January 7, 2009 · 10:22 pm

Porn industry seeks federal bailout?

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This is why I love Twitter. Anyone sick of hearing that from me? Tough, it is a mild addiction and it is not hurting anyone. Oh, and it gives me all sorts of things to blog about.

Today I found a link to this post about the Porn Industry seeking a federal bailout on CNNPolitics.com. The comments are as amusing as the brief post.

Hustler Publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis are requesting a $5 billion bailout for the adult entertainment industry. It is not because the industry is hurting, but because, and I quote Flynt:

“…the industry leaders said the issue is a nation in need. People are too depressed to be sexually active. This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex.”

Nope, can’t make this stuff up. But we surely could use some pathetic play on words here, like ‘stimulus package’ or calling these industry leaders ‘humps’. Ok, cheap shots.

This goes to show you that even when the world is spinning out of control, the Spin Doctors are still thinking up new ways to get attention. Have to hand it to them, it got a laugh out of me.

Oh, and of course we must not overlook the other big political news today, Joe the Plumber Heads to the Middle East to cover the Gaza conflict for pjtv. A lovely little sound bit from good old Joe:

“Being a Christian I’m pretty well protected by God I believe. That’s not saying he’s going to stop a mortar for me, but you gotta take the chance.”

Now would be a good time to shamelessly plug my Joe the Plumber merch on Cafepress.com. C’mon you know you are dying for a t-shirt or a mug.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 6, 2009 · 11:00 pm

Business Cards for Babies?!

Now I have heard it all. While surfing around the net the other night I came across social printing site that was seriously selling baby business cards. No joke, they had these nauseating affected cute little sayings like, “it was cool to meet you, have your mom call my mom to make a paydate” with the kid’s name and place to write a phone number.

Give me a break here. Is this not bringing things to a whole new level of ‘hey lady you were not the first uterus to every squeak out a puppy before’!

Don’t get me wrong, I mean my husband is a printer and I love any shot to see ink hit paper, but this one made throw up in my mouth a little.

Which got Jana and I to thinking about another concept: dog business cards. I designed a couple here for Mel to hand out around the neighborhood. We are open for suggestions, any other things you would like to see on a dog business card?

mel-card1or for the more humble pooch

mel-card2Seriously, I am thinking I could make some quick cash with these!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 6, 2009 · 12:01 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – Family Time

‘Yes Mother!’

That is the response I always get from my son when I ask him a sentimental question. I can even hear his tone in a text message. It is half goofing on me half , “yes, I get it and I do know how important it is to you.”

With my daughter home for a few weeks we are all together again for a short while. It is not that we need to be doing anything special. Simply all together is what I crave. Four at the dinner table instead of three. Oops, sorry that would be five, the dog is always under the table.

Last night we ended the long holiday week with a movie night. We all went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Usually I would be less inclined to see a movie of that length on a Sunday night, but the idea of all four of us lined up in those seats together made it very appealing. The film turned out to be engaging and wonderful, but the fact that we all watched it together brought it to another level.

There was a scene at a first birthday party where one of the guests commented that the babies would all be in high school before they turned around. I looked up at Danny with ‘that face’ and he just started laughing. But I know he gets it.

And to tell you the truth, I don’t believe it is just me. I really do believe the kids find the family time special too. Perhaps it is because the moments are so fleeting. Or maybe it is simply because we truly enjoy each other’s company.

And no, I did not pay them to hang out with us!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 4, 2009 · 10:51 pm

Sorry Pal, this Jew is Not for Jesus

Only on i could cry but i don’t have time would a post about Jesus follow one about Childbirth Orgasms. What can I say, I have range!

As I have mentioned before, I have become a bit of a Twitter addict. For those who are unfamiliar with Twitter it is sort of a cross between a social network, like Facebook, and Instant Messaging, like AIM or ICHAT. And for my parents and in-laws, sorry about speaking in a foreign language in this post.

The other night on Twitter someone wrote that they were being followed by @jesus and they better watch what they say. I thought that was simply hysterical and ‘retweeted’ that comment. Not long after, I received an email that @jesus was now following me! The best line of all in the bio is ‘what would Jesus tweet?’

jesus-tweet

Oh Twitter – opportunities for all! This is a group of Christians trying to spread the word. Hey, G-d bless. But fellas this Jew is not for Jesus, so if you don’t mind, nothing personal but I will not follow y’all back. K?

A little further investigation tuned me in that there are many godlike twitter accounts out there in the twittosphere: @god, @jesus_christ, @baby_jesus, @almighty and there is even @thejesusgeeks and jokesandjesus.

