Category Archives: blogging

December 23, 2008 · 9:46 pm

Oddities in the Doctor’s Waiting Room

puppies-for-dummies

Seen in the waiting room of an ob/gyn’s office today:

Young man with spiky hair and his girlfriend wearing ripped leggings. He was carrying a copy of  Puppies for Dummies. Should we not be concerned that this couple was breeding?

Old Orthodox Jewish man with long white beard and black hat sitting in a chair next to… a teddy bear.

Dr. Phil! What is up with these friggin’ people? Why would you do this on National TV? Are they for real with all this crying and airing of their personal business for the whole world to witness. (hmmm, sounds like some popular mommy blogs we know, does it not?)

News promo, “Baby Jesus returned to manger in Babylon… Town Mall (for non-locals, Babylon is suburb of NYC)

A plate of garlic knots at the receptionist’s window where there would normally be a basket of hard candy. What is up with that?(fyi, spiky haired man asked his girlfriend if she wanted one because it would make her breath ‘taste’ real bad! this sounds like something Napoleon Dynamite would say.)

That about sums it up folks.

Does everyone encounter these kinds of oddities in their day or is it just me?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 12, 2008 · 11:23 pm

NY Friggin’ Hamster House?

nyhh

This will fall under the category of ‘You Just Can’t Make this Up’. I was half listening to WFUV (Fordham University’s gem of a radio station) when a report came on about the New York Hamster House.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, New York has it’s very own shelter for homeless hamsters. Here is quote from the site in case you are not inclined to click on the link:

“Wilhelm, the first guest, was found running across Broadway at Thayer Street in Inwood. Since then, the NYHH has taken in over 500 homeless animals, and has placed most of those in happy, safe forever homes. We shelter, adopt out, and board hamsters (as well as gerbils and mice).”

How lovely that the gerbils and mice are included. This is what I call non-sectarian rodent rescue.

In keeping with the idea that EVERYONE has a blog, the NYHH also has one. Please note that October 30th post has a photo of a hamster in a cheerleading uniform. Better watch out for those cheerleaders, they can be vicious.

Honestly, I am a lover of animals and I appreciate what Ms. Jessica Wells is doing. But for some reason I just can’t get past the idea of what this place must smell like.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 4, 2008 · 5:50 pm

How about a big box of shut the hell up?

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Angry? Me? Actually no. But this search term that landed a reader on my blog just kills me. Wendy, you challenged me to write a blog post on this one, so here it is. 

Ask my family. This has overshadowed my need to sing Kung Fu Fighting daily. (yes, I really do that) I don’t know why I find this so funny. I love when something can make me laugh like that, even if it is completely ridiculous. Oh, that’s right, I love the completely ridiculous. In fact, I might have to say that is the mission statement of this blog. (are mission statements still fashionable?)

Over the past few days I have found that I have given this advise to people more than once.

What, you have a client that just changed the complete direction of a project you are working on? (you know who you are). Well, just send them ‘a big box of shut the hell up?’.

You say that a social worker you hired to help you navigate the horrific sandwich generation task of handling your elderly parent’s healthcare issues just threatened to quit? (you also know who you are). Well, my friend, get her on the phone and let her know she is getting a special delivery ‘big box of shut the hell up’.

Ok, one more. Your teenager is arguing with you, over text message no less, and you have had enough? (you surely know who you are). Tell her case closed and when she gets home she can carry that ‘big box of shut the hell up’ to her room and remember who’s the mama in your house. 

I am thinking of putting out a product line. (nobody steal this, ok) If you would design a big box of shut the hell up, what would it look like? Seems I have already started on the logo.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 2, 2008 · 10:52 pm

Absurdities Poll

A few weeks ago I posted about the Man Bra. It was one of the many absurdities I have come across lately. At the end of that post I asked my readers to send me their best shot at the most absurd thing they have seen. I received quite a few excellent options. As promised, here are the choices. At the end of this post there will be a poll. I urge you all to vote. Why? I don’t know. Because it’s fun, maybe. If you are not the commenting type (which most of you aren’t) that is fine. But the voting is easy. C’mon, don’t be such a drag. Humor me. I mean here I am typing away every night to entertain, it’s the least you an do for me. (note to self: find out when Nana started channeling guilt through me)

Here goes:

1.  Men’s Butt Lifting Underwear. 

Submitted by Jamie of blonde mom blog. I guess this would be the equivalent of the push-up bra for women, right? Buy a pair of these and no more muffin top baby. You can put these suckers on and you are good to go, sans love handles!

