Monthly Archives: March 2009

March 21, 2009 · 9:51 pm

Wedding Slinger, lose the rice

wedding_slinger

Interesting item to bring to the service. I particularly like the biracial bride and groom.

Warning: Choking Hazard. Small parts. Not suitable for children under 3 years.

For those 3 and over, no problem. Feel free to give them a gun to shoot mini brides and grooms at the wedding couple. Might as well teach them the hazards of marriage at an early age.

Why not a second disclaimer:

Warning: not responsible for blinding the bride or groom. If small parts get lodged in their ears please see a professional to remove.

Remember, this item catapults bride and groom up to 15 feet.

Rice seems so old fashioned now, doesn’t it?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 20, 2009 · 5:24 pm

Would you advertise your tiny head?

tinyheadWhile driving through a parking lot this afternoon Jana spotted this license plate. Of course I had to circle around and have her take a picture.

This poses the question, why would you advertise that you had a tiny head? I happen to have a head on the smallish side, as does my mom. My brother used to call us pinheads.

Affectionately.

Or do you think this is code for the every man’s answer to every question:

“A little head would be nice”.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 18, 2009 · 9:34 pm

Out of the Mouths of Moms

cursegraphic

We had an interesting dinner conversation tonight. We have a full house/table with Jana home from school. The dynamic shifts, as do the seats, to bring us back to the original four. We fall back into the way we were when she still lived here. There is truly nothing more comforting than a family that is whole again.

The conversation at our dinner table is always pretty lively. There are no rules. No taboo subjects, for me anyway. I believe in open discussion and the right to speak your mind as long as you are respectful to others. It was always this way, but somewhere along the line I guess I loosened up the reigns on cursing and *questionable family topics*. Especially for myself. Come to think of it I would say I am the one that says the most outrageous things at the table.

Not sure how it started, but for some reason I had a run of topics come out of my mouth that left my kids… well almost stunned.

Danny: Wow, think of a list of the most outrageous things to hear a mom say and you pretty much hit them all.

Jana: With each topic I did not think it could get worse… and then it did.

Me: Really? Crap, are you guys going to need therapy from this?

Jana: Nah, it’s fine.

Danny: Don’t worry, the damage was done a long time ago. We’re good.

Gary: this is definitely going to be a blog post!

Perhaps I should consider some restraint in the future.

Probably unlikely.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under danny, family, humor, Jana, parenting, women

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March 17, 2009 · 8:40 pm

Are you 49?

are_you-49This is an actual ad that came up on my Facebook page. Talk about targeted advertising! Did it ever occur to these geniuses that perhaps reminding a woman in her late 40s of her age might not be one of the best selling techniques out there.

Seriously!! Yeh, I am really inclined to take your survey so I can get a free pair of Uggs. And ugly powder blue or pink ones at that. Honestly, should a 49 year old woman be wearing pink Uggs? I think not.

I was inclined to thumbs down this ad but was afraid the data collection that would spawn more irritating advertising.

We surely live in interesting times.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 16, 2009 · 8:14 pm

Time to Cry Tuesday – The Bear

the-baer

Sometimes you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you.

A friend told me that once. And today in the middle of today I was pretty sure I was becoming Yogi’s lunch.

I sent that line out on twitter in a moment of exasperation and this came back from a cool guy, @jaybaer:

“Nice. I have a similar sign in my office…Some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue.”

There is something rather comforting in knowing that we all have those kind of days. We work hard, plug away and try our best and sometimes that is not good enough. Or it is, but it is perceived as not good enough. Seriously, does it really matter?

The good news is by the end of the day I was doing the eating. Or being the pigeon. Or whatever the hell it was that made me come out whole before the sun went down.

The most important lesson of the day was that I did not run from the bear. Or the pigeon. And more importantly I did not panic or lose it. Because as we all know, panic never helped any situation.

Anyone out there visualizing a bloody Amy with pigeon crap all over her? Please! Don’t be so damn literal.

Now get out there and do your best. Even if someone else might not think it is good enough.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 15, 2009 · 7:25 pm

The Birthday Cake

lucky_chengs

The scenario:

Mom of daughter turning 18 sends her and a group of friends to Lucky Cheng’s for dinner. For those unfamiliar with the venue it is a downtown drag cabaret theater in NYC. Almost makes me nostalgic for those Chuck E. Cheese parties we loathed so much. Then again, I can relate much better to drag queens than I can to grown men dressed up as mice.