Here is are some funny tweets I uncovered during my search: “Is it me or should @jesus have more than 13 followers?” Or how about this one, “I unfollowed @God the other night, don’t think @Jesus will help either. ; )” On Christmas, this one went out, ” @jesus, happy birthday big guy!” And my favorite one of all “Wow. @greygoosevodka is following me! F’in awesome! But it looks like I lost @jesus (*yikes).

Ok, all kidding aside here. I find this all a little off color. And kind of sticky. This has got to offend the more religious Tweeters out there. Then again, all is fair game in the world of social media I suppose.

Oh, in case you were wondering, to give the other side equal time, @satan is on Twitter too.

Can’t make this stuff up!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 3, 2009 · 7:37 pm

Childbirth Orgasms and Reborn Dolls

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Wow 20/20, I guess you felt the need to get those ratings up on a Friday night! Not unlike my desire to beef up my stats with this post title.

For those who missed this show you can catch it on the link above. Let’s start with the childbirth orgasms. There is actually a video called Orgasmic Birth. Call me crazy but sharing my childbirth on national TV would have been enough ot an invasion of privacy, but this? What do these people do for a living?  This is kind of one step beyond Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer if you ask me. Oh right, they want to ‘share’ with us so those who were stupid enough to be in excruciating pain so we can wake up and feel the orgasm.

Now I am really pissed, I spent all that time in those stupid Lamaze classes and I could have been learning how to give birth this way instead of having back labor. Gee, I feel so foolish.

Twitter was in an uproar while this was on last night. Funny, we never heard of this before and now there is a documentary and all these people telling us it is not uncommon.

Here is a quote from an Oby/Gyn friend, “I realize that everyone experiences things differently – where do you think S and M came from?? But if some women start to think of childbirth as feeling great I know there will be women demanding epidurals before sex!!!”

I know what you are all thinking, ‘she is just jealous’. You bet your ass I am! Then again, raising teenagers makes childbirth look like… well not an orgasm.

Next up, one of my faves. Reborn dolls. I will link you to the post I wrote on this one back in October. I had some pretty wacky comments there and a few emails that made my family urge me to shut down the blog from the weirdos, but hey, I am tough. In short, these are lifelike baby dolls that women tote around and ‘care for’ as if they were real. Yeesh, cuh-ree-py.

So 20/20 what’s on deck for next week? The Joy of Circumcision?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 2, 2009 · 11:42 pm

Art.

Ok. Art? Maybe.

I took this shot last summer in the Adirondacks. We were stopped at a light in a small town and there it was; perfect light on that yellow hydrant and the simple graffiti statement to the right.

What is the art here? The hydrant? The graffiti? The relationship of the two? Or the photo I took?

Or none of the above?

What? You think I have run out of things to write about? Hmmm, maybe THAT is the art.

What can you say about this image?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 1, 2009 · 10:27 pm

Does this SUV make my ass look fat?

Fuel Crisis

Nothing like a ‘does this make my ass look fat’ post to start the year off right!

Once again, thanks to my BBFF MizLiz, another absurdity has been brought to my attention. I don’t know how I missed this one last week.

A Beverly Hills doc, Craig Alan Bittner, decided to power his car with the human fat extracted during liposuction. I kid you not. Fat contains triglycerides that can be turned into diesel. Basically we are saying the fatter the ass the longer the ride?

Should his patients be asking for doggie bags so they don’t need to stop at the gas station on the way home from surgery? My crazy friend The Bloggess kept berating her vet to give her the ovaries from her cat after she was spade, is this so different?

Before you run out and book yourself an appointment to shrink ‘er down and gas ‘er up I am sorry to inform you that Dr. Bittner has closed his practice to volunteer in a small clinic in South America. One where there is a gas shortage, you ask? Don’t start getting all warm and fuzzy about the guy, in actuality he closed his practice because he is involved in a lawsuit with 3 patients because he allowed his ASSISTANT and his GIRLFRIEND to perform surgeries without a medical license. The attorney for the 3 patients said he removed too much fat (is there really such a thing as removing too much fat) and left them disfigured.

Sure, but did they or did they not have a full tank of gas when they left?

You can’t make this stuff up!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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December 31, 2008 · 3:49 pm

The Kafka Van

kafka_van_small1

Believe it or not, this van has been parked around the corner from my house for years and I have never thought to take a picture of it. I am sure the first time I saw it I was amused, but it became one of those weird things that are commonplace with routine. Still, not your average sight in a sleepy suburban town.

Now that I decided to make this my New Year’s post I had to give it some more thought.

I can’t help but wonder what the inside of this vehicle looks like. There are some makeshift curtains on the side windows. It looks like it was a school mini-bus in its first life which seems quite fitting. Not sure about the rack on the back, or is that apparatus used to keep the back doors bolted shut, like once you get inside you are not leaving so fast? Hmm, creepy.

