Monthly Archives: January 2009

January 11, 2009 · 12:46 am

Eat Me? Crude Sells.

eat-me_small

This should have probably landed on Leaving the Zip Code, but I needed to write more than I do over there and that poor blog has been quite neglected of late.

On St. Mark’s Place in NYC resides Crif Dogs, an eatery that specializes in the ever-so-healthy deep fried wiener. Aside from dreaming up ways to clog the arteries of New Yorkers, these guys have a great sene of humor and decided to hang a larger than life hot dog out front with the words ‘Eat Me’ written in an artful mustard script.

I saw this while circling for a parking spot and dragged my daughter and nephew back there to snap a shot.

Ask me how sick of my photog antics this next generation of my family has become. Actually, they bitch and moan about my snap happy behavior, but neither of them could deny that this would make a fabulous blog post.

Let’s face it, the signage is crude, but it did catch my attention. Did I purchase on of these death wieners? Of course not. If I am going to venture down the road of wiener death I am strictly a grilled Hebrew National Girl.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 10, 2009 · 12:20 am

Mantyhose, the Perfect Mansierre Companion

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Once again, my nephew has fed me another absurdity to share with my readers (thanks Matt).

Ladies and gentleman, I bring you:

Mantyhose! Not your mother’s pantyhose. (nice tagline)

Back in November I brought you the man bra, or what we Seinfeld fans like to call the Mansierre. Women, humor me for a moment and think of your significant other in a pair of these. Or better yet, everyone picture you dad. Your favorite professor. Your pediatrician. The gardner. Oh, I could keep going with this one, the visuals are fabulous. Oh wait…

The plumber! No more butt crack worries if he is wearing a pair of Mantyhose.

I love the ‘male comfort panel with convenient fly opening’. Guys, you will never have to know the joys or a pantyhose waistband around your knees while squatting over a public toilet.

My favorite part? Mild compression. I would imagine mild compression would be a nice sensation whereas tight compression could become a problem.

Want to purchase a pair? You can do that here.

Enjoy!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 8, 2009 · 7:57 pm

Lingerie or Purse?

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If I ever doubted why I carry a camera in my bag at all times this little frivolity confirmed my desire to always have one handy.

When I see an item like this I wonder if it were transported to a different context might it be seen as the hottest fashion craze? Hang one off the arm of an Olsen twin and these things would be flying off the shelves instead of hanging on the sale rack. The very same sale section where I spotted the Ricky Martin lunchbox back in October.

The odd thing is that these items were not found in a novelty store. I saw them at Pearl Paint, an art and craft supply mega-store that I always make excuses to visit as often as possible. This is the art supply store of my formative art student years. I simply feel better in those aisles with all those tubes and brushes. Yeh well, ok.

This bustier purse begs the question, “What art supply store buyer would make the choice to stock this item in the first place?” Going through supplier catalogs checking off inventory: oil paint, brushes, gold leaf, erasers, drawing paper, hot pink satin bustier purse with rhinestone accents, erasers, picture frames, clay… Sorry don’t see the logic here. Kind of like the Where’s Waldo of retail.

You know, looking at it now it is growing on me. I am kind of sorry I did not purchase it.

Hmmm, do you think it will still be there tomorrow? Seriously, this could MAKE any outfit at a North Shore Long Island Bar Mitzvah, no?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 7, 2009 · 10:22 pm

Porn industry seeks federal bailout?

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This is why I love Twitter. Anyone sick of hearing that from me? Tough, it is a mild addiction and it is not hurting anyone. Oh, and it gives me all sorts of things to blog about.

Today I found a link to this post about the Porn Industry seeking a federal bailout on CNNPolitics.com. The comments are as amusing as the brief post. 

Hustler Publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis are requesting a $5 billion bailout for the adult entertainment industry. It is not because the industry is hurting, but because, and I quote Flynt:

“…the industry leaders said the issue is a nation in need. People are too depressed to be sexually active. This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex.”

Nope, can’t make this stuff up. But we surely could use some pathetic play on words here, like ‘stimulus package’ or calling these industry leaders ‘humps’. Ok, cheap shots. 