2. Man Tries to Pay Bill With Spider Drawing

Submitted by Mel via her mom Judy. You can see the entire exchange at news9msn, but the abbreviated version is some guy claimed to not have any money and tried to pay a bill for 233.95 with the drawing below. He also claimed to be time traveling at one point as was unable to respond until he got back. 

Dear Jane, 
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.

3. Men In Tutus

Submitted by none other than my BBFF Liz of Flashfree. This is a runway shot from Fashion week. Notice how happy this guy is. I don’t think they are paying him enough. Can’t wait to see that page in the NYT Sunday Styles section where they show all the people on the street wearing the same styles. What is that page called? You can see all the other ridiculous styles at bestweekever.tv

male-model-1

4. Schwetty Balls

Submitted by my dear friend Cath who knows I could never resist a good set of Schwetty Balls. I know what you are thinking, how could I hold out all the way to number 4 for this sophomoric Amyesque choice? I love all the copy on this ad, but my absolute favorite line is “Get your hands on some Schwetty Balls this Holiday Season”. How can you resist a line like that? Feel free to jump on over to Phoenix Sports Promos and tell them I sent you. When they say ‘who?’ they will really mean, ‘oh Amy, we adore her and thank her for the referral’. (hint: if Phoenix is doing their job out there monitoring the internet like Callahead was maybe I can get a free case of these. BTW, still waiting for the BMW)

11-26schwetty1

5. Poodle abuse or do you think she digs this?

This one I found from my new Twitter friend @Dana_Willhoit. Dana tweeted this link the first day I started following her. Gotta love this. Check out Creative Grooming‘s site for more great shots. Oh, I love the Ninja turtle the best because when Danny was in nursery school and they asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up he said ‘A Ninja Turtle’. Anyone with a good tip on a college with a Ninja Turtle major, please let us know as we are starting our search soon.

poodles1

Ok, Now for the poll. (jeez this is a long post!) Please vote!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 30, 2008 · 10:06 pm

Top Ten Search Terms (Vol. 4)

Welcome to the fourth monthly installment of Top Ten Search Terms. For those who missed the last three, you can read Vol. 1 here and Vol 2. here and Vol 3. here. As before, I have compiled a list of my 10 favorite (actual) search terms that viewers have entered to arrive at this blog. Every month I get a few more little goodies that take me by surprise or just plain crack me up. Scary what people will key in when searching. Scarier that they find me. Each entry is linked to the post I assume they arrived at when using these keywords.

For email subsribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. son lives in basement not work what to d (i hate when these get cut off. what was that last word? do?)

9. separated at birth photos, pets (is that so unusual, pets being separated at birth?)

8. fat guys in bathing suits (nothing like a fat guy in a bathing suit, they always make the husband look thinner)

7. i could cry for days (ok, this person has missed the whole point, and unless they landed on a Tuesday post they would be highly disappointed. or maybe not. maybe this person needs a good laugh.)

6. www.old hairy women.com (believe it or not, this is a real site so I am not sure why they landed here. you can visit it if you like but it starts with “Warning, adult content. Must be 18 years or old to access this site. And how, might I ask, do they proof you before you enter? I passed, thanks)

5. boobss pop out while fight (with two s’s? yeh, well what’s a girl fight without boobs(s) popping out. I would assume that is part of the lure)

4. how to poison someone (this one is concerning and I am happy to say I do not have any idea how this landed here so there is no link. To my knowledge (officer) I have not written any posts that illustrate how to poison my husband anyone)

3. i dont have a condom (ok, bud, then it looks like you are screwed. or not. either way it seems you are having a bad night)

2. moose intestine condoms (ew. Ew! EEEEWWWW!)

1. how about a big box of shut the hell up (this one? this one had me laughing for hours. in fact I cannot wait to use this the next time someone bugs me. how much fun would it be to say this to someone. I am still laughing. wait, is this not that funny and only I see the humor in it?)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 23, 2008 · 11:48 pm

Are Bloggers the new ‘Media’?

callaheadsite

There is much talk about bloggers being viewed, or perhaps narcissistically viewing themselves, as media. Me? I view my self as someone with an off-beat view on everyday life that keeps me entertained and helps me from not going over the edge from the stresses of life. I have long kept my friends entertained this way and started to blog to bring this warped vision to a bigger audience. (friends and family getting bored).

