Category Archives: absurdities

January 10, 2009 · 12:20 am

Mantyhose, the Perfect Mansierre Companion

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Once again, my nephew has fed me another absurdity to share with my readers (thanks Matt).

Ladies and gentleman, I bring you:

Mantyhose! Not your mother’s pantyhose. (nice tagline)

Back in November I brought you the man bra, or what we Seinfeld fans like to call the Mansierre. Women, humor me for a moment and think of your significant other in a pair of these. Or better yet, everyone picture you dad. Your favorite professor. Your pediatrician. The gardner. Oh, I could keep going with this one, the visuals are fabulous. Oh wait…

The plumber! No more butt crack worries if he is wearing a pair of Mantyhose.

I love the ‘male comfort panel with convenient fly opening’. Guys, you will never have to know the joys or a pantyhose waistband around your knees while squatting over a public toilet.

My favorite part? Mild compression. I would imagine mild compression would be a nice sensation whereas tight compression could become a problem.

Want to purchase a pair? You can do that here.

Enjoy!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 8, 2009 · 7:57 pm

Lingerie or Purse?

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If I ever doubted why I carry a camera in my bag at all times this little frivolity confirmed my desire to always have one handy.

When I see an item like this I wonder if it were transported to a different context might it be seen as the hottest fashion craze? Hang one off the arm of an Olsen twin and these things would be flying off the shelves instead of hanging on the sale rack. The very same sale section where I spotted the Ricky Martin lunchbox back in October.

The odd thing is that these items were not found in a novelty store. I saw them at Pearl Paint, an art and craft supply mega-store that I always make excuses to visit as often as possible. This is the art supply store of my formative art student years. I simply feel better in those aisles with all those tubes and brushes. Yeh well, ok.

This bustier purse begs the question, “What art supply store buyer would make the choice to stock this item in the first place?” Going through supplier catalogs checking off inventory: oil paint, brushes, gold leaf, erasers, drawing paper, hot pink satin bustier purse with rhinestone accents, erasers, picture frames, clay… Sorry don’t see the logic here. Kind of like the Where’s Waldo of retail.

You know, looking at it now it is growing on me. I am kind of sorry I did not purchase it.

Hmmm, do you think it will still be there tomorrow? Seriously, this could MAKE any outfit at a North Shore Long Island Bar Mitzvah, no?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 7, 2009 · 10:22 pm

Porn industry seeks federal bailout?

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This is why I love Twitter. Anyone sick of hearing that from me? Tough, it is a mild addiction and it is not hurting anyone. Oh, and it gives me all sorts of things to blog about.

Today I found a link to this post about the Porn Industry seeking a federal bailout on CNNPolitics.com. The comments are as amusing as the brief post.

Hustler Publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis are requesting a $5 billion bailout for the adult entertainment industry. It is not because the industry is hurting, but because, and I quote Flynt:

“…the industry leaders said the issue is a nation in need. People are too depressed to be sexually active. This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex.”

Nope, can’t make this stuff up. But we surely could use some pathetic play on words here, like ‘stimulus package’ or calling these industry leaders ‘humps’. Ok, cheap shots.

This goes to show you that even when the world is spinning out of control, the Spin Doctors are still thinking up new ways to get attention. Have to hand it to them, it got a laugh out of me.

Oh, and of course we must not overlook the other big political news today, Joe the Plumber Heads to the Middle East to cover the Gaza conflict for pjtv. A lovely little sound bit from good old Joe:

“Being a Christian I’m pretty well protected by God I believe. That’s not saying he’s going to stop a mortar for me, but you gotta take the chance.”

Now would be a good time to shamelessly plug my Joe the Plumber merch on Cafepress.com. C’mon you know you are dying for a t-shirt or a mug.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 6, 2009 · 11:00 pm

Business Cards for Babies?!

Now I have heard it all. While surfing around the net the other night I came across social printing site that was seriously selling baby business cards. No joke, they had these nauseating affected cute little sayings like, “it was cool to meet you, have your mom call my mom to make a paydate” with the kid’s name and place to write a phone number.

Give me a break here. Is this not bringing things to a whole new level of ‘hey lady you were not the first uterus to every squeak out a puppy before’!

Don’t get me wrong, I mean my husband is a printer and I love any shot to see ink hit paper, but this one made throw up in my mouth a little.

