Category Archives: humor

January 8, 2009 · 7:57 pm

Lingerie or Purse?

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If I ever doubted why I carry a camera in my bag at all times this little frivolity confirmed my desire to always have one handy.

When I see an item like this I wonder if it were transported to a different context might it be seen as the hottest fashion craze? Hang one off the arm of an Olsen twin and these things would be flying off the shelves instead of hanging on the sale rack. The very same sale section where I spotted the Ricky Martin lunchbox back in October.

The odd thing is that these items were not found in a novelty store. I saw them at Pearl Paint, an art and craft supply mega-store that I always make excuses to visit as often as possible. This is the art supply store of my formative art student years. I simply feel better in those aisles with all those tubes and brushes. Yeh well, ok.

This bustier purse begs the question, “What art supply store buyer would make the choice to stock this item in the first place?” Going through supplier catalogs checking off inventory: oil paint, brushes, gold leaf, erasers, drawing paper, hot pink satin bustier purse with rhinestone accents, erasers, picture frames, clay… Sorry don’t see the logic here. Kind of like the Where’s Waldo of retail.

You know, looking at it now it is growing on me. I am kind of sorry I did not purchase it.

Hmmm, do you think it will still be there tomorrow? Seriously, this could MAKE any outfit at a North Shore Long Island Bar Mitzvah, no?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 7, 2009 · 10:22 pm

Porn industry seeks federal bailout?

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This is why I love Twitter. Anyone sick of hearing that from me? Tough, it is a mild addiction and it is not hurting anyone. Oh, and it gives me all sorts of things to blog about.

Today I found a link to this post about the Porn Industry seeking a federal bailout on CNNPolitics.com. The comments are as amusing as the brief post.

Hustler Publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis are requesting a $5 billion bailout for the adult entertainment industry. It is not because the industry is hurting, but because, and I quote Flynt:

“…the industry leaders said the issue is a nation in need. People are too depressed to be sexually active. This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex.”

Nope, can’t make this stuff up. But we surely could use some pathetic play on words here, like ‘stimulus package’ or calling these industry leaders ‘humps’. Ok, cheap shots.

This goes to show you that even when the world is spinning out of control, the Spin Doctors are still thinking up new ways to get attention. Have to hand it to them, it got a laugh out of me.

Oh, and of course we must not overlook the other big political news today, Joe the Plumber Heads to the Middle East to cover the Gaza conflict for pjtv. A lovely little sound bit from good old Joe:

“Being a Christian I’m pretty well protected by God I believe. That’s not saying he’s going to stop a mortar for me, but you gotta take the chance.”

Now would be a good time to shamelessly plug my Joe the Plumber merch on Cafepress.com. C’mon you know you are dying for a t-shirt or a mug.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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January 6, 2009 · 11:00 pm

Business Cards for Babies?!

Now I have heard it all. While surfing around the net the other night I came across social printing site that was seriously selling baby business cards. No joke, they had these nauseating affected cute little sayings like, “it was cool to meet you, have your mom call my mom to make a paydate” with the kid’s name and place to write a phone number.

Give me a break here. Is this not bringing things to a whole new level of ‘hey lady you were not the first uterus to every squeak out a puppy before’!

Don’t get me wrong, I mean my husband is a printer and I love any shot to see ink hit paper, but this one made throw up in my mouth a little.

Which got Jana and I to thinking about another concept: dog business cards. I designed a couple here for Mel to hand out around the neighborhood. We are open for suggestions, any other things you would like to see on a dog business card?

mel-card1or for the more humble pooch

mel-card2Seriously, I am thinking I could make some quick cash with these!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 31, 2008 · 3:49 pm

The Kafka Van

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Believe it or not, this van has been parked around the corner from my house for years and I have never thought to take a picture of it. I am sure the first time I saw it I was amused, but it became one of those weird things that are commonplace with routine. Still, not your average sight in a sleepy suburban town.

Now that I decided to make this my New Year’s post I had to give it some more thought.

I can’t help but wonder what the inside of this vehicle looks like. There are some makeshift curtains on the side windows. It looks like it was a school mini-bus in its first life which seems quite fitting. Not sure about the rack on the back, or is that apparatus used to keep the back doors bolted shut, like once you get inside you are not leaving so fast? Hmm, creepy.