You can only imagine how surprised I was to find a link in my stats that brought me here. For those too lazy or not inclined to click that link, my blog post about CallAhead portable toilets has been featured on their website in the media section!

This is where I tell Gary about how bloggers get free stuff all the time when they mention people’s products. Hey, CallAhead has a better social media strategy than J&J for Motrin? Yikes, way to go potty guys! Do you guys Twitter? You can find me there @amyz5.

Gary’s response: Great, so what will we get, a free porta san on the front lawn? You couldn’t blog about BMW?

Ok, so here’s the thing. If the social media director at BMW is out there scanning blogs I just want to let you know that I am a really loyal customer and I love, love, love, my X3 and the lease is coming up soon. And Gary happens to have a really sweet 325ci convertible that is getting kind of old and we have a kid in college and another one on the way into college so car $ are tight and I would be real happy to blog all the time about your fantastic products because frankly BMW is my life and we could do a thing called extreme vehicle makeover where you drive away my old car and bring me a new one just because I happened to write about a billboard with a funny slogan on it about being #1 at picking up #2…

Alright, so maybe the CallAhead on the front lawn is a little more realistic.

A girl can dream, can’t she?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 22, 2008 · 6:23 pm

Do You Have Barbie Envy?

barbiethatbitch

Why do I find myself insanely jealous of whoever made this bumper sticker? I mean really, is that normal behavior?

I saw this in a parking lot and almost got hit by a car trying to take the picture. (that would be hard to explain: Well you see, officer, there was this bumper sticker that I HAD to get a shot of so I stopped while I was walking through the parking lot and did not realize that a car was coming and the rest is history. “That’s fine, really don’t worry”. And then to his partner, “call for a psych consult”)

For a change, I digress. So let’s talk Barbie for a minute. First, and foremost, we hate her because she is insanely skinny and never seems to be going to action figure Weight Watchers meetings. Nor does she age come to think of it.

Second, she has Ken and even though he does not have a penis (nor does she have nipples for that matter) they do seem to be a lovely couple and their relationship has been going on for… wait, let me Google this. Wow 43 years? But wait again, in my search there were a few references to a split. You can read about it on Bloggingscious (what kind of name is that and how do you pronounce it, is that like blogging delicious, hmmmm not working for me) and Man Behind the Doll (now there is a name to love). Whatever, it seems the breakup is way old news anyway. Give or take a few years these two have been together for a long time.

Third, she has the dream house for G-d sake. And the dream car. And all those tiny little shoes that little kids are forever getting stuck up their noses (Jana, did you do this or was that someone else?)

But, I worry about poor Barbie these days. Did she overextend herself with the mortgage on the Malibu beach house? Click that last link to find out more possible financial disasters for our dear old friend Barbie. Perhaps we should not worry, after all Poor is the New Rich! Once again, the old girl is always in fashion.

Wait, did she have a last name?

Oh yes she does! Dear Barbie has a Wikipedia page and her full name would be Barbara “Barbie” Millicent Roberts born March 9, 1959. OMG we are the same friggin’ age (yes I am that old, I just don’t act all that mature). Just in case you need to see the family tree you can see it here.

I know what you are all thinking right about now, ” what if she parked somewhere else today, what would she have written about?”

Call it fate, or emerging insanity. Me? Just thrilled to have gained all that Barbie knowledge.

Still, she probably is a bitch.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 21, 2008 · 7:17 pm

Blogaholic? Me?

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Uh oh. It has happened. Blogging (and twittering) have now gotten in the way of my real life. Wait, I have a real life, right? I mean my real life did not get up and pack it’s bags while I was banging the keyboard, right?

This could be a problem folks. I may need help.

Here are a few conversations that have taken place in my house lately:

Danny: mom, you are obsessed with blogs.

Me: NO I AM NOT! (the classic doth protest too much response, how cliché).

Gary: I need to say this. I think your personal hygiene has gone down the tubes since you started blogging

Me: What? Are you crazy?

