Ever since my daughter has been home from school we have noticed that the dog is beginning to look quite a bit like her. What do you think?
Oh, Jana is the one with the glasses.
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
No, I did not make up that name, but I wish I did. This is an actual typeface that I found today while doing a font search. I will admit I colored it and added the effects, but hey, who wouldn’t?
You can see it here on my favorite free typeface website, dafont.com. (please keep in mind many of the free fonts are for personal use, if you want to use them commercially you need to contact them. This one in particular would be for EXTREMELY personal use).
This sucker (no pun – ok maybe yes pun) was designed by Graham Meade of GemFonts and I am not going to lie, I think I might have a crush on him. Seriously, how can you not love a guy that designs a typeface like this? It is so beautifully executed with just a hint of the perverse while still maintaining that whimsical aura. (ok, too many years of doing design presentations, I know).
Yes, once again I am an infant. But let’s be honest, that is why most of you come here every day; to see me behaving poorly.
Wishing you all a happy new year, be safe and remember, penic masturbata is just font usage with someone you love. And of course, hoping you do not experience any typface interruptus in 2010.
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, humor, humor, sex, work
I know, it’s been awhile since I have done one of these. This one is for Kate, who told me last night these are her faves. Here’s the drill for you new comers to the house of I Could Cry. These are my favorite actual search terms for the past month that landed people on this blog. I am always amazed at what people will key in. I add in a little commentary because, well because that is what I do. And I link them back to the posts that I think they found.
1. hannukah pap smear I am still mildly outraged by this (while being slightly amused at the absurdity). And I suppose many others are as well, since it is the number one search term this past week.
2. girl fights were boobs pop out Ah, the ever famous girl fight post, and of course its followup, Vol. 2. Yeh, this one is a big hit. And of course the top search term that lands them here always has a boob popping out. Yes friends, not only to the guys want to see a girl fight, they are always hoping for a boob to pop out. Simple physics, I suppose.
3. tampon games Again, tampon search terms are popular here. I write about them quite a bit. I linked to tampon bowling this time because besides tampon crafts, this is my favorite.
4. slippers made maxi pads What better follow-up to tampon crafts than the ever famous maxi pad slippers. Seriously folks, there is really no need to go past the corner drug store for your holiday shopping this year.
5. castrated I had to think about this one for a minute until I remembered the mannequins that I caught with their pants down at the mall.
6. dick in the box No, I am sorry, that would be a Big Box of Shut the Hell Up!
7. big penis posting pictures Ah. National Penis Day – how will you celebrate it? Yes, finally the penis has the day it was due.
8. sports, men, cheez-its crackers Think about that, this statement is almost a complete sentence.
9. how to make my pennis mussels strong Wow, you better have a strong ‘pennis’ if those are your spelling skills, pal.
10. humor and leashes I am thinking the kid in this post does not find this all that funny.
And there you have it. Hope you enjoyed the show. Now go eat some turkey and be nice to your family.
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, humor, search engine terms
Sometimes I worry about sharing the absurdities in my household.
Wait, no I don’t, this is one of the main reasons I started blogging.
Backstory: Gary has all sorts of crazy sayings that he claims ‘everyone knows’. Most of them are not exactly family-rated (ok, I guess the Steely Dan post wasn’t either). This is one of the kids’ favorites. When you say something to aggravate him he tells you to…
“Jump up my ass and look for strawberries!”
No, I am not kidding. At first they tried to analyze what it meant. (scary) Then it just became a given.
Sunday morning phone call:
Gary: I am done with tennis, what do you want to do for breakfast.
Me: I am making french toast but I need strawberries.
Gary: Great, I will pick some up.
then he hesitates a moment and says:
Or… I could bend you over and pull them out of your ass.
Yeh, well maybe you had to be there. Or maybe you are calling social services as you read this. Forget about it, the younger one is 17. The damage is already done.
French toast anyone?
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, family, gary, humor
Seriously, how infantile is this? And how many of you want to purchase one and send it off to that special someone?
Thanks to my BBFF Liz for sending this a while back. She happens to be on vacation in the very country where they sell this baby, but still reading and commenting so I thought she would get a kick out of this.
This is a little different than sending someone a Big Box of Shut the Hell Up, but has the same sentiment. Sometimes people simply infuriate you. If you are prone to gift giving, these items surely fit the occasion.
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, humor, products
Ah, the Spy Mix; every mother’s dream vending machine. I love the safety warning in the corner. It is the traditional choking hazard. “The small toys, balls or marbles in this machine are not meant for children under the age of three.” The fact that these are weapons and handcuffs is not a problem, we just don’t want your toddler choking on them.
I saw this in a vending machine at the movie theatre. Anyone else find this an odd thing to have in a suburban movie theater? I can picture the little boys pumping quarters into this sucker trying with all their might to get those handcuffs, only to find out they will are too small to restrain anything bigger than maybe the cat.