What goes on in there? Is it piled high with German literature? What sort of weird activities could take place while driving around in a Kafka van? Do the occupants speak in run on sentences? Is there a sense of hopelessness when seated behind the wheel? Do other people think these things when driving by the Kafka van or is it just me?

I visited our dear friend Wikipedia and found out that good ol’ Franzy boy was an insurance man by profession. Not sure if that fits his aura, but hey, everyone has to make a living.

Here’s one more little interesting Wikifact about Kafka:

Prior to his death, Kafka wrote to his friend and literary executor Max Brod: “Dearest Max, my last request: Everything I leave behind me … in the way of diaries, manuscripts, letters (my own and others’), sketches, and so on, [is] to be burned unread.”[18] Brod overrode Kafka’s wishes, believing that Kafka had given these directions to him specifically because Kafka knew he would not honor them—Brod had told him as much. 

So, which one of you do I ‘assign’ the deleting (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) of all my blog posts upon my demise?

You will have to excuse me now as I need to go drive around and see if I can find where the Fellini convertible is parked.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 14, 2008 · 9:14 pm

Play it again, Samster

More hamsters; I could not resist. Once again, something utterly ridiculous made me laugh so hard that I keep watching it over and over, driving my family crazy. (it is not easy to live with me. what, that does not surprise you?)

This particular tidbit of absurdity was sent to me by my dear friend Ellen H. (sorry other Ellen’s you are my dear friends too, don’t worry). For those who are email subscribers, click to the blog to see this video. And those who only read this on their blackberries (Susan, you know who you are) this is worth clicking a hamster mouse to see.

What is it about hamsters this week? It makes me nostalgic for our dear departed hamster, Angelina (of ballerina fame). Two good hamster anecdotes from our household.

1. Angelina was our first mammal pet. (not that we did not love the goldfish that lived for 4 years). My kids were probably 5 and 8 when we got her. We brought her home and they set up there little chairs in front of her cage to watch her run around on that inane wheel in her cage for hours on end. We also bought this ridiculous plastic ball that she would roll around the basement in. They LOVED her.

For about 2 hours. That very same day our close friends went out on a whim and got…

a damn puppy.

Jana: Mom, when Angelina dies can we get a puppy?

2. Angelina did eventually die. I am pretty sure the kids did not poison her as we had already broken down and gotten a puppy. We decided to have a funeral for her and invited the neighborhood kids. Gary, decided to make this more of  New Orleans style funeral and had all the kids doing the hamster dance on her grave (not the toddler dance).

To this day the kid across the street still asks if we can have  another hamster funeral.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 14, 2008 · 12:39 am

Do you want soap with that?

Seems there is a new trend of bathing in the dishwashing sink at fast food restaurants these days. This week a group of girls bathed in the sink (in bikinis) at a KFC in Anderson, California. They of course posted the pics on MySpace because…

they are idiots! When does this generation get that pranking and posting doesn’t work out? Let’s run by some other morons who did this and lost their jobs.

Timothy Tackett, the Burger King employee who did the bathing trick in Ohio back in April. This guy is a trip. Great hair and make-up. Watch this video at least halfway through, it is worth checking out his gloves. My favorite line from him: “I had been looking at the sink for like 2 months and I thought, that’s big enough for me to take a bath in”. (hmmmm, what is that black wirey thing wrapped around my fork?)

Then there is the famous cheerleader, Caitlin Davis who got thrown off the New England Patriots squad for drawing swastikas and penises on a fellow cheerleader and posting the pics on Facebook. (I still don’t get the combo swastika/penis thing).

I once had a client who was all sorts of burnt out on biz and told me the only question she wanted to ask at work was, “Do you want fries with that?” Kind of worrying about what ever happened to her…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 12, 2008 · 11:23 pm

NY Friggin’ Hamster House?

nyhh

This will fall under the category of ‘You Just Can’t Make this Up’. I was half listening to WFUV (Fordham University’s gem of a radio station) when a report came on about the New York Hamster House.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, New York has it’s very own shelter for homeless hamsters. Here is quote from the site in case you are not inclined to click on the link:

“Wilhelm, the first guest, was found running across Broadway at Thayer Street in Inwood. Since then, the NYHH has taken in over 500 homeless animals, and has placed most of those in happy, safe forever homes. We shelter, adopt out, and board hamsters (as well as gerbils and mice).”

