Category Archives: magnet for the absurd

May 20, 2010 · 5:31 pm

Parking Lot Hair Ball

I am not sure what to say about this. There I was, getting into my car in a parking lot and stuck to the pavement was a patch of…

… well, a patch of hair. In some sticky stuff. I don’t want to think all that much about the sticky stuff or how the patch of hair got stuck to it. Did someone lay down and have a patch of hair pulled out? Cleaned their brush out the window of a car and the residue floated down and serendipitously stuck to the parking lot goo? Ok, maybe I do want to think a bit about it.

So, here’s the thing. I was about to get into my car and there was someone waiting, not so patiently, for my spot. She saw me get out of the car with my camera and take a shot of the hair ball in the goo and then drive off. Out of the corner of my eye I caught the quizzical look on her face. Do you think she got out of the car to see what I had taken a picture of or did she just write me off as a nut. C’mon, am I the only one who notices this stuff? Probably not but I suppose most people don’t take pictures, or even think all that much about them. What can I say, it is part of the MFTA credo.

This could actually be one of the more disgusting things I have encounter lately. And I don’t know why, but I was drawn to it. Enough to take a picture at least, it’s not like a touched it or anything. I think Eckhart Tolle would call me extremely present for this one.

Yeh, I just wrote four paragraphs about a hair ball in a parking lot. So what!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 13, 2010 · 6:08 pm

How did we ever live without the rice bra?

(credit: Triumph)

It seems those days of pining away to grow a little something other than what naturally sprouts in our bras have come and gone. Yes folks, those crazy kids at the Japanese lingerie company, Triumph, have come up with the solution to world hunger – the rice paddy bra.

My Tanbo Bra has cups that form a rice planter, because, well because who wouldn’t want to grow a little crop close to their bosom? Oh right, EVERYONE.

Don’t be silly, you don’t grow the rice on your body, you take it off, put the two cups together and they form a little planter. And I believe with each purchase you receive gardening gloves and belt that is a hose. A love little accessorizing!

These guys are a riot. Who knew the Japanese had such a sense of humor about foundation garments? They come up with a novelty bra every year like the golf bra (I know a few women I could by this one for – Riki, Cindy and Linda come to mind), and the solar panel bra which looks like it comes with panties too (very green!).

Ok, here is a little treat for you because who does not love a Japanese demo video. That’s right no one.

And of course in case you were wondering, this is surely MFTA approved.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 4, 2010 · 6:23 pm

May is Zombie Awareness Month

Really?

Really. I know, where do I find this stuff?

I think I probably first saw this on twitter but I did a little research and came across, what else, the Zombie Research Society website (no joke). I love their tagline:

What you don’t know can eat you.® (yes this is a registered trademark)

It would appear that May is the month when some of the most famous zombie movies take place (think Night of the Living Dead series), so this is the most likely month for zombie awareness (um, ok).

Here are the Society’s three foundational principles (with my commentary):

  1. A zombie is a biologically definable, animated being occupying a human corpse. (my sister-in-law told me she knows a few people that fit that description – yikes!)
  2. The zombie pandemic is coming. It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when (this sounds pretty definitive to me – I am leaning towards being concerned).
  3. Enthusiastic debate about zombies is essential to the survival of the human race (sorry, I find this one to be a bit of a stretch – you?)

If you are interested you can buy their merch here. I am thinking the t-shirt might make a nice father’s day present for my husband.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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May 2, 2010 · 9:53 pm

Hair Today, Jewelry Tomorrow?!

I first heard about this on Daily Candy and had to do a little more digging because it simultaneously intrigued and repulsed me.

Seems that Larissa de Souza creates jewelry out of human hair. I am trying to wrap my head around this one (no pun intended – ok, maybe). I remember when my daughter was in camp they cleaned out their hairbrushes and made a hair doll. That too, intrigued and repulsed me.

When my kids were little I was at a birthday party and I saw a kid walking around with this braid attached to a stuffed crocheted ball. I asked the mother what it was and she said it was his ‘transitional item, you know like a teddy bear’ only this was mom’s hair. I, personally, preferred teddy bears and blankets, but hey, whatever blows your hair back, right? (i know, these jokes are getting tiresome, sorry)

My point here is maybe in light of these examples maybe there is a strong market for hair jewelry.

There is something so borderline not OK about wearing someone else’s hair as a necklace, but then again, why is it OK to wear human hair wigs and extensions and not this?