Gary: Let’s see, whenever I call during the day you tell me you haven’t showered yet. The other day I came home from work and you were still in your walking clothes and did not shower till midnight.

Me: Um, in my defense I never get into bed without showering.

Gary: And you did use the sentence, “I don’t remember the last time I washed my hair” the other day.

Me: Alright. Maybe I did say that but I did not mean like it was weeks or anything.

Come to think of it my nails do look like they could be in fashion if I were a rich young thang. And perhaps the fact that I still had sweats on at 3PM AND they were on inside out could all be signs of, what shall I say, a little personal neglect of sorts.

But I have been working at home for years. And have kids for almost 20 of those years (yikes, hard to say that one outloud). I have always spent a ridiculous amount of time in my subterranean office cocoon affectionately known as the command center. I have over-volunteered and fallen victim to the sandwich generation woes many times while working full time, taking care of a family and a home and still was able to take a shower in a timely fashion.

So, what makes the blogging piece the culprit? 

Suggestions, please? I need to be rehabilitated.

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November 20, 2008 · 6:26 pm

Ahh… the Mansierre

Just when I was starting to wrack my brain for something to write about my dear nephew sent me a link to this dlisted blog post featuring this baby.

mens-bra11

If only I could read the headline. Anyone out there able to translate that for me? And why do they have such a western looking guy in this photo? (hate his hair BTW).  Gizmodo has a nice comprehensive post up for this with all the photos. Please note that this is a premium product. And it is ‘produce’ by WishRoom. Oops, a little translation issue, dropped that final ‘d’. Wonder if the headline has any typos. Damn, anyone? Translation? PLEASE?

The bro, the mansierre, something to hold ‘moobs’. Today is the first time I heard that term. Why does that make me laugh so much? Oh, right, because I am insane.

Of course this prompted me to go hunting around to find out what competing products were out there. You know, can’t just steal a blog post concept, have to make it my own.

Here is another option, not as slick a pic and honestly, this guy… that face he is making. I find myself wishing this were a video.

manbrauz5

The male support vest

I guess I have become the person that people send absurdities to. I will take that role, it works with my personality. I am trying to find my niche. Maybe that is it. The absurdity queen. Call to action, everyone who reads this post, send me the most ridiculous thing you have seen. I will run a poll later on and we can vote on the best one.

Oooo, maybe there should be a prize…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 2, 2008 · 8:36 pm

Top 10 Search Terms (vol.4)

It is that time again. The monthly list of ridiculous search terms that land readers on this blog. For those who missed the last two you can read Vol. 1 here , Vol 2. here and Vol. 3 here. As always, I link the term to the post I think it yielded. And of course there is running commentary. Did you honestly expect me to shut up?

You can click on the terms and they will lead you to the posts that I think were found. For you email subscribers you will have to go to the page of the blog to use this function.

10. ghandi action figure An all time favorite, the Albert Einstien Action figure post. I must go look for this guy and start posing him in odd places.

9. vilma flinstone This must be the german version. 

8. how to post a vegas video on facebook Perhaps you want to think this through a little more.

7. what time can we eat on yom kippur, 2008 Jews! All we ever think about is food!

6. you tube mary black sonny don’t go away There is another post that this might have landed on, but the one linked here is my very first post EVER and I am kind of sentimental about it. Also, for those who have not read me all along, it is quite entertaining and gives you a clear picture of how insane I really am. (note to self: is this wise?)

5. don’t cry past tuesday I try to stick with this idea. Tuesday, cry all you want but come Wednesday suck it up and move on kids. I had a hard time picking my fave here but decided that this one works the best with all the uneasiness we are feeling pre-election and post-wall street apocalypse.

4. cool hand dryers Is this the Paul Newman version?

3. jeans big ass Hoping this was not anyone walking behind me.

2. black gay men with beautiful naked asses Not a clue here but I will take this opportunity to urge all my California friends to VOTE NO ON PROP 8! Give me a break CA, WTF? Reverse evolution?

1. i am a woman with a hairy back I am quite grateful that I am not.

And there you have it. Another month of absurdities brought to you by i could cry but i don’t have time. We hope you enjoyed the show. Please tune in tomorrow for election anxiety updates and a special guest post surprise!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms where they are celebrating their 1 year blogaversary. And at 50-Something Moms Blog… Poor is the New Rich and There is no Hair in Team .

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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