is that orifici?), I would imagine a little nose picking amongst friends might be going on out there with the non-germphobic crowd.
I digress, this post was spawned by an email from the stock photography site, Corbis. I have been a Corbis customer since the olden days of graphic design when they would send out these delicious print volumes of stock photo images and we would flip through the pages to choose the right image. And instead of emails, we would receive teaser postcards with images like these to get us to call and do a search. Yes, I am aware this is the Art Director’s equivalent of the ‘I used to walk to school 10 miles in the snow’ story that my dad used to tell us. All you youngun’s, you will have these stories about archaic, clunky handheld mobile devices instead of the chip behind their ear that your kids will have.
Ughh… digressing again. The point is, the other morning, on a particularly difficult day for me (stay tuned for more on that on Tuesday), the photo above showed up in my inbox. It had that Sleeper-esque feeling about it and just the visual made me laugh. Their 20% headline was excellent for their purpose, but this headline popped into my head:
You CAN pick your friend’s nose.
I know, I am brilliant. What a lovely promo for a plastic surgeon… maybe a 2 for 1 deal! It made me laugh on a morning that laughing was the last thing I thought I would do, so thanks Corbis. But, the best part was yet to come when I clicked over to their site (yes it worked, they got the click-through from me and put Corbis top of mind), I found this photo… the pay off.
The proverbial ‘picked nose’.
Yeh it could be time to pitch a plastic surgery team. Anyone in? Other headline ideas?
Filed under absurdities, advertising, humor, magnet for the absurd, marketing, photography
i could cry but i don't have time 