And you have to admit, the stuff is kind of nice looking. In a crap I wonder whose hair this was before it was around my neck sort of way.

Ok, sorry, I just can’t do it. Weigh in on this one, I am curious to see how you feel.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog.For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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April 25, 2010 · 9:54 pm

I heart my WHAT gum?

This one gets the MFTA tag because I was waiting on line to pay at a store today and was called over to the cashier on the completely opposite side of the counter from where I was standing. Why? Because in the ‘impulse buy’ rack at that counter would be the very last pack of…

I heart my penis gum. It was fate!

Yep, kiddies, this little package is the real deal. It contains ‘8 pieces of artificially flavored fruit chewing gum’ (why fruit?)

I told the cashier that I would have bought 10 packs if they had them and she told me they can’t keep this stocked. Seriously, is there a guy you know that you COULDN’T by this for?

You know how they all feel about them. And then there are the guys that refer to their penises as ‘the little guy’ or ‘little ____ (fill in their name in the blank)‘, ‘or he’ as in ‘he wants ____ (again fill in the blank)‘ as if there is a separate brain sitting down there in their pants. (which I guess there is).

No, guys, this is not a penis bashing post, you have to admit there is truth in all this. And do you really think you would ever see ‘I love my Vagina’ gum for sale. I think not. Maybe Gary can market the ‘I love my Hey-Nanny-Nanny gum, though.

Ok, so perhaps most men would prefer us to give them the ‘I love your penis’ but somehow I don’t think it would be as big a seller.

This is equally as entertaining as the Sexlet gum I found in South Beach and the Does this gum make my ass look big gum that I received as a gift.

I guess you could say I am the Magnet for the Absurd Gum (MFTAG).


Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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February 3, 2010 · 6:21 pm

Unfake it

We all get them. These stupid spam emails that come from all sorts of ridiculous sender names. They have silly subject lines and almost all of them lead to a canadian pharmacy website peddling erectile dysfunction drugs. I always wonder why I get these emails. Am I targeted for being the type of woman whose penis envy is suffering from erectile dysfunction?

I found today’s email particularly entertaining. Let me break this one down.

Senders Name: Summer Flumerfelt. Now there is a porn star name if I ever heard one. Seriously, when did your flumer last get felt properly? Season or month first names always seem so fitting for porn stars.

Subject: You would, would you? Hmmm, cryptic, no? Definitive yet questioning. Or maybe this makes no sense at all but keeps us guessing that maybe we just are not sophisticated enough to get it. I love the two ‘woulds’ flanked by the two ‘yous’. Is anyone else out there as fascinated by sentence construction as I am? Did the writer even get that they were doing that? Do I have too much time on my hands today? (that last one was rhetorical)

Message: Treat-libido-problems-^efficently.. I guess the hypens between the words are an indication that this is some auto-generated messaging. Not sure about the other senseless punctuation but the message made me laugh. I can see wanting to treat a rash or dandruff efficiently, but libido? I would prefer treating that a notch or two above efficiently.

url link: http://unfake.it/smJO I almost missed the message in the middle of this one:

Unfake it.

I think that needs to be added to my t-shirt line!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 2, 2009 · 9:36 pm

What to get those ‘difficult’ people on your list

Oh please forgive me this post, but I could not help myself. A quick stop into Urban Outfitters today (no Jana this had NOTHING to do with your Hannukah gifts) and I came across these on the sale table. (can’t image why they were not a sell out).


I am only sorry I did not buy the whole lot of them.

The fact that they sell these does not surprise me. Keep in mind their demographic. And they sell a fart book with sound for goodness sake.

So, if there is a douche bag or two in your life (Ronni, I am thinking you might want to buy a set for that next PTA meeting) or an asshole you just can’t avoid having to buy a gift for, these would come in mighty handy.

I particularly like the design of the asshole plates, that diminishing spiral ending in what suggests to be the asshole of the plate is simply perfect. I am just a little stumped trying to figure out what you could serve on these.

I really think I need to go back and buy them…

Oh, and if you were thinking there is something wrong with your screen, no worries, it is in fact snowing on this blog and will be till January 4th. (you gotta love WordPress!)

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 6, 2009 · 9:49 pm

Drugstore Fun

comfy-cradle

I have proven that I can have fun just about anywhere. Today it was in the drug store while shopping for a get well gift. Joyce, my sometimes MFTA by proxy was delighted to partake in the shoot.

