Category Archives: absurdities

March 13, 2009 · 7:46 pm

Satan Calling

666-6666

Yeh, that title should get me some interesting traffic.

Speaking of traffic (I know, pathetic segue), while sitting in it today I was behind this car. 666-6666. That is quite a potent number. Of course I had to do a little research on this devilish number.

Here are a few interesting facts:

On May 23rd, 2006 the mobile number 666-6666 was auctioned for charity in Qatar. It sold for 10m Qatari riyals or $2,746,045.59. According to the article in The Register here are some other interesting little factoids in the 666 arena:

On a techy note, the first Apple Computer sold for $666.66, the sixth letter of the Hebrew alphabet is w – so www. shows how evil the internet is. And finally, Viagra has a molecular weight of 666.7g/mol.

So all you internet porn addicts on apple computers…

looks like you are going straight to hell!

On further exploration I decided to check out the local area codes for this number.

516 – no such number.

631 – I got this interesting message, ” The voice mailbox of Hello There is full, please try again later”. Friendly little devil out there in Suffolk County.

718 – very foriegn voices that sounded kind of like a terrorist cell and creeped me out that maybe they had caller ID and I was screwed.

And 212? Apparently that was the one that was advertised on this bumper, Carmel car and limo service! I wonder if they had to pay through the wazoo to get that number.

Or perhaps they just had to sell their souls.

Alright, cheap jokes tonight. But at least I got us out of the bathroom.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 12, 2009 · 9:08 pm

Doodyman

doodymanNo, I did not make this up. Once again, Joyce – of Butt Paste fame – has pointed out another great tidbit of tushydom. This is a real ad from our charming little hometown newspaper. This is better than the Call-Ahead Billboard, “We are #1 at picking up #2”

Doodyman! I MUST find out if he has t-shirts. And the cartoon! What the hell came out of this guy’s butt? What ever it was caused him to exclaim ‘OW’ with a whole cursing sequence. Do you think this was clip art or did they have a custom illustration done?

This wraps up my bathroom trilogy for the week. I hope you enjoyed the show. And please, don’t forget to wipe on your way out.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 8, 2009 · 12:02 am

Butt Paste

butt_paste

People like to send me absurd things from time to time. I have a reputation for having a deep appreciation for these sorts of things.

This one did not disappoint. A big thanks to Joyce for finding this beautiful example of product naming that tells it exactly like it is.

Butt paste, my friends, is that gooey stuff that you use to coat your kids behind. Name it what you may, it looks like this item is nothing more than repackaged zinc oxide. My favorite part is the claim that it has a ‘pleasant smell’. Oh great, so in case you want to sniff your babies ass you won’t be offended.

Love the goofy illustration of the baby with the big ears and the goofy look on his face like…

well, like someone just spread a nice thick layer of butt paste on his tush.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 4, 2009 · 10:56 pm

Cougar Barbie

I have written about good ‘ole Barbie  before. I am fascinated by all the attention she still gets. Do little girls still play with Barbies? My daughter had them but I don’t remember caring all that much about them. Seems they were alway naked and those damn little shoes were always getting stuck in the vacuum. I am sure someone got one stuck up their nose at one point.

Today I was talking to a client about turning 50 and after we hung up she sent me this video. It gave me my laugh for the day. How can you resist the idea of *dream botox* and pole dancing accessories?

Hope all you cougars out there – of any age – enjoy it.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 1, 2009 · 12:06 am

Feeling a bit pig-headed?

pork-brains-milk-gravy

These lovely morsels came to my attention from my old friend Nina (thanks Nin). I love when people send me disgusting things to blog about. Makes me feel I have really honed my brand. You know, everyone in the blogosphere has now become ‘a brand’, guess mine is the queen of absurdities.

Back to the, um, PORK BRAINS?! People really eat these? They make Spam look like health food. Check out the circled portion of the label. 1170% cholesterol. What? I don’t get that.

Looking at the ingredients, I was rather impressed that this can is almost 100% brains. Seriously, do you know anything that is 100% brains? Would you want to? Sure there is some milk but there is less than 2% water, corn starch, salt and sodium nitrite. You know, all those pesky additives that are bad for you. Not like good wholesome BRAINS OF A FRIGGIN’ PIG.

Oy, eating these can’t be ‘kosher’!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 27, 2009 · 7:50 pm

She bit her tongue?

bite_tongue_bird

Conversation with my mom tonight:

Mom: I spoke with so-and-so today.

Me: That’s nice, you haven’t heard from her in awhile.

Mom: No, we have been talking a lot lately. She is a bit lonely. She doesn’t have many friends her age anymore that she can talk to.

Me: She NEVER had any friends, of any age.

Dad: (in the background) She NEVER had any friends. (Dad and I think alike, we are both evil to my mom’s sweetness)

Mom: Behave, the both of you. It was a nice conversation. She bit her tongue.

Me: Really? I am so surprised, she was never one to not say what was on her mind.

Mom: No, she actually BIT HER TONGUE. It was bleeding and everything!