The mom calls the restaurant to order a cake for the party.

Mom: Hi, I have a reservation for a group of girls for friday night for my daughter’s birthday and I would like to add a cake to the order.

Reservationist: Sure thing. Would you like that to be a penis cake or regular?

Hey, whatever happened to chocolate or vanilla?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 14, 2009 · 9:59 pm

Shop, Shlep, Repeat

shop_shlep_repeat

For those who are not of the tribe, or who don’t live amongst a large concentration of Jews, to shlep is to lug or carry something. As in all the crap you just bought.

I hate to shop. No seriously, I am a NY Jewish woman that hates to shop. We are a rare breed but there are some of us out there. My daughter is the same way.

This woman? You have to love someone who not only would buy a bag like this, but would actually carry it. As part of my ‘always carry a camera’ philosophy I was lucky enough that I only had to stalk her for a block or two before she stopped at a red light.

For those who would like to purchase this bag I am so very sorry, but I did not have time to ask her before she vanished in the crowd.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 13, 2009 · 7:46 pm

Satan Calling

666-6666

Yeh, that title should get me some interesting traffic.

Speaking of traffic (I know, pathetic segue), while sitting in it today I was behind this car. 666-6666. That is quite a potent number. Of course I had to do a little research on this devilish number.

Here are a few interesting facts:

On May 23rd, 2006 the mobile number 666-6666 was auctioned for charity in Qatar. It sold for 10m Qatari riyals or $2,746,045.59. According to the article in The Register here are some other interesting little factoids in the 666 arena:

On a techy note, the first Apple Computer sold for $666.66, the sixth letter of the Hebrew alphabet is w – so www. shows how evil the internet is. And finally, Viagra has a molecular weight of 666.7g/mol.

So all you internet porn addicts on apple computers…

looks like you are going straight to hell!

On further exploration I decided to check out the local area codes for this number.

516 – no such number.

631 – I got this interesting message, ” The voice mailbox of Hello There is full, please try again later”. Friendly little devil out there in Suffolk County.

718 – very foriegn voices that sounded kind of like a terrorist cell and creeped me out that maybe they had caller ID and I was screwed.

And 212? Apparently that was the one that was advertised on this bumper, Carmel car and limo service! I wonder if they had to pay through the wazoo to get that number.

Or perhaps they just had to sell their souls.

Alright, cheap jokes tonight. But at least I got us out of the bathroom.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Filed under absurdities, carry a camera, companies, humor, marketing, New York, New York City

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March 12, 2009 · 9:08 pm

Doodyman

doodymanNo, I did not make this up. Once again, Joyce – of Butt Paste fame – has pointed out another great tidbit of tushydom. This is a real ad from our charming little hometown newspaper. This is better than the Call-Ahead Billboard, “We are #1 at picking up #2”

Doodyman! I MUST find out if he has t-shirts. And the cartoon! What the hell came out of this guy’s butt? What ever it was caused him to exclaim ‘OW’ with a whole cursing sequence. Do you think this was clip art or did they have a custom illustration done?

This wraps up my bathroom trilogy for the week. I hope you enjoyed the show. And please, don’t forget to wipe on your way out.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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March 11, 2009 · 6:28 pm

What’s the poop on this restaurant?

modern_toiletAhh… to eat or pee, that is the question!

There is a new restaurant chain in Taiwan called Modern Toilet! And the theme would be? You guessed it, bathroom gourmet. I first read about this in Time and had to do a little exploring.

Now here is concept that my extended family would surely embrace. When we all get together it is inevitable that the conversation will go the way of defecation. My brother has amazed my kids more than once with stories of his bathroom feats. And my nephew, I believe there was once a comparison to the titanic.

toilet_sushiThis place is wild. You sit on ‘the can’ at glass top tables with sinks beneath them. Food is served in mini toilets bowls, drinks come in urinals and the soft serve ice cream? Um, kinda doodylike.

I would imagine there would be families that would be turned off by such a crass place. Us? Almost worth a trip to Taiwan in my book.

My favorite part would be the home page on the website. There is a picture of this cute little blue mouse on a piece of cheese with the words ‘shit or food’ in a bubble over his head. Hmmm, intriguing thought

Seriously, aren’t you just a little bit curious about eating here?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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