I am always amazed at the terrible packaging in the section with the braces and bandages. This item struck me immediately. First, I have been pregnant twice and honestly, I am so very thankful that no one ever prescribed the Comfy Cradle for me. I mean, it is not like it did not get to be a chore around the 8th or 9th month, but I never had the need to use apparatus to hold up my babies. I like that 17 years later this item makes me feel grateful for that fact.

With all due respect to the product, because I am sure there are many that get major relief from this sucker, but they really need to take a look at updating their packaging. Where should I start? Ok, Starwars light sabre background, not all that contemporary. Hairstyle? Quite popular towards the beginning of the 80s, now, not so much. Low cut leotard? Just don’t get that.

But the thing about this package that gives this today’s Magnet For the Absurd award is the healthcare worker in the top left corner. Am I mistaken, or is she holding a 3 month old? Seriously, if that is the size baby this woman is carrying, no wonder she needs the Comfy Cradle. This kid looks like it came out ready to eat solid food for G-d’s sake!

So, Scott Specialties, Inc., you may want to consider a redesign. Give me a shout, I can spin my Art Direction skills and whip you up a wonderful new line of packaging. And since I clicked over to your website, we can help you out with that as well.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 3, 2009 · 8:20 pm

Indecent Exposure

pants-down-front

mfta momentAt this point I am fairly convinced these things are put specifically in my path. Yes, I have been targeted in life, a true MFTA. How else can you explain this one?

I hardly ever go shopping, even more rarely am I in the men’s department of Macy’s. But today, while trying to get some clothes for the boy, we came across this scene. I took a picture of the back first (which was quite funny). But Danny casually walked passed these guys and told me the front was much better, then kept browsing through the racks. Seems the next generation has become accustomed to my need to capture the absurd.

This was surely better for him than the old lady I made him follow through the Bloomie’s women’s department wearing reptile tights, leg warmers and gold metallic Converse. (no Danny was not wearing that, the old woman was!) Sadly I could not get a good enough shot of her and he was not great camouflage for me in the evening dress department.

So back to Mr. No Head With His Pants Down. Of course I had to get a closer look at was was going on under those shirt tails. It seems the poor guy has just a hint of a package, if you will. Kind of like a nub or a turtle type shrinkage sort of apparatus. I guess you would say he was sort of anatomically… castrated.

Take a look for yourself:

anatomically-castrated

This all got me to thinking whether this was intentional or simply a wardrobe malfunction. What do you think?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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October 30, 2009 · 9:17 pm

Handerpants

mfta approved

This post is MFTA approved!

A big thank you to my friend J. from J-Two-O, who sent me this today.

I am almost speechless. I said ALMOST. You know I can not shut up when I see stuff like this.

This is one of those products that I wish I had invented. It is so incredibly silly that I will laugh every time I see it. And the commercial is perfection. Please watch it:

I have been walking around the house bellowing “Handerpants, Handerpants, HANDERPANTS!” to the point where I am sure my family is ready to kill me. (no, it is not all fun, games and dildos in this house).

I suppose I can truly relate to these because he called me out on three of my main core competencies. No, I am not a Narwhal Aficionado, but after I google narwhal perhaps I might be. And I do know that they have a Narwhal Aficionado Facebook group with 68 kinda have nothing else to do members.

I digress, the groups I fall under in the commercial are Graphic Designers, Night Bloggers (duh) and Twitterers. Oh and I might, at some times of the month, be considered a Mutation.

A few other favorites: Ninjas with Delicate Hands, (or those who use Kiehls products), Dungaree inspectors (translation for anyone under 45, that would be jeans), Cryptozoologists (google that one yourself), Wall Street Tycoons (not your most popular crowd these days) and Hobos (x-Wall Street Tycoons).

Honestly, I think I might have to buy a few pair of these tighty whiteys for my digits. They are just too great to pass up.

I found out they are sold by my friends at Archie McPhee who were so kind as to send me a wonderful package the last time I blogged about their products: The Evolving Darwin Playset and The Flesh Eating Zombie Playset. Hey guys, I don’t mean to be pigish but I fit 3 of your profiles for this product, perhaps a pair or two and I promise to write about them again! And wear them to functions and take pictures!

Yes, I am a blog whore for a pair of Handerpants!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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