What goes on in there? Is it piled high with German literature? What sort of weird activities could take place while driving around in a Kafka van? Do the occupants speak in run on sentences? Is there a sense of hopelessness when seated behind the wheel? Do other people think these things when driving by the Kafka van or is it just me?

I visited our dear friend Wikipedia and found out that good ol’ Franzy boy was an insurance man by profession. Not sure if that fits his aura, but hey, everyone has to make a living.

Here’s one more little interesting Wikifact about Kafka:

Prior to his death, Kafka wrote to his friend and literary executor Max Brod: “Dearest Max, my last request: Everything I leave behind me … in the way of diaries, manuscripts, letters (my own and others’), sketches, and so on, [is] to be burned unread.”[18] Brod overrode Kafka’s wishes, believing that Kafka had given these directions to him specifically because Kafka knew he would not honor them—Brod had told him as much. 

So, which one of you do I ‘assign’ the deleting (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) of all my blog posts upon my demise?

You will have to excuse me now as I need to go drive around and see if I can find where the Fellini convertible is parked.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 30, 2008 · 9:13 pm

Top Ten Search Terms (Vol. 5)

It is that time again. The monthly list of wild and crazy search terms that land readers on this blog. For those who missed the past installments you can read Vol. 1 here , Vol 2. here and Vol. 3 here and Vol. 4 here.

As always, I link the term to the post I think it yielded. And of course there is running commentary because quite frankly we all know I can’t keep quiet, EVER!

You can click on the terms and they will lead you to the posts that I think were found. For you email subscribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. i love math thong obviously a confused individual. if you are doing math in the presence of a thong you have missed the whole point
9. family girl fights ah, the infamous girl fights. searches never seem to tire of the idea of a couple of babes duke it out.
8. i dont have niplles oh my, that is quite unfortunate for you.
7. lost ring in car what to do you bring the car to the dealership and get hosed for $236 friggin dollars to get it out. caution: spouse will be highly agitated by this. it’s the car thing.
6. taking a tampon out, ouch! ok, a quick lesson on tampons, if it hurts to take it out you probably did not need to put it in to begin with.
5. olsen twins nail polish i love that this one came up. this was one of my first posts and a real fave. if you click on nothing else you should not miss this one.
4. birthing chihuahua, chihuahua birth chart i am flabbergasted at the amount of people searching for the birth of a chihuahua. And even more impressed that they spell it correctly.
3. what can i eat after botox Ok, this one killed me. Listen, if you already thinking about eating right after botox chances are you will not receive the full benefits of any kinds of plastic surgery. How about changing your habits?
2. doctor oddities I worry about doctors with oddities and why anyone would continue to see them
1. don’t have time for this No time for this? Perhaps crying. Well just in case I linked this to the last Time to Cry Tuesday because it is a personal fave. Just a tip out there, if you use the phrase, “don’t have time for this” you are probably the type of person who most needs to make the time. Whatever ‘this’ may be.

Happy New Year’s to one and all. Have fun. Stay safe. And try, for at least tonight, to let it all go and just have some plain old fun.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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December 29, 2008 · 9:08 pm

Time To Cry Tuesday – Thoughts on Mojo

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Well friends, here we are; the final Time to Cry Tuesday of the year. In light of the insane place we have found the world at the close of 2008 I have thought a lot about where we are and how our collective Mojo has faired through the turmoil.

Ah, Mojo. How do you describe its essence?

First, to quote Wikipedia (who did we quote before Wikipedia?) Mojo is a term commonly encountered in the African-American folk belief called hoodoo. A mojo is a type of magic charm…

My kids’ favorite Mojo reference is from Austin Powers when Dr. Evil steals his mojo.

And of course, no Mojo post would be complete without a little Muddy Waters Mojo Working.

To me, your Mojo is what gets you up in the morning and drags your sorry ass through the day making sure that you have at least a few good laughs and meaningful moments during the ride. Mojo is that faint little smile when you remember someone or something that rang your bell, made you FEEL, gave you full technicolor. Mojo, in short, is the joy in life. The fuel to your passions. It is simply put, what makes you YOU.

What is my concern about our collective Mojo? Well, it simply can’t be healthy to wake up every day to the news of the collapse of the business du jour. Banks, auto companies, retailers, ALL those people and charities who drank the Madoff kool-aid. When does it stop and how do we manage it? Do we all swallow on big fat proverbial Xanax and suck this all up till the world shifts back?

Nope, it is like anything else, you just have to deal.

For me, when you lose your Mojo you lose your soul; the part of you that makes it worth being alive. In the face of whatever bad news or challenging circumstance you find yourself, it is that part of you so deep down and real that NOTHING can destroy. Oh, it might get some scars. And it will surely sag a bit and gray with age. But your Mojo, it is yours.

Don’t ever lose it.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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