Which got Jana and I to thinking about another concept: dog business cards. I designed a couple here for Mel to hand out around the neighborhood. We are open for suggestions, any other things you would like to see on a dog business card?

mel-card1or for the more humble pooch

mel-card2Seriously, I am thinking I could make some quick cash with these!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 4, 2009 · 10:51 pm

Sorry Pal, this Jew is Not for Jesus

Only on i could cry but i don’t have time would a post about Jesus follow one about Childbirth Orgasms. What can I say, I have range!

As I have mentioned before, I have become a bit of a Twitter addict. For those who are unfamiliar with Twitter it is sort of a cross between a social network, like Facebook, and Instant Messaging, like AIM or ICHAT. And for my parents and in-laws, sorry about speaking in a foreign language in this post.

The other night on Twitter someone wrote that they were being followed by @jesus and they better watch what they say. I thought that was simply hysterical and ‘retweeted’ that comment. Not long after, I received an email that @jesus was now following me! The best line of all in the bio is ‘what would Jesus tweet?’

jesus-tweet

Oh Twitter – opportunities for all! This is a group of Christians trying to spread the word. Hey, G-d bless. But fellas this Jew is not for Jesus, so if you don’t mind, nothing personal but I will not follow y’all back. K?

A little further investigation tuned me in that there are many godlike twitter accounts out there in the twittosphere: @god, @jesus_christ, @baby_jesus, @almighty and there is even @thejesusgeeks and jokesandjesus.

Here is are some funny tweets I uncovered during my search: “Is it me or should @jesus have more than 13 followers?” Or how about this one, “I unfollowed @God the other night, don’t think @Jesus will help either. ; )” On Christmas, this one went out, ” @jesus, happy birthday big guy!” And my favorite one of all “Wow. @greygoosevodka is following me! F’in awesome! But it looks like I lost @jesus (*yikes).

Ok, all kidding aside here. I find this all a little off color. And kind of sticky. This has got to offend the more religious Tweeters out there. Then again, all is fair game in the world of social media I suppose.

Oh, in case you were wondering, to give the other side equal time, @satan is on Twitter too.

Can’t make this stuff up!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 3, 2009 · 7:37 pm

Childbirth Orgasms and Reborn Dolls

ooo-ooo-baby

Wow 20/20, I guess you felt the need to get those ratings up on a Friday night! Not unlike my desire to beef up my stats with this post title.

For those who missed this show you can catch it on the link above. Let’s start with the childbirth orgasms. There is actually a video called Orgasmic Birth. Call me crazy but sharing my childbirth on national TV would have been enough ot an invasion of privacy, but this? What do these people do for a living?  This is kind of one step beyond Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer if you ask me. Oh right, they want to ‘share’ with us so those who were stupid enough to be in excruciating pain so we can wake up and feel the orgasm.

Now I am really pissed, I spent all that time in those stupid Lamaze classes and I could have been learning how to give birth this way instead of having back labor. Gee, I feel so foolish.

Twitter was in an uproar while this was on last night. Funny, we never heard of this before and now there is a documentary and all these people telling us it is not uncommon.

Here is a quote from an Oby/Gyn friend, “I realize that everyone experiences things differently – where do you think S and M came from?? But if some women start to think of childbirth as feeling great I know there will be women demanding epidurals before sex!!!”

I know what you are all thinking, ‘she is just jealous’. You bet your ass I am! Then again, raising teenagers makes childbirth look like… well not an orgasm.

Next up, one of my faves. Reborn dolls. I will link you to the post I wrote on this one back in October. I had some pretty wacky comments there and a few emails that made my family urge me to shut down the blog from the weirdos, but hey, I am tough. In short, these are lifelike baby dolls that women tote around and ‘care for’ as if they were real. Yeesh, cuh-ree-py.

So 20/20 what’s on deck for next week? The Joy of Circumcision?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 2, 2009 · 11:42 pm

Art.

Ok. Art? Maybe.

I took this shot last summer in the Adirondacks. We were stopped at a light in a small town and there it was; perfect light on that yellow hydrant and the simple graffiti statement to the right.

What is the art here? The hydrant? The graffiti? The relationship of the two? Or the photo I took?

Or none of the above?