This goes to show you that even when the world is spinning out of control, the Spin Doctors are still thinking up new ways to get attention. Have to hand it to them, it got a laugh out of me.

Oh, and of course we must not overlook the other big political news today, Joe the Plumber Heads to the Middle East to cover the Gaza conflict for pjtv. A lovely little sound bit from good old Joe:

“Being a Christian I’m pretty well protected by God I believe. That’s not saying he’s going to stop a mortar for me, but you gotta take the chance.”

Now would be a good time to shamelessly plug my Joe the Plumber merch on Cafepress.com. C’mon you know you are dying for a t-shirt or a mug.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 6, 2009 · 11:00 pm

Business Cards for Babies?!

Now I have heard it all. While surfing around the net the other night I came across social printing site that was seriously selling baby business cards. No joke, they had these nauseating affected cute little sayings like, “it was cool to meet you, have your mom call my mom to make a paydate” with the kid’s name and place to write a phone number.

Give me a break here. Is this not bringing things to a whole new level of ‘hey lady you were not the first uterus to every squeak out a puppy before’!

Don’t get me wrong, I mean my husband is a printer and I love any shot to see ink hit paper, but this one made throw up in my mouth a little.

Which got Jana and I to thinking about another concept: dog business cards. I designed a couple here for Mel to hand out around the neighborhood. We are open for suggestions, any other things you would like to see on a dog business card?

mel-card1or for the more humble pooch

mel-card2Seriously, I am thinking I could make some quick cash with these!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 6, 2009 · 12:01 am

Time to Cry Tuesday – Family Time

‘Yes Mother!’

That is the response I always get from my son when I ask him a sentimental question. I can even hear his tone in a text message. It is half goofing on me half , “yes, I get it and I do know how important it is to you.”

With my daughter home for a few weeks we are all together again for a short while. It is not that we need to be doing anything special. Simply all together is what I crave. Four at the dinner table instead of three. Oops, sorry that would be five, the dog is always under the table.

Last night we ended the long holiday week with a movie night. We all went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Usually I would be less inclined to see a movie of that length on a Sunday night, but the idea of all four of us lined up in those seats together made it very appealing. The film turned out to be engaging and wonderful, but the fact that we all watched it together brought it to another level.

There was a scene at a first birthday party where one of the guests commented that the babies would all be in high school before they turned around. I looked up at Danny with ‘that face’ and he just started laughing. But I know he gets it.

And to tell you the truth, I don’t believe it is just me. I really do believe the kids find the family time special too. Perhaps it is because the moments are so fleeting. Or maybe it is simply because we truly enjoy each other’s company.

And no, I did not pay them to hang out with us!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 4, 2009 · 10:51 pm

Sorry Pal, this Jew is Not for Jesus

Only on i could cry but i don’t have time would a post about Jesus follow one about Childbirth Orgasms. What can I say, I have range!

As I have mentioned before, I have become a bit of a Twitter addict. For those who are unfamiliar with Twitter it is sort of a cross between a social network, like Facebook, and Instant Messaging, like AIM or ICHAT. And for my parents and in-laws, sorry about speaking in a foreign language in this post.

The other night on Twitter someone wrote that they were being followed by @jesus and they better watch what they say. I thought that was simply hysterical and ‘retweeted’ that comment. Not long after, I received an email that @jesus was now following me! The best line of all in the bio is ‘what would Jesus tweet?’

jesus-tweet

Oh Twitter – opportunities for all! This is a group of Christians trying to spread the word. Hey, G-d bless. But fellas this Jew is not for Jesus, so if you don’t mind, nothing personal but I will not follow y’all back. K?

A little further investigation tuned me in that there are many godlike twitter accounts out there in the twittosphere: @god, @jesus_christ, @baby_jesus, @almighty and there is even @thejesusgeeks and jokesandjesus.

