Category Archives: search engine terms

December 4, 2008 · 5:50 pm

How about a big box of shut the hell up?

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Angry? Me? Actually no. But this search term that landed a reader on my blog just kills me. Wendy, you challenged me to write a blog post on this one, so here it is. 

Ask my family. This has overshadowed my need to sing Kung Fu Fighting daily. (yes, I really do that) I don’t know why I find this so funny. I love when something can make me laugh like that, even if it is completely ridiculous. Oh, that’s right, I love the completely ridiculous. In fact, I might have to say that is the mission statement of this blog. (are mission statements still fashionable?)

Over the past few days I have found that I have given this advise to people more than once.

What, you have a client that just changed the complete direction of a project you are working on? (you know who you are). Well, just send them ‘a big box of shut the hell up?’.

You say that a social worker you hired to help you navigate the horrific sandwich generation task of handling your elderly parent’s healthcare issues just threatened to quit? (you also know who you are). Well, my friend, get her on the phone and let her know she is getting a special delivery ‘big box of shut the hell up’.

Ok, one more. Your teenager is arguing with you, over text message no less, and you have had enough? (you surely know who you are). Tell her case closed and when she gets home she can carry that ‘big box of shut the hell up’ to her room and remember who’s the mama in your house. 

I am thinking of putting out a product line. (nobody steal this, ok) If you would design a big box of shut the hell up, what would it look like? Seems I have already started on the logo.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 30, 2008 · 10:06 pm

Top Ten Search Terms (Vol. 4)

Welcome to the fourth monthly installment of Top Ten Search Terms. For those who missed the last three, you can read Vol. 1 here and Vol 2. here and Vol 3. here. As before, I have compiled a list of my 10 favorite (actual) search terms that viewers have entered to arrive at this blog. Every month I get a few more little goodies that take me by surprise or just plain crack me up. Scary what people will key in when searching. Scarier that they find me. Each entry is linked to the post I assume they arrived at when using these keywords.

For email subsribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. son lives in basement not work what to d (i hate when these get cut off. what was that last word? do?)

9. separated at birth photos, pets (is that so unusual, pets being separated at birth?)

8. fat guys in bathing suits (nothing like a fat guy in a bathing suit, they always make the husband look thinner)

7. i could cry for days (ok, this person has missed the whole point, and unless they landed on a Tuesday post they would be highly disappointed. or maybe not. maybe this person needs a good laugh.)

6. www.old hairy women.com (believe it or not, this is a real site so I am not sure why they landed here. you can visit it if you like but it starts with “Warning, adult content. Must be 18 years or old to access this site. And how, might I ask, do they proof you before you enter? I passed, thanks)

5. boobss pop out while fight (with two s’s? yeh, well what’s a girl fight without boobs(s) popping out. I would assume that is part of the lure)

4. how to poison someone (this one is concerning and I am happy to say I do not have any idea how this landed here so there is no link. To my knowledge (officer) I have not written any posts that illustrate how to poison my husband anyone)

3. i dont have a condom (ok, bud, then it looks like you are screwed. or not. either way it seems you are having a bad night)

2. moose intestine condoms (ew. Ew! EEEEWWWW!)

1. how about a big box of shut the hell up (this one? this one had me laughing for hours. in fact I cannot wait to use this the next time someone bugs me. how much fun would it be to say this to someone. I am still laughing. wait, is this not that funny and only I see the humor in it?)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 9, 2008 · 5:22 pm

Naked Cowboy Wins the Big Buck(aroos)

naked_cowboy_in_times_square

I posted about the Naked Cowboy vs. Mars, Inc. lawsuit back in June. Robert Burck sued the candy company for copyright infringement when they created a blue M&M in his likeness and plastered it over Times Square. (On his turf no less).

Over the past couple of days I have noticed there was a lot of traffic on this blog with the search term Naked Cowboy. I did a quick scan and guess what?

Apparently he has settled. And get this, the NY Post is reporting the settlement was for $4 million!!

What a great country. Where a raving lunatic half-naked singing cowboy can hang in Times Square and create an intellectual property that warrants a multi-million dollar settlement.

Check out his website. Seems all those years of freezing his scantily clad butt off on the streets of NY has enabled him to create a brand that has yielded an EP called Year of the Cowboy, a podcast available on iIunes (yes there is a typo on his website), an MTV video, and Naked Cowboy.TV.

He is even available for Business/Appearance Opportunities through Naked Cowboy Enterprise. Under what circumstances would a business want to hire this guy? Who knows. Think creatively. And surely he would be the hit of any over-the-top Bar Mitzvah or Sweet 16.

Think about this. If you create a brand, no matter how ridiculous, and you are persistent and stick with the essence of that brand, the possibilities are endless.

Oh right, and if a major corporation does not do their homework on copyright infringement of an intellectual property, that helps too. To the tune of $4 million smackaroos…

Buckaroo.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog where Jana joins in the election bloglove.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 2, 2008 · 8:36 pm

Top 10 Search Terms (vol.4)

It is that time again. The monthly list of ridiculous search terms that land readers on this blog. For those who missed the last two you can read Vol. 1 here , Vol 2. here and Vol. 3 here. As always, I link the term to the post I think it yielded. And of course there is running commentary. Did you honestly expect me to shut up?

You can click on the terms and they will lead you to the posts that I think were found. For you email subscribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. ghandi action figure An all time favorite, the Albert Einstien Action figure post. I must go look for this guy and start posing him in odd places.

9. vilma flinstone This must be the german version. 

8. how to post a vegas video on facebook Perhaps you want to think this through a little more.

7. what time can we eat on yom kippur, 2008 Jews! All we ever think about is food!