How lovely that the gerbils and mice are included. This is what I call non-sectarian rodent rescue.

In keeping with the idea that EVERYONE has a blog, the NYHH also has one. Please note that October 30th post has a photo of a hamster in a cheerleading uniform. Better watch out for those cheerleaders, they can be vicious.

Honestly, I am a lover of animals and I appreciate what Ms. Jessica Wells is doing. But for some reason I just can’t get past the idea of what this place must smell like.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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December 7, 2008 · 8:40 pm

Thank you Miss Nipples

This is an actual phone conversation with my dad Friday Morning:

Me: Hello

Dad: I am not taking your mother to the Emergency Room.

Me: Um, OK. (looking for my coat and car keys)

Dad: I called AT&T this morning to have the phones turned on in Florida.

Me: (wondering if I had somehow missed a sentence here). Uh, Dad, is mom ok?

Dad: Sure, why?

Me: WHY? Because you said you weren’t taking her to the ER (some major history here that I will not get into but trust me there were times when he SHOULD have taken her to the ER)

Dad: That was a joke because I didn’t want you to worry that I was calling so early.

Me: Oh, funny (not) But it is 9:45, it’s not that early. Never mind. So you were saying that you called AT&T.

Dad: (with Mom starting to laugh in the background and me feeling grateful that she was not unconscious with her head bleeding on the dining room floor) Oh, right. So this woman answers the phone and she sounds like she has a cold, has this really heavy southern accent, and she talked so fast I could not understand her that well. I asked her name and she said “Miss Nipples” (now Mom is really cracking up in the background)

Me: Miss NIPPLES?!

Dad: (Starting to laugh). Yes, so your mother told me to tell her that I was old and hard of hearing and ask her to speak slowly and clearly. (that would be because he is old and hard of hearing but he does not seem old so we always think it is kind of funny to tell people that he is).

Me: I assume you were not wearing your hearing aids.

Dad: What? (just kidding, he didn’t say that but he would) She repeated her name and it was not Nipples (how shocking) it was NICKELS.

Oy.

I told Gary this story later in the day and his response:

Gary: Know what her first name is?

Me: No, what?

Gary: Ophelia. Ophelia Nipples.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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November 28, 2008 · 10:56 pm

Hmm, this hot dog tastes like mouse!

I am not sure how I missed this one but I am grateful that my nephew has become my bird dog for the absurd. 

Seems this man opened up his bag of hot dog buns and found a little feller baked right in. This video cracks me up. I love how he says, “That’s certainly noticable, some one put that into a bag, they should have seen that”…”I see his little ears, clearly that is his tail. I am not sure what that is, maybe the left part of his leg or something. But that mouse is baked in there.”

The best part is how he slides the rolls back into the bag as if he was going to use the rest of them later. 

Makes you want to start that post holiday diet right away, doesn’t it?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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November 25, 2008 · 9:53 pm

Spam Spam Spam, Wonderful Spam

Last week I wrote about Spam. I had a wonderful time learning all about the resurgence of this mother of all loaves. I found out that there was a Spam Museum, visited its website and Gary and I fell in love with the place. Especially the tagline, Better Than an Art Museum.

To my delight, one of my readers informed me that she and her husband had actually visited the place. Again proof that I have very giving blog friends.

I was out of my mind when she was so kind to send me the following photos. Thank you Casey Leigh for making my day and sharing your trip with us. (if you think I am not going to this place you are crazy).

Here is Casey on a statue called “Off to Slaughter” – what a lovely family place. casey_statue

Next, we have her hubby, Carl, with Spammy. Oh Carl, you are such a good sport. We could surely hang out with you. Wait, is this a statue or is there someone inside that Spammy suit?

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Gary, when we go there can I play the ham and eggs computer game. Please, please, please!

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Family, please note the countertop around the placemat, if the background was pink that would be Nana’s kitchen counter. I LOVE when she channels!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at Mid-Century Modern Moms and at 50-Something Moms Blog.

For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

 

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