Here is are some funny tweets I uncovered during my search: “Is it me or should @jesus have more than 13 followers?” Or how about this one, “I unfollowed @God the other night, don’t think @Jesus will help either. ; )” On Christmas, this one went out, ” @jesus, happy birthday big guy!” And my favorite one of all “Wow. @greygoosevodka is following me! F’in awesome! But it looks like I lost @jesus (*yikes).

Ok, all kidding aside here. I find this all a little off color. And kind of sticky. This has got to offend the more religious Tweeters out there. Then again, all is fair game in the world of social media I suppose.

Oh, in case you were wondering, to give the other side equal time, @satan is on Twitter too.

Can’t make this stuff up!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 3, 2009 · 7:37 pm

Childbirth Orgasms and Reborn Dolls

ooo-ooo-baby

Wow 20/20, I guess you felt the need to get those ratings up on a Friday night! Not unlike my desire to beef up my stats with this post title.

For those who missed this show you can catch it on the link above. Let’s start with the childbirth orgasms. There is actually a video called Orgasmic Birth. Call me crazy but sharing my childbirth on national TV would have been enough ot an invasion of privacy, but this? What do these people do for a living?  This is kind of one step beyond Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer if you ask me. Oh right, they want to ‘share’ with us so those who were stupid enough to be in excruciating pain so we can wake up and feel the orgasm.

Now I am really pissed, I spent all that time in those stupid Lamaze classes and I could have been learning how to give birth this way instead of having back labor. Gee, I feel so foolish.

Twitter was in an uproar while this was on last night. Funny, we never heard of this before and now there is a documentary and all these people telling us it is not uncommon.

Here is a quote from an Oby/Gyn friend, “I realize that everyone experiences things differently – where do you think S and M came from?? But if some women start to think of childbirth as feeling great I know there will be women demanding epidurals before sex!!!”

I know what you are all thinking, ‘she is just jealous’. You bet your ass I am! Then again, raising teenagers makes childbirth look like… well not an orgasm.

Next up, one of my faves. Reborn dolls. I will link you to the post I wrote on this one back in October. I had some pretty wacky comments there and a few emails that made my family urge me to shut down the blog from the weirdos, but hey, I am tough. In short, these are lifelike baby dolls that women tote around and ‘care for’ as if they were real. Yeesh, cuh-ree-py.

So 20/20 what’s on deck for next week? The Joy of Circumcision?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 2, 2009 · 11:42 pm

Art.

Ok. Art? Maybe.

I took this shot last summer in the Adirondacks. We were stopped at a light in a small town and there it was; perfect light on that yellow hydrant and the simple graffiti statement to the right.

What is the art here? The hydrant? The graffiti? The relationship of the two? Or the photo I took?

Or none of the above?

What? You think I have run out of things to write about? Hmmm, maybe THAT is the art.

What can you say about this image?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 1, 2009 · 10:27 pm

Does this SUV make my ass look fat?

Fuel Crisis

Nothing like a ‘does this make my ass look fat’ post to start the year off right!

Once again, thanks to my BBFF MizLiz, another absurdity has been brought to my attention. I don’t know how I missed this one last week.

A Beverly Hills doc, Craig Alan Bittner, decided to power his car with the human fat extracted during liposuction. I kid you not. Fat contains triglycerides that can be turned into diesel. Basically we are saying the fatter the ass the longer the ride?

Should his patients be asking for doggie bags so they don’t need to stop at the gas station on the way home from surgery? My crazy friend The Bloggess kept berating her vet to give her the ovaries from her cat after she was spade, is this so different?

Before you run out and book yourself an appointment to shrink ‘er down and gas ‘er up I am sorry to inform you that Dr. Bittner has closed his practice to volunteer in a small clinic in South America. One where there is a gas shortage, you ask? Don’t start getting all warm and fuzzy about the guy, in actuality he closed his practice because he is involved in a lawsuit with 3 patients because he allowed his ASSISTANT and his GIRLFRIEND to perform surgeries without a medical license. The attorney for the 3 patients said he removed too much fat (is there really such a thing as removing too much fat) and left them disfigured.

Sure, but did they or did they not have a full tank of gas when they left?

You can’t make this stuff up!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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