6. you tube mary black sonny don’t go away There is another post that this might have landed on, but the one linked here is my very first post EVER and I am kind of sentimental about it. Also, for those who have not read me all along, it is quite entertaining and gives you a clear picture of how insane I really am. (note to self: is this wise?)

5. don’t cry past tuesday I try to stick with this idea. Tuesday, cry all you want but come Wednesday suck it up and move on kids. I had a hard time picking my fave here but decided that this one works the best with all the uneasiness we are feeling pre-election and post-wall street apocalypse.

4. cool hand dryers Is this the Paul Newman version?

3. jeans big ass Hoping this was not anyone walking behind me.

2. black gay men with beautiful naked asses Not a clue here but I will take this opportunity to urge all my California friends to VOTE NO ON PROP 8! Give me a break CA, WTF? Reverse evolution?

1. i am a woman with a hairy back I am quite grateful that I am not.

And there you have it. Another month of absurdities brought to you by i could cry but i don’t have time. We hope you enjoyed the show. Please tune in tomorrow for election anxiety updates and a special guest post surprise!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where they are celebrating their 1 year blogaversary. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich and There is no Hair in Team .

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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August 30, 2008 · 11:15 pm

Top Ten Search Terms (vol.2)

I will be shamelessly self-promoting my new photo blog, leaving the zip code, here from now on. You won’t be disappointed, I promise. Let’s see if some of you will take the ‘submit’ challenge.

This one was really hard to narrow down to only 10, so I cheated and put all the tampons in as one listing. They were all too funny to leave any out.

As I did last month, I have linked these to the posts I think the search yielded:

10. petafile aroiund my neiborhood (uh, do we have a spelling issue going on here? this link is a stretch but I could not think of what else they found with that)

9. victim nail polish (I was once a victim to nail polish but I went into therapy and now I am good)

8. highway to hell photo code (wait, is there a password to get into hell?)

7. does menopause make women irrational and (Duh!! No, these hormones are not a problem sonny, just don’t come near me when I have a knife in my hand. I cannot help but wonder what came after the ‘and’…homicidal? frankly psychotic? certifiably insane? any other suggestions?)

6. mars cheerleaders (imagine the outfits they would be wearing)

5. decision ball outlook so so (this is a pretty wishy-washy magic eight ball, no?)

4. okay to drive baby in convertible? (helloooo, if you have to ask we should get your number and call social services)

3. acronym for burnt mouth from hot pizza (that would have to be BMFHP?)

2. adirondack milfs (I believe this may be an impossibility, have you ever been to the adirondacks?)

1. tampons don’t work (um, maybe you need to change it more often),  yank out tampon  (ouch, must you yank?), strategies for getting tampon out (this one should be pretty simple, did you not know that was what the string was for?) and the all time fave…

obama covered with tampons (just the visual alone is hysterical. yes I posted about this one already, so sue me)

There were a few more that I loved, but I need to be selective, right? Feel free to vote for your faves. And claim any of them if they were yours.

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August 13, 2008 · 9:24 pm

Obama covered with tampons?!

Ok, I know I said last month that I would be doing a Top 10 Search Terms post at the end of every month. But I am sure you will see why I could not wait another 17 days for this one. (and it was my rule so I can break it).

I swear this is not retouched (except for the red outline). Yes, I do have the skill set to recreate this but you have to trust me that this is an actual screen shot from two days ago. Although I was mildly entertained by ‘funny pictures fat guys in bathing suits’ as I am sure I have one of the funniest. And ‘dorm room road signs’ had me intrigued (caution, empty beer cases ahead?). 

But this one. THIS ONE. Please tell me what would ever possess an individual to keyword in ‘obama covered in tampons’?!!! Under what circumstances would one think of this phrase? I mean, I know I wrote about Michelle Obama’s likeness to Wilma Flintstone (btw, this was all in good fun, I happen to like her) and of course I have had one or two tampon posts. But really how do those two get linked in a search. Troubling, no?

Remember those toilet paper bombs that people used to throw up on the bathroom ceiling in Jr. High School? (not Middle School, I am way too old for that). That was all I could think of.

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July 30, 2008 · 10:23 pm

Top Ten Search Terms (vol 1.)

It is great fun to check the stats section on WordPress and see what search terms have led people to this blog. Below you will find my top ten for the month. Each one has a link (or links) to the posts they must have found – and of course a little commentary.

I am thinking this will be a fun thing to do at the end of every month.

10. big sandwich: this could be one of two: F the Botox. Eat a Big Sandwich or Sandwich Generation, (hold the mayo)

9. what to do if mice are in the basement: Chairman of the Basement (but now that they mention it I am pretty sure there are mice living in the wall of my office)

8. what makes a car stink?: Remember the Stink in Seinfeld’s Car?

7. lab dies at groomers, July 2008: ooo, that sounds awful, my story is just funny. Dog in Street…

6. nail salon dead baby: (I am a bit concerned about why someone would keyword this, aren’t you?)The Grim Reaper at the Nail Salon

5. used her thong to save her life: no, no you silly searcher, that was the bra that saved her:Bras Save Lives (or mammary survival techniques) the thong caused injury worthy of a lawsuit: Thong Danger

4. tampon daughter: Bowling for Tampons (with or without your daughter this is fun) or more likely Do Not Flush Tampons… EVER

3. lazy jew parents send kids to camp: ouch! I will try to let that one slide in the name of being a readership whore. Sleepaway. 10 for 2.

2. i could cry but i don’t want to: I am thinking this person has missed the whole point and probably does not get my sense of humor.

and my number one fave – as I have asked this question many times…

1. am i menopausal or insane: Rebranding Menopause.

Thanks for playing folks and tune back in at the end of next month for more crazy search antics.

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