You can’t make this stuff up!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 24, 2009 · 11:02 pm

Jesus Toast Tattoo

toast_tatoo

No I did not make this up. Another famous product from my travels. Should have been in the same aisle as the Believe in God Instantly Breath Spray but it was not. Unfortunate missed opportunity in merchandising in my opinion.

Imagine this one at the breakfast table:

Morning honey, do you want butter or jam on your Jesus?

I am not sure what makes people come up with products like this. Do you think it disrespectful, evangelical or kinda cool. It’s polling time folks. For those on email, jump over to the blog online and cast your vote. For all you non commenting lurkers out there (which would be most of you) don’t worry, the voting is anonymous. This is between you and your maker, k?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 22, 2009 · 5:16 pm

Mambo Movers

mambomovers1

Every once in awhile I will post about something amusing that I see on the road. Let us not forget the ever famous We are #1 at picking up #2 Call-Ahead billboard post that landed me my most famous link in the ‘press’ section of their website. Another validating reason in my continuing effort to ALWAYS carry a camera. That has extended to video as well now that I have a Flip. Note to self: post more video.

Fasten your seatbelts, kiddies, I am about to take you on a wild tangent this fine day!

Today’s installment of what-the-hell-is-going-inside-this-crowded-noisy-little head-of-mine brings you Mambo Movers. I fell in love with the name – who would not like to take the drudgery out of a move by doing a little mambo on the stairs? I hopped over to their site to check them out and they have a ‘manifesto’. OMG, who does not love a mover with a manifesto? Check this out, here is a little bit about them:

MAMBO WORLD IS A STYLE OF LIFE.
The staff is hand-picked from the music and art scene of Philadelphia according to their philosophy of life and fitness to be a part of that unique Mambo World. They are friends and work together for many years. The Mambo Guys are musicians and artists, actors and philosophers – everything but the traditional image of the surly caveman mover. 

OMG, this not only makes me want to move right now, I just want to hang out with these guys. Jeez, a mover’s groupie, my parents would be so proud! (Dear Gary, I love you but I am think I found what I want to be when I grow up. I am moving to Philly to pursue my dream of working for Mambo Movers.)

It gets better, read this blurb from their ‘Patriarch’ Todd:

A friend once described Mambo as the place where ‘The Banana Splits’ meets ‘Quest For Fire’and while I’m not exactly sure what he meant, the vision pleased me. We would certainly make a good sitcom!

Todd, I think I am in falling in love with you!

For those who are to young (or old) to remember the Banana Splits please be assured I lived and died for that show when I was 7. Come to think of it, that show was way trippy!

I also simply love, love, love their logo. Hey, if you guys can stuff a rhino in a truck, you can move my crap anyday! So let me give a little link love to the designer of that logo, who seems to be a painter by trade, Alex Kanevsky. Beautiful work, Alex. And I am not saying that as just any lunatic driving down  95S on a sunny day in February, I am actually a designer myself.

Yes, kids, a road trip with me is a never a dull moment. If you were my poor spouse you would regularly hear things like, ” Wait slow down, I need to get this shot!”

Or as my old friend Scott used to say, “That is not a shot, that is real life!”

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 20, 2009 · 6:42 pm

OCD Action Figure

ocd_actionfigure

I know what you are thinking, ‘where does she FIND this stuff?’ You know, I think it just finds me. Once again let me disclaimer this post with the fact that some of my best friends and family members are leaning towards the obsessive compulsive direction.

If you remember awhile back I came across the famous Albert Einstein Action Figure. I loved that one. These items are starting to clutter my office. Perhaps I need my twitter friend @erdoland from unclutter.com to come in and organize all my toys. Erin, you might like this item!

Take a look at this baby. The accessories are the best part. Who would not love to carry an Obsessive-Compulsive Sanitary, Hypoallergenic Moist (not dry) Towelette in their bag?

On the back of this package there is a list of famous obsessive compulsives. I will disclaimer as I did not fact check and am only writing what is on the package:

Howard Hughes (no surprise)

Charles Dickens (please sir, i want some more moist towelettes)

Mark Summers (Double Dare host, that is pretty funny)

Hans Christian Anderson (hmmm, wikepedia mentions his bisexuality but not the OCD piece)

Florence Nightingale (I think OCD is a good quality for a nurse)

Woody Allen (oh right, that this one is a shock)

Charles Darwin (did he line up the apes or did he not?)

There is also a list of questions and a rating system to decide if you are an obsessive compulsive.

I am not. But I am surely a psycho.

Have a great weekend all.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 19, 2009 · 9:16 pm

Believe in God…Instantly

believe_in_god_breathspray2

I simply LOVE the addition of the word *instantly*.

Just another one of those precious products that I found on my travels. I love the woman in the picture. Notice the Photoshop rendition of the cross around her neck. Oh my!

And the copy in the yellow circle ‘miraculously PEPPER-minty faith-enhancing breathspray’ The As Seen on TV logo gives this sucker some serious validity.

Really now! Surrender yourself to a higher power and never feel alone again?

All that in a handy pocket-sized breath spray. AND you get good breath as an added bonus. What more could one ask?

One question, though. Can you really TM the phrase Believe in God? I find that hard to believe.

Do you think they sell these at religious institutions?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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