What? You think I have run out of things to write about? Hmmm, maybe THAT is the art.

What can you say about this image?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 1, 2009 · 10:27 pm

Does this SUV make my ass look fat?

Fuel Crisis

Nothing like a ‘does this make my ass look fat’ post to start the year off right!

Once again, thanks to my BBFF MizLiz, another absurdity has been brought to my attention. I don’t know how I missed this one last week.

A Beverly Hills doc, Craig Alan Bittner, decided to power his car with the human fat extracted during liposuction. I kid you not. Fat contains triglycerides that can be turned into diesel. Basically we are saying the fatter the ass the longer the ride?

Should his patients be asking for doggie bags so they don’t need to stop at the gas station on the way home from surgery? My crazy friend The Bloggess kept berating her vet to give her the ovaries from her cat after she was spade, is this so different?

Before you run out and book yourself an appointment to shrink ‘er down and gas ‘er up I am sorry to inform you that Dr. Bittner has closed his practice to volunteer in a small clinic in South America. One where there is a gas shortage, you ask? Don’t start getting all warm and fuzzy about the guy, in actuality he closed his practice because he is involved in a lawsuit with 3 patients because he allowed his ASSISTANT and his GIRLFRIEND to perform surgeries without a medical license. The attorney for the 3 patients said he removed too much fat (is there really such a thing as removing too much fat) and left them disfigured.

Sure, but did they or did they not have a full tank of gas when they left?

You can’t make this stuff up!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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December 31, 2008 · 3:49 pm

The Kafka Van

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Believe it or not, this van has been parked around the corner from my house for years and I have never thought to take a picture of it. I am sure the first time I saw it I was amused, but it became one of those weird things that are commonplace with routine. Still, not your average sight in a sleepy suburban town.

Now that I decided to make this my New Year’s post I had to give it some more thought.

I can’t help but wonder what the inside of this vehicle looks like. There are some makeshift curtains on the side windows. It looks like it was a school mini-bus in its first life which seems quite fitting. Not sure about the rack on the back, or is that apparatus used to keep the back doors bolted shut, like once you get inside you are not leaving so fast? Hmm, creepy.

What goes on in there? Is it piled high with German literature? What sort of weird activities could take place while driving around in a Kafka van? Do the occupants speak in run on sentences? Is there a sense of hopelessness when seated behind the wheel? Do other people think these things when driving by the Kafka van or is it just me?

I visited our dear friend Wikipedia and found out that good ol’ Franzy boy was an insurance man by profession. Not sure if that fits his aura, but hey, everyone has to make a living.

Here’s one more little interesting Wikifact about Kafka:

Prior to his death, Kafka wrote to his friend and literary executor Max Brod: “Dearest Max, my last request: Everything I leave behind me … in the way of diaries, manuscripts, letters (my own and others’), sketches, and so on, [is] to be burned unread.”[18] Brod overrode Kafka’s wishes, believing that Kafka had given these directions to him specifically because Kafka knew he would not honor them—Brod had told him as much. 

So, which one of you do I ‘assign’ the deleting (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) of all my blog posts upon my demise?

You will have to excuse me now as I need to go drive around and see if I can find where the Fellini convertible is parked.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 23, 2008 · 9:46 pm

Oddities in the Doctor’s Waiting Room

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Seen in the waiting room of an ob/gyn’s office today:

Young man with spiky hair and his girlfriend wearing ripped leggings. He was carrying a copy of  Puppies for Dummies. Should we not be concerned that this couple was breeding?

Old Orthodox Jewish man with long white beard and black hat sitting in a chair next to… a teddy bear.

Dr. Phil! What is up with these friggin’ people? Why would you do this on National TV? Are they for real with all this crying and airing of their personal business for the whole world to witness. (hmmm, sounds like some popular mommy blogs we know, does it not?)

News promo, “Baby Jesus returned to manger in Babylon… Town Mall (for non-locals, Babylon is suburb of NYC)

A plate of garlic knots at the receptionist’s window where there would normally be a basket of hard candy. What is up with that?(fyi, spiky haired man asked his girlfriend if she wanted one because it would make her breath ‘taste’ real bad! this sounds like something Napoleon Dynamite would say.)

That about sums it up folks.

Does everyone encounter these kinds of oddities in their day or is it just me?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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