Or how about walking into the local emergency room with your kid having one of those little guns wedged hopelessly up their nose.
What ever happened to the machines with those really big pieces of gum? Wasn’t that enough?
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, humor
Jews were not meant to go without food.
It is a simple fact that without caloric intake, and surely caffeine, things can go haywire.
Big time.
Antics. That is the only way to explain the absurdity of the end of my day. Amy antics. To the nth degree.
Keep in mind that the patriarchs in the family are hearing about this for the first time with this blog post, so to my dad and father-in-law, sorry the bagels were not warmed up and really, it was all my fault.
Here goes. And understand that there is no way you could make this stuff up.
I, in my control freak fashion infinite kindness, tried to help my mother-in-law out by picking up the food for break fast and keeping it in my garage fridge so it would not spoil. On cooler days she can keep it on her terrace, but in the name of not wanting rancid smoked fish and egg salad, we offered to keep it here and bring it over to her house at 5 when my husband and the dads went back to closing services for Yom Kippur.
For reasons of logistics I was taking my dad’s car. I loaded the trunk, closed it and realized I had just…
locked the keys in the trunk!
Yeh, well that did not suck much. I was going to run to my parents house (35 minutes away) to get another set of keys when my mother-in-law, in her infinite wisdom suggested AAA. The fact that she was not ready to kill me at this point is truly amazing.
I begged the guy on the phone to get here ASAP telling him how my dad was going to kill me. Then promptly told him how old I was when he replied, “hey, I am 62 and I am still afraid of my mother! She used to chase me with a wooden spoon.” Alrighty, then.
Sure enough they sent a locksmith within in the hour.
My man Andre! Oh, how I loved him. Especially when we found out that the trunk release button did not work unless the key was in the ignition. If you are still with me here, THE KEYS WERE IN THE DAMN TRUNK. He used the little entry to the trunk through the armrest in the back seat and somehow navigated around platters and bagels and kugels to find those keys. And during it all gave some sage-like advice about some higher reason why we should not be where we were supposed to be at that moment and that is why this happened.
Zen locksmith.
And then it started to rain.
Luckily we got there about 15 minutes before the starving temple guys and made a quick effort of getting it all together.
Sorry dad, but don’t worry, the car is fine. Thanks to my mother-in-law for being such a good sport and my mom for staying calm and sharing a good (nervous) laugh through it all.
Moral of the story:
Stay out of it and risk the rancid fish on the terrace.
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, family, holidays, humor, Time to Cry Tuesdays
For those who do not live in these parts, that is the way people tawk heah.
Well, not all of us, but I suppose many. If you are a New Yorker you can tell the subtle difference between the Brooklyn dialect and that of say, Joisey. If not, we all sound the same to you. It is even more apparent when you were raised here and then move away. My brother gets a big kick out of hearing the old NY-speak.
I bring this up today because I have encountered a particularly classic brand of the Long Guyland accent this week. As I posted earlier, I am a Jury Duty phone alternate this week. Every night, after 5, I have to call in to see if I am required to show up the next day. Yes, this is very convenient… NOT!
Anyway, when I called in the second night and every night since, the man on the recording had the most classic form of the Long Island accent. The first time I actually laughed out loud and then proceeded to leave his accent as my Facebook status. It had such a warm reception there I thought I would bring it over to the blog and share it with all of you. Here is what he said:
“This is the Nassaw County Jurah notification system. You must locate yaw jurah numbah located on paht A of yaw jurah caud. Yaw numbah stahts with the lettah aw.”
Let me translate that for you:
“This is the Nassau County Juror notification system. You must locate your juror number located on part A of your juror card. Your number starts with the letter R.”
Hey, there’s no place like home.
This reminds me of an ad campaign I did in a High School art class…
Long Island, more than just an accent!
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under humor, New York, New York City, places of interest
This sort of gives cannon balls a new meaning!
Alright, I admit I have reached new depths of sophomoric behavior. There should be a shot of me falling down laughing on the lawn in front of him while taking the picture.
Yes, Gary is AGAIN a good sport. And yes, this also explains his comment about explosives in cameras. He claims to be humoring me but I know he loves doing this. At least I think he does.
Hey, if after all these years we cannot amuse ourselves, what is the point?
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, gary, humor
I kid you not. In my sleepy little town they have this lovely movie series at Sunset Park, aptly named for the obvious reason that it has the most magnificent sunsets over the bay.
Do you think they decided to show this movie because it was funny to show Jaws by the water? This banner across Main Street (yes, we have a Main Street, we ooze quaint) caught my eye and cracked me up. Lovely rendering, no?
I am not sure if I am just paying more attention because I am working hard at being alert and not rushing, or if there are an unusual amount of humorous things out there lately.
What will they show next week The Poseiden Adventure?
Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.
Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, places of interest, road signs, signage
i could cry but i don't have time 